Seriously damaged girl

[thedarkpassenger]

I found this forum by accident and it truly rocks. Especially posts by iGetit and MagicKarl --- I hope you guys get to this post cuz I've been reading your other posts and it's awesome! Keep up the great work.

So I usually stay away from damaged girls because as we all know, they can screw with your head and give you a real headache.

but --- I've run into a girl that just might be worth the effort. I rarely ever fall for girls, but herein lies the problem..I really do like her a lot...i mean, my inner-wussy isn't coming out or anything, but she's really getting to me...

So I'm generally a funny and ****y guy, successful, so everything's going great. she's loving it and having a blast. Lot's of ball busting, teasing, joking, very minor serious chat, just enough to let her know I'm serious and not a clown, etc. etc. all the usual stuff.

I've been chatting with her via text and phone for about 2 weeks now. It all started when she texted me first, and I caught her off guard with a witty response...cant remember what it was...but she just kept texting me back for more. A few days later, she started calling me late at night, trying to "run into me", re-arranging her schedule to coincidentally run into mine...Predictable thus far.

99% of the time, she calls or texts first. I always end calls early, respond to texts after 5-10 minutes, sometimes hours, tease her, etc. etc.

So here's the deal. Her father walked out when she was a kid, and is a real scumbag. Her mom died recently, so she's basically living on her own with her friend, and she's young, got 2 jobs, going to school, etc. Really heartbreaking stuff. Her ex bf cheated on her, drugs, real loser. She dumped him. Another guy came along, he tried to rape her, she left him. All in all, she's really f'ed up. But she is one of the sweetest, nicest girls I've ever met and unusually attracted to her. Personality is really genuinely interesting to me, which is rare for me with any girl.

It really does break my heart watching her in her situation. Of course, my gentlemen inside me wants to look after her and take care of her...but of course, I need to GET her first exclusively.

She's a 9 or a 10, and gets asked out at least once a day...no exaggeration...shes hot and she knows it. And obviously, being a 9-10, she loves the attention and loves rejecting guys like any hot girl.

Of course, I have to bust on her about how she thinks shes hot ****, and spoiled little brat, etc. etc. She loves it. Laughs, blah blah the usual stuff. I tell her shes used to most guys kissing her ass, but shes going to have to kiss mine if she wants my interest, etc,. etc. She loves it. Still predictable up to this point.

Everything's going fine, predictable, and of course, she suddenly stops calling. From 20 texts and calls a day from her, to 1-2 texts a day overnight. I'm not too concerned and if this was any other girl, I wouldn't even think about it. Here's what I'm thinking:

- She's getting more serious about me, and needs to test my self control and neediness...the usual test all girls play on men at some point
- She's met another guy or back with an ex
- Being damaged, so can't let guys too close. When they do, she bails

I know it's not because she lost interest. I've ruled that out for sure. I also know it's not because she's actually busy, because even if she is, let's face it, she will make time for you if they are interested.

So of course, I do miss her, but I don't call or text her at all. If she's not contacting me, why should I contact her? It's day 2 now, no calls or texts from her except the occasional HI and WHAT ARE YOU DOING once or twice a day, which case I respond short "nothing" or "busy" or in some cases, just don't reply at all.

I'm planning on avoiding her for as long as it takes. I want her to make the first contact again and I'm not about to go chasing her and making an ass of myself in the process, and risk losing her interest forever.

All this stuff is typical of me, and predictable. The only thing I was worried about was if she wanted to become my gf too quickly. But then again, I've never met such a damaged girl, so what do i do now?

Is this girl TOO damaged? Have you guys had experience with women that are this severely damaged? Is there something that I am going to experience or that you have experienced that's going to really throw my game off? If so, is it worth it and do they fall into crazy unpredictable patterns? I've never had issues with getting women in the past....but then again, I've never attempted to get such a damaged gal before so this is new to me.

What do you guys think? Worth the effort or no? I love being single, BUT this girl may actually change my mind. Yep. she's that good.

Thanks guys!

