Religion and Not being together

[slickaz]

So theres this amazing! amazing! HB9.5.
not just in looks, but in character and personality.
she is successful as a lawyer.
she is absolutely fun to be around.
one of those girls you know is "the one" kind of girl.
she will never cheat. thats guaranteed

Shes a lil dominating at times but which woman is not, right?
however she never seconds my word.

PROBLEM: : : : :

she is indian, and her religion will not allow her to date or marry outsiders.
her parents like me, they know we are seeing each other.She is not religious in her religion. but she would like to follow custom.

but at this age (24), she has mentioned that starting a relationship means she wants it to end up in marraige, given another 3 to 5 years. to which i agree. that is fair.

I am Christian, i have mentioned to her that if we were to see each other exclusively, i would expect her to be ok with that. and her coming to church with me occasionaly even.

she then dropped the topic of kids, to my surprise. but she said not now! or in the near future, but if this works out and we date and marry. and kids..what then?
i explained that i have always wanted to marry a Christian, and have a Christian upbringing for my kids. IS THAT SELFISH?

however given her perfect match with me....i am on the verge of sliding away from what i believe in.
it is not a problem for me to be with her, but marraige and kids is what im worried about.

I feel like im giving God the bad deal because there is an amazing woman who looks gorgeous and one i want to be with. but it may affect my relationship with God maybe not immediately but in future?

What would you do?

please do not turn this into a God hating post, i already am in a bad state with this..

Also Please do not say im suffering oneitis, as im dating other girls and she stands out like a comet in the night sky compared to other girls im dating..its not my fault..

 

[KontrollerX]

As a former hardcore Christian who knows the ins and outs of the religion I know what you must do and it is you must choose God and Jesus Christ over what you want every time.

So go ahead try and convert her to your religion and when that doesn't work tell her its been nice knowing her and go hunt for and make sure your next girl is a Christian before getting involved with her so you avoid this kind of a let down situation in the future.

And yes you are suffering from oneitis.

Thats alright though as it can be defeated when you meet another "one" that I'm sure is out there just for you and is a Christian which is your requirement.

Speaking as an atheist though I personally would avoid this chick as far as serious relationships go because if I were the marriage and kids type of guy I wouldn't want her raising my kids with her zany far eastern religious spooky mysticism garbage and I'm sure as a Christian you can at least find some common ground with me on that.

And yes I read the spot where you said she's not going to follow the religion blah blah blah but when kids come rolling out and years go by people's views change and she may begin practicing her religion in full and think its valueable for your kids to learn all that and believe as she does which of course coming from your world view will condemn them to hell if they follow her teachings.

Again though it comes down to who is more important.

This woman or your faith and belief in Jesus Christ?

If she cannot be converted you must let her go.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 2Corinthians 6:14

 

[CFERD]

I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but there is never a guarantee someone will not cheat. Never!

Kontroller is right, you have to make a tough choice. How would you feel if you choose her and in a few years the relationship ended? Your datin other chicks, your in a better place than a lot of other guys, including myself. Hopefully you'll make the best choice for you.

 

[KontrollerX]

If I were still in hardcore Christian mode you know how I'd view this?

I'd view it as a test from god to see who I loved more.

The world ie his beautiful woman creation that I have oneitis for or him and it'd be a struggle but I'd chose god because of my fear of hell and my delusional beliefs that I loved a god like this and should be as loyal to him as the Bible claims he is loyal to me.

Then I'd rationalize in my mind a way through the pain of losing a great chick like this and say not only was it a test to be overcome but god being such an awesome god probably has an even better girl who is a Christian lined up for me just around the corner but to get her it was necessary that I pass the test which I did!

See?

When you are religious you can rationalize anything as being good even though its actually quite horrible and non beneficial to yourself but yeah you said not to make this a hate post so thats all I'll say on it.

Who knows? Maybe you can get something out of this post anyway.

