WORKEROUTER
Master Don Juan
So here's the deal. My gf is the type of girl who doesn't like oral sex. From what it seems, she thinks it's gross.
Being a guy of course, I love oral.
Last night, I got aroused, she didn't want to have sex (having just started her period), and I suggested she go down on me. She started giving me the typical complaining and groaning about it.
This is NOT unusual with her. She seldom gives me oral, and when she does, it is often accompanied by whining and groaning. Usually, I'll get frustrated and act irritated by this (making me just look like a kid).
But this time it was different. I essentially told her straight out, calmly of course, that she needs to reconsider how she reacts to oral with me.
I explained to her that I really like it, that she makes me feel real good when she does it, and that its importance to me should have an effect on her. I told her to think about that a little bit.
Maybe going too far, I questioned her past oral experiences (not to pry, but to illustrate a point). She proceeded to explain how she never liked giving guys oral, but had given oral to a few different guys before of whom she had met at parties and such.
She knows this type of action (hooking up with random guys while drunk) is something that I DO NOT respect, and I've told her bluntly before.
I essentially told her what I thought about this...that she was willing to give oral to these guys, whom had very little respect of her as a person, but yet often gives me, her boyfriend who's interest in her extends beyond getting in her pants, a hard time about it. I let her know this illustrates a lack of respect towards me. I put this out on the table, and let her think about it.
She tried to react by saying she never questioned me about girls I've been before her. I told her that what she did was in the past (and that it was irrelevant here), and that she's missing the relevant point I'm trying to make. And I reassured her how much I actually like her, and that she means more to me than girls I've been with in the past.
By the end of our conversation, she was almost in tears at one point. I told her that I didn't mean to make her feel badly, only that I wanted to express how I felt to her, that I wasn't afraid to put some things on the line in order to be honest about us. She was sorry, told me that she doesn't want to dissapoint me, and that she'll work on fullfilling my needs more. I accepted this.
Anyway, what are your guys' thoughts about how I handled this? I know that to some of you, it may seem that oral sex is such a small thing in a relationship, but I disagree. It's not so much her giving me oral I was concerned with as the fact that she needed to know I feel that it's important in a relationship for each person to respect each others desires, that it's not a one-way track.
Her negative remarks about oral sex and her responses towards it irritated me, and it felt good to let her know this instead of bottling up this frustration.
It's something I want, and something I desire. She knew this but wasn't putting it a whole lot of effort for it. I made her rethink that, and understand that I do like her a lot, but will not just ignore my own desires and wants in a relationship.
Comments? Remarks?
Being a guy of course, I love oral.
Last night, I got aroused, she didn't want to have sex (having just started her period), and I suggested she go down on me. She started giving me the typical complaining and groaning about it.
This is NOT unusual with her. She seldom gives me oral, and when she does, it is often accompanied by whining and groaning. Usually, I'll get frustrated and act irritated by this (making me just look like a kid).
But this time it was different. I essentially told her straight out, calmly of course, that she needs to reconsider how she reacts to oral with me.
I explained to her that I really like it, that she makes me feel real good when she does it, and that its importance to me should have an effect on her. I told her to think about that a little bit.
Maybe going too far, I questioned her past oral experiences (not to pry, but to illustrate a point). She proceeded to explain how she never liked giving guys oral, but had given oral to a few different guys before of whom she had met at parties and such.
She knows this type of action (hooking up with random guys while drunk) is something that I DO NOT respect, and I've told her bluntly before.
I essentially told her what I thought about this...that she was willing to give oral to these guys, whom had very little respect of her as a person, but yet often gives me, her boyfriend who's interest in her extends beyond getting in her pants, a hard time about it. I let her know this illustrates a lack of respect towards me. I put this out on the table, and let her think about it.
She tried to react by saying she never questioned me about girls I've been before her. I told her that what she did was in the past (and that it was irrelevant here), and that she's missing the relevant point I'm trying to make. And I reassured her how much I actually like her, and that she means more to me than girls I've been with in the past.
By the end of our conversation, she was almost in tears at one point. I told her that I didn't mean to make her feel badly, only that I wanted to express how I felt to her, that I wasn't afraid to put some things on the line in order to be honest about us. She was sorry, told me that she doesn't want to dissapoint me, and that she'll work on fullfilling my needs more. I accepted this.
Anyway, what are your guys' thoughts about how I handled this? I know that to some of you, it may seem that oral sex is such a small thing in a relationship, but I disagree. It's not so much her giving me oral I was concerned with as the fact that she needed to know I feel that it's important in a relationship for each person to respect each others desires, that it's not a one-way track.
Her negative remarks about oral sex and her responses towards it irritated me, and it felt good to let her know this instead of bottling up this frustration.
It's something I want, and something I desire. She knew this but wasn't putting it a whole lot of effort for it. I made her rethink that, and understand that I do like her a lot, but will not just ignore my own desires and wants in a relationship.
Comments? Remarks?
Maybe in your world thats acceptable.