Self-Improvement Thread - Changing My Life!

[GetBetter]

Today I can say was one of the best days in the week. As I tried something new and excelled at it!

It was Children's Day, celebrated in schools of India and due to no celebration there were only few students in my class today. One of the guys, who is blonde and he is an actor. He has awesome personality and I must say due to his acting and confidence he is very popular. He makes everyone laugh, and what not. He was joined by another really great and funny actor(student, and a friend) and they all laughed a lot, I dont know why everyone found it so funny as I found is complete sillyness. And then they started playing cricket and the second friend was Over acting and so I loudly commented - Over acting, 0 marks! And to that his reply was 'Look, who's talking!' I really was dumbstruck after hearing that.. I realized what my status is infront of those guys.. they all consider me as a dumb, retarded, serious and nerdy type of guy, which I used to be due to super low confidence. Sometimes I really wish I could erase and rewrite my past...
Anyways, after what he said, I just couldnt shrug off those words, I wanted to show them that I am a lot more than you guys think, however I did assure myself a lot that 'yeah, I am not an actor. So what? I am good at other things? ' And this is complete opposite of what people think of me at my coaching classes. There I am one of the most carefree, funny, charming, and never-serious-about-study kind of guy. Weird huh?

So today at my coaching classes we attended one lecture and then came to know that our lecturers were calling all of the students to celebrate Children's Day. I went up there and at first I seriously was getting too bored, and really wanted to leave but my friends told me to stay so I did. My juniors and my classmates were divided into three groups. Each group was given a task - to do drama. Our topic was to do a skit on 'Hero'. At first I thought it was someone like superman or something like that but our Madam told us that we have to do a skit on a hero whose movie flopped. And man I was far to excited! Together we created a story a damn funny one. However I must say, I really came off as a leader. And when we presented the skit, the whole class was laughing, and some hooting at our performances! Everyone laughed, everyone enjoyed a lot! And I had become the focus of the whole play through my acting. Once our play was over, everyone was adoring our performance and everyone was congratulating me and appreciated my acting and said what a damn great actor I was. I felt really awesome, I was escalating! That made me realize what an awesome person I am. I made people laugh through our story that we created in just 10 mins! I also felt great because I really could act! Also I realized that even if you are an okay actor, people's appreciation can make you even better one, and give your confidence such a boost that you could have never imagined! Maybe that's why the guy I mentioned in first paragraph has so much confidence and girls do realize it. And maybe because of getting such appraisals again and again is what has made him so charming, confident to girls. Even though our act was nice, the next group won as people liked it more. But I am not too much affected as they just stole another video and made a play exact copy of that. Moreover I am happy because I did it completely for fun! This made my day seriously!

Then I went for my drawing classes. I made human face today, somewhat side view and completed a still image. The teacher was still around and so I didnt want to talk infront of them.. so I didnt talk to the girl I promised to talk to. Actually I did, but just tiny bit.

Me: Do sir teach well?
She: *nods*
Me: Can you dance?*I grin*
She: *she laughs*I dont know.

Not sure why she laughed..was it my face or my smile? I know the conversation could have become more interesting and even longer but I just turned and started completing my drawing again...

The problem is I dont know how to flirt.. I mean I do know how to but I actually cant say it.. I also cant keep conversations long, especially with girls or when I am alone with another person. I dont like to talk much or reveal about myself a lot.

Like yesterday something similar happened:
A girl was trying to bring down a pole where our Coaching Class's board was hanging. She kept trying to and finally said,"why doesnt it come down!?" My friend to her asked why she had a problem with it..and to that I without even thinking said "She doesnt like things standing up"(If you know what I mean?). Hearing that all of my friends started laughing, loudly. And she just smiled and tried to control her laugh. She turned and I dont know what she did(probably laughed). But yeah, I am just like that. I talk dirty and dress like a Gentleman(or atleast try to).

After that she comes and tries to talk to me. As I wear a lot of rings, she touched one of them and says:

Her: *trying to say something but didnt knwo what to* you are just that you know...
Me: 'I am that' means? *smiling*
****! I could have said sexy! And could have said, yeah I am sexy and I know it. Something like that!
Her: *she laughs*

I am interrupted by friend so I just say slowly while turning towards my friend - My mother is an astrologer.

 

[GetBetter]

Wont say much but just take help on what I need help with.

