Relationship based on a false premise?

[Centaurion]

It's a long story, but I'll try to keep it short.

Due to work (trying to get a RE agency off the ground) and school I've been hitting the study hall at 7 am everyday for the last 3 weeks. I usually get there at 6.45am so I have to stand around and wait for it to open. Coincidentally this pretty decent looking chick has been doing the same. We are like the only ones up at this ungodly hour. For the first few times I pretty much ignored her while listening to music, but she always kept herself in my line of sight, i.e. if I had my back to her, she would move so I could see her.

The second day, I said what the hell and struck up a conversation. I could see that she was responsive as she gave me several IL signs. But I kept it cool and didn't push it forward. After a couple of meetings like this, I told her :"Hey, if we keep meeting like this I might start thinking you're stalking me! How about we grab a cup of coffee and I get to know you?", which she agreed to.

This mind sounds like chump galore but damn, the time flew away at the coffee shop. What should have been a short and sweet coffee thing, turned into half-day thing. I think we sat there from 7 am till noon or something. She told me that she has been studying law for the last 8 years and that she was finishing up her PhD thesis that was due in 3 weeks. And asked me how I was doing with my thesis, I gave her a vague answer and let it lie. I think she assumed that I was a PhD student as well, as I don't dress and behave like your average college frat-boy.

Towards the end, she invited me out to dinner the following night, but I declined (a Champions League soccer match comes before chicks!), she seemed pretty disappointed, but I counter offered on another night. To make it short, we've gone out twice, had a blast on both times and had sex on the second date. She is really excited about this and definetly wants to take it further.

Even though I hate to admit it, she might be my intellectual equal (never met a girl that is) and she seems to be ltr material. I know its kind of jumping the gun thinking on sh!t like this after a couple of dates, but we somehow 'clicked' if you can call it that.

Now my problem is, I believe that she is assuming that I'm a PhD student as she is, while in truth I'm a freshman at a master program for law. I've neither confirmed nor denied it. Some part of me wants to lay out the cards, but I suspect her IL will decline (c'mon be realistic, which PhD graduate would date a freshman?), while other part of my wants to keep this going. Keep in mind that I've never lied, I've just been skirting the issue.

Any thoughts?

 

[JesterX]

Keep skirting it and if you can bring it up yourself before she asks in a non-big deal kind of a way... just casually mention it. Maybe while your having sex with her . But yeah if she asks just tell her. if its not an issue for you it won't be for her, its all about confidence.

 

[squirrels]

Heh...don't bring it up unless it comes up, and if it does, talk about it in an "I thought you knew" manner. It's honestly not that big a deal. If she's into you, she's into you.

 

[MacAvoy]

When I was 18, I dated a 27 year old. I more less lived with her and she had a 8 yr old daughter. For the first 6 months she was under the pretense that I was 19.

It was somewhat of a big deal since the legal drinking age in my province was 19. The good thing was I was usually with an older crowd and the bars I hung out at didn't usually ask for ID, however the few times that I did ask were awkward.

The funny part was her daughter found out about 2 months before her mom and tried to tell her mom but her mom didn't believe her. It wasn't until my 19th bday that I finally had to come clean. By then she had enough invested in me that it didn't matter.

So the moral of the story is you have to get her invested in your relationship so that a trivial detail isn't worth throwing everything away over.

 

[Latinoman]

Centaurion...trust me...this is NOTHING. Try going from one relationship to another and confessing to your new interest the fact that you are currently seeing someone that has no future with you while hoping she doesn't shut you down. Hey...if women go from vine to vine, so should men.

If she is the type that believe a PhD is going to define the character of a man...then she is not for you. As you and I know that the character of a man is not defined by titles nor degrees.

But to answer your question. Just ignore it for the time being. Do NOT lie. Simply ignore this and continue having fun and phucking the heck out of you. Then some day you can casually mention something about your class. And if it comes out, then say..."Hey, for some reason I thought I told you I was working on my masters".

