Reminder: The importance of checking bad behavior the moment you notice it.

[Chow Mein]

I think it comes down to valuing yourself, realizing you are a rarity and dating you/being a friend of yours is a privledge.

Ofcourse that has to be true..
if you are crushing it in your career, crushing it in the gym and make an effort to be a good person you’ve already got 95% of men beat and you are infact worthy of a higher level of respect.

And more chances to date women out of your league

 

[jhonny9546]

if you are crushing it in your career, crushing it in the gym and make an effort to be a good person you’ve already got 95% of men beat and you are infact worthy of a higher level of respect.

Good point.
I can say effort are 100% on all ones, but since we are talking about opportunities, my career now look like ****.
This doesn't mean I don't put effort on it.
I'm just interested in so many things I am still in the tryout phase

And more chances to date women out of your league

After hitting the gym, this revelead me the women of my league.
Certain women just have a higher interest for me, while others don't.
I never chase.

 

[RangerMIke]

In my experience bad behavior does not get better with time. If I notice something I don't like about ANYONE, not just women, they are done. Too many people in the world to put up with those that make my free time more like work.

I've already raised children into adulthood.... I'm not spending my later years teaching some chick how to behave. She either behaves or she's done.

I've been alive for over 5 decades... let me share something that I've learned in all this time. Behavior is not an accident... behavior defines the person. You can not change or fix a woman who is doing things that you do not like. If a woman is 'misbehaving' one of three things is going on

(1) She doesn't know how to behave because she was raised by wolves, and/or is emotionally damaged by other men. You can not fvcking fix this.... only if she spends time and money in therapy will she become a normal human being... not your job to correct this.

(2) She doesn't really see you as an option, she misbehaves because she doesn't care or she is trying to run you off. (This BTW is the most common)

(3) She is not sane.

It's best to just move on before you get too emotionally attached to a difficult woman. It is better to be alone than to tolerate any one of the three types of women described above.

 

[jhonny9546]

@RangerMIke would you mind to share with us your LTR stories and actual situation?

I know a borderline woman (3) which is trying to improve (1) but in the meanwhile with two kids and his husband, I can see she have those high and lows. She love him then she have drama and want to end the LTR.
He is keeping her, disrespect from her, but we'll see how it goes.

 

[Barrister]

Another idea that's great in theory, but counter productive in practice.

I am a bit confused I must say as to what the sentiment of this forum is anymore. Is it for picking up women with the intention of sleeping with them, or finding long term wife / mother of children potential candidates?

If the latter, then this is a huge undertaking which many would consider a lost cause in the United States, and for good reason. There is only so much correction of train tracks you can mend before the train flies off the cliff, the entire railroad would need to be deconstructed and the land reformed in order for the train to get to this "final destination".

Every man would love to find a HB 9+ who wasn't crazy, did whatever he wanted, never sh1t tested him, and "fell in line." Unfortunately, this isn't reality.

I agree with OP's original post in principle, but I think the bigger point is that all of these relationships whether they are plates, STRs, or LTRs have a shelf-life of the woman bending over backwards for the guy. No LTR exists without its moments where the woman challenges the man. You MUST have tolerance if you want the LTR to last and be willing to compromise. You can perceive it as "disrespect", but the reality is this stuff is usually more about the woman's personal issues than it is about "disrespecting" the man. It is unrealistic to think a man is going to be a dictator with an iron first in a relationship forever just because he "corrects" her bad behavior. It won't last.

You can either keep mending those tracks or you can say the juice is no longer worth the squeeze. Personally, I prefer to exit if it becomes untenable. Some guys don't and will simply coexist in some type of semi-unhappy state with a woman for decades.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Every man would love to find a HB 9+ who wasn't crazy, did whatever he wanted, never sh1t tested him, and "fell in line." Unfortunately, this isn't reality.

I agree with OP's original post in principle, but I think the bigger point is that all of these relationships whether they are plates, STRs, or LTRs have a shelf-life of the woman bending over backwards for the guy. No LTR exists without its moments where the woman challenges the man. You MUST have tolerance if you want the LTR to last and be willing to compromise. You can perceive it as "disrespect", but the reality is this stuff is usually more about the woman's personal issues than it is about "disrespecting" the man. It is unrealistic to think a man is going to be a dictator with an iron first in a relationship forever just because he "corrects" her bad behavior. It won't last.

You can either keep mending those tracks or you can say the juice is no longer worth the squeeze. Personally, I prefer to exit if it becomes untenable. Some guys don't and will simply coexist in some type of semi-unhappy state with a woman for decades.

Right - you said it better and more thoroughly than I was going to.

Two things can be true because they are independent of each other; recurring behavior or any number of issues can be a decisive point for someone to exit… but what bothers OP doesn’t necessarily bother or have the same effect or meaning to anyone else here, and may actually be seen entirely differently and embraced by someone receiving that commentary from a place of personal security who is interested in working through conflict for personal growth.

