Recovery 101: How to stop hating women

[Mr_knowit_all]

I agreed with you up to the point where you said they start perfecting their dating skills.

I was talking to this girl i'm dating the other night. I never call her but we email back and forth from work and talk on aim occasionally when we don't see each other.

The other night she was on AIM and i was doing my own thing. After a while she msgs me "not talking to me?" (yeah.. eye roll..) Of course i respond i already talked to you earlier today. And she responds back "i read somewhere that guys who only email or send txt msgs only want sex."

WTF? Women have no idea more about relationships than men. She told me she read that on "yahoo." Men don't have crazy rules like that. They don't. We have in general rules but nothing so damn specific... and definitely nothing so specific while being downright wrong.

The reasons I don't call girls? I have no landline and my signal is sh1t at my house. A phone conversation is unbearable.. and i don't want to talk on the phone anyway. How the hell can one conclude that i'm only in it for sex because i only email or txt?!

I actually googled this, and it's out there. There are columns telling women not to accept dates from txt msgs. "If a guy asks you to hang out in a txt msg tell him to call you and ask you out properly or you won't go out with them." LOL if any girl treats me like a child and scolds me for the method i ask her out she can go back to dating chumps. No wonder why women b1tch. They are their own undoing. Yeah i send txt msgs "let's get mexican tonight...?" Damn right.. it's better for me than calling and her hearing "le... mex.. night" as my phone cracks up.

You honestly don't think women in general start honing their dating skills long before men? While most guys are participating in sports, most women are focusing on dating. Have you ever read a woman's magazine? Most of the articles are about how to attract men.

Now I agree that you can't make a blanket statement that all women have better dating skills than men, but I don't think it's too far of a stretch to say that in general they are far ahead of most men in the dating game.

 

[lurker]

half -good post . but i still think women are to blame. all we can do as men on the journey to self-satisfaction. is to work on our body and mind. untill we get to the point were we truly know we are the prize and not waht some women say. dont get carried away guys. many of you strive to perfect but will not get all the women you want. read some tips about being a man. thats the best bet for us. couldnt care waht some woman thinks about me.
im with knowit all on this. im sick of this **** about men being at fault. we have our faults and i think our only fault is being too afc. or acting to tough. or being a loser in life. apart from that we dont got issue's or play games like women. my anger towards women have gone now. i know they can be retarded so i acept them like that.

 

[mrRuckus]

You honestly don't think women in general start honing their dating skills long before men? While most guys are participating in sports, most women are focusing on dating. Have you ever read a woman's magazine? Most of the articles are about how to attract men.

Now I agree that you can't make a blanket statement that all women have better dating skills than men, but I don't think it's too far of a stretch to say that in general they are far ahead of most men in the dating game.

Have you read those tips that they learn in those magazines? They're RETARDED.

Yup i honestly think they have no idea. If they were were so clued in there wouldn't be so much relationship turmoil. Go read any women's dating message board. They're in chaos. Cliche after cliche of sh1t that doesn't work. Women can't even tell you what they are attracted to barely.. how are they going to understand men if they don't understand themselves? Why do you think it's preached here to listen to what women do and not what they say? Because women have no idea what they are talking about.

You said yourself women need to knock the games off because it'd solve a lot of problems. See, women are playing games that aren't effective for what they want. How is that dating skill? It sounds to me like self sabotage.

 

[Zebedee]

I think that anyone who is Misogynistic is a real fVcking pr!ck. If you hate women how do you expect them to like you or respect you. If a woman turns you down hey its just too bad, **** happens it doesn't make them a bad person just because they dont fancy you. Look at it this way if you keep getting rejected by women then you need to look at why this keeps happening rather than just putting all the blame on them. Good post

 

[resilient]

10 years lead time

You honestly don't think women in general start honing their dating skills long before men? While most guys are participating in sports, most women are focusing on dating. Have you ever read a woman's magazine? Most of the articles are about how to attract men.