 

[DarthNihilus]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=55034

Read his post all the way through.

After you read it and you still decide to persue this girl well then you're an idiot.

She will destroy you.

She already sensed you were getting too close to her which triggered her abandonment fears and so you are getting less contact from her now which is making you anxious.

Its all part of their twisted game.

Your caring nature can never fix or save her (and infact it primes you as a good victim of her) and even therapists fail at helping them quite regularly and some even refuse to treat them the condition is so manipulative, abusive and ingrained.

Get

Away

Now

 

[horaholic]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=55034

Read his post all the way through.

After you read it and you still decide to persue this girl well then you're an idiot.

She will destroy you.

She already sensed you were getting too close to her which triggered her abandonment fears and so you are getting less contact from her now which is making you anxious.

Its all part of their twisted game.

Your caring nature can never fix or save her (and infact it primes you as a good victim of her) and even therapists fail at helping them quite regularly and some even refuse to treat them the condition is so manipulative, abusive and ingrained.

Get

Away

Now

Awww. You beat me to it! Actually, I was going to post these threads:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155686&highlight=BPD
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=155800&highlight=BPD

Read ALL of these posts as well. There are many personal stories in there, that you will find relate to your situation in an almost uncanny manner.

Good luck! You have been officially warned!

 

[iqqi]

It's day 2 now, no calls or texts from her except the occasional HI and WHAT ARE YOU DOING once or twice a day, which case I respond short "nothing" or "busy" or in some cases, just don't reply at all.

You are basically showing no sign of interest, even though she is taking the first step by calling or texting you first. If she thinks you aren't really interested, what makes you think she is going to keep putting herself out there like that? No reward, all risk, why keep it up? And if she has really been through a lot recently, why would she want to put up with your sh!t on top of it all?

Are you a man or a woman? A man is supposed to pursue, to lead.

Some of the posters on this site give the wrong impression, with no real substantial threads to their credit. I think you are getting it all wrong, like so many here do. I'd advise you to read the bible. Go read Senor Fingers. Go read the Slick Tales in the Mature Man forum.

Learn how to lead, how to pursue.

Right now you are coming across as immature, and afraid to lead. That is a turn off, and I think you are losing her IL.

Not all women want jerks or immature as$holes. If that was the case she wouldn't have had the sense to leave the other two wanksters she was with before you. Also, all human beings go through sh!t in their life. Her daddy leaving is probably 60% of the populations own story, her mom dying is going to happen to everyone, and her living on her own at a young age means she is smart enough to survive. Also, everyone has their share of bad relationships, hence this site and it's forum's existence.

I think you are looking at the wrong things.

You should be looking at YOU moreso than her. She probably sees your lame games as you being a seriously damaged guy.

Good luck, young one. She seems like a cool chick, hopefully you did not mess it up too much. If so, however, well you live and you learn. Just try not to learn all of the wrong lessons.

Must reads to start with here:

Slick Tales

Weapons of Mass Seduction

 

[thedarkpassenger]

You are basically showing no sign of interest, even though she is taking the first step by calling or texting you first. If she thinks you aren't really interested, what makes you think she is going to keep putting herself out there like that? No reward, all risk, why keep it up? And if she has really been through a lot recently, why would she want to put up with your sh!t on top of it all?

Are you a man or a woman? A man is supposed to pursue, to lead.

Some of the posters on this site give the wrong impression, with no real substantial threads to their credit. I think you are getting it all wrong, like so many here do. I'd advise you to read the bible. Go read Senor Fingers. Go read the Slick Tales in the Mature Man forum.

Learn how to lead, how to pursue.

Right now you are coming across as immature, and afraid to lead. That is a turn off, and I think you are losing her IL.

Not all women want jerks or immature as$holes. If that was the case she wouldn't have had the sense to leave the other two wanksters she was with before you. Also, all human beings go through sh!t in their life. Her daddy leaving is probably 60% of the populations own story, her mom dying is going to happen to everyone, and her living on her own at a young age means she is smart enough to survive. Also, everyone has their share of bad relationships, hence this site and it's forum's existence.

