Received feedback from woman I dated last week

[sazc]

I kind of remember reading past threads by this OP, this sounds almost the same as the other one.

Kinda reminds me of BigDave.

Haven't seen any of Daves thread recently, maybe OP should read through his threads and find out what worked for him.

Agreed
Big Dave got put on a 45 day time out by atom smasher a few weeks ago, btw

 

[mrgoodstuff]

His azzhole level is too high for a man dry on puzzy. Its a puzzy deterent. So is the superior attitude paired with low success in dating. A puzzy deterrent Drop the standard one or two notches. Find a lady or two who gives you all the sex you want without alot of resistance. The puzzy bank around you will open up.

 

[Roober]

I'd go with the...

"he checks all the boxes, but he doesnt make my 9ussy wet"

If you've seen Van Wilder, she probably sees you as the boyfriend in the tighty whities who fvcks like a cheetah. You have to be more sexual, more relaxed, and let your personality shine.

Dont worry about offending her.
Dont talk about yourself.
Ask her interesting questions.
And get physical, dont be crude though!

Do some searches on kino escalation and check out this article. It is one of the most succinct and clear explanations of dominance over a woman.. http://www.theattractionforums.com/showthread.php?t=102875

 

[In2theGame]

"he checks all the boxes, but he doesnt make my 9ussy wet"

This Here.

 

[sangheilios]

She initiated touching by grabbing your elbow, right? She invested physically. She then waited for you to invest physically (doesn’t matter if she was sick).

You didn’t.

It’s a dance where both parties have to invest. Same would apply if you went in for a kiss to show her you like her and she rejected. How would you feel?

This is how she felt.

These are little nuances that can break attraction. She justifies her felt rejection by the covert, “he’s got too many things going on in his life.”

Most guys likely slept with her by date two and she didn’t get reciprocation of even a kiss.

You think she rejected you, and she thinks you rejected her, but simply, she rejected herself.

Good looking guy game is a bit different as your outward value is playing on their insecurities. These women have to feel desired or they’re out.

I'm not going to try and kiss some woman if she is sick lol. I realize that she did in fact initiate physical contact but I get what you are saying about how not reciprocating something myself would be seen as a rejection from my part.

I was about to post something very similar. The way it came off to me was that she was touching him, telling him she finds him attractive, getting close to him etc. He failed to tell her he finds her sexy and how much she turns him on. Women love this and if done right, gets them aroused. Honestly I think she dipped out on him because behind the curtain of excuses from her, she didn't feel aroused or turned on and ultimately probably felt rejected.

Makes sense

The reason she gave is BS. Women almost never directly explain why they aren't interested, even to a third party. Sometimes, they don't even know. Occasionally there is a hint in what they say, but not always. In this case the hint is probably that she didn't feel you were into her. The reason women do this is that they (generally) don't like rejecting people and hurting feelings so they come up with something that is less likely to be taken personally.

Here's my question to you, before I take a stab at what went wrong: We're you truly into her? Did you really find her sexy, and did you find her interesting as a person? Did you feel she was on even ground with you in terms of value? Did you find her intelligent, experienced, intriguing? The more honest you are in your answer to these questions, the more helpful my response will be. You might already guess what my response will be based on the questions I just asked.

I genuinely found her attractive and she seemed like a nice person that I enjoyed speaking with, etc. I'll be honest before I actually met her in person I was expecting her to look way worse in real life, as all I had seen was a picture of her. When I did see her I was actually pleasantly surprised. I've never gone out on a date with a woman I had never seen in person and I've always had this fear of meeting up with someone in a situation like this or OLD where she is way heavier in person or what have you.

Without getting into too many details, we talked about her job in fashion/cosmetology and discussed the various training seminars that she will go to across the country that her company pays her to go to (LA, NYC, Miami, etc.). I did genuinely show interest in her and as I said I had a good time.

