Regret moving in with GF

[Technics]

Should have listened to the advice I got about not moving in.. She did something that I would have usually frozen her out for or soft nexted for but as we live together I couldn't. I feel like I have lost some power.

Is there anyway I can move out without destroying the relationship? Easy for me to leave as it's her place and I have a backup place to stay...

 

[Bible_Belt]

Does she know you're mad? Are you two able to communicate about something like this without fighting?

 

[MOTU]

^^^This. If your relationship is serious enough to be living together, you need to be able to communicate well enough to set and enforce your boundaries. I have said things like "I am angry with you right now. I am going for a motorcycle ride, then I am coming home and going to bed. We'll resolve this in the morning.". Then stand your ground when she wants to argue it out right then and there. This has sometimes resulted in being woken up by a blow job.

I guess you could also get really busy with your hobbies (you DO have hobbies of your own, right) and not be around much.

 

[Desdinova]

Is there anyway I can move out without destroying the relationship?

Women expect progression in their relationships. They expect meet, date, kiss, fvck, become exclusive, move in together, get engaged, get married, have kids, live happily ever after.

When you back-pedal, you're not moving along with her expected progression. If you had told her "I'm not ready to move in with anybody YET", you avoid making the move, but will likely retain her expected progression.

If you give the woman no sense of a future, she will find somebody who will.

 

[Embers84]

Should have listened to the advice I got about not moving in.. She did something that I would have usually frozen her out for or soft nexted for but as we live together I couldn't. I feel like I have lost some power.

Is there anyway I can move out without destroying the relationship? Easy for me to leave as it's her place and I have a backup place to stay...

You lost your power by moving into her place. When you move into her place, you are just an occupant, where she can treat you anyway she likes. It's her place, therefore she feels she has the power over you since you don't own it and she does.

If you owned the place, then you can set the rules and hold the power. Since you're just living there, you're a occupant, she can set the tone making life difficult for you.

What did she do that was so bad? Seems like more people want to leave rather than fix the problems that happen in the course of a relationship. That's the problems you run into when you live with a woman. You need to be able to work through any problems and not just leave when a problem comes up. Remember that you're the one who signed up to move in with her at her place.

Since she let you stay at her place, and you're leaving over a problem, she won't take too kindly to that and it will ruin the relationship. You're walking out and leaving her place, which will make things more complicated. She will use that against you anytime she wants to make you out to be the bad guy.

"Here I was nice enough to let you live with me and this is how you repay me?"

She has pleny of ammo to shoot you down, and you're giving it to her. If you can't work things out, then leave for your own piece of mind, but don't expect your relationship to survive once you go out the door.

If you move out and THEN she contacts you? Well, you have all your power back now.

He will not have his power back after moving out of a place he was an occupant in. He will have less power than he did before, moving into her place and then leaving with her using it against him.

 

[Technics]

We ended up resolving the issue this morning before work without turning it into an argument which was good but not before she tried to manipulate me into a guilt trip!

I guess I'm just used to freezing a girl out after some unwanted behaviour but this whole living together thing is a whole new ball game. A big learning experience.

 

[logicallefty]

One move you can try in this situation is to send her a text, make sure it's a text or Email / something in writing.. And say "I will be away for a few days collecting my thoughts. Be back on Xday". Before you go make sure you grab several pieces of paper mail with your name at that address, and a few of your most important items 'just in case'. Then leave and go NC, dont talk to her while you are gone. With the mail proving "you do live there" and the text proving "you aren't moving out, just leaving for a few days", you will protect yourself in case she gets pi$$ed and decides she doesnt want you to come back. Even though it's her house, she can't just kick you out she will have to evict you. But hopefully all will be good after a few days NC break. Come back when you said you would and see if she shifts her back on track. If not, consider moving out for good on your terms.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Technics,
In her eyes there is no relationship if you pull out...What plausible excuse can you give?...She will lose face with her Friends...But you have learned a valuable lesson...Could have been worse,she could have moved in with you,that would have been really Bluddy....I was in a similar situation long time ago ago LOL...Messy,I walked away as Paul Simon sang years ago... slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
Make yourself free!
After?.....You just have to retrieve what is left in the embers,maybe she will put out for you...maybe not,whatever you do,don't crawl back...If she does then max three nights a week and spin plates,improve yourself in the other four!
And get yourself free!