I am still taking drawing classes and I see I am improving. Also there's a dance class and the sound coming from it really makes me want to dance so I asked my teacher to let me and she let me. I went to dance class and danced and the dance teacher there complimented that as a student who just joined I danced very well.

So I always think of approaching but I can not.. and now I know the reason 'why'. I am afraid and I have a fear of approaching girls, even when I know I just should have fun, yet I cant. And it's that I just worry about what others might think and they'll taunt me or make fun of me or whatever.

How can I get rid of this thinking, so that I can not give a **** about it and just go and talk to the girls I want to?

I've started reading Awaken The Giant Within from the start and I read it before I go to sleep.

 

[defensiveend96]

Why would you be afraid of what others might think? YOU are the one who is man enough to talk to girls while the other guys just sit in the corner wanking off. YOU are the one who is going to walk out of there with a number or date. So don't give a flying f*ck what the other people think. If they taunt you that means they wish they were you but they are too scared to talk to a girl. If you keeping worrying about what other people think than you are never going to accomplish your goals. And trust me, approaching new girls isn't scary. It may be a little intimidating at first but once you start the convo and start getting to know her it is a ton of fun. And afterwards you feel accomplished and you feel like a man. Approaching is kin of like sex. It may be a little scary at first for some but once you start doing it, you feel great.

 

[GetBetter]

Wow, defensiveend96, you are right! Thanks for help. Whenever I feel like not approaching this will help me for sure!

Today was one of the worst days in my entire life! I was at the coaching and was just sitting there looking at one of my friends as he was talking to me. The lecturer saw me and to gain attention he made fun of me! He called me faggot as I was looking at my friend. And I was so ****ing mad that I really wanted to go and kill that guy. But yeah, I am going to take revenge and make fun of him in next class. Just figuring out what I can do to harm him, and take revenge. I just cant handle insults anymore...

Something like that happened with a girl I was chatting. She had called me to confirm about our hangout to go see a movie(She's just a friend and is just 3 on scale..) but I was in the dance class so I picked up and told that I was busy and would call her later and after that I never called or messaged.. I didnt have balance. She got mad and scolded me and I replied with "Who gave you permission to scold me!" And she was like "Wow, this wasnt expected from you GetBetter.."

Anyways, yesterday I went to dance class and practiced some stunts. I get really excited to learn new things. After dance class I went to drawing class and after it when I was leaving the girl I wanted to flirt with(she's just 4-5 though..) was standing there, all alone. And I went there and really wanted to talk to her but again I guess I couldnt continue it for long and was a disaster! Anyways it went like this:

She was wearing a fluorescent shirt
Me: Hey, is that fluroscent shirt available for boys too?
I could have complimented her instead..

Her: she nods without looking into my eyes and muses

Me: Speak louder

Her: Yeah *she started leaving for the class and I started to leave for home as well*

Me: Well where did you purchase it from?

Her: *shrugs smiling*

I smile as well and leave.

As I said, it was a disaster!

Will talking to lots of women help me?

 

[Watawata]

Yes

 

[GetBetter]

Today I finally approached! Today, I took my actual first step.

So we were at the mall and my only aim was to approach girls. As we were departing from the mall after chilling, I saw two really good looking girls that I thought I would definitely approach! I finally stopped and told my friends that I wanted to approach this girl. My friend told that she was few years older than me but I told him I didnt care. My only intention was to go there and compliment her. I might have not if my best friend had not forced me and shove me to them.

Anyways, as I went to those girls, I just focused on the one whom I wanted to compliment. And man I must say this was a complete disaster and I was nervous! So I just go to her and she looks at me back, and was looking like she really wanted to hear me out. It's as if she knew I was going to approach her

So without even greeting her hello or hi I just say "I just wanted to tell you(in a respectful manner) that You look Beautiful!"

She replied with an expression of "Whatever" as if she was expecting more. Then she turned her face back to her friend, however looking somewhere else. And after that I left feeling proud that I actually approached!

And now when I think about it, man it was huge disaster. I could have said a lot more. But on the positive side, I actually approached. Also I think I am pretty sexy, but I just need to approach more to have girls revolving around me. One of my friend who has so many girls in his life, approaches a lot as well and that's the key to his success.
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About Life, I want to know what my passion is. I want to know the reason I am here. My teacher always tells us to find our passion. And when I was reading Awaken The Giant Within I dont know how it hit me again that I really need to chase my passion. I want to be a legend!