We did after all go out again on a second date, so I think this has more to do with not following through with the physical contact that she had initiated, like the other poster said.

 

[sangheilios]

I'd go with the...

"he checks all the boxes, but he doesnt make my 9ussy wet"

If you've seen Van Wilder, she probably sees you as the boyfriend in the tighty whities who fvcks like a cheetah. You have to be more sexual, more relaxed, and let your personality shine.

Dont worry about offending her.
Dont talk about yourself.
Ask her interesting questions.
And get physical, dont be crude though!

Do some searches on kino escalation and check out this article. It is one of the most succinct and clear explanations of dominance over a woman.. http://www.theattractionforums.com/showthread.php?t=102875

I've never seen that movie

 

[sangheilios]

But no third date? You didn't reciprocate?
You lack charisma?
You come if as self centered?
You come off as self-absorbed? Which is actually kind of what she alluded to by saying it didn't seem you needed a female in your life.
I'm not trying to be accusatory, just brainstorming at why she didn't want to go out a third time, why she ghosted you. You claim that she was interested in you, so I can only imagine that you didn't reciprocate the interest, otherwise her interest would have been held. Maybe she thought she was trying and you were giving her the cold shoulder? It must be in your vibe, because you claim mentally you have a different perspective, but apparently your vibe is giving off something else?

Interested women who feel reciprocation and attraction don't ghost. so either she wasn't interested, or she was interested but didn't feel like your reciprocating her interest, or she lost interest because you didn't hold her attraction, which may be as simple as when she got to know you she realized she wasn't attracted

To be honest I really don't need a female lol, I'd like one but I don't need one, not sure if that makes sense. As I had mentioned, she did in fact initiate physical contact on the second date but as another poster said I didn't reciprocate and she probably felt rejected. I'm not going to kiss a woman when she is feeling sick, I'm sure you understand, but I can see why that would be an issue.

 

[flowtheory]

Good looking guy game is a bit different as your outward value is playing on their insecurities. These women have to feel desired or they’re out.

Can you explain more about good looking guy game?

Because I find when I’m out with some women - all current and past girlfriends they are highly aware that I get looks and in turn sometimes they cause dramas out of the blue for no reason.

 

[guru1000]

Can you explain more about good looking guy game?

Because I find when I’m out with some women - all current and past girlfriends they are highly aware that I get looks and in turn sometimes they cause dramas out of the blue for no reason.

As I know the history between you and your girl, that particular problem has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her, as it did with your past ex's too.

You need to find a secure girl who appreciates that you get attention and that would make her feel good about herself to be with you. Where there's unsolicited drama (assuming you are not provoking it) there is a cue that she is not for you.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I did genuinely show interest in her and as I said I had a good time.

But did you value her in your mind in the ways I outlined above? I asked about how you felt about her, your opinion of her, not what you think you showed to her.

 

[spinich]

I am apparently displaying symptoms of PTSD from the massive amount of bullsh*t that Bigdave generated on this forum. I am having flashbacks as the OP has the same egocentric narcissistic tendencies upon which Bigdave wasted countless pages. And again the collective we are feeding his delusional rationalizations.

 

[flowtheory]

As I know the history between you and your girl, that particular problem has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her, as it did with your past ex's too.

You need to find a secure girl who appreciates that you get attention and that would make her feel good about herself to be with you. Where there's unsolicited drama (assuming you are not provoking it) there is a cue that she is not for you.

Right. Everything to do with her in the fact that she’s insecure or I’m not what she actually desires, so she creates absurd dramas?

 

[guru1000]

@sangheilios , I've been reading a lot of your threads over the past week and they all lead to one conclusion:

You are a "Value" vulture. All you seem to do is take value, but never seem to give value.

Take, for example in this forum: Have you ever given value to any member with their issues? Even once? Very much like BigDave, who sucked all value in the forum, and even when requested how he made money, he offered nothing.

