Sexual problems

[Mizzou-Rah]

Whats up guys,

Well for the past few weeks I've been dating this one girl off and on. Since the start of our relationship, I have either been unable to keep an erection after putting on a condom, or I have lost my erection during sex (I have only climaxed once during sex since we've been seeing each other). Obviously, it is becoming a problem in our relationship and I am becoming very embarassed about it. I have read other posts about this issue on here, but the majority are from virgins having first-time jitters. The weird thing about this is that I am a healthy 22 year old male that has had sex many times with different girls, so I am confused about what the deal is. I have heard that drug use and masturbation can lead to this problem, so I have decided to cut down on my pot smoking and attempt to completely stop masturbating.

Of course no one can tell me how to fix this, only I can. But does anyone else have experience with something like this? If so, how did you solve the problem? I really don't think it is erectile dysfuntion, since I can get an erection and I have climaxed with her before. I think one of the main problems could be that I am not used to wearing condoms during sex and she refuses to have sex without a condom. Anyways, what do the rest of you think?

 

[Spyderguard]

I hear you.

I've run into this exact same issue before, and I can tell you that it's all in the mind. I bet that it has nothing to do with pot smoking nor jerking off.

I believe that one of the keys to overcoming this problem is giving yourself plenty of time and take your focus off of your ****. Instead, just focus on pleasuring your partner with oral sex, massaging, touching, kissing, whatever, and as you see your partner is aroused, your son should come back to life.

When I encounter this situation (which I do every now and then) my remedy is to do whatever it takes to take my mind off of my ****, because the more I think about it, the more he shrinks.

 

[Spyderguard]

LOL, some words in my above post got censored. **** = your weenie

 

[Hidden-Danjer]

I've been there before...

The best advice I can offer you is keep at it (is there a bad pun in there somewhere?)

For the first few times with a girl it can often be common, this is sometimes down to nerves, and perhaps even the pressure to perform??

What generally seems to happen though (when it happens in my case anyways) is after a few times in the sack and the pressure is off somewhat (oh and if your jerking off a lot, try to cool it down) you'll find that the problem just goes away.

Don't we live in a weird and wonderful world eh guys?

 

[Crank_It_Up]

a condom deadens some of the feeling that is for sure, but I think you can overcome it.

You might need just a bit more stimulus to maintain your erection while using the condom. This can be obtained several ways...

1) a sexier girl, or the same girl but try a different position that makes her look better to you

2) erections are always better after a quick nap... strange but true

3) masturbation provides much more friction/stimulus than sex with a condom.... stop jerking off will help you somewhat

4) a c0ck-ring worn around the base of the penis can trap in the blood and help maintain an erection.... (popular with the gay community)

5) the girls hand gently squeezing your balls always adds a nice touch (no pun intended)

6) imagine your partner and you are at the sex stage of your favorite fantasy

7) your favorite playboy foldout draped over your girlfriend's face (caution, she might not be to happy about this last one)

 

[Mizzou-Rah]

Spyderguard: I see your point and I've tried to do this, but when I start going down on her, I start focusing too much on what I'm doing and I almost completely lose my erection. Of course I try to keep my mind off my ****, but it's so damn hard after having these recent problems that it is always in the back of my mind.

Hidden-Danjer: Yeah I guess all I can do is keep at it. I have a feeling that the first time I can maintain an erection the whole time, I will not have the problem anymore. However, getting to that first time is what is on my mind.

Crank_It_Up: I don't think it has to do with the girl, I find her attractive and she has the type of ass and rack that I like. I'll try #7 but I'm not sure how willing she will be for it

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by Mizzou-Rah
Spyderguard: I see your point and I've tried to do this, but when I start going down on her, I start focusing too much on what I'm doing and I almost completely lose my erection. Of course I try to keep my mind off my ****, but it's so damn hard after having these recent problems that it is always in the back of my mind.

do all the foreplay stuff before you put the condom on... don't put on the condom till you are ready to penetrate

a side note about oral sex to those that didn't know... aids can be contracted through oral sex without a condom

 

[Spyderguard]

Originally posted by Crank_It_Up
do all the foreplay stuff before you put the condom on... don't put on the condom till you are ready to penetrate

a side note about oral sex to those that didn't know... aids can be contracted through oral sex without a condom

Sometimes, I get my erection during foreplay, and then lose it as I'm putting on the rubber. So then I go back to foreplay, get my erection, and repeat the process over and over. I hate getting old.

Anyway, back to Mizzou-Rah: may I suggest Viagra?

 

[Mizzou-Rah]

Yeah Spyderguard, I have the same problem when I'm putting on the condom, but when I lose my erection I start thinking in my head like "oh no, what if i can't get it up again" or "what is wrong with my ****?".....and then I usually can't get it up again. I know I shouldn't be thinking about those things, but believe me, it's easier said than done.

Yes, I have thought a lot about Viagra, but I can't afford to order any online right now and I don't want to develop a dependence on it. Also, even if I ordered it now, it probably wouldn't get here for a week or two.....by then it could be too late. I'm too embarassed to go to my family doctor about it, I also don't think he would prescribe it anyways considering I'm only 22 and don't fit the "erectile dysfunction" mold.

