Rollercoaster women - beware !

[drmeathead]

there is a great series of articles at www.obgyn.net. run a search on when mr right turns out to be mr wrong. great articles. i tried to post them hree but the schools computer is not working. i will try later tonight. also www.bpdcentral.com is a GREAT site.

 

[lee36044]

These women make you feel like a god a king, so much so I ended up marrying mine, even though there was many, many red flag’s. But they have way that just blows your world open and you cant help to fall for the spell.
But each month that passes slowly it gets harder, it gets worse, those issues start to show more and more until eventually, you find yourself almost to the lvl of the women you met. Depressed and your mind cant think of anything but the issues that your partner as created to mess with you due to problems of, 'What I call' needing attention.

I married mine too! Despite knowing her long enough to know it wouldn't last! I was sure that the line she fed me was real because I was different. Luckily, mine was in love with "the idea of being in love". Or quite bluntly she mistook infatuation and lust for love. So when her "love" for me wore thin she started looking ..... found a new victim, and moved on. It cost me a year and a half that was mostly still in that "godlike trance" these women can put you in and then boom .... it was over!

Joe and drm .... listen to jonwon! I couldn't admit it when she left but I was better off! I never got dragged down to her level but the misery of thinking it was all my fault because I wasn't "good" enough tore me up and has messed with my ability to do much other than "play the game" with women for a long time. I had and still have trust issues. I actively avoid commitment and LTR's in favor of short, soon to be finished, affairs .... for lack of a better word. It left me scarred.

Ironically, the efforts made to show her I was better than what she left for actually left me more balanced and with a better outlook on my life than I ever thought possible. But it was nothing less than an accident brought on by stubborness on my part. I've finally come to face facts on women like this. My life had been a long series of these kind of women until I finally woke up one day single at 45 with no life of my own to fall back on when everything else went away!

Joe ... I see you started another thread about her ... trying to understand. Forget it, you can't! Just learn to recognize the behaviors early and don't try to understand. They can't be fixed! It won't be different because she's with you and really wants it to work. Her therapist won't cure her! And every time you think it's better and it just gets worse ... you'll suffer for it.

And I know this is hard but forget her .... walk away. In ten years she may be worth being with but not now. These women can put a hold on you that is damm near impossible to break but for your own good .... now is the time to put it behind you and move on. Leave her in the EX category

 

[cordoncordon]

Just to add to this.

I lived with a certified BDP for about 1.5 years. She was diagnosed with it and has been under therapy of some sort for most of her life.

Like many of you she seemed perfectly normal when i first met her. Pretty, well spoken, funny. And she came on like gang busters when I first met her. Sex right away, declaring her love for me within a week or two. Saying how i was her knight in shining armor. Hooked me immeaditely.

Soon I began to see many red flags. Drinking, many failed relationships, many different jobs, strange stories about her past, changed her hair style and color many times, could go from one hobby to the next like the drop of a hat and never revisit the old one again. She began to have depression, raging like you have never seen someone rage. I mean could literally go on for hours screaming over nothing. And then the next day be the sweetest person you would ever meet.

Soon when she began to doubt my true love for her she made up stories to attract sympathy. Saying she was raped in a parking lot, saying she was attacked when she took out the garbage and even had perfectly placed slice marks on her head to "prove it". Of course since I had found out so many of her past stories were lies, i really didn't believe these either and of course those turned out to be false as well. All to get my "attention".

After a while her daily drinking became so bad, her raging so bad, I was ready to move out and on with my life. Thats when she took a knife and in front of me slit her wrist wide open. Thankfully she sliced it parellel and not across, or she would have died right there. I mean her wrist was wide open, cut all her tendons, everything. She also o d'd on her her meds to try and kill herself.

She really tried to get help. I mean she realized what she had and didnt want to be that way but there was nothing she could do according to her.

Finally when i left for good, she hit and sliced herself and then called the police saying I attacked her-which I didnt. I was arrested, put in jail for two days, humiliated. I eventually got everything cleared but only after paying court costs, lawyer fees, and attending anger management class for 15 weeks at $50 a pop. If anyone knows me they call me the most laid back person they know. I never get angry, which is why that class was such a joke, and the instructor knew that after a week or two and gave me a glowing report to the judge.

She also stole my car, slandered me to everyone she knew. All because I left her.

There are a million other stories I could tell about her in the time we were together, but suffice it to say they are all very similar to the ones I gave here. Lets just call it a neverending soap opera.

