she appeared to have high IL now she doesn't

[pete101]

Ok so you acted desperate. Really desperate. And she saw right through all of that and tried to use your desperation as a means to get a free meal. Notice how when you said you weren't buying her dinner that she all of sudden "wasn't feeling all that great"? So, a few things we can learn from all this.

1. She is not interested in you. She is interested in getting free drinks, dinners, and movies from you. Move on. Do not contact her again. This girl will bring you nothing but frustration, stress, and heartache.

2. You REALLY need to stop acting so needy. You are acting like a 15 year old school boy in love with his first crush instead of a grown adult man. Here is a suggestion, whatever that feeling inside of you is telling you to do with women? Do the opposite. At least for right now. Trust me you will be better off. Some of those texts were cringe worthy. Too long. Too needy. Too complicated. Too supplicating. Too everything.

Do the opposite until your confidence starts to build and you start to get a feeling for what really to do and it becomes 2nd nature.

yes exactly! shes just tryna get a free meal. that's what i sussed when she declined to meet. at least now she knows that i wont buy dinner till someone is gf material.

the hilarity is i've just got a text from her:

sorry had to hang up, i were on the phoen to my sister who suggested we go for dinner tonight together.. so you and i can meet another day'

such BS.. like really. she just realised she was being rude hanging up on me to save face and making some excuse. and doesn't want to lose me so dangles a carrot of us 'meeting another day'.. wanting me to chase.

im not responding. can i salvage much from this since she texted me? i really didnt' expect her to respond. i think she might be a bit of an attention wh0re too and doesn't want to lose her would be suitors. it doesnt help either i keep suggesting to go to hers for dinner etc.. clearly i want sex and going about it in a very aggressive full on way. i need to pace myself. im in such a rush.

 

[cordoncordon]

Also, I would not make a habit of telling girls ahead of time over a text that you are not buying them dinner. Joking or not, you just come across as really cheap. I am not saying you should have bought her dinner either, and in this case it worked out because you found out her IL in you is super low and you saved yourself some money. But in general, telling a girl this ahead of time is going to end most dates before they even begin.

You would be much better off just going out to eat (if YOU did not ask her to go -if you did, then you pay) and when the check comes just say Ill get this, you get the tip or the next one, or just say lets split this dutch and put down your half.

 

[cordoncordon]

yes exactly! shes just tryna get a free meal. that's what i sussed when she declined to meet. at least now she knows that i wont buy dinner till someone is gf material.

the hilarity is i've just got a text from her:

sorry had to hang up, i were on the phoen to my sister who suggested we go for dinner tonight together.. so you and i can meet another day'

such BS.. like really. she just realised she was being rude hanging up on me to save face and making some excuse. and doesn't want to lose me so dangles a carrot of us 'meeting another day'.. wanting me to chase.

im not responding. can i salvage much from this since she texted me? i really didnt' expect her to respond. i think she might be a bit of an attention wh0re too and doesn't want to lose her would be suitors. it doesnt help either i keep suggesting to go to hers for dinner etc.. clearly i want sex and going about it in a very aggressive full on way. i need to pace myself. im in such a rush.

All you can really do at this point is to not respond and to go full NC. IF she contacts you and asks you out, then go. I would not count on that happening though. And to be honest, she basically disqualified herself from dating her again anyway with her behavior. She sounds like a serial dater just out to scam free meals. No thanks. There are plenty of women out there to date who would not take advantage in that way and who are generally interested in you.

 

[pete101]

All you can really do at this point is to not respond and to go full NC. IF she contacts you and asks you out, then go. I would not count on that happening though. And to be honest, she basically disqualified herself from dating her again anyway with her behavior. She sounds like a serial dater just out to scam free meals. No thanks. There are plenty of women out there to date who would not take advantage in that way and who are generally interested in you.

the thing is she's a high maintenance woman who is accustomed and used to rich guys taking her out for dinner and drinks.. it's standard in this area (i live in a rich area but not rich if that makes sense) and the guys here think nothing of it.. so she refuses to go backwards in lifestyle.

is she still just tryna scam a free meal from me? that means every girl here is the same.. it's like upper lower east side/west side manhatten.. sex and the type chicks.. stunning and self entitled etc.

you're right i look cheap.