 

[DJmonster]

If you talk this out with your girl, and let her know your frustration, then I'm sure she'll try and help you out too.

Does she go down on you after you've gone down on her? Maybe she's too passive for you? Does she attempt to arouse you as well, or does she just lay there?

In any case, if you talk to her about it, she'll be happy to help you out i'm sure. Most women feel responsible for arousing their man. Sometimes they are just a little unsure of themselves and how to best go about doing it.

Get her to get you so aroused that there is no chance of you losing it when you go to put the condom on

 

[Mizzou-Rah]

DJMonster: I have considered talking to her about it, but I am obviously insecure about it and don't want her telling her friends or thinking I'm gay or something.

She really doesn't go down on me too much, at least as much as I go down on her, and it kind of pisses me off actually. In fact, she never has gone down on me until I finished, which I think is kind of odd. She'll do it for a couple minutes and then stop, and even this is a rarity. I'm guessing she doesn't like to give oral, or at least that's how I perceive it.

 

[DJmonster]

Man.. Do you really think she would tell her friends about you or say you might be gay? Cuz if you do, then this girl is a waste of your time.

I guarantee you that you will always have some kind of sexual frustration with any woman unless you can figure out how to open the lines of communication and tell each other what each of you wants.

My advice: Always ask her what she likes/doesn't like about what you do to her? This will get the communication started. Then, the next time you two finish up, whether you performed or not, ask her if she likes going down on you. She might lie and say she does, but keep prodding her until you get an honest answer. Ask her why she doesn't like it. Eventually, you'll probably get one of the following answers: "I don't like the taste of c*m in my mouth, I never know what to do/not good at it, I don't feel comfortable, or I'm not sure if you want me to." If you get her to talk, then you'll have an easier time communicating back to her what you want. Tell her you won't c*m in her mouth, or it feels good, but you'd like it better if she did this, or you'd like it if she got you more aroused before trying to put the condom on, etc, etc. Eventually, once you two are open with each other, you'll be able to flat out tell each other what you want, the sex will get awsome, and you won't ever have to worry about not performing. So hang in there my friend, but only if you think she's worth the effort.

Some things to try before you get comfortable telling this girl what you want:

-don't try to have sex unless you're really horny
-spice things up (do it in different places)
-focus on just having fun and let her instigate sex -just keep teasing her until she begs for it or attacks you, make her take the aggressive role (if she's really wanting it then she'll do what it takes to make you give it to her)

 

[stuartSan]

Been through that countless times. Even posted a thread here on the exact same topic before. I have to agree that masturbating frequently causes your penis to lose sensitivity to friction. Compare a soft lubricated hole to your rough hand that is flexible enough to apply pressure to wherever you feel necessary. Lil Jon couldn't possibly get used to the former after being treated so well by 'The Hand'.

There's probably nothing wrong with your hormones, since you've had sex before and climaxed with her once. Feels just like what I'm going through. I'm pretty hungry for my girlfriend, but when we get to penetrating, it just goes down sometimes because my penis doesn't feel 'stimulated' enough to maintain the erection.

If not letting some steam off for a month or keeping at it for numerous times (it helps when you're used to her) still doesn't work, then I think you'll need to seek some form of help.

 

[Crank_It_Up]

Originally posted by Mizzou-Rah
...She really doesn't go down on me too much, at least as much as I go down on her, and it kind of pisses me off actually. In fact, she never has gone down on me until I finished, which I think is kind of odd. She'll do it for a couple minutes and then stop, and even this is a rarity. I'm guessing she doesn't like to give oral, or at least that's how I perceive it.

now why would she go down on you after you've finished???

a) she is not finished and would like you to continue?

b) see a above


does she have orgasms? can you tell when she does? the next time you are finished, keep workin on her with your hands, mouth, and/or any available toys in the vicinity, and see if she's into it. I can't think of any other reason why she'd go down on you after you have finished.

 

[Hollowpoint]

Damn, some of you don't know what the flip you are talking about.

A quick google search could help enlighten some of you as well...



1. Pot/weed/grass/whatever smoking lowers testosterone and raises estrogen levels.

2. "I also don't think he would prescribe it anyways considering I'm only 22 and don't fit the "erectile dysfunction" mold."

More ignorance. You can have erectile problems at even age 18. Feel free to do some research into that.

The new-girl jitters are true though, and don't drink too much either.



My suggestions, as I have had this problem.

1. Work your Kegel muscles, helps to force blood into your wand to get a stiffer stiffy.

2. F her in the mouth for a bit, then while you are hard, quickly dry it a bit (increases friction) and put the condom on. Proceed with being her god in bed.

3. Agree with lube if you are gonna w*nk yourself.

4. Good job on lowering pot use.

5. uh, forgot one, I'll get back to you.



6. Keep yourself clean and trimmed down there, so she isn't so discouraged to go down there.

7. Oh yeah......

DO NOT STRESS ABOUT TURNING INTO A FLOPPY DRIVE!!!