I was sucked in. I thought I could "fix" her. When i got out of that relationship eventually it felt like all the life had been sucked out of me. Thats what they do, suck the life out of you and then move on since they always need new forms of excitement and drama to keep them from thinking about their own depression.

I am telling anyone now, if you have any inkling that your gf or wife has borderline personality disorder, run like you have never run before. I have had numerous psychiatrists tell me BPD is the one disorder they are actually scared of. It is untreateable.

Just get the heck out.

 

[Latinoman]

Concord...NOW that woman you saw for 1.5 years was BPD! That's a great example.

But the one that the guy in this thread is talking about (the 49 year old one) was simply a manipulative slut. IMO.

 

[drmeathead]

a must read for anyone who wants to understand what is going on in their lives. also a must read for anyone who wants to understand what people on here have gone through.

http://nook.bpdcentral.com/nookboard/index.php?topic=49987.msg467918#new

 

[jonwon]

Just to add to this.

I lived with a certified BDP for about 1.5 years. She was diagnosed with it and has been under therapy of some sort for most of her life.

Like many of you she seemed perfectly normal when i first met her. Pretty, well spoken, funny. And she came on like gang busters when I first met her. Sex right away, declaring her love for me within a week or two. Saying how i was her knight in shining armor. Hooked me immeaditely.

Soon I began to see many red flags. Drinking, many failed relationships, many different jobs, strange stories about her past, changed her hair style and color many times, could go from one hobby to the next like the drop of a hat and never revisit the old one again. She began to have depression, raging like you have never seen someone rage. I mean could literally go on for hours screaming over nothing. And then the next day be the sweetest person you would ever meet.

Soon when she began to doubt my true love for her she made up stories to attract sympathy. Saying she was raped in a parking lot, saying she was attacked when she took out the garbage and even had perfectly placed slice marks on her head to "prove it". Of course since I had found out so many of her past stories were lies, i really didn't believe these either and of course those turned out to be false as well. All to get my "attention".

After a while her daily drinking became so bad, her raging so bad, I was ready to move out and on with my life. Thats when she took a knife and in front of me slit her wrist wide open. Thankfully she sliced it parellel and not across, or she would have died right there. I mean her wrist was wide open, cut all her tendons, everything. She also o d'd on her her meds to try and kill herself.

She really tried to get help. I mean she realized what she had and didnt want to be that way but there was nothing she could do according to her.

Finally when i left for good, she hit and sliced herself and then called the police saying I attacked her-which I didnt. I was arrested, put in jail for two days, humiliated. I eventually got everything cleared but only after paying court costs, lawyer fees, and attending anger management class for 15 weeks at $50 a pop. If anyone knows me they call me the most laid back person they know. I never get angry, which is why that class was such a joke, and the instructor knew that after a week or two and gave me a glowing report to the judge.

She also stole my car, slandered me to everyone she knew. All because I left her.

There are a million other stories I could tell about her in the time we were together, but suffice it to say they are all very similar to the ones I gave here. Lets just call it a neverending soap opera.

I was sucked in. I thought I could "fix" her. When i got out of that relationship eventually it felt like all the life had been sucked out of me. Thats what they do, suck the life out of you and then move on since they always need new forms of excitement and drama to keep them from thinking about their own depression.

I am telling anyone now, if you have any inkling that your gf or wife has borderline personality disorder, run like you have never run before. I have had numerous psychiatrists tell me BPD is the one disorder they are actually scared of. It is untreateable.

Just get the heck out.

I am touched at reading this, so too sounds all too familiar.
The ironic thing is I thought this was an isolated case on my part, it is only through forums like these you appreciate the magnitude of this.

Some may dismiss this as unlucky but in all honesty there are too many cases out there to be classed as simply luck based.

I sensed my relationship heading towards this state posted here.

My partner did get violent at a few drunken intervals (I live a passive life and have never lashed out at a women; I think men that do are truly wimp's). But having a partner who lashes out when drunk then slowly you find through being with them this negative attribute as been pushed onto you through there friends and there family, it really raises the hairs on the back of your neck.

Great example of the extremes they goto, the keep pushing and pushing until eventually your either homeless, depressed or labelled some wife beating thug. The worst part about it all society is all to keen to jump to the women’s side and buy the BS they spin making this even more a head F***.

There is simply no more other option to stay well clear, take it as a warning before you too find your life turned upside down and its the sweet little nice fu** you married or dating this is in fact doing all they can to make your life a living hell, in such a way your mind spins on its axis to try to understand to try to forgive and to try to love.

Until you simply cant take any more.
Sadly at that point damage as been done and this is in the form of your own self worth.