 

[Fly By Night]

I was going to analyze your interaction with her some more, but I'm sure you know that you should probably stop contacting her for your sake. Just a little thing to add, I don't think you should project what you do with your gf's towards her. Keep it lighthearted, don't be saying "I only do this for my gf's, but I'll do it for you too." In my opinion, that is only good when you know for sure that her IL is super high.

Please move on, you are just going to keep texting her and she is just going to keep giving you bullsh!t. In the mean time, all that time and text messages could have been used on another prospect. I understand that you are not having good success, but you must not be scared to start from square one again. You got this far, what's stopping you from getting here again?

 

[cordoncordon]

Also, I just read the recount of your first "date". If you could call it that.
Brutal. Just brutal. Never do that again. Never bring expensive sushi to a girl like some gift for a princess. Let her qualify herself to YOU! Not the other way around. I don't care if you need to go gay for the next 10 years, NEVER act like that again.

Anyway....
Brah, this girl has NO interest in you other than to see if she can get some free food and drink out of you. I applaud your courage and initiative in how you first met this woman, but from now on, after you do meet them? Do the opposite of what you did here and you should be fine.

 

[pete101]

Also, I would not make a habit of telling girls ahead of time over a text that you are not buying them dinner. Joking or not, you just come across as really cheap. I am not saying you should have bought her dinner either, and in this case it worked out because you found out her IL in you is super low and you saved yourself some money. But in general, telling a girl this ahead of time is going to end most dates before they even begin.

You would be much better off just going out to eat (if YOU did not ask her to go -if you did, then you pay) and when the check comes just say Ill get this, you get the tip or the next one, or just say lets split this dutch and put down your half.

it's cos she'll expect me to pay.. and these chicks are clever.. like they purposely dont bring cash with them.. so if the bill comes they passively aggressively get u to pay to avoid the awkwardness if you suggest splitting it.

it's a tough one but you're right, at least she knows the reason why i wont pay for dinner cos i been used before. if she has any inkling of attraction to me she'd want to prove she's not like one of those other girls.. sometimes the reverse psychology of inferring gold digger sometimes makes them try to prove they're not.. (assuming they're attracted) but in this case.. i doubt it.

shame.. she was super hot and my only option. f*ck.. back to the drawing board.. hope it's not another 6 months before i get a date.

 

[Burroughs]

I think I speak for all the enlightened men on this board when I say

Stop being a fvcking faggot and have some fvcking pride!

You should have nexted this chick when she said have a nice weekend a LOONNNGGG time ago.

 

[cordoncordon]

the thing is she's a high maintenance woman who is accustomed and used to rich guys taking her out for dinner and drinks.. it's standard in this area (i live in a rich area but not rich if that makes sense) and the guys here think nothing of it.. so she refuses to go backwards in lifestyle.

is she still just tryna scam a free meal from me? that means every girl here is the same.. it's like upper lower east side/west side manhatten.. sex and the type chicks.. stunning and self entitled etc.

you're right i look cheap.

Not every girl is the same. There are still plenty of good, mature, decent women out there. I realize when in a rut every girl can seem like a beotttccchhh, but its like a batter in a slump. When slumping, every pitch looks like a b b pellet. When a hitter is on fire, every ball thrown looks like a beach ball. We just need to get you to the other side of the spectrum and you'll be hitting them out of the park.

