Rollercoaster women - beware !

[jophil28]

I have recently finished a 9 month destructive relatiionship with a woman who was a "covert drama queen" - all sweet and lovely on the outside BUT addicted to the break-up/make-up cycle and all the highs and lows that accompany it.

She(as they all do ) told me that "it was all her Ex husband's fault". Gee, how often do we guys hear that crock.
AS we went along she constantly said and did provocative things which were designed to upset me and push me to the edge, taunted me with stories about her "friendships" with other men.
One time she invited me over to her house to have sex in her big bed. When we were done she got out of bed to take a cell call and had a conversation with another guy(a teacher "friend") who was calling to invite her on a date the next day. She calmly had the conversation ,down the hall, and accepted the invite. She told me the details a few hours later. I was shell-shocked .
OUr body fluids had not even had time to dry, and she was lining up a date with another guy.
I know now that I should have bailed that day !

SHe was the most contradictory and inconsistent woman I have ever met . SHe was highly emotionally reactive but tried to maintain a freedom for herself within our relationship while getting crazy jealous if I even danced with another man.
WE broke up 4 times in the first six months. I was always the one to walk out .She was always the one to initiate a reconciliation. She always called me.
There is so much more to this story - but the point is this- women who are emotionally disturbed and destuctive will ALWAYS tell you how they are and how they will behave IF you lsten to their past stories.

Beware the "sweet and lovely " types -they are all "wrapping" and no "contents"..

I became the latest male actor in this recent re-make of her horror movie.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Is there any other type of woman? I thought their only consistency is their inconsistency.

 

[Silkandsteel]

I know the type, it doesn't always last though...the drama is usually an epic sh!t test agenda to get some retribution, through you, for failings and issues with their previous relationships, the good ol' "walking wounded". It can settle though, especially if you can be bothered to weather the storm and they get all their crap out. Just make sure what's left after the drama settles is worth having gone through the drama in the first place, you 'aint getting those months back...

 

[joekerr31]

don't know if you play / played sports but...

you know that feeling when you bust you're *ss playing football. by the end you're drenched in sweat, testosterone is pumping through your blood, you feel like a warrior. two hours of running your *ss off, pushing yourself to the limits to beat your opponent. The ups and downs of the game, always pushing yourself to keep going even when you're down.

feels f*cking great eh?

guess what... DRAMA for chics is like sports for men.

it's their sport.

just like you know that the game you're playing really doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things - you still give it everything you have as though it meant life or death.

95% of women are the same way about drama. it's their version of football. they want to knock you around for two hours, and at the end, win or lose, they feel great. they may be crying in the corner, but don't let that fool you, they feel good! no different than if you lost and felt like crap - doesn't change the fact that you loved playing the game and will be back next week for more.

chics are the same way with drama.

the ONLY solution is NOT play their game.

per example...

chic: im really upset with you. that was really mean of you to spend friday night with frank and jim instead of me.

you: well, i'm sorry you feel that way. i don't think i did anything wrong.

chic: you didn't do anything wrong? is that what your saying? you know what you did was wrong.

you: look i don't want to argue about this.

chic: typically. i don't know why i put up with this. i try to express my feelings to you, and this is what i get. i dont knwo why i'm in this relationship.

you: well, if that's how you feel perhaps we should take a break for a while. i don't want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks im not a good person or that i intentionally hurt them.


at this point she'll get even crazier on you, or realize that she's crossing the line. if she gets crazy walk away, you don't need a chic like that. if she pouts and doesn't talk to you, that's fine, she just needs times to lick her wounds. she'll come around and go on and on about how great a guy she feels you are, etc.

point being, whatever you do, when they start the drama, SHUT IT F*CKING DOWN. even if that means losing her.

if you play her game, every time she feels like drama she's going to bust your nuts.

chics are smart enough not to step onto the football field, cuz in the middle of game you'd probably knock her on her *ss to score the touchdown. you need to be just as smart, don't step on to the drama field - because remember, win or lose she's getting what she wants.

 

[decades]

oops. you found one of Them. You know. The ones that start with a b and end with a d.

regards

 

[Silkandsteel]

Just like when a child acts up in a tantrum, most of the time, they're not really crying or upset, they're just frustrated because they can't have it their way. You don't think twice about telling a child "no!", so why think twice about a woman? They have to learn, early on, that irrational tantrums will be met with a firm, controlled "no!", lashing back at her does nothing to help as you lose composure (she's effected your emotional state through her actions) and she will remember how to affect you next time. Don't let there be a next time. Drama is like a weed, you have to kill it from the root or it continues to grow and, yes, sometimes you have to risk the relationship ending to get your firm hand across, but most of the time it won't end, as your simply establishing yourself as a man, which is what she wants anyway.