I think you are looking at the wrong things.

You should be looking at YOU moreso than her. She probably sees your lame games as you being a seriously damaged guy.

Good luck, young one. She seems like a cool chick, hopefully you did not mess it up too much. If so, however, well you live and you learn. Just try not to learn all of the wrong lessons.

Must reads to start with here:

Slick Tales

Weapons of Mass Seduction

iqqi: Thanks for your insight. This is fascinating actually. I've been following the old David D and Neil S rules for so long, and it's never failed me....but then again, now that I think back, the most meaningful relationships that I've had didn't exactly follow the same pattern as the "usual" techniques.

Hmmmm...now that's a mind fvck...you got me thinking now

Perhaps she's not like most girls, and I should do something different? What do you suggest my next move be?

 

[thedarkpassenger]

iqqi: Thanks for your insight. This is fascinating actually. I've been following the old David D and Neil S rules for so long, and it's never failed me....but then again, now that I think back, the most meaningful relationships that I've had didn't exactly follow the same pattern as the "usual" techniques.

Hmmmm...now that's a mind fvck...you got me thinking now

Perhaps she's not like most girls, and I should do something different? What do you suggest my next move be?

 

[horaholic]

Easy...RUN!!!!!! Dont pursue this girl, find others. YOU CANT HELP HER! She will only drag you into the hell she lives in.

Thats the BPD's worst trick. They convince you that they arent like other girls, then you come on here and read stories that are so similar, you'll wonder if we all dated the same nutjob.

 

[DarthNihilus]

Iqqi is a manhater thats sole purpose on Sosuave is leading young AFC's astray into the arm's of scum women.

She's simply telling you what you want to hear.

Have it your way though.

Listen to iqqi persue this chick and experience your own personal Dante's inferno.

Edit: I suspect this whole topic is just some more NLG trolling. Disregard anymore replies to this topic lads. Its just iqqi and a friend having some fun at our expense.

 

[horaholic]

I guess everybody has to learn the hard way. Whatever.

Another one lured to his doom, by the sirens song.

 

[thedarkpassenger]

lol you know what's insane? A lot of the BPD girls mentioned in the posts have an unusual and strange illness that can't be cured. This girl I'm referring to, is convinnced she is literally allergic to everything. it's unbelievable actually. Whenever she eats something, she says "i can die from this" etc. etc. I thought it was just something she did for attention, but now i see...these characteristics in BPD women are WAY too similar and specific to be just coincience.

I wonder if I should just tell her I'm not interested in talking to her any more, or just continue ignoring her and not answer if she calls?
Suggestions?

 

[iqqi]

iqqi: Thanks for your insight. This is fascinating actually. I've been following the old David D and Neil S rules for so long, and it's never failed me....but then again, now that I think back, the most meaningful relationships that I've had didn't exactly follow the same pattern as the "usual" techniques.

Hmmmm...now that's a mind fvck...you got me thinking now

Perhaps she's not like most girls, and I should do something different? What do you suggest my next move be?

I think that you should read those links I gave you, for a start! I can definitely give you more later.

You are obviously relying on some "techniques" as well as thought processes when interacting with women, to avoid pain to yourself. So the work on yourself needs to start with figuring out what exactly you are afraid of, and what your particular weaknesses are, then addressing those.

You are going to get into a hellhole of deeper issues if you live your life treating women like they are the enemy. Most women are a lot like you. They don't want to get hurt, and they don't want to get played.

Once you can operate from a standpoint of personal confidence, then you won't be so ruled by fear.


ALSO there is a "BPD epidemic" going on here at SS. Your girl is NOT BPD. If she was, she'd still be in her messed up relationships with the cheater and the rapist. BPD is a serious mental illness, that men here seem to subscribe to all of their exes.

 

[horaholic]

If this is what you know about her just from two weeks or communication, try to imagine what she's hiding. BPD or not, its not worth going there.

This site can teach you how to find someone with far less mental problems than that.

