Sh*t test

[Austin]

know I'm not needy or clingy that calls everytime or texts everytime
infact my girl text and calls more than I do.

I have read about about boundaries and it's importance
Yesterday, I was talking with my girl and she mentioned going out with a friend so I asked who's this friend of yours and she said I shouldn't bother I won't know him and she stopped responding to my message, at night she called and I asked her what happened she said she just went out with him to get something and I asked her what I said about male friends

She decided to say I was overreacting and overthinking everything then I knew she was about to start the manipulation, next she said I'm just having trust issues and I'm being insecure which I laughed
I asked if she's still interested in the relationship and I'm not forcing her she said "yes"

I know obviously how to punish her by withdrawing my attention for some days.

Did I make a mistake by talking about it or I should have just let it slide?

 

[Jaxus]

You can talk about it, you just need to be calm about it.

She tried gaslighting you with the insecurity thing. You can dish it back in her face by explaining an example scenario where you did the exact same thing with another woman. Her jealousy would stop her from entertaining the idea. If she tries lying to herself to cope by saying there’s nothing wrong, you just look at her like she’s crazy, say “okay”, and then put your money where your mouth is by pulling the dread game card and going out with another woman without texting her back just the same. Bonus points if you make her feel uncomfortable with a woman she personally knows like her sister, best friend, or worst enemy.

Regardless, you should prep yourself to walk away, especially if she isn’t willing to reason. Women like this aren’t ready to be wives or homemakers. Most Western women aren’t, when you get down to it. And if she’s one of the many, she’s also a dime a dozen. Plenty of fish in the sea.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She told you the truth. You are insecure

 

[CountSuavula]

She is obviously running circles around you.

If you like her enough or want to salvage your relationship, you have to put your foot down and communicate boundaries. Tell her what you accept and do not accept as behavior from her, and basically crap all over her free wheeling do-whatever-I-want and see-whoever-I-want BS game she is playing with you.

I would take it a step further and be ice cold. You are finished with her disrespect and tell her if she ever plans to be with you you will beat her ass if she does not fall into line. In this day and age we cannot hurt women like that, but she will probably like hearing it said that way.

She is testing your boundaries and probably more than that, she is plain old disrespecting you. The way I would approach it is to switch your temperament to ice cold and completely uncaring like you can careless if she is dead or not. It will jostle her game up and could salvage things, possibly.

Otherwise, you are on thin ice. She is punching big holes in your relationship and it’s probably because you did not communicate what you find acceptable. And you were probably too caring and nice and she is looking to either be iced by you, or she will find a new dude.

 

[Austin]

You can talk about it, you just need to be calm about it.

She tried gaslighting you with the insecurity thing. You can dish it back in her face by explaining an example scenario where you did the exact same thing with another woman. Her jealousy would stop her from entertaining the idea. If she tries lying to herself to cope by saying there’s nothing wrong, you just look at her like she’s crazy, say “okay”, and then put your money where your mouth is by pulling the dread game card and going out with another woman without texting her back just the same. Bonus points if you make her feel uncomfortable with a woman she personally knows like her sister, best friend, or worst enemy.

Regardless, you should prep yourself to walk away, especially if she isn’t willing to reason. Women like this aren’t ready to be wives or homemakers. Most Western women aren’t, when you get down to it. And if she’s one of the many, she’s also a dime a dozen. Plenty of fish in the sea.

Thanks very much Sir
I explained it and she said she would feel bad if I did it to her but I'm definitely pulling out the dread card and also ignoring her for a while,I wanted to ignore whatever happened but I decided to tackle it

She is obviously running circles around you.

If you like her enough or want to salvage your relationship, you have to put your foot down and communicate boundaries. Tell her what you accept and do not accept as behavior from her, and basically crap all over her free wheeling do-whatever-I-want and see-whoever-I-want BS game she is playing with you.

I would take it a step further and be ice cold. You are finished with her disrespect and tell her if she ever plans to be with you you will beat her ass if she does not fall into line. In this day and age we cannot hurt women like that, but she will probably like hearing it said that way.