I've written all the things I like doing or I do and then I am trying all those things and trying to find out which thing I love the most. But if you guys have some tips, let me know!

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Don't base success on results - it relies on external factors that you cannot control. Base it off of your own actions. If you approached, it was a success!

Give Mastery by Robert Greene a read next, it'll help you on your way to finding and dealing with your passions.

 

[GetBetter]

Nothing done today except playing Football with friends. I have stopped Pixel Art for some reason.
Today was a holiday at our coaching class so nothing much. Yesterday night I kept pondering about flirting with lots of girls at coaching, because I know I can flirt with them if I can go and approach a stranger!

Today while skimming through facebook statuses and stuff, I saw how much a show-off thing it has become. I also saw my friend listed on a page which showcases Few Most Famous People of our city...However its run by teenagers but I am stunned to see that a lot of girls just die for him even though he isnt that great..

Even my younger brother has become famous because he is chasing his passion, he does BMX tricks.

Man, all this is making me feel bad.. I want to know my passion and I want to chase it. I want to become famous as well! I know it isnt healthy to compare or be jealous.. but I am writing whatever I feel.

Therefore @NorwegianDJ, shall I read Mastery before completing Awaken The Giant Within or before that? I really feel I should find my passion before I do anything else.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Just do it all. No need to slack on things. Finding your passion a process. Expose yourself to the world and it'll go quicker.

 

[GetBetter]

Just do it all. No need to slack on things. Finding your passion a process. Expose yourself to the world and it'll go quicker.

Alright, I have downloaded Mastery as well. And I am working on chiseling few of my skills, like Dance and Drawing for now. After 12th grade I'll work on Karate, My Body Mass, Writing etc.
_____________________________________________________________
Anyways, this is not an update but another question...

Is talking dirty to girls without going into deep conversations with them a bad thing?

This girl just kept her pen way head of the desk and it touched everyone's bottom whenever they passed. It touched my D almost and my it did my friends and I immediately laughed and said 'What do you want to touch' and she replied with a 'ewww'. I didnt care at that time.

 

[GetBetter]

Watching RSD Flawless Natural. Man it's gold! It gets me pumped up and makes me want to approach. Where can I find some really hot girls? I dont want to invest too much money to do so though.

And another problem I am facing is, I am not able to change the way people already think of me. Like I feel that I have got restricted because people have been thinking of me as a person in proper way for long time and now me suddenly approaching might not work... What should I do?

Also I've been trying to find my passion and been failing completely. Gotta try hard again and complete teh book mastery.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Your name reminds me of mine. Really enjoying the direction your journal is going. You care about the right thing, improving yourself.

People are only really looking to trust people that are in their "group." They might be in the same group because of the same school or church, sport, or even music they like. Your goal should be to have a strong ground in sports, music, academics and parties. And join clubs or social circles around those topics.

Cold approaching will be good. Your passion might be the skill you're proud to tell everyone you do. Start opening up to girls and it'll come out naturally.

 

[GetBetter]

Thanks @LearningSlowly Yeah I am trying to improve my life. I want my life to be just damn good and let girls come in and go in it as a part. However I am having difficulties going in a definite direction atm. So trying to figure it out.

So, I went to a school program with friends and many of my school friends complimented me the way I dressed and how I looked. I like to be classy so had worn my dad's brown blazer. They called me that I came to get a bride for me lol.

Also today my ex greeted me at the programme and I was kind of stunned. I shook hands with her and instantly replied 'How come you suddenly talked to me after long time?' however I kinda talked weirdly, like broken words and stuff. I am still kinda nervous around her and girls in general... ****! Anyways after that she said 'I am talking to everyone here. Well we are leaving now(with her friends).' Before she could utter a word I said 'Okay Bye' and me and my friend came back to our group.

And after I came home I felt like talking to her on FB...

So that was the main story of today that I felt like sharing. I want to have views, advices etc.

P.S. : Still Reading mastery. At many points I feel like 'Oh yeah that might be my passion. Or maybe that etc etc' When yesterday I went into an art store I got really excited as I imagined myself working on a huge canvas in an empty room with full passion! Oh man what a sight it might be.

 

[GetBetter]

Thanks @LearningSlowly Yeah I am trying to improve my life. I want my life to be just damn good and let girls come in and go in it as a part. However I am having difficulties going in a definite direction atm. So trying to figure it out.