Now I agree that you can't make a blanket statement that all women have better dating skills than men, but I don't think it's too far of a stretch to say that in general they are far ahead of most men in the dating game.

I forget which dating guru said it, but psychological-wise, women have a 10 year lead time ahead of us in dating because of relationships being their #1 focus and turf. So a female who's 22 is actually 32 psychologically.

Girls just hitting their teens are already reading cosmo and discovering the 10 quickest way to attract a male or treat him right bed. It's wrong, but parents aren't watching carefully enough what their kids are reading, watching, or talking about in school. After jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend they have enough dating experience of what to expect from the male and how long they want the relationship to last or what their goals are for the relationship. Women are extremely good at judging behavior and never forget a word that's been said.

The problem AFCs have is they have to undo all the brainwashing they've been forcefed by Hollywood and the media all their lives. The media is controled by the women, so it's no wonder we're confused about what it means to be a man, and how we should act. Thankfully sites like this exist to help us curve us back on the path towards manhood.

Hating women is just a temporary phase and we learn to love them again and accept them for who they are. The best part about DJing, is that we learn to develop standards and learn how to judge a woman's actions instead of her words. There are good ones out there, we just have to become part of the good ones ourselves. Removing the hate, improves our growth and success with women.

 

[Mr_knowit_all]

I think that anyone who is Misogynistic is a real fVcking pr!ck. If you hate women how do you expect them to like you or respect you. If a woman turns you down hey its just too bad, **** happens it doesn't make them a bad person just because they dont fancy you. Look at it this way if you keep getting rejected by women then you need to look at why this keeps happening rather than just putting all the blame on them. Good post

Firstly, there's a big difference between being frustrated with women, and misogynistic. Did you ever think that the "why" this keeps happening part could have something to do with women's unrealistic expectations of men?

Have you gone to some of these online dating sites? I think some of these women are in la la land. They have a laundry list of prerequisites for the men they want. You'd have to be a character from a romance novel to fulfill this role.

Again, quit laying it off on men. Maybe we're doing things right, and women are the ones who need to change. Maybe they need to ask themselves why they prefer guys who treat them badly, and dump men who were good to them. Maybe they need to look at themselves and ask why they get to play the victim role, when some of them are doing the victimizing.

 

[d9930380]

The letting your guard down part is just when a guy becomes comfortable. Guys generally don't like doing much except watching sport and sometimes their hobbies. Women like to DO things/have things happening and constantly talk about everything. It's like Chris Rock says "All you want a women to do is SHUT THE **** UP".

Once a guy has one he falls back into his single routine thinking his job is done and that's when a women will get pissed off (starting fights) and that might even make her start looking elsware.

It's not really the fault of women or men for that matter - just what happens if you choose this type of girl.

Some couples are fighers but it's the fights that keep them togeather (for this reason) and some girls ARE boring.

Quite frankly at this stage in my life - I just want a girl that wants to watch TV now.

 

[d9930380]

Basically what I'm saying. Don't blame women for anything, MOST of the time there is equal blame on both sides.

BTW - I was ALMOST getting to be a mysoginist for a while (my morals prevented me from really doing much) until I realised that it was eating at me and it was only when I realised MY faults and stupidity that I became happier and was ready to move on. It became mearly a learning experience rather than something that defined my oppinions. I recommend everyone here do the same thing.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

That's what I'm saying. Sometimes the chemistry isn't there, sometimes she has a character flaw, sometimes all she was looking for was a good time. But even in long term relationships, people sometimes grow apart. It might not be either person's fault. What I take issue with, is when you say that it's the guy who isn't doing something right, and that's why she left him.

We as individuals cannot control what other people do; we can only control the way we react to it. Men and women are both responsible for their own behaviors and actions. So lets remember that when you infer that a guy isn't doing everything right.

At the same time the guy can't be left faultless. In any type of relationship whatever each individual does (or doesn't do) either contributes to the relationship's growth or contaminates it. What's depressing is hearing the same guys saying over and over that it's the woman's fault and he has nothing to do with the breakup what so ever.

