Religion over romance/relationships???

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Is it just me? Is it just Minnesota women, but have you guys been running into more or more women that stipulate that any guy that she would get involved with must be of the same faith and beliefs as her?

I got pissed off for a moment (a very brief one) when I met a woman today and before I had a chance to qualify her, she professed herself as a 'Christian woman' (nothing against Christians, it's just what she said), that would only date a guy who had given himself to the Lord.

Now I know this wasn't a brushoff (or maybe it was, I don't care), but she seemed completely serious. Which is fine but I just can't fathom possibly forgoing you personal happiness with someone because of a difference in opinion.

It's the same with politics (we're EXTREMELY liberal in Minnesota). I once broke up with a woman because she could not respect our difference in opinion about politics. WTF! I could care less what religion a woman practices (if any) or how she votes, what does that have to do with a relationship between two people???!!!

Well, before my rant turns into a full blown tirade, is it just me or have you guys come across situations like this more often nowadays?

 

[Don_Joffe]

Sorry man, but have you not been reading your Don Juan stuff? What does it tell us? You telling me you broke up with your girlfriend because of politics? Never ever discuss politics or religion with your girlfriend or potential girlfriend because
1. You will both have different opinions
2. You will never come to an agreement
3. You will get angry at eachother
4. Your relationship will become robust.

Ive read alot of your posts, you seem to know what you are talking about most of the time but in this case you seemed to have slipped up, dont ever ever talk about religion or politics with a girl UNLESS she is the type of girl that loves talking about it and if she is, try keep it on the low in conversation so arguments dont transpire.

Im glad to see you couldnt care what religion she was , I agree with you 100% it shouldnt make a difference, if she is a christian as you say, just tell her that you believe in the lord and when you go on your date with her dont bring up religion at all. You met her today so your first impression is complete, Did you get her number? If you didnt, this thread is void. IF you did which im HOPING for, when you go on a date with her, dont bring up religion and if it comes up , work your way around the topic... You arent going to marry her , are you ? No. Or Probably Not. So have some fun with this one and then next her when YOU get bored.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Oh I'm not posting to find out what if anything that I did wrong. I was just commenting that it seems to be more prevalent nowadays, at least here in the states.

Where I live, people are typically religious or political zealots. THEY tend to always bring up either subject. I always bite my tongue since most of the time our views are different (again, I could care less).

However consider this, if a man is to be completely intimate with a woman (I'm talking LTR here), shouldn't he; shouldn't they be able to expound their opinions without fear of retribution?

But still, isn't it peculiar that there are some people who supposedly walk in the light of religion, of respecting and accepting one another in the grace of their god.; but hypocritically denounce and show disdain for people who do not follow their belief?

So where does it all end? Are we supposed to turn a deaf eye to what is happening? Will there ever be acceptance no matter a persons religion, political stance, culture, sexuality, country of origin, socio-economic category, the kind of car that they drive, how much taxes they pay, their level of education, whether or not they have children, smoker or non-smoker, pro choice/pro life, less filling or great taste????

OK, I am in a full blown tirade now, lol... But I'm not looking for answers, I'm just wondering if anyone else has come across the same frustrations. Not saying that it will deny them of the woman of their dreams, just that it's frustrating as hell constantly meeting people who's world of hypocrisy and judgment is seemingly engulfing the world that the rest of us know?

I need a drink....

 

[Easy Tiger]

Fransisco said:

when I met a woman today and before I had a chance to qualify her, she professed herself as a 'Christian woman' (nothing against Christians, it's just what she said), that would only date a guy who had given himself to the Lord.

Don_Joffe said:

in this case you seemed to have slipped up, dont ever ever talk about religion or politics with a girl UNLESS she is the type of girl that loves talking about it and if she is, try keep it on the low in conversation so arguments dont transpire.

Looks like she was the one who bought it up and made an issue of it.