If you do everything right and she STILL persists with her tantrums, then she doesn't have a healthy self-esteem and probably some deep-rooted issues. If that's the case, decide if it's what you want to stick with until she resolves them or not, if the answers "no", then find someone who'll give you more pleasure.

 

[jophil28]

Ok, I need some comments,tips and tricks here (posthumously).
Here is a BIG DRAMA story in detail -
Drama Mama aka 'Sweet And Lovely' called me a few months ago one Sunday afternoon( she was a tad tipsy)- " Hi, I have finished all my chores, Jack(the live remains of her previous disaster who still live in back) is not home and the kids are at their friends house. Come on over and have sex with me in my BIG bed" (The same bed that she used to share with Jack before they broke up three years ago)
So I drive over and we get busy. She shouts ," Get that condom OFF."
SEx was good but kinda scary coz the ex(Jack) was likey to arrive home anytime. He drinks !
Eventually she gets up to go to the bathroom and her cell rings. She picks up says, "Hi" and walks out of the room and down the hall . I can hear her talking in the distance and my radar is going 'BEEP'.
We go out for coffee an hour later and I casually bring up the topic of the phone call.
SHe says, " It was Tony (A teacher "friend from school ") . HE asked me to meet him for coffee tomorrow at 4 after school. I said that I would go."

I was struck dumb for at least a minute.

Me, " Is this the same Tony who wrote you a love letter ."
She, "Yes, but I only see him as a friend ."
Me, "But is is NOT a friendship because he wants to be your lover, not your friend."
She, "There is no spark there for me."

Me, " I cannot get around this - you invited me to come over and make love and then you took a call from another guy while my semen was still inside you and you agreed to go on a date with him tomorrow .What is wrong with this picture."
She looked kinda sheepish but somehow words failed both of us at that moment.
To me ,it was one of those events that you never anticipate or ever rehearse for. It was surreal -like a bad soap in my own life. I never really got past that day. I am still unable to form the words to describe the hurt and anger that I felt... SHe never did GET it .
Probably I woulda/shoulda just pressed DELETE and walked away.
Your comments welcome.

 

[Silkandsteel]

She sounds seriously cruel. I kinda feel sorry for this "friend"...you were getting some, he probably wasn't. She was either bedding you all OR she's just using these friends of hers for 2 reasons: 1) to test your jealousy and control 2) to get a self-esteem boost from "extras".

I think some women CAN be just friends with guys, especially tom-boy type women who need to prove something "in a man's world"...but this is too much I think. If she could sense your hurt and you're jealous pain, then you failed the sh!t test, so dump the jealousy for next time you get deja vu with a girl in this way...but even still, immediately after bedding you, there's something a bit twilight zone going on...

This relationship is now totally over right, or?

 

[jophil28]

The relationship is now History - no contact in over a month.
However ,she has a long history of being in relationships which have very long periods of separation and then reconciliation, so I may be emailed when she feels sad.. I loved this woman BUT she is bad for me. BAD !!

Your reference to her testing me for jealousy ??
What were my options at the time?
To me, if I stayed and we "talked about it " then I feel as if I am defeated and tolerating something intolerable just to stay in the relationship.
If I just stood up and walked away and left the relationship, then she gets to KNOW that she has yanked my chain in a big way.
If this all happened again I still would be no wiser.
At the time I did what all the "self help" books suggest. I told her how I felt.
" I feel confused and hurt -etc " She looked at me blankly - I do not think that she understood how BAD this was.
Maybe she DID know how bad it was and she enjoyed my pain. What kind of woman does that?

What would YOU have done or said?
J.

 

[realsmoothie]

I'm going to admit that I like the drama too. I've been known to be more excited by getting into/out of relationships than actually being IN them.

I'll get into a girl and be super-excited about it... but as soon as I know I've "got" them I'll start nitpicking at her (not TO her, to myself). Even before we have sex.

 

[Silkandsteel]

If I just stood up and walked away and left the relationship, then she gets to KNOW that she has yanked my chain in a big way.

