Send ex gf an apology msg

[andy1234]

Dear brothers,

I will try to keep this short. Our relationship is complicated and somehow full of dramas.. It all started from my mistakes and inability to realize and change for the better

- together for 3years (I'm 33, she's 29)
- I have been quite lazy for the past one year and neglected her..
Eg. Addicted to drinking with friends and playing video games and always leaving her to sleep alone..
- she is always angry with me when I pay her not much attention..
- at the end of the relationship.. She's fed up with all the problems and my inability to realize my mistakes and finally we had a big fight and quarrel and we both decided to break up.. She actually wants marriage and I'm incapable for giving her that at the moment. (Quarrels have been frequent for the past 2months.)
- 2weeks of no contact from both parties. (Last contact was ended as "let's move on", with anger and hatre)
- I realized my mistakes in the relationship (neglecting her and paying enough attention on her)
- I have changed and determined to make a change to my life in a positive manner and quoted video games

Today I break no contact and send her a sincere apology text stating my mistakes and my realization and my determination to change for better. In the text, I didn't say things like..
"please come back to me, will you forgive me etc" nothing about begging too..

Look.. Now I realized and I want her back and determined to change for the better for myself and her.

What can I do next since I have send this apology?

Do I check in once a while with messages like, "I just passed by ***** and I thought of you and made me smile.. "


Thanks..
I'm not sure if this is the section to post..

Thank you
*ps* there are rumors that she has a new bf..

 

[Leaf]

I actually don't mind the apology message. As long as you are not looking for anything in return and have moved on with your life. Send it as the final sequalae of the chapter between you two to leave on good terms and NEVER contact her ever again.

The reason for this is that ex could one day end up at a place you're applying to work. She could end up being the friend of a friend of a friend of a chick you're trying to nail or date. Leave on good terms and she could end up being a wingman to you.

You wanting to get back with your ex in particularly now knowing she has moved on. Don't. You're better than that and an ex is an ex for a reason.

 

[Between_The_Lines]

Look.. Now I realized and I want her back and determined to change for the better for myself and her.

That's only the story you're telling yourself - you're hamstering a beta backslide return to her. You got lazy, attraction slipped, she wanted out, she got it, and now you feel threatened because she's out there exercising her hypergamy. And even if you got her back, the new dynamic between the two of you would feature YOU on 'probation', it'd be implied that YOU are the one who has to tread carefully. Too high of a price to pay for a woman, but there's plenty out there who won't put your through that unnecessary gauntlet of sh1t tests - the issue now has more to do with your willingness to find them.

 

[Pogba]

Apology was enough. You leave on a good note.
Right now is crucial to not send anything else , let her msg you then go from there. If you over apologize or try to force things she will think you gave no options and you are weak.

Some may say sending the apology letter already painted you weak but I think it takes a man to realize his mistakes. If she is not a self absorbed little girl , she will see this as well.
I repeat DONT try to force anything , don't ask her to hang out or call her late nights. You treated her like shiit and believe it or not that's actually very addicting for her , 3 years is a long time and if she wanted to get married then you didn't fvck up as bad as you think.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Andy, you can post in Mature Man Forum if you put your age in your public profile. Since you cross posted I'm going to leave this thread here and delete the one in MM. Welcome to the site.

 

[El Payaso]

That's only the story you're telling yourself - you're hamstering a beta backslide return to her. You got lazy, attraction slipped, she wanted out, she got it, and now you feel threatened because she's out there exercising her hypergamy. And even if you got her back, the new dynamic between the two of you would feature YOU on 'probation', it'd be implied that YOU are the one who has to tread carefully. Too high of a price to pay for a woman, but there's plenty out there who won't put your through that unnecessary gauntlet of sh1t tests - the issue now has more to do with your willingness to find them.

This. Exactly this.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

Apologies are fine, but don't apologize and claim you miss someone. It's very rare for things to work out after they have failed the first time (especially when you broke up because you played too many videogames).

Leave it as is.

 

[andy1234]

That's only the story you're telling yourself - you're hamstering a beta backslide return to her. You got lazy, attraction slipped, she wanted out, she got it, and now you feel threatened because she's out there exercising her hypergamy. And even if you got her back, the new dynamic between the two of you would feature YOU on 'probation', it'd be implied that YOU are the one who has to tread carefully. Too high of a price to pay for a woman, but there's plenty out there who won't put your through that unnecessary gauntlet of sh1t tests - the issue now has more to do with your willingness to find them.

This is deep in meaning.. I am going to re read this over and over..


I agree with the other posters that I shouldn't contact her..
+ most likely she has a new relationship with her now.. I will just give her space and let her new relationship runs.. I will not push and give any pressure.

I am already opening up other dating options..

 

[Soolaimon]

Good advice in this thread.

What's done is done man and you made the mistakes so you have to live with it.

From the looks of it both of you seem to be wanting different things. Trying to rekindle something again is not going to be same as it was before. Things were said and feelings have changed so let it go.

You feel a temporary loss and want her back for that reason. Not cause you really want her back.

If you did get back together the marriage thing is going to come up again and will lead to another fight breaking you up again.

Relationships don't always work out and better ones are around the corner.

No need to revisit something old and broken when you can get something better and new.

The apology was a nice gesture so leave it at that and move on.

You have a fresh new start so wise up and start out on the right foot without making the same mistakes again.

 

[andy1234]

Thank you for all the posts.. I can also see that she's tired and moving on..

All I can do is nothing u guess..