And, if you read specific examples of some of our BPD ex's, there is NO denying it. Halfway normal chicks DO NOT act this way! If she is a BPD, you will never know what she is and isnt lying about. They fabricate their entire lives sometimes, even about there ex BF's cheating, and raping. (not saying she's lying, but its possible.) It almost seems like she's going for the pity party.

If she's showing this many signs of being a nutjob, this soon, you will be in big trouble if either one of you develops feelings. You'll never get rid of her. Either she will latch on to you forever, or you will forever be tainted by her 'unique qualities' and be unable to have feelings for other girls. Or both, like me.

 

[thedarkpassenger]

is iqqi a girl?

 

[thedarkpassenger]

omg iqqi IS A GIRL...ok, advice ignored, thank you!

 

[Igetit!]

I found this forum by accident and it truly rocks. Especially posts by iGetit and MagicKarl --- I hope you guys get to this post cuz I've been reading your other posts and it's awesome! Keep up the great work.

Well looks like Kontroller X and Horaholic have already given you info (or links to info) that'll help you out,but since I saw my name here,I'll just say "whazzup" and welcome to the forum man.


If this girl is really as screwed up as you say,then it'd be best just to simply move on man. Having a 9 or a 10 isn't worth sacrificing your piece of mind.


The only thing that kinda throws me off about all this is when you said that she...


1)Said her ex was into drugs and cheated on her,and she DUMPED him.

and

2)Another guy came along who tried to rape her,but she LEFT him.


That's odd to me.



Usually when a woman is screwed up in the head,she SEEKS OUT pain,abuse,and mistreatment. And if she meets a guy who's a good and decent person,then she'll abuse and mistreat him.



You said she left both the attempted rapist,and the drugged out cheater.



That doesn't sound like a severely damaged woman. Sounds like she has some common sense about relationships.





Another thing is this:You've mentioned all the hurt and heartache this girl's been through,but you've said NOTHING about any harmful or negative behavior she's had towards you PERSONALLY.



So far,the only thing you've said she's done that you didn't like was decreasing the number of texts and phone calls you normally get.



That's not BPD behavior,that's just general female inconsistancy.




If you say she's screwed up,I'll take your word for it,but do you have any examples of screwy behavior she's show towards you?



And I mean examples like the ones in the threads KX and Horaholic gave to you.




Because personally,I haven't seen any jacked-up behavior yet.




She was cheated on,but that won't turn a girl BP. It may add to the damage that's already there,but that's about it.



She had a close death in her family. Painful,very painful,but if death caused BPD,the whole world would be nuts.




You said her father walked out on her when she was a kid,and that he was a scumbag. That can set a child on the wrong course as far as dating when they grow up,but is seems like when she learns that these guys are trouble,she moves on.



I'm not saying for you to stay with her,only that if the only reason you say she's "severely damaged" is because of what she's been through,and not because of any abusive behavior that she's shown TOWARDS YOU,maybe you shouldn't be so quick to judgement.




Now,if she has shown wacky,detrimental behavior towards you,then GET OUT...NOW.



Otherwise,just get to know her as you would any girl.

What do you guys think? Worth the effort or no? I love being single, BUT this girl may actually change my mind. Yep. she's that good.

Is it worth the effort? Well I'd say no,but not because of her past or her being damaged.


I'd say no simply because she's a "10". This negging,or teasing,or whatever it is you're doing,you'll have to continue doing it...throughout the relationship.


There won't be a chance to rest,or go on cruise-control. You'll constantly have to has SOMETHING going on,otherwise she may be out somewhere,and someone/or something more "shiny" may come along and make her lose interest in you.



Now excluding the "10" factor,I say go for it. She seems cool considering all she's been through.



But if you do get involved and it turns out she is nuts,hit the road jack.


Later man.

 

[iqqi]

Well, I am sorry that you are going to ignore what I've said based on my gender, and not what I actually said, or the invaluable links I gave you. I see that Igetit has arrived, and basically said some of the same things I said, so at least you are getting some good advice, from a guy so you will listen.

Good luck to you, young grasshopper.