 

[YawataNoKami]

Moving in with a woman is like sitting through a screening of Beverly Hills Chihuahua with a clothespin on your b@llsack: it’s completely miserable, it hurts like hell, and you gain absolutely nothing from it.

And PALIMONY............

 

[AgesDuctPro]

What did she do that you didn't like?

 

[Tenacity]

Why are you moving in with your GF in the first place? Because I notice you said you moved in with HER, not that she moved in with YOU. Are you one of these loser guys who lives off women?

Until you answer that, I don't know how to help you. If you are a loser living off of HER DIME then she runs the household buddy, so just (as the pro wrestler says) "know your role, shut your damn mouth" and continue being a member of her "queen-dom".

If you don't like that, then get out. Seeing as though you have a "backup place" to stay, which I guess is another person you are going to live off of huh?

 

[G_Govan]

Why aren't you providing details about the actual disagreement?

That's a crucial bit of information. For all we know she could have ironed a pair of your underwear and it pissed you off...

 

[Technics]

Why are you moving in with your GF in the first place? Because I notice you said you moved in with HER, not that she moved in with YOU. Are you one of these loser guys who lives off women?

Until you answer that, I don't know how to help you. If you are a loser living off of HER DIME then she runs the household buddy, so just (as the pro wrestler says) "know your role, shut your damn mouth" and continue being a member of her "queen-dom".

If you don't like that, then get out. Seeing as though you have a "backup place" to stay, which I guess is another person you are going to live off of huh?

We moved to a new town together and her work supply a house to her. I was hesitant at first because of reasons you touch on but she said to me "I don't want this to be you coming to stay with me.....I want it to be OUR place." She has held her word on this and I run the household. We split rent and bills 50/50.

 

[Embers84]

This is what I stated - which you then went on to disagree with

You have lost some power.

If you move out and THEN she contacts you? Well, you have all your power back now.

I am disagreeing with you, but that is not what you stated. You said he lost "some power". He never had any power to begin with moving into her place. Then you claimed he will get all of his power back when he moves out and she contacts him. How can he get back "power" he never had? That is what you are claiming and I'm disagreeing with.

I posted this, but didn't spell it out. I assumed everyone would know. When you move in, it definitely decreases your power- she knows your whereabouts 24/7, and you can't get distance or create mystery.

No, you did not post that or even come close to verbalizing those sentiments. All you said was he lost "some power", talk it over with her, if he moves out and she contacts him he will regain his "power".

Moving in only decreases your power if you move into her place as an occupant. If you move her into your place, you own the place, and can run it anyway you like on your terms. So, do you believe men who live with women at the man's place has decreased power?

Agreed. But if she wants to make it work, the talk I suggested may work. If she doesn't, nothing will work, why stay and be miserable.

Communication is important with every relationship. Moving out over something small or something that can be easily worked out is irresponsible. We don't even know what the quarrel was over since he refuses to provide us the details.

You just disagreed with yourself. Earlier , above you said he lost his power when he moved in. Thus, he regains it when he moves out. He should have the talk. If it can't be resolved, move out.

I've never disagreed with myself. Where are you getting that from? You're disagreeing with the new claims you're making from what you originally said before.

He had no power when he moved in, and he will have no power he moves out. You're claiming he will gain power when he moves out. How can he regain power he never even had? You're saying that he will gain power, that's the claim you're making here.

He is already IN her place!and then leaving with her using it against him.Not sure what you mean here.

Why aren't you sure? Don't you know your own advice you're giving this guy?

If he moves out, he is no longer in her place, is he? He was concerned that if he moves out, that will destroy the relationship. That's why he wrote this thread looking for advice. Aren't you following what's going on? When he moves out, she can use his actions of moving out, to use against him for her not wanting to salvage the relationship.

The bottom line is, have a chat. If it can't be resolved, he needs to decide whether to leave.

