Rejected - what did I do wrong?

[Cyfer]

17 here. Just did a week-long course where I stayed with 30 other students at a university. We had a lot of free time to go into town and relax so naturally I got to know everyone and tried to hit on the hottest girl.

I seemed to get pretty well with the girl, she was super comfortable with physical interaction, although I never tried to hold her by her waist. The only time she rejected my interaction was when we were sitting down and I tried to put my arm around her shoulders. However it was in a jokey manner and I dismissed it, act like nothing happened right?
I had talked with her a great deal, and she was comfortable joking and talking about sexual topics (I didn't mean to shift it there, it just seemed to come up, and I took it as a good sign since I read that this is something you should do - get on sexual topics)

So it was nearing the end and I still hadn't found the perfect opportunity to try to kiss her, and I had no idea how to do it. There was one guy that had been doing magic tricks all week as an icebreaker and I decided to play off him, doing my own one where the 'magic' was a kiss. I tried to get her away from the others but she took a lot of convincing, finally following me out after a minute or two. It was ridiculously unsubtle - everyone knew I wanted to get her alone.

Did the trick, when it got to the part where she kisses you (just a peck on the lips) she didn't want to do it and kept asking 'why'. I told her I liked her, she just kept looking into my eyes, but she never said 'I'm not interested'. She kept smiling so I went in for the kiss myself but she moved away.

What did I do wrong? Everyone said she was playing hard to get, and berated her for giving out strong signals.
The magic trick was ****ing chumpish. I think since it was so unsubtle getting her away from everyone I should have just gone completely unsubtle, took her hands and tried to kiss her without any bull**** trick. In my mind, I'm convinced that would have worked. She never said once she wasn't interested and had smiled the whole way through.


Either way I still had a great time flirting and it was a great experience. I tried to take it reallllyyyy slowly this time since I've screwed up several times previously being too fast.

Towards the end, I stopped liking her since she was too shy, but I decided to try to kiss her anyway since I'm a kissless virgin and I need to push my limits. Yeah it was a bad idea since I didn't like her, but it was a good idea in that I learned a huge amount.

Any advice? If you need more information, just ask. I didn't spend all my time with her. I probably cut out on time I could have spent talking to guy friends to spend time with her, but I made sure to talk to other girls, play footy with the guys, take time away from her to chill after long interactions/conversations etc.


Edit: She said later to some girl friends that she had made a 'terrible mistake' but that could mean anything so I chose to ignore it. Plus female gossip isn't the most reliable of sources....
Had this one other girl hitting on me throughout the whole course though wasn't interested. Felt good that gym, confidence and posture are really working.

 

[RiceandChicken]

You might have been a bit needy in this regard. Good job on trying to escalate physically; but honestly I think you might have over done it here. And also, the magic trick shi*, don't do that. As you said: it's chumpish. Just kiss her; no BS involved. Hope ya learned out of this experience.

 

[Cyfer]

You might have been a bit needy in this regard. Good job on trying to escalate physically; but honestly I think you might have over done it here. And also, the magic trick shi*, don't do that. As you said: it's chumpish. Just kiss her; no BS involved. Hope ya learned out of this experience.

Overdone the physicality or trying to get close to her? What ways can I counteract being needy? I took the piss out of her when she deserved it, but I guess I jumped the gun too quickly to try to be around her when walking places.

Thanks, I learned a lot.

Do you think I'm hindering myself by always going for the cutest girls whenever I meet new people, and remaining a guy that's never been kissed (and still a virgin)? To me, my progress is slowly better. It seems that whilst I haven't even been kissed yet, when I do, it will be with a smoking girl that I really connect with.

 

[AlexLefty]

She sounds like your typical female attention wh0re who knows she's hot.

17 here. Just did a week-long course where I stayed with 30 other students at a university. We had a lot of free time to go into town and relax so naturally I got to know everyone and tried to hit on the hottest girl.