Even with this particular girl, she invested, and you failed to reciprocate that physical desire in any manner. It's offputting. Plain and simple. And it creates deep aversion and resentment to ALL.

This is your primary issue: TAKING as opposed to GIVING. And believe me, I've been guilty of this many of times and shared the same aversion.

This is a deep concept and I don't expect you or many others to make the connect in how that affects your overall vibe but it does in a grandiose way.

You'll need to take a blind leap here, trust me, and start by making little value gives here and there, in the forum, and in your personal relations--and I can assure you, you will see a significant difference in how people respond to you.

 

[sangheilios]

But did you value her in your mind in the ways I outlined above? I asked about how you felt about her, your opinion of her, not what you think you showed to her.

I did find her attractive, yes, so that isn't up for debate. I did think she was a nice person and I did like spending time with her. I really can't say much beyond that though because I don't have an answer for you. I let her do most of the talking on both dates and I do recall after the second date that she made a remark about how she did all the talking. I wish I could give you a more in depth answer to this but I can't, it's not like I was taking down notes during the dates from which I can draw from lol. Everything I'm mentioning is through memory and the last time I saw her was nearing on a week ago.

 

[sangheilios]

@sangheilios , I've been reading a lot of your threads over the past week and they all lead to one conclusion:

You are a "Value" vulture. All you seem to do is take value, but never seem to give value.

Take, for example in this forum: Have you ever given value to any member with their issues? Even once? Very much like BigDave, who sucked all value in the forum, and even when requested how he made money, he offered nothing.

Even with this particular girl, she invested, and you failed to reciprocate that physical desire in any manner. It's offputting. Plain and simple. And it creates deep aversion and resentment to ALL.

This is your primary issue: TAKING as opposed to GIVING. And believe me, I've been guilty of this many of times and shared the same aversion.

This is a deep concept and I don't expect you or many others to make the connect in how that affects your overall vibe but it does in a grandiose way.

You'll need to take a blind leap here, trust me, and start by making little value gives here and there, in the forum, and in your personal relations--and I can assure you, you will see a significant difference in how people respond to you.

I don't offer "value" to posters on here because I'm in no place to be giving advice beyond basic things like "just text her" or other such mundane things like that. I'm on here trying to get a better understanding of the dates and women I've met, not help those with them, which as I said I wouldn't be able to do anyway.

As for things in the real world, I do in fact have friends and a social life, just none of that involves women at all. I realize I failed to physically invest with her after she had initiated, but as I said she was sick and I wasn't really in a position to do much about it for that given situation.

However, that isn't entirely true as I've been giving another poster some advice about bitcoin and crypto currency investment strategies and all that on here. That has nothing to do with the main topic of this forum though.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

You can't recall if you were interested in her (beyond physical), thought she was an equal of yours, admired her, and were personally curious about her (which is different from expressing interest in her)?

 

[sangheilios]

You can't recall if you were interested in her (beyond physical), thought she was an equal of yours, admired her, and were personally curious about her (which is different from expressing interest in her)?

What I mean was I don't recall specific details about how I felt during my time with her, what we talked about, etc. I don't really know her all that well so I'd never say that I admire her lol. I found her attractive, I thought she was a nice person and I did have a good time, that's all I can really say. I can't relate to most people in general but can still enjoy their company, though there are very few who I actually consider memorable in any way. Most people are pretty boring to me and I don't have much in common with them.

I actually do talk to tons of people on a regular basis and I'm being honest when I say that only a small number of them I'd actually consider all that intriguing to me to the point where I'd want to spend time with them on a more personal level. I don't hate them or dislike them in any way, I just don't see anything to possibly connect with. I've had a very different life than the vast majority of people, with extremely unique experiences and life circumstances, so I'm not all that surprised I feel this way. I've been like this my entire life.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

That's exactly what I was looking for. I believe you and I am not criticizing you for this.... well, uniqueness, but only going by what I've heard you say on the forum, I would say the key to your difficulty lies SQUARELY in what you just wrote..... that difficulty connecting and finding people intriguing and interesting and of value. Unless you are a highly skilled sociopath (which you aren't), you are going to have a very difficult time hiding this from people, but ESPECIALLY from women.