Relationships I too avoid, but in all fairness my single life is like a breath of fresh air and I could not ask for more and I simply love it more then any past relationship, going through this then coming out of it, gives you a whole new perspective, one it makes you appreciate the freedom of being single and doing as you please, with no guilt.

I appreciate a fine women can benefit but this is the problem you grow or I grow to such a state where by my single life is simply too attractive and in fairness sex is pretty easy to come by!

This thread should be sticked for all men in similar situations to come in and see as it is a great help in reflecting and knowing the truth and that is this thing is common and it sucks us men in far too often.

A pretty women, a fine ass, a great sha* and she does everything for you.
Then slowly it all starts to flip around and only when you walk away and piece up the facts you come to the conclusions allot of men have found.

I feel sorry for the guys who really don’t understand and fully blame them due to a messed up personality of a women who needs so much attention and drama that is totally of the scale of acceptability to the point of mental health damaging for you and for her!

If you truly love women like this say no the abuse and show her it is not right by kicking her to the curb and moving on. Only then will she maybe question her role, but even then it is too late for you as there is no going back ever, the point as been crossed.

At one point i had her parants threaten me due to me hitting her!!!
I never hit her, but she did not mind lashing out. It is painful to write this as sociaty thinks the man is to blame. But when your partner orchistrates and act for attention need, people outside look at it as they want.

Look see this for what it is before you find out the hard way.

These women are very very bad news.

As for slut and needed consitant men attention.

Trust this:

Some signs:
They love men around them that want to fu** them.
They never have male friends that dont want to fu** them as the OP put.
They have a history of messed up sh**.
The OP women is in the same catagory a stay away zone or he will regret it.

Lets seperate a FB with a relationship which is whats been posted. A FB is nothing more then that a relationship with this lvl of shi* is a mirror of red flags that are witnessed, there will be more to come.

 

[drmeathead]

jonwon,

i hear you on that. after she almost took my eye out by throwing a pen in my face i mangaged to get out. i told her to get out and i wasnt coming back till she left. she left. the next morning she was back, with her parents.

her dad asked me to talk to her. i didnt want to. i told him that i was through. he challenged my love for her. i did talk but told him i didnt want to get hit again. he told me that if her punches hurt i should check my manhood. i told him i didnt want to get mad and smack her back. that was what i was worried about.

guys getting hit is bull****. they leave after a punch or something and they are a *****. they take and take it then finally she hurts time by breaking his nose or hitting him in the groin and the guy reacts and the guy goes to jail.

restraining them doesnt work either. a guy bruises her arms or tears her shirt while holding her arms down still gets arrested and put in the clink for the night and a pfa filed.

for the record i have been hit, and hit in painful spots. sucker punches i might add. i NEVER returned fire. the worst that happened was she banged her head as i tried to walk away. how did she do it? well she wrapped herself around my leg like the ball and chain that she was and at some point her head hit the wall.

if you got a bpd gf GET OUT NOW. NO CONTACT. domestic violence is a such a flashpoint (and a well deserved one). dont get on the wrong side. if you cant get out (i couldnt for awhile, physically and emotionally) hide a video camera to protect yourself

 

[Latinoman]

jonwon,

i did talk but told him i didnt want to get hit again. he told me that if her punches hurt i should check my manhood.

I would have told him...

"Well...I already phucked her. Several times as a matter of fact. I'm sure my manhood has been checked and passed".

"And if she tries to do bodily harm to me again...I will have no choice but to defend myself...even if that means sending her to a phucking Hospital. You deal with that psycho...sir."

 

[jonwon]

I would have told him...

"Well...I already phucked her. Several times as a matter of fact. I'm sure my manhood has been checked and passed".

"And if she tries to do bodily harm to me again...I will have no choice but to defend myself...even if that means sending her to a phucking Hospital. You deal with that psycho...sir."

I love the macho implications of this and trust me when you get faced with some of the shi* you get from women like these, it does cross your mind now and again to! can i write this, hit back, dread the thought. I detest hitting women but as put they push to a point you feel that boundry shacking, then you really need to question your role. I can understand why some men in the past may have lashed out at women in a less liberal world, i dont condone it but i have a different perspective. Maybe these extreames may have put the biaaTch on the dont fu** up my head path.