So, I went to a school program with friends and many of my school friends complimented me the way I dressed and how I looked. I like to be classy so had worn my dad's brown blazer. They called me that I came to get a bride for me lol.

Also today my ex greeted me at the programme and I was kind of stunned. I shook hands with her and instantly replied 'How come you suddenly talked to me after long time?' however I kinda talked weirdly, like broken words and stuff. I am still kinda nervous around her and girls in general... ****! Anyways after that she said 'I am talking to everyone here. Well we are leaving now(with her friends).' Before she could utter a word I said 'Okay Bye' and me and my friend came back to our group.

And after I came home I felt like talking to her on FB...

So that was the main story of today that I felt like sharing. I want to have views, advices etc.

P.S. : Still Reading mastery. At many points I feel like 'Oh yeah that might be my passion. Or maybe that etc etc' When yesterday I went into an art store I got really excited as I imagined myself working on a huge canvas in an empty room with full passion! Oh man what a sight it might be.

 

[GetBetter]

I have been reading mastery, been trying to explore my past, the things I used to like as a kid and what I wanted to become. I couldn't remember anything at all except that I wanted to be an IAS officer at one point and change my country. I always liked drawing and I have been drawing since I was a kid and I do it even now. I want lots of money as well so I searched what are the traits of businessman and it lead me to a test which would show what you are and the most dominant characteristic of me was revealed as Individualist followed by Enthusiast.

Individualists: Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

Suggested Careers for Fours: It is possible for a four to thrive in a variety of careers as long as self-expression and some degree of creativity is a possibility.

Psychotherapist
Holistic Health Practitioner
Yoga/Dance Instructor
Masseuse
Artist
Writer
Relationship/Couples Counselor
Life Coach
Crisis-line operator
Missionary
Web/Graphic Designer
Actor/Musician


I found this really me. OMG, all these activities is what I thought of becoming at one point of time, like in this and previous years. I wrote a novella two years ago so I am an author. Also I thought that I could become relationship counsellor if I get better at cold approaching and at girls through sosuave. Lol. I am a graphic designer, I can act and I can write raps! WTF this is all me!

Enthusiast: Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over- extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.

Suggested careers for Sevens: A seven will do well in self-employment or a “fun” job of some kind

Small Business Owner (multiple businesses are often good)
Tour/Travel/Adventure guide
Travel-Writer
Artist/Musician
Food Critic
Comedian
Park Ranger
Professional Athlete
Dancer
Photographer
Professional Gambler
DJ
Nightclub Owner
Cruise Ship Entertainer


This is me in DJ mode or when I am super happy or when I am with friends. And damn, this is what I'd like to become! I wanted to be owner, an adventurer; I wanted to host a travel show but I am not sure how its possible. And even my dad said that I must not do it because those travellers make good fortune first and then do it. I like sports, football/soccer especially! I am a great dancer, and I do wish to own a Nightclub. I even suggested to my friends to open it in my city as I thought that it would have resulted in best business in the city.

Wow I am really surprised that I am combination of two opposite forces - introversion and extroversion! And I possess all those qualities...However right now I want to be a great artist who can sell his paintings for millions. I searched how it was possible and many blogs etc said that its all about being businessman, hire agents etc. So this would be great because I want am artist and I can be a businessman as well. Also I really want to be a traveller, not a simple one who would just talk to people or eat food. I would like to take dangers and play sports of different parts of world. Or I can mix both and make my career in arts and travel the world to get inspiration? Because right now, I really feel something different about arts, about applying them and how I'd be one of the best artists anyone has ever known. I am feeling a great spirit at the moment! This just might be my passion!
_____________________________________________________

I am feeling bad because I've discovered that I am not really great at communication. Like when I am talking to a girl or even my buddy alone, I cant keep conversation going on for long. Most of the time they speak because I dont know what to speak. However I keep inserting a question every now and then but they are never too interesting and people feels bored. What can I do?

Other than that, a girl kept touching me with pen and my mates who were sitting next to me. At one point i just pierced her leg and she loudly abused(in a playful manner). I was surprised to hear her abuse me and I just couldnt take it and wanted to slap her. But, I really couldnt because a boy cant hit a girl? So I just said 'how tenderly she abused' and laughed. She replied with 'I can even slap like that'. Next time she did it 'I'll get angry now' and laughed.

Dont know what to do at such situations.
________________________________________________________
@LearningSlowly I think I'll join sports clubs and chisel all my other skills after my board exams are over in march. Until then I'll just continue my dance and drawing classes I guess.