Fransisco:

I have come across this more and more with women I have met over the last coupole of years. Religion is like a badge of honor for some people - they want to put it out there as early as possible so that they can be sure you are on the same wavelength. It is also an easy way to set bboundaries for them without explicity doing so (everyone knows hyper-religious people are sexually conservative in casual relationships).

The good news is that she probably had a high interest level to bother to establish this part of her outlook with you. The bad news is that no good can come from hooking up with an overly religious person unless you are similarly minded.

ET

 

[Don_Joffe]

Okay franciso. Fair Enough, just thought I should point out your fault as I see you have a vast knowledge of a Don Juan and pointing out your flaw can only help you? I havent noticed a religous group of girls, Im in South Africa, we got Jewish girls, Hindu, Moslim, Christian..Ive met them all. They dont tend to talk about religion much and if they do its more like "I wont marry out my religion" But nobody is really thinking of marriage on these forums, are they? So, why not settle for a few dates with these religous orientated girls and have some fun with them?

 

[AverageFC]

It seems to me women are more into dating someone THE SAME religion as them. Most men I know couldn't care.

I'm Christian/Catholic, but I don't require the girl to be Catholic. You could be Protestant, Jew, Muslim, whatever, just as long as you recognize a supreme being. That's my only requirement.

 

[Don_Joffe]

You could be Protestant, Jew, Muslim, whatever, just as long as you recognize a supreme being - What do you mean by supreme being?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Easy Tiger
... Religion is like a badge of honor for some people - they want to put it out there as early as possible so that they can be sure you are on the same wavelength. It is also an easy way to set bboundaries for them without explicity doing so...

You are spot on... There is a thing called 'Minnesota Nice' but actually it's a way that we are passive aggressive to get our way without actually saying what we want. This fits in completely with what you said about it being an easy way to set boundaries without explicitly doing so. That is SO Minnesotan, not actually saying what THEY personally want, just hiding it in the vail of religion.

You were also right about Religion being a badge of honor for some people. I think it gives them a type of acceptance by other people that feel the same way. Too bad some people make it seem like the 'cool kids' club in High School, they make their club cool by putting down people who aren't in the club.

 

[Abbott]

Originally posted by AverageFC
It seems to me women are more into dating someone THE SAME religion as them. Most men I know couldn't care.

I'm Christian/Catholic, but I don't require the girl to be Catholic. You could be Protestant, Jew, Muslim, whatever, just as long as you recognize a supreme being. That's my only requirement.

I hate people like you.

I can only hope that there aren't a lot of people out there who think that way.

It leaves myself, and my fellow Atheists, out in the cold.

But it is true that some people have a serious problem with accepting those who don't have any kind of religion, or don't answer to any "supreme being (s)" or "god(s)."

And women are probably more religious as a group than we are, because religion is about an emotional connection (even if it's a connection to something non-existent, such as a "god" or "gods"), and they are more emotional than we are.



Now personally, in real life, I generally avoid topics such as politics and religion, because the last thing I want to know is if a woman is a politically conservative, Bush-loving, ultra-religious, Christian woman (I'm hardly politically conservative, though there is a very, very small common ground).

When I've just talked to people (not necessarily women), sometimes I have been asked what religion I hold, in which case I tell them I'm a strong-minded Atheist. Occasionally I receive flack for it, one time in high school this annoying little twit even tried to convert me everyday during my freshman year. Eventually he got the hint and fvcked off.

So basically, I know that some women will have nothing to do with me because of my religious beliefs (or non-belief, depends on how you look at it), but that's OK. My experience shows to me that people who make that big a deal out of it (to even mention it upfront and refuse anyone who isn't of their religion, or lack of) also tend to be a whole lot more uptight and less fun.