She is testing your boundaries and probably more than that, she is plain old disrespecting you. The way I would approach it is to switch your temperament to ice cold and completely uncaring like you can careless if she is dead or not. It will jostle her game up and could salvage things, possibly.

Otherwise, you are on thin ice. She is punching big holes in your relationship and it’s probably because you did not communicate what you find acceptable. And you were probably too caring and nice and she is looking to either be iced by you, or she will find a new dude.

Thanks very much, from the beginning of our relationship I communicated what I wanted which includes no male friends/outings with male friends multiple times, I won't say I'm too nice or caring because she have complained about my IDGAF ATTITUDE and also I'm emotionless which I asked for advice here, I also told her if she's still interested she should behave and sit up

This is a big disrespect and I'm going to reply by ignoring her for a while and pulling out the dread card (as someone said here)

 

[Austin]

She told you the truth. You are insecure

So I shouldn't have bothered that she went out with someone else?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

So I shouldn't have bothered that she went out with someone else?

Confronting a woman in this manner almost never works. She KNOWS she is doing something wrong and it's because she has lost respect for you and the relationship.

You should respond likewise x 10.

 

[Jaxus]

Confronting a woman in this manner almost never works. She KNOWS she is doing something wrong and it's because she has lost respect for you and the relationship.

You should respond likewise x 10.

She does it because she thinks she can, so it’s indicative of lowering interest. That doesn’t mean you don’t place boundaries because iT mAkEs yOu LoOk iNsEcUrE. Only people who are actually insecure think like that.

 

[Dr.Suave]

She is not giving you mental peace. Find a girl who does.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

So I shouldn't have bothered that she went out with someone else?

Why didn't you just go out with one of your female friends?

 

[soulforge]

She is obviously running circles around you.

If you like her enough or want to salvage your relationship, you have to put your foot down and communicate boundaries. Tell her what you accept and do not accept as behavior from her, and basically crap all over her free wheeling do-whatever-I-want and see-whoever-I-want BS game she is playing with you.

I would take it a step further and be ice cold. You are finished with her disrespect and tell her if she ever plans to be with you you will beat her ass if she does not fall into line. In this day and age we cannot hurt women like that, but she will probably like hearing it said that way.

She is testing your boundaries and probably more than that, she is plain old disrespecting you. The way I would approach it is to switch your temperament to ice cold and completely uncaring like you can careless if she is dead or not. It will jostle her game up and could salvage things, possibly.

Otherwise, you are on thin ice. She is punching big holes in your relationship and it’s probably because you did not communicate what you find acceptable. And you were probably too caring and nice and she is looking to either be iced by you, or she will find a new dude.

So seems like we are back to the topic of chicks who have male friends.

This is the results of girls having male friends, obstacles and sabotage in the relationship.

 

[Austin]

What did you read?


"I don't date women who go out with male friends." would be the optimal way to enforce this.

BTW it's probably not a sh*t test, she's likely just f*cking him for funsies - or blatantly ignorant to male intentions with women.

So I read women will test your boundaries to see how strong you're and the best way is to punish them, I discussed this boundary with her during our talking stage, I mean it's my first relationship and it's going to hurt but f*ck it, she have already called multiple times, sending texts but I'm not having it

 

[Austin]

Why didn't you just go out with one of your female friends?

She has to see the female friends, I can't do that behind her back
When I'm with her, my female friends will come over to my place and drop some gifts for me...it should be that simple lol
Before all this I'm going to ignore her for some days

 

[Austin]

Confronting a woman in this manner almost never works. She KNOWS she is doing something wrong and it's because she has lost respect for you and the relationship.

You should respond likewise x 10.