 

[JustDoItAlways]

If you are thinking LT with her, you should clear up the misunderstanding as soon as the timing seems right.

There is nothing that loses more trust with a new girl than lieing early on in a relationship. You don't need to volunteer information (and you shouldn't) but she will interpret "her misunderstanding" as "you lieing" to her.

In college, talking about what program you are in usually surfaces very early. Ask her about hers next time you meet and then tell her about yours.

Masters in Law student should be good enough for a PhD (in ?) student.

 

[Albion10]

Don't assume that she likes you only because you're a PhD candidate. There is a chance this is true, but I would say there's a better chance there isn't. When the issue comes up in conversation again I would say, "You know I'm not a PhD candidate, I'm only an undergrad." or whatever. If you've stimulated her thus far, the simple fact that you're not a PhD student isn't going to matter all that much. You can always say, "It really didn't seem all that important to me at the time" if she questions it.

Then again, there's always a chance that she's in it for the money and/or power. If she is, then you don't want her anyway.

Good luck.

-Al

 

[amoka]

Really, I don't think letting her know of your educational status at this time is that of important. If your educational status is an important thing to her, I'm sure she'll ask you again within the next couple of days. If that happens, I suggest you tell her exactly what others have suggested... namely "Such a status is not that of importance to me so I never bothered to discuss it...

 

[joekerr31]

ok, my 2 cents.

if you are the prize (or at least think of yourself as the prize). and she is lucky to have you. and you are the dominant one (even if only by a hair) and she is submissive. they why the f*ck would be afraid to tell her anything.

SHE has to impress YOU. not the other f*cking way around. and if it IS the other way around, then you're going to get your nuts handed to you long term.

this is also why i have issues with guys who lie to a chic to get what they want. it flies in the face of seeing yourself as the prize. it actually says "sh*t, i know im not hte prize, so i better lie so that she doesn't catch on to that."

but all that aside...

the very fact that you don't know what to do in this situation tells me that you're at risk of falling into the AFC zone.

either put this whole thing out of your mind. OR, if you have an issue where you are concerned she is under a misguided idea, then correct it subtely. talk to her about your classes. or let her see you carrying some of your class text books.

when she goes "why are you reading that. I thought you were doing your PHD in blah blah blah." you can then say "What made you think that?"

anyway, whatever you do STOP worrying about what she thinks and start seeing yourself as the prize. the moment you do this she will become even more attracted to you and will spend all her time worrying to herself whether she's living up to YOUR expectations. Either that or she'll be in fantasy land dreaming about how great your kids will look.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Here's an idea - don't start a relationship with her! Spin her like any number of non-exclusive plates that you would date anyway. You're 25, don't consider monogamy untill you're 28.

 

[lee36044]

Hey Centaurion,

I like Rollo's advice best but will say this ... it isn't the degree that attracts "smart" women as much as the quality of the mind itself. Let it come out so you don't come across like a liar, but it probably won't matter. My experience is she won't care because you caught her interest without the PhD anyway! But listen to Rollo and a few others ... have the fun, keep it uncommitted, and let the long term stuff work out over the long term!

Regards

 

[Desdinova]

I have to ask this question: Since when has a guy's education or intelligence affected his chance of getting laid? If this were the case, all the computer nerds playing Magic in high school would have been getting more pu55y than the dumb jocks who played football and were learning to add fractions in their grade 11 math class.

Education doesn't mean 5hit. How you make her feel is what's going to matter.

Also, don't feel bad for wondering if a girl was LTR material. I did the same thing. A LTR doesn't necessarily mean marriage. It could mean you're sick of dating tons of bimbos and would like to find a woman who can put 10,000 bimbos to shame.

 

[Latinoman]

Having a b/f or a husband with Dr. in front of their name, makes a woman feel a lot.
especialy in todays society of white picket fences and keeping up with the johnses.

I guess it depends on the type of chick she is.....if she is a little snobby (you can guess the rest)

No everyone with a PhD makes lot of $$$. In fact, many (depending of the degree) are academics and some don't even reach the 6 figures.