People (no matter the sex) leave a relationship for ultimately one reason, some need(s) weren't being met. The tell tale sign that a relationship is on shaky ground is when someones "expectations" seem as not to have been met. The problem with expectations is that they are seldom completely understood and/or agreed to by both people; that's the nature of an expectation.

The problem that happens in relationships is when the needs of each person isn't always know by the other. As logical as it may be that those needs are communicated by the person him/herself we all can understand that it may not always be practical (at least to that person). It may not be that easy to open up emotionally, there may be pride involved. Knowing that, would it be too much effort for the other person to ask about these needs proactively, for the sake of the relationship, to avoid those unknown expectations?

I'm not even saying that knowing those needs will insure that they will be able to be met. What I am saying is that at least if they are known a person can decide whether those needs could be contributed to somehow while bolstering the relationship or maybe other avenues should be considered.

Either way, a person who is engaged in the relationship at a level of knowing the needs of their partner, s/he should not be surprised if things start taking a turn for the worse; some known need isn't being met. If they end up breaking up the role of 'angry, bitter victim' would not be necessary, all would have been known.

But none the less, someone will bring up the point that there's no way for a person to know another's every need. Of course not, it's the important ones that matter. If a person doesn't make an effort to find out the important ones they should re-evaluate how they define a relationship.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I forget which dating guru said it, but psychological-wise, women have a 10 year lead time ahead of us in dating because of relationships being their #1 focus and turf. So a female who's 22 is actually 32 psychologically.

Girls just hitting their teens are already reading cosmo and discovering the 10 quickest way to attract a male or treat him right bed. It's wrong, but parents aren't watching carefully enough what their kids are reading, watching, or talking about in school. After jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend they have enough dating experience of what to expect from the male and how long they want the relationship to last or what their goals are for the relationship. Women are extremely good at judging behavior and never forget a word that's been said....

I don't know about the 10 year lead way relationship wise although I will admit that they more readily access relationship information than guys do. The problem is that the information that they gain is 10-20 years old and is mostly counterproductive. There are still women following the dating guide "The Rules" which to me is the ultimate guide to the games that women play. The same goes for most of the magazine articles from Cosmopolitan, Redbook, O Magazine and the like. The best thing that a guy can do is to accept that women are what they are however they have the ability not to let a woman's actions negatively impact their livelihood.

 

[d9930380]

By the way - this whole talk about how media turns us into AFCs is crap. I've watched Departed, Devil Wears Prada and Marie Antoinite recently and ALL those movies show the guy getting cheated on by the women and DWP and MA both involved an AFC getting cheated on. You are reading into something that doesn't exits. Same for shows like One Tree Hill and The OC if you watch them, hell One Tree Hill with the latino character in the 2nd series could have been a guy that was a Master Don Juan on this board - he REALLY knew the game.

But it's true that women mature faster than guys in everything. It's the reason why they do so much better in school now but aren't as good in the workplace because they have an unfair advantage at school and no initiative when actually doing anything that doesn't involve something that hasn't been taught. It's also the reason why boys who mature earlier go on to be more rounded well adjusted individuals later in life because they've grown up with ALL the girls interested in them simply because of their maturity.

Don't worry about it. It's nothing we can change, just date girls at least 5 years younger than you. Offcourse if the younger you are the gap should be less. Girls like older looking/acting men and guys like younger girls - everyone is happy. I've even said this to girls that where in my class at school and most agree. Some girls get pissed off because they think it's wrong but ****'em, it didn't stop them when they where younger. Again this is changing a little bit with women's lib for older women but generally when they date a toyboy they become the man by keeping his lazy ass - not always though.