The more you fear it, the more likely it will come. Come?
Do NOT begin to associate going floppy with the condom!
Have a positive outlook when you get to the wearing the hat stage, if not it will kill your drive.
I've had all these problems (at 20) and I believe I have overcome them now.

Best of luck,

Piz Doff

 

[Mizzou-Rah]

Thanks for the replies guys. Anyone else have any advice?

 

[NewMan]

1) What turns you on the most about women? T#ts? A##? Pvssy? Going down on them? what?

2) Use this for yourself to get hard......

3) Learn the art of putting on the rubber as your doing/viewing whatever you figured out in 1) above.....

4) Insert and bang away....


Few extra thoughts....

1) You've got to get her all worked up - practically begging you to bang her.... There's nothing like getting the girl super wet, super turned on - on the verge of cumming - then banging the cr#p out of her. Get her to this point.....

2) Cut out the pot smoking All together. Clean yourself and your system up - then you can see how you function without this in your system.

3) Same with alcohol - if it's effecting you - cut it out and see how things go from there - you can always re-introduce these into your life.

4) Work out - hit the gym and treadmill often. Working out stimulates your bodies testosterone production.

5) Is your diet a good one?

6) Eat blueberries. There's a chemical in there that promotes a strong erection (don't ask me what - I read ti in a male journal).

7) I don't believe that jerking off has anything to do with erection loss. Sure if you jest off 10 minutes before your going to bang - it's a problem, but typically I've found it matters not.


My background....

I never had a problem keeping or getting a hard on. I meet my ex, and thing int he sack were fantastic - never once did I lose it - ever - not matter how much I drank (which at times was heavy) or what I smoked.

We broke up - and I found myself dating other girls - often new ones every week. I suddenly found I had a problem - I'd lose mt erection when I was just about to bang them.... I couldn't figure out why - so I slowly eliminated certain things...

Now I had no problems at all.

But I figured it was a number of reasons...


1) I was still missing and thinking about my ex... i.e. mentally I was not in the moment with these girls. I'd compare them to my ex - I'd think about her.... none of this is good. I put pressure on myself to fvck as many girls as I can - not a good place to be.

2) I was drinking heavily because I was missign my ex... Because I was somewhat depressed and getting over her. Put these 2 things together and it';s never good.


The point I'm making here, is that most of these problems occure because of some emotional stress - loss of a loved one - money problems - work problems etc. etc. etc. Couple that with alcohol/drugs/lack of physical activity/ bad diet - and you've got yourself a problem.

Stress can alos be self induced - stress or pressure to perform...

You've got to take inventory of these things and figure your situation out.... Everyone is different and only you can figure out what your issues are.

Rest assured that we all go through this at some stage in our lives....

 

[Mizzou-Rah]

Wow Newman, that was some amazing advice. Some of the things you mentioned I had never even thought about before. The thing that really got me was when you mentioned these problems can come from emotional stress, which I have had recently. A few weeks ago one of my good friends committed suicide, and although obviously I'm not thinking about him when I'm having sex, it is still one of those things constantly in the back of my mind (it's hard to explain). To help cope with this I have been drinking harder and more often than usual, which of course does not help this situation.

The rest of your post was spot on. I am cutting out the pot smoking completely, and although I have been working out the past year, I haven't been consistent with it recently because of finals at school.

Anyways, thanks for the advice everyone. God, I hate to think what I would do without this board sometimes. I guess I'm going to have to look inside myself to find the root of the problem, and I have a feeling that the next time I have great sex with my girl, this problem will be over. I won't see her again until Saturday, so hopefully I can come back on Sunday with a great update!

 

[NewMan]

Cool...

I'll be interested to know what happened in this particular case.

 

[Mizzou-Rah]

SUCCESS!!!

I know I promised an update so here it is. I came back to school on Saturday night, knowing full well that I was going to have the opportunity to fck my girl that night. Anyways, a bunch of us our drinking at a friends house all night, about 1 AM rolls around and my girl wants to go back home. I was feeling good so I said sure, let's go. So, we get to my room, start taking each others clothes off and begin to attempt sex. I had an erection during this whole time, but when it came to actually having sex, like usual, I couldn't get it up again (at this point I like WTF!) so I went down on her. After she got off, I was going to give up and just try to go to sleep. Luckily, my girl didn't give up that easily and somehow, someway, I got an erection and kept it. To my surprise, even after I put the condom on, I was able to keep an erection. And, as I suspected, after the first successful attempt at sex with a condom, my problem seemed to be over. To put a long story short, we ended up having sex twice that night (for about 2-3 hours) and then 3 times the next morning (we didn't get out of bed until 3 in the afternoon). So, basically I just wanted to let everyone know that my problem seems to have been corrected and I want to thank everyone for their advice, it was all helpful.

However, bonus points to the person who brought up switching to a polyurethane condom instead of a latex condom. I decided to pony up the extra money and buy some Trojan Supra condoms, and it was WELL worth it. Apparently they can transmit heat through the condom, so once you get going you can barely feel that you have a condom on. I would highly advise anyone having problems similar to mine to try these out, I know I will not use anything else from here on out.