Thanks very much
I understand, I won't say I have been perfect in calling out disrespect but I try my best most times I just keep quiet.
Words won't do much, actions would be much better

I discussed this with a friend of mine and funny enough he told me he allowed his last gf to go out on dates because he couldn't afford it/stuffs
like that and he said it makes me look controlling
I simply wasn't hearing the bs at that time

 

[Austin]

She does it because she thinks she can, so it’s indicative of lowering interest. That doesn’t mean you don’t place boundaries because iT mAkEs yOu LoOk iNsEcUrE. Only people who are actually insecure think like that.

I avoided things that would make me look insecure such as texting/ calling more than she does or the clingy type
Wanting to know her every location or asking if she has been seeing other boys
But I'm heavy on my boundaries, if that makese look insecure then I'LL BE SO CONFUSED on the term INSECURITY

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She does it because she thinks she can, so it’s indicative of lowering interest. That doesn’t mean you don’t place boundaries because iT mAkEs yOu LoOk iNsEcUrE. Only people who are actually insecure think like that.

All that trying to place boundaries in this situation does is make her do it undercover and behind your back instead of out in the open where you can see it, it doesn't actually stop the behavior, just makes it harder for you to find it.

I don't know how many times you read a thread where a guy tries this and things seem fine then 4 or 5 months later he posts an update where he discovers she has been doing it the whole time behind his back and he just found out.

It just won't work. A woman who doesn't respect YOU will not respect your boundaries.

You cannot gain respect from her by trying to place those boundaries in that situation. She will view it as weakness because of the way she is already viewing you and the relationship at that point.

You can only not care and respond likewise. Or simply choose to walk away.

 

[Jaxus]

All that trying to place boundaries in this situation does is make her do it undercover and behind your back instead of out in the open where you can see it, it doesn't actually stop the behavior, just makes it harder for you to find it.

I don't know how many times you read a thread where a guy tries this and things seem fine then 4 or 5 months later he posts an update where he discovers she has been doing it the whole time behind his back and he just found out.

It just won't work. A woman who doesn't respect YOU will not respect your boundaries.

You cannot gain respect from her by trying to place those boundaries in that situation. She will view it as weakness because of the way she is already viewing you and the relationship at that point.

You can only not care and respond likewise. Or simply choose to walk away.

You’re failing to see that a man without boundaries isn’t respectable in the first place. She doesn’t respect him because she just isn’t as interested. Hence why I said her interest is lowered. She won’t view it as weakness unless it’s coming from a place of weakness—and that’s based on how something is done rather than what is done.

I mean honestly, in what world does having boundaries equate to insecurity??? Not wanting to be cuck does NOT mean you’re “insecure”, dude. It’s foolish & destructive advice backed by bravado where you’re essentially saying to never call out a woman’s BS and put her in her place, nor to ever communicate with your partner either, opting instead to play petty mind games in a hidden power struggle because both of you are too unwilling to face issues head-on. Like I said, only people who are insecure think that way. This is the epitome of a toxic relationship.

 

[SmoothSmooth]

Whenever a woman does something which doesn’t imply you are her best option and she is afraid to loose you, there is only one response

PULL BACK.
Reply less
Be less available
Pull your own dissapearing acts
That’s the only way to regain the respect and power

 

[BillyPilgrim]

"Ethical" non-monogamy and cuckoldry, etc are all the rage these days, maybe target a more traditional girl for your next GF, OP.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You’re failing to see that a man without boundaries isn’t respectable in the first place. She doesn’t respect him because she just isn’t as interested. Hence why I said her interest is lowered. She won’t view it as weakness unless it’s coming from a place of weakness—and that’s based on how something is done rather than what is done.

I mean honestly, in what world does having boundaries equate to insecurity??? Not wanting to be cuck does NOT mean you’re “insecure”, dude. It’s foolish & destructive advice backed by bravado where you’re essentially saying to never call out a woman’s BS and put her in her place, nor to ever communicate with your partner either, opting instead to play petty mind games in a hidden power struggle because both of you are too unwilling to face issues head-on. Like I said, only people who are insecure think that way. This is the epitome of a toxic relationship.

Those boundaries needed to be set long before this point has been reached for them to be effective.