Just my $.02,

Ben

P.S. I don't wish to start a flame war about religion, nor do I want anyone to try to go and convert me. Any anti-Atheist comments directed towards me will be ignored. Thank you.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Don_Joffe
Okay franciso. Fair Enough, just thought I should point out your fault as I see you have a vast knowledge of a Don Juan and pointing out your flaw can only help you? I havent noticed a religous group of girls, Im in South Africa, we got Jewish girls, Hindu, Moslim, Christian..Ive met them all. They dont tend to talk about religion much and if they do its more like "I wont marry out my religion" But nobody is really thinking of marriage on these forums, are they? So, why not settle for a few dates with these religous orientated girls and have some fun with them?

Well thanks for the concern. You should know that I do not have time for women who aren't accepting of anyone else's beliefs. It's as if their way is the only 'right way' thus they are always right. I refuse to waste my time with any women like that.

My DJ success started by following the rules like not talking about politics and religion but that was in my RAFC days. Although I am frustrated now, it's not because I can't get a date. I'm just frustrated with all the hypocrisy. Especially now since I've long since established 'who I am' and completely believe that I am the best person that I can be, at least for now. So hiding who I am just to get a date is not in my mindset what so ever.

Oh yeah, I do enjoy going out with different women but I just do it in hopes of coming across the 'right one' for me to commit to. Yeah, I said it, I'm looking for a LTR. But I can not pretend to respect a woman who is judgmental to the point of denouncing and exclusion. But aren't I doing that very thing now????

Confusion abounds

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Abbott
P.S. I don't wish to start a flame war about religion, nor do I want anyone to try to go and convert me.

I was going to post the same thing. I want to reiterate that this thread isn't about religion. I just wanted to know if you guys are finding more women using religion and/or political stance a determining factor.

I guess I may be reaping what I sow since I choose only to date slim/athletic women. I know I'm excluding a ton (don't laugh) of Minnesota women.

 

[Don_Joffe]

I noticed you are 37 years old, settling down would be a very good tip I would lay down to you at this point, you will struggle to find a girl in your age bracket that isnt already "taken." Your task may be tough but I believe in your ability. If you are frustrated with these religous women, then once you have established that they are the "religous" women type, then politely dont call them back or politely reject anything that comes your way from them, their are plenty of girls that ARENT religous type so your boundaries arent limited, if you meet the religous one dont waste your time, NEXT her.

 

[Easy Tiger]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia

Although I am frustrated now, it's not because I can't get a date. I'm just frustrated with all the hypocrisy. Especially now since I've long since established 'who I am' and ... So hiding who I am just to get a date is not in my mindset what so ever.

Yeah - I am with you on this one. It is something that frustrates me most about being a perpetual dater. But then at other times I get the feeling that dating is like interviewing for a job. Sometimes you have to go through the motions to show that you are able to before you move to the next stage. You just have to be wary of compromising yourself.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Don_Joffe
if you meet the religous one dont waste your time, NEXT her.

Oh that goes without saying. Like I said earlier, I don't have time to play the "we're better than everyone else" game that they typically play. The funny thing is that religious women approach me and are attracted to my personality. The truly funny thing is that we get along so well, they just assume that I have the same religious and/or political beliefs. I just laugh and make not that she's one of 'those types' and I move on.

I appreciate your concern about the age thing but be careful, thirty seven is no way near the grave. My choice to settle down is not because of my age, I just enjoy being in a healthy, stable relationship. I've always been this way, and I was your age I had already married a woman who had a son that was sixteen. I'm not bragging, just pointing out that age doesn't mean a thing, just that you don't realize it until you get older...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Easy Tiger
Yeah - I am with you on this one. It is something that frustrates me most about being a perpetual dater. But then at other times I get the feeling that dating is like interviewing for a job. Sometimes you have to go through the motions to show that you are able to before you move to the next stage. You just have to be wary of compromising yourself.

I completely understand. I am so bored with dating. I go out two or three times a week and each date seems just like the last. It's gotten to the point that I could care less if I get laid or not, there's no real intimacy and I feel as if I'm just going through the motions.