 

[slickaz]

KontrollerX...you are so cruel! yet true...

but i appreciate truth said as it is..and you're right..

im literally biting knuckles facing the posts you've put.
and its clear to me what i should do.

it is difficult but like CFERD said i have other girls to fall back on and they are giving me more attention than usual since im giving them less..

anyway you both are right..but damn! i never thought id fall into this trap man..never expected to be so held up over one girl that im doubting what to do..

you are also right in saying that eventually she will change her views on her beliefs..i can see that most certainly happening.

Thanks for the Bible verse too..just added fire power eh? lol..

you ever had any experience like this?

also, you can be as open and honest as you want, disregard my hate post thing, as long as its not hating on God...me is cool..

cheers anyway

 

[bhsdt97]

As a former hardcore Christian who knows the ins and outs of the religion I know what you must do and it is you must choose God and Jesus Christ over what you want every time.

So go ahead try and convert her to your religion and when that doesn't work tell her its been nice knowing her and go hunt for and make sure your next girl is a Christian before getting involved with her so you avoid this kind of a let down situation in the future.

And yes you are suffering from oneitis.

Thats alright though as it can be defeated when you meet another "one" that I'm sure is out there just for you and is a Christian which is your requirement.

Speaking as an atheist though I personally would avoid this chick as far as serious relationships go because if I were the marriage and kids type of guy I wouldn't want her raising my kids with her zany far eastern religious spooky mysticism garbage and I'm sure as a Christian you can at least find some common ground with me on that.

And yes I read the spot where you said she's not going to follow the religion blah blah blah but when kids come rolling out and years go by people's views change and she may begin practicing her religion in full and think its valueable for your kids to learn all that and believe as she does which of course coming from your world view will condemn them to hell if they follow her teachings.

Again though it comes down to who is more important.

This woman or your faith and belief in Jesus Christ?

If she cannot be converted you must let her go.

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness? 2Corinthians 6:14

"zany far eastern religious spooky mysticism garbage?"
wtf?
can you say...ignorant?

 

[CFERD]

I'd say real ignorance comes from *****ing about an opinion because it does match your own. I actually agree with K.

While I'm not a Christian, I think you know OP that your faith is more important to you than this one girl. The religion topic is of interest to me, only because the recent cluster B/bpd girl I became attached to had choosen a religous lifestyle.While I think it's great if someone decides to make that a priority in their life, there are some who use it to hide behind their biggest problems and issues. Even though it took a painful lesson, I have learned that being religious doesn't guarantee that they are a good person. I use to think the two went hand and hand. Silly I know.

Yeah getting more attention from the other girls now that you're giving them less sounds about right. One thing that may be creating the attraction for this one girl could be the wanting what you cannot have kinda thing. I won't go as far too say you have oneitis. Based on the situation I allowed myself to get in, it doesn't sound like your really there.

 

[bhsdt97]

I'd say real ignorance comes from *****ing about an opinion because it does match your own. I actually agree with K.

While I'm not a Christian, I think you know OP that your faith is more important to you than this one girl. The religion topic is of interest to me, only because the recent cluster B/bpd girl I became attached to had choosen a religous lifestyle.While I think it's great if someone decides to make that a priority in their life, there are some who use it to hide behind their biggest problems and issues. Even though it took a painful lesson, I have learned that being religious doesn't guarantee that they are a good person. I use to think the two went hand and hand. Silly I know.

Yeah getting more attention from the other girls now that you're giving them less sounds about right. One thing that may be creating the attraction for this one girl could be the wanting what you cannot have kinda thing. I won't go as far too say you have oneitis. Based on the situation I allowed myself to get in, it doesn't sound like your really there.

And saying that somebody's beliefs are "zany far eastern religious spooky mysticism garbage?" isn't *****ing because they're belief is different from his?
I guarantee if the girl the OP is talking about was an atheist then KontrollerX would have no problems with her whatsoever..

 

[slickaz]

Thanks CFERD
I totally agree that just because someone is religious does nnot make them a nice person.
even me for example..im a Christian. i TRY. but i still play around. juggling girls around and im fvkn out of marraige..etc etc..i guess some ppl could say im not a nice guy..
but ive also known girls that say they are totally! religious but play around the field waaayyyy too much..
but anyway taking all your advice im picking my belief over a girl.as should be the case in any situation.

but it is difficult..and given todays society, where people from different faiiths and cultures move around and live together, its unavoidable to like someone from one of the other cultures...
i dunno...