 

[GetBetter]

Damn I dont have time these days. Pressure if building up due to completing lots of things, studying for one of the major exams that are coming nearer. However even in that time I am enjoying as much as I can.

Life is going great! However whenever I am alone I keep pondering about my goals - long term, short term and in-between. For now I am sure that what I want to do it in future is 3d Animation, but I am still not sure. If I dont find my passion till the end of the book Mastery, I'll keep animation as my long term goal and ****ing work accordingly! What I will do is just constantly improve myself in every aspect of life and turn my flaws into my powers!

And about girls, wow man it's going smooth as well! Again thanks to sosuave that all the readings I did etc has just changed my mindset. I make fun of girls, and even make fun of myself and other things, not ignoring my friends. Girls open upto me. I make poems about them and read it on their face sarcastically and I even tease them, like a lot! And they do it back, painfully -.-
Here are few latest incidents -

1. I was joking around with a guy while making fun of a girl, playfully. I made her laugh by acting and chilling normally just the way I do with my mates. So staying normal. And surprisingly making girls laugh is much more easier than making my mates laugh. She was passing bottle to someone when I just snatched out of her hand and said 'Wow, you care too much for me'. She didnt reply but smiled. After that I was studying seriously when she poked me with pen, again and again. Man, that was painful! I did the same though and made poem on her.
About this though, I am not sure if I made attraction or just friend zoned myself. I dont care though she is not the material I would like to have, even though she looks cute.
2. Another girl who used to do the same, and I make fun of her. I think that hurt her as she isnt talking to me anymore, not even looking at me playfully.
3. I talked to a girl in our school bus while coming home. I was getting bored and so was one girl who was sitting with kids(literally). Making an excuse to my friends to play a game on someone, I went a seat nearer to that girl and the target boy whom the game was played. This happened today so I remember it:
Me: Hey. Getting Bored?
Her: Yeah, I hate kids.
Me: said nothing for a sec but then smiled at her.
Her: she smiles as well
Me: Oh hey! Your teeth are like Bugs bunny! (I had read this comment somewhere so just applied it today)
Her: She smiles but doesnt get the joke
Her: Oh what you commented on? My teeth? *she starts laughing*
Me: *no idea what happened then suddenly guess that the comment on her teeth was super flop lol* Oh I wasnt flirting.
Her: I never said you were.
Me: Yeah, I dont know how to flirt. *Sarcastically*

Then my friends called me and I had to go. After sometime I was just sitting with one of my juniors and she came and sat on the seat just infront of me. And I was like, haha she definitely is interested. So my junior says to make fun of her and dares me that I cant even say anything to her. I have a long scale in my hand, I use that to touch her ear from behind. She turns and looks at me with eyes telling she loved it and smiles as well. My junior looks at me with amazement and says that now she's going to say something to me.

Me to Junior: No she cant speak against me. She has no guts.
Her: *turns* Its not like that.
She randomly starts something about bunnies which I guessed was from previous Bugs Bunny comment.
Her: Bunny was cute.
Me: Nope. He wasnt
she was trying to say herself cute or something I guess.
Her: Bunnies are cute.
Me: So you are calling yourself cute.
I laugh intentionally and turn back as my friends call me again. I turn back and my junior starts with the cute word again. I ask my junior if she was calling me cute and he says yes. And I act again 'Oh yeah I know I am cute' 'Thanks!'

At this moment I wonder if I passed the **** test or failed? I dunno but I am more like a comedian these days -.-

4. This one happened today as well at the coaching. I sit behind a girl who looks Chinese and I comment on her. "Oh what is a chinese doing in India!" She turns and laughs. "Do I look like a chinese?" she says. My friends were around so we were all together chatting so I was just adding funny comments or such in-between. I am talking about this is because today I Kino-ed her without hesitation! I was tickling my friend and without even asking for her permission or saying anything I tickled her as well and she didnt get angry or anything. A score! My friends were like 'My god dude! What did you do!" But I didnt care because I know Kino is powerful and should be done! After that one of my friends came and told, 'dude I didnt like it. I like her and I didnt like you touching her.' And I told him that it wasnt even flirting... He argued and I told him that I wouldnt even look at her now. But let's see...