-Yeh, she would have also realised that you're not going to take her crap anymore too, that you value yourself and that you want a better life for yourself which means she 'aint in it anymore.

" I feel confused and hurt -etc " She looked at me blankly - I do not think that she understood how BAD this was.
Maybe she DID know how bad it was and she enjoyed my pain. What kind of woman does that?

-To her, maybe she really DIDN'T realise what she was doing, perhaps she was SO convinced you would just put up with things because you always have, why sHOULDN'T she act this way, after all, she makes dates with other guys and you ALLOW it to continue by staying with her, reinforcing to her that "if I date and phone other guys, he might get annoyed but he's still here, so why not?"

I feel for you, really...it's one of those situations that's a hard call once your feelings are in that deep. Good job for finally putting and end to it. If you're not there to suffer anymore, then you can heal up and move on. Just make sure if this girl comes crawling back and you just CAN'T move on, for what ever reason, make sure this girl is FULLY AWARE that this isn't happenning again, but for your own sense of self and happiness, don't give her the time of day, she doesn't deserve you mate.

 

[joekerr31]

the real question is not how to deal with this woman, but rather why you'd find yourself emotionally attracted to her in the first place.

i can understand being pulled in by a hot chic you want to f*ck.

but i dont understand why you'd expect anything normal out of a chic you already know is messed up.

what is it inside of YOU that is drawn to a woman like this?

figure that out and you have your answers.

and trust me on this, you don't love her. there's something broken inside of you that is drawn to her - that's not love. we'll its an AFC form of love.

maybe you don't feel you deserve a normal, healthy, quality woman and so are drawn to gutter. maybe you feel this kind of woman is all you deserve in life (completely opposite mentality from seeing yourself as the prize).

the fact that you told her how much she hurt you is a huge red flag. if a chic hurts you, you dont tell them they have hurt you, you either reprimand them or you walk away.

she stared at you blankly because you basically curled up in a turtle position and whimpered "why are you treating me like this?"
but shes not stupid, she knows even an AFC, when told that he was just being used, will flip from turtle to rabid dog and bite her head off. so she says nothing.

odds are in all this is that shes a hollow person who's only kick is knowing that men want to f*ck her. one man isn't enough, she needs multiple men to find her f*ckable to feel good about herself.

anyway if there were a big sign on a fence saying "no trespassing. guarded by dogs", and then you jumped the fence and got attacked by a pack of dogs, would you turn to us asking "guys, why are they attacking me?!!!"

haha. if you are honest with yourself you'll see that the only thing surprising in this situation is that you are surprised by her behavior.

 

[Road Demon]

Sounds like some sort of Personality Disorder.

My guess "Borderline Personality Disorder" aka the great chameleon.

 

[jophil28]

When this incident happened I did not know that she was "messed up" . We had only been dating for two months and we had no conflicts to date
There were some disturbing things that she had done , but I was willing to "wait and see" .I was smitten with this kitten -sexually.
This incident was the first indication that she "did not get it ".
However it was not the last.
I am still tying to unravel this drama in my head. She has turned everything that I believed about women upside down.

Why is it that the gorgeous ones are always the craziest?

 

[joekerr31]

"

Why is it that the gorgeous ones are always the craziest?

ummm, because there's always another sucker lining up to let her kick him in the balls, shove her foot up his *ss and take a dump on his face?

 

[jophil28]

I need to ask you guys -
If the situation above happened to you WHAT would you have done - I am asking if what she did is a dealbreaker ?

 

[jophil28]

The awareness of her weirdness was a slowly evolving thing (or maybe I did not want to process what I was seeing and hearing ?)
The point is that she was VERY skilled at being "sweet and lovely" - slowly and gradually I started to feel uncertain and confused, kinda shaky most of the time... I never felt that she was really IN the relationship.

 

[joekerr31]

if you're looking for a slut congrats, you found one.

if you're not looking for a slut, then walk away.

whats complicted about all this?

 

[jophil28]

Slut ? Oooh ,harsh ?
Maybe I am still a little blind to something here. I am still mad as hell about her taking a cell call from a "friend" a few minutes after she "came" with me.
That is maybe thoughtless timing, even tacky .Making a date on that call is possibly trashy ,but a SLUT?
I guess the real point is whether I should have trusted my "gut churning reaction and walked away with what was left of my dignity intact.

 

[joekerr31]

oh thought she was banging this guy.
my bad.