I seemed to get pretty well with the girl, she was super comfortable with physical interaction, although I never tried to hold her by her waist. The only time she rejected my interaction was when we were sitting down and I tried to put my arm around her shoulders. However it was in a jokey manner and I dismissed it, act like nothing happened right?
I had talked with her a great deal, and she was comfortable joking and talking about sexual topics (I didn't mean to shift it there, it just seemed to come up, and I took it as a good sign since I read that this is something you should do - get on sexual topics) Sexual topics aren't a necessity. I find it interesting though so it's something i frequently talk about.

So it was nearing the end and I still hadn't found the perfect opportunity to try to kiss her you're thinking too much here, and it probably tainted your actions, and I had no idea how to do it. There was one guy that had been doing magic tricks all week as an icebreaker and I decided to play off him, doing my own one where the 'magic' was a kiss Never again.. I tried to get her away from the others but she took a lot of convincing, finally following me out after a minute or two. It was ridiculously unsubtle - everyone knew I wanted to get her alone <-- a sign that you're showing too much interest, which she can perceive as needy/desperate. Listen, all you have to do to kiss a girl is kiss her. You'll get a subtle feeling from within telling you when the time is right. You look into her eyes for a few seconds, and then kiss her. If you really need a line: "on a scale from 1 to 10, how good of a kisser are you?" -> kiss. (there are a few more subtle things to do as well, but just work on this before you move into more "advanced" stuff)

Did the trick, when it got to the part where she kisses you (just a peck on the lips) she didn't want to do it and kept asking 'why'. I told her I liked her, she just kept looking into my eyes, but she never said 'I'm not interested'. She kept smiling so I went in for the kiss myself but she moved away. This didn't work because she could tell it was pre-meditated, which means you thought about beforehand and weren't spontaneous, which means you're very invested in her, which means she has higher value than you, which means she's not attracted. Also, she could probably tell within your first few interactions that you were trying to hook up with her, which repeats initiates that cycle.

What did I do wrong? Hopefully you can discern the answer from the stuff above. Everyone said she was playing hard to get, and berated her for giving out strong signals.
The magic trick was ****ing chumpish. I think since it was so [unsubtle] <--implying that the answer is to be subtle. You're not trying to 'trick' her. A better word would be Spontaneous. getting her away from everyone I should have just gone completely unsubtle, took her hands and tried to kiss her without any bull**** trick. In my mind, I'm convinced that would have worked. She never said once she wasn't interested and had smiled the whole way through.


Either way I still had a great time flirting and it was a great experience. I tried to take it reallllyyyy slowly this time since I've screwed up several times previously being too fast.

Towards the end, I stopped liking her since she was too shy, but I decided to try to kiss her anyway since I'm a kissless virgin and I need to push my limits. Yeah it was a bad idea since I didn't like her, but it was a good idea in that I learned a huge amount.

Any advice? If you need more information, just ask. I didn't spend all my time with her. I probably cut out on time I could have spent talking to guy friends to spend time with her, but I made sure to talk to other girls, play footy with the guys, take time away from her to chill after long interactions/conversations etc.


Edit: She said later to some girl friends that she had made a 'terrible mistake' but that could mean anything so I chose to ignore it. Plus female gossip isn't the most reliable of sources....
Had this one other girl hitting on me throughout the whole course though wasn't interested. <-Shoulda used that more to your advantage Felt good that gym, confidence and posture are really working.

 

[Cyfer]

She sounds like your typical female attention wh0re who knows she's hot.

Thanks for your help, I'm starting to further understand where I went wrong.

What should I do when I have a 'deadline' though, the end of the course? I had half a day left to see her after the time I tried to kiss her and it looked like I was going to be around/working with her at all that day. She lives 30-40 mins away from me, but I wanted to cement something, and not give her a reason to flake on me when we were back in our home city.