My #1 advice to you is to get to core of this issue and figure out how to better connect with strangers in general. A therapist may help you with that. There could be other things you could do to help you move past this but I don't know what they would be. The last option is to understand that you are going to be severely limited in who will be attracted to you based on this uniqueness, and as such, accept that your success rate will be much lower than most. And remember that your positive qualities do not compensate for this aspect of your personality.

Most women will sense your inability to connect with them and appreciate them, and most will assume it is due to lack of interest, or being too egocentric. Some may not even bother to guess at why, but when they sense YOU don't feel a connection, their ability to connect with you will vanish as well. To many women, it will feel to them that you simply see them as an object. You just "go through the motions" with nothing behind it.

You can learn when to touch, how to touch, how to look at them, what to say, how to respond.... But there must be emotion behind it from your side or it will be like an Android going through its program. When one finds someone attractive who they also admire as a person, the actions and words and eye contact flow together in a way that is extremely difficult to fake. You need to be able to feel these emotions in order to apply these things in a manner that will be well-received by most women. There will be some women out there who can't sniff this out, or who just don't care or who have a similar personality as you. You may be successful with these women, but they are a small subset of the general population.

 

[sangheilios]

That's exactly what I was looking for. I believe you and I am not criticizing you for this.... well, uniqueness, but only going by what I've heard you say on the forum, I would say the key to your difficulty lies SQUARELY in what you just wrote..... that difficulty connecting and finding people intriguing and interesting and of value. Unless you are a highly skilled sociopath (which you aren't), you are going to have a very difficult time hiding this from people, but ESPECIALLY from women.

My #1 advice to you is to get to core of this issue and figure out how to better connect with strangers in general. A therapist may help you with that. There could be other things you could do to help you move past this but I don't know what they would be. The last option is to understand that you are going to be severely limited in who will be attracted to you based on this uniqueness, and as such, accept that your success rate will be much lower than most. And remember that your positive qualities do not compensate for this aspect of your personality.

I've already been to therapists and I really didn't get anything out of it looking back on it. I do have friends, so I'm not totally isolated in case you think that is the case. I am being honest when I say that I am aware of the fact I am extremely unique, and I say this out of fact and not out of a self absorbed mindset. As I've mentioned, the issue doesn't have to do with my appearance at all nor the things I have going for me not being good enough.

I don't necessarily see others having a lack of value but as I mentioned I just can't connect with them and have nothing in common with them at all. Not that long ago I actually had a conversation with a couple guys about drugs, this was when I was hanging out in the sauna at my gym. Anyway, I mentioned to them that I don't drink or do drugs and they asked me why, so naturally I explained it to them. A very simple answer resulted in them digging in to find out more and I actually had to have an in depth discussion as to why you shouldn't do drugs or get drunk. I didn't hate them for it, obviously, but that's just an example of the type of stuff I deal with when interacting with others.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

I just can't connect with them and have nothing in common with them at all.

This is what I'm saying you should focus on getting past. I've learned to connect with people I have nothing in common with. I may not think they are my best friends, but I can still connect with them. Not everyone though. Consider talking to more strangers. Consider a different therapist. Consider a DBT group. Have you ever been tested to see if you may be on the Asperger's spectrum? I don't mean that as an insult. I just know that what you describe is a main characteristic of Asperger's. I understand you have friends and are social, etc, but relationships between most guys have a very different dynamic than between a man and a woman. Guys often need little or no connection with other guys. It's often more about convenience and mutual benefits. I have close connections with a handful of my friends, but I have seen many male-male friendships that aren't based on connection or mutual admiration. I really think this is why you do ok with guys but not with women.