She did post a quote at her whatsapp status saying "I miss you and I don't know why" (that's before I send her the apology msg)
Pretty sure It's directed to me. As she only uses whatsapp (chat program) with me...
Even at this newsfeed.. I think I cannot do anything much.. But to perform NC and giving her space and working on myself..

 

[andy1234]

Updates.. No contact between us..

Recently I have been meeting with new people and I have met a girl whom is attracted to me.. A nice down-to-earth girl (HB7 Nurse) cutie type whom hasn't been in a relationship for 2years. We have kissed and I have agreed to continue seeing her more and see what pops out.

As compared to my ex gf whom's model type (HB8) sexy type.

Two total different kind of personalities.. Two different kind of characters..

I do miss my ex due to the sex and the "sexy slutty" feel.

I know this new chick will not give me the same feeling, but from what I see from the surface, HB7 Nurse does make a much better candidate for a LTR, while ex gf is more suitable for a fvck buddy

 

[andy1234]

The thread is dead, But i figured I should keep it updated for further advices.

The new chick is gone. She actually has a bf whom is together for a while.

Sorry if i am AFC for the following but I am trying to recover...

I messaged my ex last night, it has been 2 weeks i didn't contact her since the apology msg.

"Hi <Ex gf>, I know you need some space. I hope the best for your future. If there's any problem, you can let me know. All the best"

She replied and we had a chat on how's life etc etc.
Notable conversation

Ex: "Now you should have many girls whom you are talking to"
Me: " 1 or 2 of them."
Ex: "You mean 1 or 2 girls? Ok Maybe she will be the one that you want"

I didn't respond for 20mins although i am online on Whatsapp.

Ex: "Why aren't you sleeping?" <Its late night>
Ex: Are you playing games again?
Me: Nope, I am looking at another chat group
Ex: Hmmm or are you playing game now? Just tell me Hahahaha. No need to be scared of me now <In the past she always complain about my gaming habits.> <Honestly, I have quitted the gaming addiction>

Me: Haha Nope. Really. Its been 3 weeks the last I played games.
Ex: Really, thats great!
Me: Many things going on in life, playing game is wasting my time.
Ex: So finally you knew about it..

I was having a bad vibe that she's like the lecturer and I am a student.. Not a good feeling..

Me: When are you coming to <My country>? Your Heels are with me.

**She's currently another country working whom she's now together with her last Boyfriend. We once broken up for 3 months and she is working at another country <every work trip is 2months> and hooked up with this dude whom apparently loves her a lot. Now they are back together after our break up.. IMPORTANTLY, I found out through a friend and through some technology means. She is hiding the fact that she is with that guy now, I am sure she doesn't want me to know that she's already with this dude***

Ex: You wanna see me?
Me: Yes of course =)
Ex: If I am at <my country>, you will drive and meet me? For what?
Me: We can go cycling. You always love cycling, you can use my bike
<When we were together, I broke many promises when i want to bring her out for cycling>

Ex: You better keep that bike for your new girl. I dont dare to use
Me: Hahah Cute, no girl uses that new bike before (Am i screwing up?)
Ex: Its okay, Last time, I am supposed to go cycling, the beach and do many activities but I haven't had chance to do <Because of me>. Quite a poor thing for me
Me: Well. That's the regret I had. I know I dont have responsibility that time <of making empty promises on dates>
Ex: Like you always said, the past is the past. Good night, I'm sleepy. You can ask you daughter to contact me anytime. Kiss Kiss. Good night

15mins later

Me: Good Night Kisses

----Next day <Today>----
Ex: Ohhh! You sleep so late. 7:29am.

I didn't reply to that. Will you guys respond?

The thing is she's now seeing that dude, how do i go about doing this.. I do want her back.. But I know its just a knee jerk reaction... I know I am also keen to find other girls... But it really kills me to know that that dude is with her now..

I am thinking of not initiating contact... since she's with this new dude...

Confusions..

What will you do if you want this ex back?

 

[andy1234]

And should I just let her know that.. Actually I know that you are already together with that dude. Hmmm sounds like a sour grape... Sounds like I am affected and not cool...

 

[andy1234]

Updates,

She texted me this morning asking why am I awake so early.

I replied that I am going for a buffet lunch at a reputable hotel.

She replied :"wow! With your new girl?? So nice! Without me, your life is better hahaha"

I didn't respond. Looks like she's jealous.

What action will be the best? I am thinking of ignoring her reply and let her imagination play on her

Thank you

 

[Infern0]

Ignoring is rude.

I say strike while the iron is hot, may want to wait for a second opinion though this is an unusual situation.

 

[andy1234]

Ignoring is rude.

I say strike while the iron is hot, may want to wait for a second opinion though this is an unusual situation.

I thought so too. But while waiting for an advice, I have already replied with "....."

That's all

 

[mikey2012]

Wtf? Do you know how pathetic you sound? Walk away and NEVER look back. You broke up once you will break up again.

 

[andy1234]

More conversation by her.

I have recently taken up mountain biking and progressing well in my career.

I have invited her to go biking together, and she knows I am doing well recently.

Afterwhich
She: "Why dont you ask your girl to go mountain biking? Im sure she will be happy" <she knows I am currently having a few options>
She: "Looks like someone is going to get rich soon ~ <Due to my career> =)"

<I ignored the "Why dont you ask your girl to go mountain biking">
Me: Yeah~ God bless more money~


I am foreseeing more and more of these.. It has been 3 times. I know its a **** test with a hint of jealousy.
"Why dont u ask your girl or whatever stuffs"

How will you counter?

 

[andy1234]

duplicate