Decide whether to leave? If it can't be resolved, he should leave, that is the whole point. Why would you still stay at a woman's place when an issue can't be resolved? She would probably make him leave if that was the case.

That isn't what we are discussing here. He wanted to know if he moves out if it would ruin the relationship. Moving out would ruin the relationship. That's why he needs to see if it can be worked out. If it can't, he needs to move out, and expect to have this relationship ended for good.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

"We moved to a new town together and her work supplied a house for her"

Did she get transferred by her job or moved for her job and you followed?

-Augustus-

 

[Technics]

"We moved to a new town together and her work supplied a house for her"

Did she get transferred by her job or moved for her job and you followed?

-Augustus-

I wanted to move to this place for a work opportunity and she followed.

 

[Embers84]

I have no clue what you're trying to argue. Your argument is all over the map here. You attack me, agree with me at times, and then you disagree with yourself from what you originally said.

NOT in a tizzy, like you are

You're in a tizzy, getting angry, writing in bold, insulting me, making up lies, bringing up politics, disagreeing with yourself and then agreeing with me at the same time.

Then I looked at all the shaming language you continuously use.

You are a twisted, terrible mess.

you are a woman.

By the way, Obama sucks azz.

Looks like you're the one shaming me here.

When you live with a woman , you give up some power.

If you move out and THEN she contacts you? Well, you have all your power back now.

You lost your power by moving into her place. When you move into her place, you are just an occupant, where she can treat you anyway she likes. It's her place, therefore she feels she has the power over you since you don't own it and she does.

That is what I said. He had no power to begin with by moving into her place. Leaving her place won't give him anymore power, as you claim, when she still has the power over him. You are wrong, getting angry, and arguing with me.

If it HER place, it is 10x as bad, because then she actually owns /leases the place and can ask you to leave, at will. With you unprepared.

Decide whether to leave? If it can't be resolved, he should leave, that is the whole point. Why would you still stay at a woman's place when an issue can't be resolved? She would probably make him leave if that was the case.

My God! Look at you go! Round and round, twisted in a knot!

Are you even following what's going on here? You're agreeing with me and then you are disagreeing with me saying I'm twisted in a knot. You're the one twisting in a knot, not even knowing what you're saying. You don't even know if you're coming or going. :crackup:

Lol, I feel like a Grade 2 teacher. If he has a talk, and it is not satisfactory to him he can say that is not acceptable and he is moving out. If she changes her mind and wants to talk more.......then she is seeing the light......and he has regained some power and respect

He isn't regaining any power. Why can't you understand that? He is still staying at her place with the same decreased power. If she views him as a powerless man, he won't regain any power when he moves out, she will still think of him as the same.

If she disagrees, he can pack and go...AGAIN regaining his power because once again he is a free man, not under her thumb, rules and watchful eye. Once he leaves, if he leaves and it is on the terms that the relationship is over.....fine. If he leaves and the relationship is not over ...fine. Maybe they get along fine dating, but not living together.

If he moves out of her place, that will cause problems that she can always use against him anytime an argument comes up. If they can't be compatible living together, there is no point in continuing the relationship to the next level since that already failed.

He said he would normally soft next a girl for the offense, he no longer has that option because he lives with her. Why is this so difficult for you?

Why is it so difficult for you? I already said he gave up his power by moving into her place. You're twisting in the wind, all over the map with your defensive knotted arguments.

You have NO idea if that is true. Him respectfully telling her that what she did was unacceptable may wake her the h3ll up and have her apologize. If not, he simply quietly , calmly states (NOT in a tizzy, like you are ) that he feels it would be best if they lived apart. Now......he can soft next, like he wants. A week of him not being there may have her back to the bargaining table....or not. But he has to decide that.

Is there anyway I can move out without destroying the relationship?.

Obviously it is true, since he has concerns about it. Why do you think he wrote this thread? Just for fun?

If they aren't compatible living together, then the relationship won't work out in the long run. Any future arguments they have, she can use his moving out against him, since she held the original power over him when he moved into her place. Do you finally understand that?

 

[Tiguere]

OP resolved the issue.... She slept with another man. They talked it out. Gave her one more chance