 

[KontrollerX]

Well I think thats just about all I got slickaz lol.

Wait nope there's something more to be said...

Well ok so I already said it but yeah I'll make a bit of a paragraph here for you.

Ok so if there's one thing I personally have ever learned in life its this and that lesson is its never a good idea to try and change a person to be more like what you'd want them to be.

It seldom ever works and well even if it does work it only works for as long as you can keep the girl insanely head over heels in love with you which lets face it is a difficult task for even the most seasoned of DJ and hey if you think about it if she has changed just for you its not really a change from the heart anyway is it? Meaning she's not actually changed at all in reality. She is the same person inside but simply wearing a more presentable mask for her audience of one ie you.

Kind of like a politician when you think about it heh heh.

So you could present your case for conversion to Christianity to her if you like and let the chips fall where they may.

A genuine conversion or a conversion motivated solely by her love for you?

Hey bro its a huge roll of the dice and if its not a genuine conversion you can be sure your house of cards will collapse in upon itself once she perceives you as boring or the big and better deal comes along and her previous "love for you" based conversion as well as you yourself are now seen as expendable as she makes her departure to go get what she wants NOW as opposed to you whom she wanted back THEN.

And remember this sort of thing can make a lot of Christians out there bitter at their god for misguided reasons ie why didn't god warn me her conversion was false and only to keep the relationship together etc?

Then a more learned Christian friend or pastor might come along and answer your question for you by saying some clever thrown together on the spot apologetics reasoning that goes something like this...

Christian pastor/friends: God allows us all to make many mistakes in life and do many bad or good things to eachother and if he warned us of everything and guided us 100% down every correct path and even practically forced us down the correct path to avoid pain we'd be no better than robots blindly following programming and have no true individuality or identity of our own and its obvious god didn't want that for us as we are now and not even in the garden of Eden where man was allowed to fall into sin by making a choice apart from god's guidance to eat the forbidden fruit.

Slickaz: Hmmm that makes sense.

Jerry Falwell's ghost: My dear brother in Christ you have avoided a pitfall of the enemy. Satan clearly sent a jezebel your way, a quasi religious devil worshipping pagan who by her beauty alone is clearly a harlot sent your way in order to test and tempt you in the flesh as well your readiness and resolve to serve Christ for god's love and his great kingdom to come the New Jerusalem. Despite your giving in to the temptation your love for god has brought you back to the fold and I have no doubt my dear friend you will be with me, my LORD and savior Jesus Christ on that great day when all the angels shout hallelujah and we all the body of Christ are united in Heaven for eternity ever after in our glorious reunion with all the saint's of old and all the saints that are! Glory to GOD!!!

Slickaz: Thanks Jerry...though I uh have a confession to make.

Jerry: Whats that my dear friend?

Slickaz: Well I kind of liked the telletubbies cartoon.

Jerry: Why you little homersexural pervert! You are goin straight to hell!! Do not pass go!!! do not collect $200!!!!!

"can you say...ignorant?"

Oh I say that about people who don't read topics and posts fully before posting in them all the time!

Why if you actually read the topic before replying you'd see I clearly was posting from how another religion is seen from a fundamentalist Christian viewpoint and it is not pretty.

"I guarantee if the girl the OP is talking about was an atheist then KontrollerX would have no problems with her whatsoever.."

Well technically I would have no problem with her but I'd advise this poster in particular to find a different girl as their views of the world would not mesh together which is the kind of advice I always give to these kinds of posts.

 

[Darth]

i explained that i have always wanted to marry a Christian, and have a Christian upbringing for my kids. IS THAT SELFISH?

Nope, that's entirely your call. Your the man. And it's good your talking about this stuff now before you get married, b/c otherwise it is often a problem.