Also, unmentioned is that OP is also not perfect. I am pretty sure I saw a thread a few days ago from this poster that went from 0->10 over a very short, introductory level text exchange, that some may have felt was a bit overblown.

 

[cola]

Also, unmentioned is that OP is also not perfect. I am pretty sure I saw a thread a few days ago from this poster that went from 0->10 over a very short, introductory level text exchange, that some may have felt was a bit overblown.

Huh?

 

[jhonny9546]

You MUST have tolerance if you want the LTR to last and be willing to compromise. You can perceive it as "disrespect", but the reality is this stuff is usually more about the woman's personal issues than it is about "disrespecting" the man. It is unrealistic to think a man is going to be a dictator with an iron first in a relationship forever just because he "corrects" her bad behavior. It won't last.

You can either keep mending those tracks or you can say the juice is no longer worth the squeeze. Personally, I prefer to exit if it becomes untenable. Some guys don't and will simply coexist in some type of semi-unhappy state with a woman for decades.

Hey Barrister this is a very good point.

You are addressing two distinct issues: first, tolerating phases in which she does not respect you, and second, recognizing when this tolerance leads to an unhappy relationship over decades.

I am speaking to you from a country steeped in drama, where it is ingrained in the culture, but there is also a word called "in giusta misura" o "buonsenso", which mean that you don't live and behave in too much extreme, but at the midpoint. This is the case of a forum that says you should never allow a woman to disrespect you and that you should always maintain an IDGAF attitude. How do you feel about bringing this mindset into a 10-year relationship? This is where buonsenso comes into play, but how do we apply it?


How would a man mitigate the first issue, specifically, the first point, and how we can discern whether tolerance is fostering unhappiness or if we are genuinely on the right path?

 

[Divorced w 3]

Huh?

Were you not the person who posted that Hinge interaction?

 

[RangerMIke]

@RangerMIke would you mind to share with us your LTR stories and actual situation?

I know a borderline woman (3) which is trying to improve (1) but in the meanwhile with two kids and his husband, I can see she have those high and lows. She love him then she have drama and want to end the LTR.
He is keeping her, disrespect from her, but we'll see how it goes.

First let me caveat by saying at my age, I am not interested in exclusive LTR anymore. All I do now is date casually. It's not easy finding women that are okay with casual dating... at some point they all start pushing for exclusivity and then it ends. But I am honest and upfront with what I want and what I can give. So when things eventually go sideways... the break is clean, and I don't create enemies. Word gets out about who and what you are, and women just won't date you. But you have to keep going on and not worry about what others say. Women drift in... women drift out... then back in again. I don't have any recent LTR stories... my last was my 10 year marriage that ended almost 20 years ago.

My exe, on the surface seemed perfect, she was hot, was nuts about me, put in all the effort. However, the ONLY bad that I could see was that her fvcking family was a godd@mn mess. Not going to detail everything accept to say her mom was a fat. lazy, mess of a hoarder. Her father was an emotional mess as he struggled to live in sh1t. Suicide and suicide attempts are normal in her family... her brother killed himself, her father and mother both tried.... and one of her sisters talked about it. I convinced myself that wasn't who my exe was because she 'hated' her mother (still does BTW, because we have kids together, I talk to her frequently).

Everything was fine.... until the kids were born... then she went off the deep end, she is chronically depressed, but with medication can function. She is (1) "Raised by wolves. This is the hardest to deal with because it's really not her fault, she was destroyed by bad parenting. The man wants to try and save her... but he can't. All he can do is spend money of therapy, keep her drugged up and hope for the best. Since I was worried about my kids, I had to get out and take them with me... otherwise instead of having adult children that were emotional and mental train wreaks, now I have two kids in college doing great.

Today... it is godd@mn hard as fvck trying to find a woman whom you can share your life. This is why fewer and fewer people actually get married, and half of marriages ends in divorce. It's like a daily game of Russian roulette with a 6-round revolver, with three rounds loaded. I only know a handful of marriages that are actually good. Most women are just not willing to put in the work to make relationships work... when things get hard, it's just too easy to load up another dude, she goes on a dating website and she'll get a 100 matches. As she does this, she becomes more and more emotionally damaged. And when things end... well it is ALWAYS the man's fault because the man just didn't try hard enough to make her 'happy'.

It is much better to have a low tolerance for behavior you don't like. As soon as you get a sniff of difficulty... pop smoke and leave. Don't worry about her, she'll find another sucker willing to twist in the wind.

 

[cola]

Were you not the person who posted that Hinge interaction?

Bro you trippin’.. making up s*t move around bro

 

[Divorced w 3]

Bro you trippin’.. making up s*t move around bro

That’s why I was asking - that post was someone else. My bad.