But this sociaty you hit a women, trust me you will pay, if she wants you to.
Even if you dont hit these type of women, you can count on every time she bruises and is pissed at you and her mates/familiy see bruises you can bet there is a very high % she is blaming you for it. This was evidient in my situation, it became clear when the blinkers are off. At one point she told her parents i was going to see help??? trust me these women are really fu**ed up and it does get projected onto you at some stage. And when your local naighbourhood thinks your some wife beating thug as well as her family and her friends and you never once hit her and only ever tried to understand wtf is going on. Eventullly the clouds part and it all becomes clear and you find your with a total pycho and you need to get out before this gets worse where by you see yourself with:

Two kids and homeless due to built up lies as she drags you thorugh divorce court to further fu** you over.
In court due to some rather warped need for attention and sympathy from others.

The problem is they are intelligent but they dont fully think of the consiquences of there actions and before you know it there lies and attention needs have built up to a point where it is so damaging only a grenade would clear the rubble.

Stay clear of these women, thats all.

Even when said and done and all that bad shi* is posted you still cant help thinking of the angel you married as it really is jackle and hyde scenario.

Even now i think about her and the good times and trust me there where good, they make the cra* almost null and void and thats why it is easy to miss at first, but eventually it all mounts up and the mist clears and when you walk away you realize just what a lucky escape you had!

No sex or partnership is worth the self respect of self, period.

It is futile even arguing for the sake of ego or repsect, you just need to move on!
All the rest is a waste and futile.

One last think my partner once begged me to hit her, begged me. It was painful to see a women want me to actually beat on her due to my beliefs, looking back a small part of me asks if i would have complied we may be still together, but then the rest of my whole says, that is simply not me.

Makes you really think about what these women push you to.

It all comes out over a period of time, starts slowly then builds up and builds up! there is no end with this quality of women stay clear.

 

[Latinoman]

I don't hit women. I'm against hitting women.

However, if I'm (or my loves ones) facing bodily harm...then I have no choice but to defend myself (them). I don't care if it is a man, woman, or a teenager, I will have to do what I have to do.

Bodily harm or your life is in danger? Well...you have no choice but to defend yourself. Comes down to that.

However, my message was not about defending yourself. My message was more of sending a clear message to her Dad: "Dude shut the phuck up or else."

That was in a nutshell the message.

 

[cordoncordon]

Just to add to my earlier post and my story. I too was hit many many times by her when she was raging. I never hit back. I would either ignore it or try and hold her to calm her down. She was only 100 pounds so it wasn't like she could do much damage.

The night I was arrested for domestic violence I came home and packed my things to move out. She saw me and went nuts. Attacked me. I held her on the floor with her arms on the floor until she calmed down and then left. 20 minutes later i get a call from the police lol. Come back and shes got marks all over her from where I "hit her".

Crazy. You see BPD, you run.

 

[drmeathead]

yeah i tried once to move her out of my way because she cornerd me to piss and moan at me. i didnt want to hear it. i went to move her out of the way and she said if you put a mark on me i will call the cops. so i was trapped. she would do that alot.

**** i hate her.


i ****ing hate her mom stil lives in the building from time to time. my ex signed a lease to live in my small apartment building one floor up from me two weeks before we broke up. her mom came to stay for 2 weeks or so right after we broke up. now she is back. i dont see the mother but i see her car all the time. why cant she just stay in her ****ing million dollar house that is 4 hours away. she has dogs and flowers and floors to sweep. and a husband too. cmon this is ****ing bull****. i deserve to have out of sight out of mind just like anybody else. it isnt like i am calling this girl up. i have done my part to split ways.

 

[jonwon]

yeah i tried once to move her out of my way because she cornerd me to piss and moan at me. i didnt want to hear it. i went to move her out of the way and she said if you put a mark on me i will call the cops. so i was trapped. she would do that alot.

**** i hate her.


i ****ing hate her mom stil lives in the building from time to time. my ex signed a lease to live in my small apartment building one floor up from me two weeks before we broke up. her mom came to stay for 2 weeks or so right after we broke up. now she is back. i dont see the mother but i see her car all the time. why cant she just stay in her ****ing million dollar house that is 4 hours away. she has dogs and flowers and floors to sweep. and a husband too. cmon this is ****ing bull****. i deserve to have out of sight out of mind just like anybody else. it isnt like i am calling this girl up. i have done my part to split ways.

Sad to hear.

But don’t be offended by this.

I still sense from this post you still have an attachment to this women, hence the apartment and the car In the drive.

Look man I cant say this any clearer read the message you are posting.

Stay clear, even if they try to muscle in to your life, just avoid.

It should not concern you if she pitches a tent outside your front yard (with permission from the authorities).
That bridge as been burned.

I guess it still reminds you of her when you see this, but you really need to desensitise yourself.
Anyway you can.