 

[slickaz]

Hahahaha.. K...man how do you come up with this?!

i feel what you're saying tho..
im not letting her go because of her not being a christian but because like you said ive also thought about, if she did accept my proposal now it would purely be namesake contract, she'll agree to go to church etc with me and support my faith...but then in reality 5 years from now thats gonna change when things settle down in the relationship.

i have picked to go with what I want..not just because it is about God..but even if this was smtn like a country to live in for example..i wouldve picked what I want rather than what she wants...coz i know ill find someone else..and this probably wouldnt last that long anyway.

and K..you got that flow scenario excellently pinpointed...except for one fact...i hate telletubbies..lol

Darth - Thanks bru..appreciate the support..
yeh ive always gone with picking what i believe in rather than what someone else wants me to believe..i just think in time if i regret itll be my own mistake..which is better than regretting for someones elses mistake..

 

[kingman]

If I not remember wrong it is written in the bible :

Hell = a life without god?

 

[Darth]

No, that's only part of it. Jesus himself referred to Hell as "Gehenna", a fiery furnace where there is "wailing and gnashing of teeth."

Seriously, dudes, lay off. He's Christian. So am I. so are over a billion other people. Is that a problem?

Good, didn't think so.

 

[jlr12584]

I read this post and felt compelled to reply. I have been in a similar situation 3 years ago. I dated a so-called Christian girl for over a 1.5 years and we thought we were literally a match made in heaven. However, things fell apart eventually when we found out we had our differences in what Faith really meant, and how God's love really is. But my love for her set aside, i realized that my faith is the core of my existence and even for a girl whom i'd give the world for, i'd never forsake God. The question is if you really have to debate whether to choose God or this girl, then did u ever have a relationship with God to begin with. because God should be number one in your life if u want to claim the title of Christian. But anyways not to get too deep on this matter - point is place your trust in the Lord and He will take care of the rest... so choose him.

P.S. read Matthew 6:33 to get a clear picture of what im talking about.

 

[daygameguy]

I don't think God would want anybody to be unhappy. Religions are meant to unite and keep people together. Religion is supposed to generate a feeling of brotherhood and responsibility of becoming a good man/woman.

In my opinion, everything is fair in love and war. BUT, one thing I will point out here - BOTH of you must be adaptable and open to each others thoughts and opinions on religion. Otherwise, it can cause problems.

If you are confident that you guys are adaptable, and you really feel that she is the 1 and only, there should be no second thoughts on this. Go ahead with what you want.

PS: When you call a girl "the one" and say you are in "love" with her, you don't put out her universal ratings (HB 9.5)... so I feel that you may just be infatuated to her. Just check your feelings again. That would be my personal advice.

 

[Darth]

Agreed. The fact that you are wondering whether to keep her on a public forum is probably evidence right there that you are not in love, therefore she is not "the one."

 

[slickaz]

haha..man how did ya'll gather i "love" this chic?

i said she is the kind of girl that guys would say is "the one".

i only stated that to give you the full picture that she has got most of the good qualities..ofcourse mixed in with the bad ones.

im not "in love" with her..i just liked her coz of her drive in life and passionate in what she does..

either way, she is out...i ended it last night..explained that after careful thought if we go any further than where we are there is a real risk we will both ger hurt soon..

 

[shinko]

dude, i can relate to your post on so many levels.im a serious christian and have dated and current date an indian girl. some of them came to faith in the past, others didnt. Being real, the woman who God wants you to be with will be a girl who will encourage and strengthen your faith. Not disagree with it or try to change it.

A girl who isnt a christian will not understand the spiritual section of your life. Praying with her wont work out, when the holy spirit does something incredible or when God speaks to you about something she wont get it. she might be interested, or apathetic to what you have to say, but unless she comes to faith that will be the best you will have to settle for. Now God loves you and thus want the BEST for you, there is NO settling when it comes to God and his people.

You made the right choice man, even if you do have those "what if's" floating around your mind and it may seem abit rubbish right now. God dont let his people down

 

[slickaz]

Thanks Shinko..appreciate it... i have had the what ifs around my head..but like you said i realised God wouldnt let me down..if i had chosen to go with her..i wouldnt be single..and would be unhappy in my future...

thanks again