 

[Vulpine]

One word:

Oneitis.

Careful.:nono:

 

[Desdinova]

Having a b/f or a husband with Dr. in front of their name, makes a woman feel a lot.

Well, if she's only dating him because of the fantasies she's creating in her own head, she can't blame him if he's getting a degree in scrap metal collecting. If she does, she a nutcase and should be NEXTed.

Also, an education doesn't necessarily mean instant money. You could be a surgeon, and the only thing you're fixing up is a Big Mac at McDonalds.

 

[Centaurion]

Btw, she doing a PhD in law.

I should have been more clear. I do have other plates spinning (3), but this one is emerging as the lead horse. The other chicks I'm seing are your average run of the mill bubble head college chicks. As Desdinova touched, I'm tired of dating your average college cvm slut.

We've gone out on a one more date since I wrote the last post. She brought up law in the conversation, but I skirted it once again. I thinkI'm going to let sleeping dogs lie and take it as it comes. I've never lied to her, and it's not my fault if she keeps buiding up fantasy castles.

I should know better.

 

[MacAvoy]

I should know better.

What is it that makes us self destructing?

 

[Centaurion]

A quick update.

I'm sitting at the library when I'm writing this. She walked in and totally gave me the cold shoulder. I said 'hi' to her, but she looked away and sat down at the computer terminal furthest away from me. She logged on MSN, so I sent her a message saying,

Cent :"Hey, what's up with the cold shoulder?"
She replied with: "I don't like being played like a fool, and I don't feel like I know you at all."

I was going to write something back, but at that moment one of my other plates walked in with a bunch of her girlfriends. Naturally I started cracking jokes and having fun with them, I could see that HBPhD was watching what we were doing. So I sent her a brief message saying : "I'm sorry you feel like this", and went out to lunch with my other plate and her girlfriends. The look HBPhD gave me was fvcking priceless. An hour later I got a text message from her where she was apolegtic and wanted to know if I was free for lunch on Saturday. I told her I was busy all weekend, so I might meet her next week.

My plan is to play it cool with her and let her know that I have other options besides her.

 

[whistler]

A quick update.

I'm sitting at the library when I'm writing this. She walked in and totally gave me the cold shoulder. I said 'hi' to her, but she looked away and sat down at the computer terminal furthest away from me. She logged on MSN, so I sent her a message saying,

Cent :"Hey, what's up with the cold shoulder?"
She replied with: "I don't like being played like a fool, and I don't feel like I know you at all."

I was going to write something back, but at that moment one of my other plates walked in with a bunch of her girlfriends. Naturally I started cracking jokes and having fun with them, I could see that HBPhD was watching what we were doing. So I sent her a brief message saying : "I'm sorry you feel like this", and went out to lunch with my other plate and her girlfriends. The look HBPhD gave me was fvcking priceless. An hour later I got a text message from her where she was apolegtic and wanted to know if I was free for lunch on Saturday. I told her I was busy all weekend, so I might meet her next week.

My plan is to play it cool with her and let her know that I have other options besides her.

Well, that's that. Luckily for you, you came off as valuable and it worked out in your favor. If you had continued to skirt the issue, it no doubt would have blown up in your face. Who would want a serious relationship based on intentional deceit? If you do want something serious now, you'll have to discuss it immediately. Otherwise, trust me, it will only fester.

 

[S.S.N. 318]

I was going to write something back, but at that moment one of my other plates walked in with a bunch of her girlfriends. Naturally I started cracking jokes and having fun with them, I could see that HBPhD was watching what we were doing. So I sent her a brief message saying : "I'm sorry you feel like this", and went out to lunch with my other plate and her girlfriends. The look HBPhD gave me was fvcking priceless. An hour later I got a text message from her where she was apolegtic and wanted to know if I was free for lunch on Saturday. I told her I was busy all weekend, so I might meet her next week.

My plan is to play it cool with her and let her know that I have other options besides her.

Good job cuz...keep doing ya thing....