My best advice would be, take everything here that you "learn" with a grain of salt. And ask yourself: is this poster happy in real life? Or is he just a keyboard jockey who seems unhappy all of the time?

PS you only get like 10 posts a day here, so try not to use up any more than you already have lamenting your discovery that I am a girl!

 

[AAAgent]

stay away from bpd chicks. after a while of no contact and after almost a full recovery my bpd ex was still calling me. She has a new boyfriend and calls me with him by her side to instigate fights sometimes. i picked up her call the day before i went to jail because i felt down. the ***** is crying and it just pissed me off that she was trying to manipulate me again. i didn't let it get to me and she just stopped. 1 full year after the break up she stilll calls and texts telling me sh!t that if i wasn't smarter would have sucked me in. she made up a whole sh!t load of stories and even one day told me she has no friends and she doesn't really know who she is. After we broke up and she got a new bf she got me to go crazy after her because she told me she was pregnant but she wouldn't take a pregnancy test?!?! these b!tches are illogical and you should stay away from them.

 

[thedarkpassenger]

Hey iqqi,

Actually, I take back my last post

I read through some of your posts and I realized, you actually do make a lot of sense.

My apologies! I'm thinking I'll just play it cool and see what happens. No pressure, no stress!

 

[Jitterbug]

If this is what you know about her just from two weeks or communication, try to imagine what she's hiding. BPD or not, its not worth going there.

This site can teach you how to find someone with far less mental problems than that.

And, if you read specific examples of some of our BPD ex's, there is NO denying it. Halfway normal chicks DO NOT act this way! If she is a BPD, you will never know what she is and isnt lying about. They fabricate their entire lives sometimes, even about there ex BF's cheating, and raping. (not saying she's lying, but its possible.) It almost seems like she's going for the pity party.

If she's showing this many signs of being a nutjob, this soon, you will be in big trouble if either one of you develops feelings. You'll never get rid of her. Either she will latch on to you forever, or you will forever be tainted by her 'unique qualities' and be unable to have feelings for other girls. Or both, like me.

Listen to him.

I have a BPD ex who made up several dramatic & very convincing stories like that. And she believes every single version of her story. Took me a while to figure out that she's full of it.

Ask yourself why would a woman tell you such personal things about herself within 2 weeks of knowing her, when you're not even lovers.

DO NOT listen to iqqi, if you value your sanity and ability to have intimacy with future women who are worth your time & dedication.

Walk away now. She's not the only interesting and hot girl on earth.

 

[Slickster]

You guys are funny

How can you label a chick BPD from a couple paragraphs? She sounds like 99% of the women out there to me. I guess the OP would know better but I can't really see how she has mental issues based on the description given. Is BPD an excuse for you guys when you can't get the girls you want. :crackup:

It sounds like she's had some tough times as of late and that would mess with anyone's head. Everyone has deaths in the family, everyone gets cheated on, I also bet there are a lot of women out there who've had guys force themselves on them too. (Most probably never talk about it). Damaged goods? I don't get it.

She's had some tough times to deal with and I bet she'd be the first to admit that she's not herself right now due to all that stress. She's also a real hottie so we all know the attitude that goes along with that. The OP feels she's one of the sweetest and nicest girls he's ever met. That has to count for something.

From the description of the interaction these two are having it sounds like a lot of PUSH/PULL but without much PULL. Seriously dude it's all good to play hard to get and act like you are the catch but you have to give and take a little. Have you done anything at all for her to think you are even slightly interested?

In my opinion a girl like this who has been through so much crap is probably looking for a good guy right now rather than some player who is always playing games. I'm not saying turn into a wussy but maybe you could stand to be a little more "real".

Seems like you are getting some bitter advice from guys who like to make generalizations.

Darkpassenger wrote:

Hey iqqi,

Actually, I take back my last post

I read through some of your posts and I realized, you actually do make a lot of sense.

My apologies! I'm thinking I'll just play it cool and see what happens. No pressure, no stress!

Cheers to you for actually reading peoples other posts to decide whether they are worth listening to.