Oh and for the poster who said about the unrealistic expectations for men. I'm afraid I agree with that one (there's actually a survey done on it that prooves this) and I've explained why I think it is but it's basically because we give all the power in the dating game to women by having to approach them and considering if we are successful then we've won something (score, get lucky etc). She's evaluating us and she has many suitors that she can choose from so therefore she doesn't feel like she should settle, we on the otherhand are just happy to have found someone to say yes. That said, the solution is to remember that WE choose initially and you just have to play the numbers game, keep approaching those you like and keep the plates spinning. But I always feel more confident when I'm out with a girl that's approached me. Nothing really we can do about that. I hope women's lib gets rid of the whole male approaching dynamic but I doubt it, those *****es are smart and know what advantages to keep and what to take.

 

[resilient]

The best thing that a guy can do is to accept that women are what they are however they have the ability not to let a woman's actions negatively impact their livelihood.

Spot on man. I like that last part, so even though they may play mind games and the like - at least we are in control of ourselves and know where we're heading in life with or without her.

 

[Zebedee]

Your right there is a big difference between being frustrated with women and women hating, but a lot of men hate women because they aint getting laid and they feel bitter. These are usually guys who try too hard to be nice and end up getting sh!tted on and this is what makes them so angry because they are hurt and are doomed to make the same mistakes. When I said men doing something wrong I mainly mean men being too nice and being doormats these are usually the ones who become women haters. My post was aimed at them.

 

[everywomanshero]

Here is something more to think about:

When I was first getting laid by a lot of women, some did play games, some were flakey, and sometimes they would get mad because I wouldn't answer my phone or if I use their shower before leaving, and believe me, women know why you do that. The point is I couldn't consistently keep women chasing me for long periods of time, some would but others would loose interest pretty rapidly. I was just an AFC who could get laid a few times before women realized I wasn't the real deal.

Yes, to a great degree I have been more selective based on things other than looks. Looking hawt is no longer enough to get my interest because there are a lot of hawt women in the world, I personally think 4 or 5 out of 100 women are hawt on average, that is a lot of women if you live in a city.

But the other part of this is that women just act differently towards me entirely now, and the one that don't are completely unimportant to me. They just don't exist as far as I am concerned.

The point isn't what I can or can;t do, because you guys don't care about that. The point is that I am not anyone special at all, and a lot of you guys probably have more natural attraction that I have to women, so there is just no excuse for anyone on this forum to not be incredibly successful at getting women to chase him. I am just like all of you guys. If my actions proved to be causal to how the vast majority of people (and women) treat me, then the excuse of that's just how women are is already proven false. Trust me, what I do is causal to how most people treat me, so I have no reason to believe it is any different for the majority of guys here.

Every man has the power to determine whether women play games with him or chase him, his actions make that determination. OTOH, yes it's true you can't always control what *any one specific woman might do* but that's why we don't cave in to scarcity mentality. If one goes south, O well, there is only 3 billion more to pick from. And when you do the right things that usually doesn't happen in my experience, and is not a big deal when it does unless you make it one.

A girl staying with a man is not an indicator he did something right. I know lots of people in miserable situations. The only measure of doing something right is by the number of women trying to get you to ask them out, asking you out, or chasing you. If she just stays with you or LETS you sex her without CHASING you to get it, then you are doing something wrong or with the wrong woman. That is the only 2 ways I can see it. OTOH, saying because there is a lot of women I never have to try to fix my problems is bad also. Because then you just go through lots of women and become dismissive which lowers your ability to connect with people. I am not advocating guys become dismissive at all, that will really hurt your success. SO I am saying don't be dismissive, be genuine and connect with people, but if all fails and it starts to ruin you, then RUN FOR YOUR LIFE and maybe you will learn something from it or maybe that person is just not right at this stage.

 

[Tazman]

Why is it that after I started reading a lot about the psychology of women from various resources on the net (including sosuave) and see it actually happen in front of my eyes, time and time again, did I start to truly understand them? They are predictable, not all are the same of course, but they behave enough alike that I've been able to read them and see what does and doesn't work, as far as getting what you want from them. You won't always get what you want, but you understand them enough to know when you should push or just let things go.