What you said about spontaneity is really interesting. Its weird how vital it is to every interaction, but then again knowing when to restrain it is similarly critical. For now I think I'm happy siding on excessive spontaneity until I can become completely natural as you've advised.

I don't think it was an issue that it was unsubtle. In fact, I prefer being direct. I think the issue was the discord between me waiting throughout the whole week to get close to her vs. becoming her to come to talk to me in private in front of everyone.

I'll try using that kissing line

 

[DanZy]

Once you're holding hands, you're in; just remember that.
Open up your options mate, flirt with all the girls and just have fun. Once she sees your focus isn't solely on her she'll be trying to get your attention like crazy

 

[Cyfer]

Once you're holding hands, you're in; just remember that.
Open up your options mate, flirt with all the girls and just have fun. Once she sees your focus isn't solely on her she'll be trying to get your attention like crazy

Yeah this was really apparent - I started joking about pick up lines with a girl that was interested in me (but it was not reciprocal...) and the girl I liked (the one from the OP) instantly butted in between us.

But then when I shifted my attention back to her, it didn't seem to pan out.


Edit:
Ahahahaha I'm adding people on facebook from the course and it is crazy how good some of the girls look compared to real life. They must have put so much effort in getting the perfect picture it's crazy.

 

[AlexLefty]

Thanks for your help, I'm starting to further understand where I went wrong.

What should I do when I have a 'deadline' though, the end of the course? I had half a day left to see her after the time I tried to kiss her and it looked like I was going to be around/working with her at all that day. She lives 30-40 mins away from me, but I wanted to cement something, and not give her a reason to flake on me when we were back in our home city.

What you said about spontaneity is really interesting. Its weird how vital it is to every interaction, but then again knowing when to restrain it is similarly critical. Right, but don't start thinking: "Lefty said I have to be spontaneous to get girls, so I'm going to be spontaneous as fvck so I can get all the girls!". No! You're not being spontaneous as like a gimmick to get girls, you're being spontaneous because that's who you are naturally and you're just spontaneous because sometimes random **** pops into your head and you feel like doing it. It must be genuine. For now I think I'm happy siding on excessive spontaneity until I can become completely natural <--This is the goal: but understand it will take years to achieve this. And I'd say less than 1% of the male population has actually done it as you've advised.

I don't think it was an issue that it was unsubtle. In fact, I prefer being direct. I'm saying you were being unsubtle in a pre-meditated, non-spontaneous way, which is why it failed. I think the issue was the discord between me waiting throughout the whole week to get close to her vs. becoming her to come to talk to me in private in front of everyone.

I'll try using that kissing line

^^^

 

[RiceandChicken]

Well, remaining kissless and all, if ya want to get rid of it quick, lower your standards. That's your choice though. I'm not saying for go fatties and fuglies but do lower if a couple of points or so.

Anyways, good to know you learned from it.

 

[Cyfer]

Thanks guys, will take into account your advice and see how new situations turn out

 

[Purefilth]

Rejection doesnt necessarily mean you did something wrong.

She was just not attracted to you. That is all.

If she was attracted to you, then all these little niggles that have been pointed out would be obsolete. NOTHING really matters if she fancies you.

 

[switch]

fvck it. just another failure,learn, move on. be happy you werent orbiting her for 4 years

 

[Cyfer]

Rejection doesnt necessarily mean you did something wrong.

She was just not attracted to you. That is all.

If she was attracted to you, then all these little niggles that have been pointed out would be obsolete. NOTHING really matters if she fancies you.

Yeah she probably didn't fall head over heels over me the first time she laid eyes on me, but can't you build attraction over time if you two connect and make the right moves?
I'm not saying it's always going to work, but surely doing the right things should help?

Since acting confident is such a big part of attraction

 

[RiceandChicken]

Yes you can build attraction over time. But when you're needy like you were with that girl, to the point where everyone that was there knew you wanted to get her alone, that works against you. You have to keep her hamster rolling. Make her fall for you. Not you falling for her.