 

[pete101]

'sorry had to hang up, i were on the phoen to my sister who suggested we go for dinner tonight together.. so you and i can meet another day'

can you dissect this for me please and tell me what it actually means?

it doesnt mean she's got any IL left right?

p.s. when she said 'have a nice weekend' i thought it was a high IL text after a date.. she said it was lovely to meet me again and thanked me for the sushi and to have a good weekend.

i mean if she didn't have IL why would she thank me after our date?

girls who text you after a date surely are interested.. the 1s who dont usually arent.

she was put off by me kept saying i'll come round and cook dinner, or i'll come round and bring food.. that's the issue here too.. i needed to be more patient. she's sussed im after a quick bang.

should i respond to her last text of:

'sorry had to hang up, i were on the phoen to my sister who suggested we go for dinner tonight together.. so you and i can meet another day'

with 'ok' or 'ok. x'?

cos if i dont reply i'll look pissed off.. and i dont wanna piss her off anymore. she at least knows the score now that i wont pay for dinner.

or is the fact she hung up on me enough to next her? i.e. dont reward bad behavior.

if i dont respond and leave it leaving her thinking im brewing she's not gona contact me again cos i was stroppy.. she apologised for hanging up so she wont feel guilty but should i acknowledge the apology?

 

[BeDJ]

so you and i can meet another day = let's see how long I can string this chump along

 

[cordoncordon]

'sorry had to hang up, i were on the phoen to my sister who suggested we go for dinner tonight together.. so you and i can meet another day'

can you dissect this for me please and tell me what it actually means?

it doesnt mean she's got any IL left right?

p.s. when she said 'have a nice weekend' i thought it was a high IL text after a date.. she said it was lovely to meet me again and thanked me for the sushi and to have a good weekend.

i mean if she didn't have IL why would she thank me after our date?

girls who text you after a date surely are interested.. the 1s who dont usually arent.

All it means is she wants to keep you on the hook so when she feels like getting a free meal again, you will be there to oblige her. I wouldn't read anything else into her "have a nice weekend" comment either other than what it says. All she meant by that comment is "I should say this to him because its the courteous thing to do, and by saying it, I am dismissing him and showing him that I have low IL and will not be talking to him again this weekend".

Pete stop trying to over analyze and dissect everything she says. Please. You are in the death throes of massive oneitis/AFCdom. Actions speak louder, and in this case 100 x louder, than words. Her interest in you is predicated on whether you buy her dinner and drinks or not.

Please show some self respect and stop giving one more moments thought to this girl. Spend your time and energy on someone who does have interest in you and who can reciprocate your interests in her back 10 fold.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

i had what i thought was a good date on Fri: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=198866
the post about what happened is in the last post of the thread in the thread above. she text me after our date to say: 'Hi pete, it was lovely meet you again.. thank you so much for the sushi, it was delicious...enjoy your weekend.' she sent that 1 hour after our date at 11pm, i text her back a couple hours later at 1am 'you're welcome.' (usually we reply to each other quite quicikly i.e. 20mins) during the date i made suggestion speculatively we get together on Sunday (i.e. yesterday to teach her golf but the weather was terrible i never contacted her plus it was only 2 days after our date)

so i text her today suggesting we go to a museum on Fri evening as it closes at 10pm but before then we should get together to play pool. it was quite a long text but said everythign i wanted. she texts back not too favorably after 10mins: 'Hi Pete, hope you are well, sorry but im working for the next few days till 10pm..and im out friday evening...' no counter offer, nothing.. i think she's playing hard to get a bit but that doesn't seem positive.

should i just wait till thursday and then offer something for Sunday or just wait to see if she contacts me again?

I and a few other posters have stressed keeping things Zen like and indifferent to chicks and well...most other people.

Don't get all emotional (excited) in what chicks spew or don't. You just learn to take things as they go and not have a certain outcome you are dependant on.

She drops off. So do you.

Chicks can sense if you are needy, desperate or even eager to see them again and they take advantage of that. If a chick senses you aren't any of those she will most likely try to meet up again as she feels you are the type to not put any pressure on her in the future about anything and don't necessarily "need" her to "complete" you.

Hell dudes even do that. They make plans to go fishing or whatever then all of a sudden dissappear and you don't wind up meeting up till a week or weeks later and by then neither of you give a crap as you've learned to take other peoples words with a grain of salt.

