Security = complacency = rejection. Keep the challenge alive.

Jariel

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From my observations and experiences, many women go into relationships seeking security and will keep striving for it as long as it eludes them.

This is why even the nicest, most monogomous women will blow off a nice guy in favour of a jerk/player. Women want their men to be unpredictable and live for the thrill of the chase. They may seek love and security, but on a subconscious level, they never truly want to find it.

This is where most good, caring guys fail. They are a little too compassionate and don't want to hurt or deceive anyone. They try too hard to make their woman feel secure and happy and sadly for them, this usually leads to her becoming complacent and taking them for granted.

Speaking from experience, whenever I start seeing women or showing interest, they're always cautious of me. They love my attention, but they suspect I'm a player and never sure if I'm misleading them or if my interest is serious. YET this is when their interest is at the highest. They get jealous, confused, a little posessive and like putty in my hands (my current gf is at this stage).

Until recently I could never work out why a woman could put me on a pedestal one day, then LJBF me only weeks after we started dating. But now I know. Instead of keeping her on her toes, I'd try to win her trust and reassure her I'm not a player, I'm a good guy and I'm only interested in her. If she asked about my day I'd avoid telling her about any women I spent time with, or if she enquired about women, I'd reassure her they're just mates and I have no interest. If I got a call from a female friend, I'd tell her "it's just a mate", all to make her feel more secure. Bad move, because this is when they all start getting complacent and lose interest in me.

Why would she compete for a prize she's already won?

I don't believe you have to act like a jerk or a player to maintain interest, but if you're a good guy, learn to defy your compassionate instincts once in a while - postpone a date or two, occasionally tell her you're too busy to talk, drop the names of female friends, let her wonder where you are and what you're upto and keep the challenge alive.
 

DJatNewYork

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Originally posted by Jariel

I don't believe you have to act like a jerk or a player to maintain interest, but if you're a good guy, learn to defy your compassionate instincts once in a while - postpone a date or two, occasionally tell her you're too busy to talk, drop the names of female friends, let her wonder where you are and what you're upto and keep the challenge alive.
So true.

Learned it the hard way... ;)
 

ScrewIt

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Originally posted by Jariel
Until recently I could never work out why a woman could put me on a pedestal one day, then LJBF me only weeks after we started dating. But now I know. Instead of keeping her on her toes, I'd try to win her trust and reassure her I'm not a player, I'm a good guy and I'm only interested in her. If she asked about my day I'd avoid telling her about any women I spent time with, or if she enquired about women, I'd reassure her they're just mates and I have no interest. If I got a call from a female friend, I'd tell her "it's just a mate", all to make her feel more secure. Bad move, because this is when they all start getting complacent and lose interest in me.
Ah yes, dont we all love girls who place guys on pedestals?

But i suppose there are some things that should still remain a mystery. There's this girl im seeing that you almost described above, except i dont tell her about other women. We do tell each other about how our day went. She's never brought up to my face about my past. And whoever ends up calling me when im with her i dont tell her who it is. Her IL still remains high.

I think the key is to always keep the ball in your court. End dates first, cut phone talk short and end it, and stay busy. Screw her needs (longer date, want to talk more). When time comes that she ends dates/convo short, then the balls already in her court.

Why would she compete for a prize she's already won?
Dont let her think that, in the end its a psychological game. If she believes her time is more valuable than yours, then she will see little worth in you.

I don't believe you have to act like a jerk or a player to maintain interest, but if you're a good guy, learn to defy your compassionate instincts once in a while - postpone a date or two, occasionally tell her you're too busy to talk, drop the names of female friends, let her wonder where you are and what you're upto and keep the challenge alive. [/B]
yep. But if i remember right, games are a relationship killer.
 

Disconnect

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Gold. This is pretty elementary bullshit, but as days stretch into weeks, and weeks into months, we tend to get comfortable, drop the game a bit, relax. Then, it starts going downhill. She suddenly does things that she didn't try to do since the beginning. The shit tests are back, maybe she'll start feeling a bit more liberal and controlling, sure of herself in the relationship.

This just happened to me. 2 days ago, she flirted with another guy in front of me. I took it the wrong way, got pouty, and then decided to come back to this site for the first time in months. Now bam! I realise that this thread describes my mistake perfectly.

Thanks, jariel!
 

Roly

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I agree to an extent

But this rule would only fall to the majority of women out there who's being influence by the popular culture and media.

Believe it or not there are some good old fashion women out there that stays loyal and appreciate their man. You still have to be the Man of course, but you don't have to be jerkish to maintain a happy relationship.
 

comic_relief

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Originally posted by Jariel

I don't believe you have to act like a jerk or a player to maintain interest, but if you're a good guy, learn to defy your compassionate instincts once in a while - postpone a date or two, occasionally tell her you're too busy to talk, drop the names of female friends, let her wonder where you are and what you're upto and keep the challenge alive.
What? I do this without even thinking about it because I just tell her about my day and how it went. I don't lie but

I just tell her how it went usually it involves other women trying to steal me from her or me going to this site.

Yeah I told her about "a site that helped me become a player." She won't even talk about the site with me or anything on relationships because she is in fear that I will go back to my player outlook on life. Not going to happen at all and I tell her that each time she asks that. I won't ever cheat. I will break up before I cheat.

comic_relief
 
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