I think No-Fap plays a super important role in all of this. Few days of no-fap gives me confidence, all negative thoughts disappear and so on. I've tested this too many times! I am eating Eggs daily, and drink Pineapple juice now and then because I learned that they increase Testosterone and I want that!


Other than all of this I had my photoshoot from one of my friends who does photography. Everyone adored the pics of mine and told that I looked super dashing. Even one of my teachers said that I looked handsome and there was 50-60 comments of girls on my pic, dieing for me. I laughed and said that my luck wasnt that strong. I am not that famous and I've set my standards super high. All of my friends say that I can easily get tons of girls. But I know my standards restrict me, even though I dont feel anyone ugly but I know what type of girl I would like to have. Because of all the compliments I messaged few facebook page admins to post my pic on their pages as those pages post pics of people to make them famous... I dont know if it was a right decision or not but I did it anyway. Let's see if they post or not. If they do I am going to be famous, if not I'll have to work hard to become famous through my skills.

Anyways if anyone want to see my pic: http://puu.sh/5LsOP.jpg
Going to try modelling very soon.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I love your drive dude!
My advice would be to focus more on the present. What can you do now, or today, that will improve your tomorrow? A new habit, an action, something you can do to decrease stress? Think rather of what you can do now, instead of fantasizing about the future. You won't find your passion in your mind, it'll come into your life if your attention is here, now. This also goes for girls. Devote some more time to being social, perchance?

 

[LearningSlowly]

I am going to college for art, actually. It's a lot of fun, I'm glad I chose that path for my life.

You mentioned it was hard to hold conversation. It will help you on that if you learn to accept silence as part of talking to people. In great conversations sometimes both people are quiet.

Stay quiet but happy. Tell stories that have impact: when you tell a story try to bring it quickly to a high point. Then let people laugh or ask questions, then bring it to another high point to end the story. Don't tell a story if you don't know the point, or why the other person should care about it.

So be quiet, and tell good stories. NDJ is right, work in the moment and the future will be ok.

 

[GetBetter]

I love your drive dude!

What do you mean? I am guessing you are telling about the picture?

And yes you are right I should live in present to find my passion. However that can happen only in 'me time' because when I am with friends we are always chilling, making fun of each other and cracking jokes, enjoying the fullest. Today was such a day! And now when I think about the batch party which is organised as it's only three months before we all part and will probably never meet again. I think how the party is going to be and suddenly the idea and thoughts of how we might never meet ever again and how much we all friends had friends, however never in school but in bus while coming home. Man! I am going to miss all my buddies and as it might seem homo but have to say this, I love my buddies! I might just shed a tear remembering how much fun we had and imagining how we will be; might never ever meet and if ever meet how much we might change.

Well as I had said I sent my pics to some page admins and so I got listed on 'Hot as Hell People of XCity' however not a big deal.

I have to start studying as I havent studied much the whole year and now seeing the chapters I have to read for exams just tenses me and I regret not studying. The months have passed so quickly. Unbelievable. But whatever happens happens for best.

Girl wise, I am not afraid anymore of doing anything. Today again I just pulled pony of a girl, however I knew her but rarely talk to her. Well so, I pull her pony, and turn. She turns as if she doesnt like it, and jsut to make it fun I say 'Hi' smilingly and she does the same. After a while she turns back and says 'I would have said HI even if you hadnt pulled my pony'. I just nodd as I do not know what to say. My friend asks what she said and I said what she said and add a funny comment to it. She laughs but secretly. Something like this goes on during the whole lecture at coaching as I make funny comments and play during the class with my friends. There is another girl sitting behind me and she listens and sees whatever I am doing carefully. Also today I am catching evreyone's eye as unlike usual I am in a Capri at coaching and I look as if I've come directly from home without changing. I did it intentionally though because I wanted to apply the act of 'Unpredictability'. Everyone makes comments but I dont care. I feel like usual.

I am bored of porn and want to really kiss and have sex with a girl but no one at the coaching interests me or makes me take a decision that she can be the one I'll have sex with. I guess my standards are too high. But that's what has lead me this far maybe. On the other hand I am worried as I think I might be a bit AFC for thinking of LTRs or thinking and believing in Love....or maybe again its my thinking and not my natural self.

And one more thing, I am a Philosopher and I'll just let it prosper. I will buy a pocket diary soon and will note down all of my philosophies. Instead of being ashamed of it, I shall embrace it.

Cheers to life!

 

[NorwegianDJ]

drive means zest or passion