 

[TheWolfMan]

Dude, Burroughs is spot on. The stuff you're doing is making me cringe. How old are you? You should have nexted this chick when she said have a nice weekend. No counter-offer=not interested. She's just not into you dude. Her interest level was already low and you hit her with those lame ass "jealousy ploy" texts. Every time you tried to reach out you took her interest down a notch. She's knows you're way desperate. You're only hope of salvaging this is to go "No Contact" although everybody else on this thread can agree that she probably won't contact you either. Which is good for you, you're better off. Also, just because a girl texts you after a date does not mean she has has high IL. My advice would be to cut this chick off, grow some cohones and do some activities with your buddies, go shooting, split some wood, I don't know. Also, focus on spinning some more plates and knock this girl off her pedestal. Anyway, Sorry if I got a little carried away. I'm not trying to be mean or a hard ass, but it pisses me off when I hear about a chick trying to take advantage of a guy.

 

[TheWolfMan]

You should take a look at the girls actions vs. what she says to you. I mean she can say she likes hanging out and talking to you, but she's blowing you off and doesn't provide a counter-offer then you know she's not worth your time.

 

[Kbomb]

just as a rule of thumb, never tell a girl you are joking, it reveals insecurity and approval seeking.

She gave you a lot of outs there and you failed all of them miserably. You are completely done now though, so stop trying. Your desperation is like a smell to women. Currently you are smelling like 3 day old diarrea. So buck up and roll with the punches and keep going. On to the next one.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

The main problem is the OP is trying to "Buy" this chick and "impress" her while she sits back and looks "hawt" as if she is above him.

OP invests. She took. She gets loads of other chumps doing the same. She uses the better looking one while living her faux Sex and the City in demand entitled to Mr. Big who's out there somewhere for "her" nonsense.

You have to treat these chicks as disposable.

I'd met this one chick who works in Manhattan for an accounting firm as a customer in my part time job. Wound up getting her number and took her out for drinks twice. She is a hot chick, though she wound up telling me she worked at a popular strip club a while ago as a "waitress" and judging by her attitude and mention of the "finer" things I wasn't surprised in the least.

It actually had me laughing inside while she talked about the nonsense. (Everyone's an all star these days.) We made plans to meet up again though I knew I wasn't wasting my time on the chick even though we made out etc. I wasn't getting svckered into some pay for play chump as she never even fake offered to pay for half the drinks. I didn't mind as it wasn't expensive it was just the point of seeing a chick who threw up the red flag of not going to have my back if it counted.

I've seen her since then and she comes up to me smiling and trying to use her looks and "charms" as to see me again but f that. I wouldn't even waste my time to bang her. Last time she said: "I guess I'll see you around." and I said: "Yep". And never bothered contacting her again.


You choose to let these "hawt" chicks take advantage and play around with you they will.

Best thing to do is leave them where you found them and let someone else waste their time and money on them. It's not your problem anymore.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Dumb. Dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb.

And the dumbest part of this whole scenario?

i also mentioned the new james bond film she wants to see and she said she'd like to see that.. i said to her 'what you doing tonight?' she goes 'nothing' i said 'lets go out, let's meet at 9.30' she goes 'ok'

At this point you should've stopped and not contacted her anymore. You should've just showed up to the theater and waited for her to show up or not show up - either way, you would've known her interest better.

But THEN...

then i text her a few mins later to tell her we're going for drinks at a bar locally. she says 'great i've not been there before'... then she proceeds to text me a few mins later to change the frame suggesting we go to dinner instead (this raised alarm bells to me that she's a user or trying to get me to pay for dinner)

No, she wasn't trying to use you, she was trying to feel like a lady and frame it so she felt like she was on a real DATE. Instead, what she basically heard YOU say was: "Hey, my plan is to get you super-drunk so we can bypass the movie and go someplace to f--k, because all I see you as is a f--k-toy that will be easier to lay with some alcohol in you!"