But back to the subject, compromising myself is not an option; rather, hiding who I am is not an option. If I did that I would probably double the amount of dates I go on and I don't want that. There is such a thing as quality over quantity.

Well, the interviews will continue. I will probably need to expand my search range and do some traveling. I know where I can find women with the type of personality that I like but is it worth picking up and moving? At least not right now, I'm building a new house here and I guess I need to be around to make sure it's done right. But even so that would mean doing a long distance relationship and I don't do LDRs.

 

[Labayu]

Unbeliveable, really. (You not them! )

There are certain issues that people actually value highly enough for it to be an issue:

I'd be willing to date a vegitarian, but I could understand if their values were so so stong that they wouldn't date someone who eats meat.

When I smoked I realised and respected that some girls wouldn't go out with me because of that factor.

They've done you a favor, they might genuinly find it too much hard work and not enough pleasure to go out with someone who doesn't share belief's that they hold passionately: esp as some (not all) religious 'true belivers' do have one eye on marrage when they're dating!

 

[jean laurent]

I really don't see what all the fuss is about. Why is it so 'amazing' that a 'religious chick' would prefer someone from the same religion? It's just human nature to have a preference for people with similar interests to yourself, and as far 'interests' go, they don't get much bigger than religion. Sure, it may pyss us off to be rejected because we don't measure up religiously, but to some people it's important, so we just have to accept that.

Personally, I don't particularly care what religion or political leaning someone is, but if it's a big thing to them, and they constantly keep bringing it up, I probably couldn't be with that chick for very long. Like, most college age chicks (in my experience) are politically liberal (except maybe the religious chicks). To me, as a pretty staunch conservative on most issues (except religion), that doesn't bother me at all -- 'cos I basically know that she really hasn't got much of a clue about the issues, but 'cos it's easy to make conservatives look "evil" she just goes with what she "feels" is right (liberalism, let's face it, is mostly about feelings, not facts). But if she keeps constantly bringing up political topics and stating her views zealously, without any intention of "discussing" anything, keeps on constantly "Bush bashing" etc then I couldn't be with that person long term, I don't think. (Thankfully, most hot chicks I've met haven't seemed particularly interested politics, so this hasn't really been a problem for me.)

Edit
Btw, I wouldn't have anything to do with a Muslim chick, unless she made a point of telling she's not religious. Then again, religious Muslim chicks, as a rule, don't go for non-Muslim guys anyway.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

She was just telling you that you are not getting into her panties -she did you a favor by knowing what you wanted and telling you what you are not going to get - saved you time!!! If you want her as a woman and not as a sperm bank then she knows that you will make the attempt and endure and pursue without the vagina reward!!

 

[MetalFortress]

Francisco, to those who follow God, God is the single most important thing in their lives. That means that they need a life partner who believes in the same God and who is on the same page with them as far as God goes. It's NOT the same as preferences like "oh, I'd like if they like to play videogames, or like sports cars" or whatever. And for anyone to compromise something that should be the most important thing in their life, for a relationship, is, what do we call it now? Oh yeah...

AFC

How do I know this? Because I will not get into a relationship with a woman who is not a Christian. I can already hear the "openmindedness" crowd crying from here, but it isn't going to change my views one bit.

 

[AverageFC]

You could be Protestant, Jew, Muslim, whatever, just as long as you recognize a supreme being - What do you mean by supreme being?

a single God of some sort.

I hate people like you.
...
But it is true that some people have a serious problem with accepting those who don't have any kind of religion, or don't answer to any "supreme being (s)" or "god(s)."

I have no problems with atheists. I have atheist friends. If you enjoy the church of scientology more power to you. It's just not something I'm looking for in a potential life partner. I'm not a perfect follower of my faith, but it is the foundation of many of my other beliefs. I'm not some bible-banging preacher, which is why I said "as long as you recognize a supreme being". That's it.