I also sense you have some connection of responsibility residue here as in ‘you should feel a pang of guilt ideal’ if you truly move on.

Simply there should be no guilt about anything you do, that as some indirect connection, you are simply living your own life. If she chooses to spy that is her choice, as long as it does not make your life uncomfortable (then get out a court order).

Forget about this women, go out, stay in, what ever you want to do.
Block her car in the drive from your mind, forget about it.
Forget about her mother.
Forget about her.
And then move on and meet girls.

Or take another route, if she is spying on you make a deliberate effort to fu** as many women as you can in your home, at your pleasure and secretly hope she is seeing it. But to take this route would imply you still care in a way and is not wise. Any action you do as nothing to do with the women and any action she does as simply nothing to do with you, unless it is invading your life.

A mother in an apartment and a car in your street is not worth of note: It is worth of forgetting about since it is simply not important, the only power this as over you is that which you allow it.

Move on and learn from this bad experience.

Like me I can see guys in similar positions never been swallowed in this BS ever again! And when the women comes along you want to meet, well she will be then measured against a more fairer set of expectations (for self) then the ones we had before.


Also the post about 4million pound Mansion: I can sense this is another means of resentment. Regardless of what she had, it is gone since unless you was hoping to get a divorce settlement out of her, would have been a waste of time and commitment over and ideal of putting up with sh** for a price.
Personally I would not marry or live with a pycho for no amount of money! Maybe I would exploit it, but then I would be unsure! but then again is that any different to how a lot of women operate, anyway?

Who cares really? This is all simply a mind fu** that needs to be removed! she as gone for good and if not well she may as well be! this is how to think.

Get more girls! have fun your free !!

 

[drmeathead]

you are right. it just would be nice to not have to see this stuff. i know it bears no meaning on my life. none at all. i would just like to forget her. forget the past nine months and pretend they never happened. you get your memory jogged.

as far as the money issue. i am going in a field where i do quite well and money is no big issue for me. i am just saying why live in my apartment building when yuo have a much nicer place to live that is your actual home.

you are right though it is none of my concern.

 

[drmeathead]

my brother saw my ex the other day. she was getting the elevator as he was. he had in a big old chaw and spit right at her foot as she stepped. it didnt hit her. she just stared at him for a second and he smiled looking at her like yup i sure just did do that. he didnt say a word to her. he said she just stood there with her head down the rest of the elevator ride

 

[Lynx nkaf]

don't know if you play / played sports but...

you know that feeling when you bust you're *ss playing football. by the end you're drenched in sweat, testosterone is pumping through your blood, you feel like a warrior. two hours of running your *ss off, pushing yourself to the limits to beat your opponent. The ups and downs of the game, always pushing yourself to keep going even when you're down.

feels f*cking great eh?

guess what... DRAMA for chics is like sports for men.

it's their sport.

just like you know that the game you're playing really doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things - you still give it everything you have as though it meant life or death.

95% of women are the same way about drama. it's their version of football. they want to knock you around for two hours, and at the end, win or lose, they feel great. they may be crying in the corner, but don't let that fool you, they feel good! no different than if you lost and felt like crap - doesn't change the fact that you loved playing the game and will be back next week for more.

chics are the same way with drama.

the ONLY solution is NOT play their game.

per example...

chic: im really upset with you. that was really mean of you to spend friday night with frank and jim instead of me.

you: well, i'm sorry you feel that way. i don't think i did anything wrong.

chic: you didn't do anything wrong? is that what your saying? you know what you did was wrong.

you: look i don't want to argue about this.

chic: typically. i don't know why i put up with this. i try to express my feelings to you, and this is what i get. i dont knwo why i'm in this relationship.

you: well, if that's how you feel perhaps we should take a break for a while. i don't want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks im not a good person or that i intentionally hurt them.


at this point she'll get even crazier on you, or realize that she's crossing the line. if she gets crazy walk away, you don't need a chic like that. if she pouts and doesn't talk to you, that's fine, she just needs times to lick her wounds. she'll come around and go on and on about how great a guy she feels you are, etc.

point being, whatever you do, when they start the drama, SHUT IT F*CKING DOWN. even if that means losing her.

if you play her game, every time she feels like drama she's going to bust your nuts.

chics are smart enough not to step onto the football field, cuz in the middle of game you'd probably knock her on her *ss to score the touchdown. you need to be just as smart, don't step on to the drama field - because remember, win or lose she's getting what she wants.

great metaphor/comparison

It is true, I think. good post.