Even the women you'd think are "good girls" respond a certain way to particular types of behavior (the jerk attitude being the most notable). Why do you think women who are very attractive are called "high maintenance"? It's because they CAN be. Most women would like to be THAT attractive, but since they all can't, they "settle" for what they can get, but they LOVE to test the limits of the men they're with.

 

[everywomanshero]

See that's just it, women/men/everyone is (largely) predictable, and because of that we can learn what will and will not work in a very general sense and in some very specific situations. I don;t even think any of us would want to always do the best thing even if we could (and of course we can't) because that's too much bother. But doing too many of the wrong things makes people want to avoid someone. The reason they are the wrong things is because they are (usually) typical of someone who isn't truly happy and living life to the fullest. No one wants to be around people like that, they will only bring a person down.

That's also more reason to not be angry with women. It is more situational than character related. In other words, the roles people play and the character they develop is largely an effect of social learning (situational forces) beyond their control.

But different people have different life experiences, different genetic predispositions, and so on and so forth. There is a large variety of people to pick from, so even though we share many chatacteristics there is something out there for everyone to specialize in. And you can honestly tell them they are unique becuase we are all unique even if we all tend to respond to some universal qualitie.

Mostly the things I hear guys gripe about is women not being loyal, being flakey, being b1tchy, and such. This is really silly, because I don't have any problems like this and you shouldn't either. When you are ready to find a woman that you will spend a long time together with then learn to do the right things and pick the right woman and these problems will fade away. If you were at this point in life, then you'd just laugh at the idea that you might loose a woman anyway. It's not the end of the world even if that did happen, and it probably won't.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...Mostly the things I hear guys gripe about is women not being loyal, being flakey, being b1tchy, and such. This is really silly, because I don't have any problems like this and you shouldn't either. When you are ready to find a woman that you will spend a long time together with then learn to do the right things and pick the right woman and these problems will fade away. If you were at this point in life, then you'd just laugh at the idea that you might loose a woman anyway. It's not the end of the world even if that did happen, and it probably won't.

I've always said that if you learn how to qualify well you will diminish the number of flakes you'll get involved with. Unfortunately, so many guys will let their egos or (heaven forbid) their emotions get the better of them and they forgo or even overlook the numerous red flags that the women display; all for the sake of a woman, any woman, good or bad.

 

[Tazman]

Mostly the things I hear guys gripe about is women not being loyal, being flakey, being b1tchy, and such. This is really silly, because I don't have any problems like this and you shouldn't either. When you are ready to find a woman that you will spend a long time together with then learn to do the right things and pick the right woman and these problems will fade away.

I believe there is such a thing as picking the "wrong" woman, definitely, but what is the "right" one? You can use your better judgement in deciding what seems to be the best option at any given time, but that's all anyone can do. We all want a woman who gives us that gut reaction upon sight, and if the feeling is mutual, both parties will be on their best behavior.......for a while. You can only tell you're with a genuine person after you've been with them for an extended period of time. If your woman feels you're the best she can do, sure, you probably won't have a whole lot of trouble on your hands provided she doesn't have serious mental issues.

I'm not placing all the blame on women for my past frustrations because I now know what to look out for, but that doesn't mean something was ever wrong with me, I simply grew to understand them. I struggled with some of the stuff I've read about how to be successful with women because I felt like I'd be selling myself out by trying to be someone I'm not, like some circus clown performing tricks for p#ssy. Instead I stayed true to myself and figured out the silly games women play and how I could use this to my advantage. I believe these "games" are born out of fantasy rather than reality because our way of living has changed so much so fast.......well I guess I'm starting to rant now...

 

[V-Don]

Good thread.

 

[Jariel]

I've always said that if you learn how to qualify well you will diminish the number of flakes you'll get involved with. Unfortunately, so many guys will let their egos or (heaven forbid) their emotions get the better of them and they forgo or even overlook the numerous red flags that the women display; all for the sake of a woman, any woman, good or bad.

You are damn right!

ALL of the women that messed me around in the past gave me numerous red flags before I even got involved, I knew they weren't what I wanted, and yet I still pursued them. So that's my own fault.