Did she want you to pay for the dinner? Probably - but more importantly, she didn't want to feel like some skank that you just take to a bar, get drunk and then take home. The whole presentation of the date was already weak, but suggesting a bar vs. a restaurant - i.e. someplace where you can be proud to show her off - was your REAL downfall.

Bottom line: STOP asking girls to "just meet up" or "hang out at a bar." That's an activity you do with a girlfriend, once you've already gotten enough dates in. Asking for a bar meet-up after ONE date? No bueno!

 

[cordoncordon]

No, she wasn't trying to use you, she was trying to feel like a lady and frame it so she felt like she was on a real DATE. Instead, what she basically heard YOU say was: "Hey, my plan is to get you super-drunk so we can bypass the movie and go someplace to f--k, because all I see you as is a f--k-toy that will be easier to lay with some alcohol in you!"

Did she want you to pay for the dinner? Probably - but more importantly, she didn't want to feel like some skank that you just take to a bar, get drunk and then take home. The whole presentation of the date was already weak, but suggesting a bar vs. a restaurant - i.e. someplace where you can be proud to show her off - was your REAL downfall.

Bottom line: STOP asking girls to "just meet up" or "hang out at a bar." That's an activity you do with a girlfriend, once you've already gotten enough dates in. Asking for a bar meet-up after ONE date? No bueno!

I pretty much disagree with all of that. Sorry. Honestly it sounds as if you are advocating women to get as wined and dined as possible just because they are "special princesses". I am not saying there isnt a time and a place for that, but not in this case. No way no how. The woman had obvious low IL going back from there first date, not to mention she sounds very superficial and was obviously using OP.

 

[pete_101]

All it means is she wants to keep you on the hook so when she feels like getting a free meal again, you will be there to oblige her. I wouldn't read anything else into her "have a nice weekend" comment either other than what it says. All she meant by that comment is "I should say this to him because its the courteous thing to do, and by saying it, I am dismissing him and showing him that I have low IL and will not be talking to him again this weekend".

Pete stop trying to over analyze and dissect everything she says. Please. You are in the death throes of massive oneitis/AFCdom. Actions speak louder, and in this case 100 x louder, than words. Her interest in you is predicated on whether you buy her dinner and drinks or not.

Please show some self respect and stop giving one more moments thought to this girl. Spend your time and energy on someone who does have interest in you and who can reciprocate your interests in her back 10 fold.

i've taken a lot of this in as i see a huge number of errors in what occured. she controlled the frame from the start and because i was trying too hard she took advantage of it.

the thing is, i had a similar incident a year ago but not as quite bad.. women seem to manipulate and control the frame by saying 'we can arrange to meet for dinner/drinks' this happens frequently i hear with other guys but i dont know how you're suppose to get around this without paying?

you can do the thing which others have suggested that when the bill comes, you put your half down or say you'll split it. however a lot of these women will think you're cheap and wont see you again. the other tactic they use i've noticed is they dont carry cash around so when the bill comes and they do semi-offer to pay when you say to split it they passively aggressively get you to pay cos it's just awkward splitting a bill in 2 with 2 credit card payments, i've noticed once before so be wary of women who say dont carry cash around with them, it's way for them not to pay.

how do you get around this dinner and drinks issue like i had?

clearly with this woman she was tryna take advantage of me.. and at the same time because i mentioned a few times i'd come round to hers to cook or bring food inviting myself over she sensed i was after one thing only so in her mind despite this being over she doesn't feel guilty or bad for trying to take advantage of me.. almost like im trying to use her for sex and she's tryna get free meals out of it.. had i not tried to invite myself over so many times then at least some sort of guilt on her side may come into play.

yes, i looked cheap by saying that dinner are for gf's and when you reach that stage that time will come and i will, how would have been a better way to have said i'd meet her yesterday but not buy dinner without saying explicitly like i said?

remember, splitting the bill at the end is not an option, she'd pull the i have no cash thing on me to make it awkward. so what i did seems to be the only way of communicating that im not gona be taken for a ride but it made me look cheap.