Really need a man’s advice. He broke up w/ his ex. Got with me. Got back w/her. They broke up and now he’s back w/ me. Has he developed feelings?

[Dilemma99]

So this guy (30/m) I’m (22/f) seeing just broke up with his ex recently. He wanted to marry her but it didn’t work out. He met me, we hooked up, and spent a week together when I flew out to see him. 2 days later he sends me a text saying he’s working things out with his ex, that we’re just friends, and to take this picture I had added on my Instagram story down (from the week we spent together), then he unfollowed me and I saw that he added his ex back. Fast forward 2 weeks later he added me back on social media and saw that he and the ex unfollowed each other. He told me that broke up again the night before. Anyways, I flew back out to see him 3 weeks after they broke up again.

The first time I was here (last month) as I said he called me his friend and told me he didn’t want him getting in the way of me meeting other guys. Now that I’m back out here his friends wanted to go out so I went with him which I took as a good sign that he wanted me to meet his friends. So now I’m convinced he only said those things (saying we were just friends and not to get in the way of meeting other men) because he felt forced to by the ex and didn’t really mean it.

Here’s a little more back story:

We met through my cousin and they’re really good friends. My cousin is also really good friends with the ex. Both parties have confided in so my cousin so she has the inside scoop.

They were broken up for 5 months. Went full NC for 2 or 3 months. I met him months prior, no hanging out yet. He unfollowed me on IG when when they started talking again but not together. He was supposed to go be with her and her family for the holidays and then that’s when they went full NC for 2 months. He added me back and then eventually made plans to see him vday weekend.

During the 2 months they went NC I was told he was crying over her, making posts about her, 2 days before I flew out there he even made a post with her initials saying he missed her, bought tickets for a June concert because he knew she’d be there and was hoping to run into her, and even contacted her mom. So apparently he kept trying but she kept ignoring him. Then on vday, when I was here, he contacted her to say happy vday. I left a few days later and that same day that I left he asked her to go to dinner. This is when he texted me saying he was working things out with her, they had gone to dinner, and that we were just friends, stop making and to take down all posts about my visit. He was also upfront with her about me.

So while they briefly got back together he had talked about how she was going to be his wife and the mother of his children. So he found out that she had seen someone while they were broken up. He got really upset and angry about it and told her now he’s unsure if he wanted to be with her. She in turn got all dramatic and she kicked him to the curb a few weeks later. He begged for her to stay but she still broke up with him. The very next day after their breakup he added me back on social media, and 3 weeks later now I’m here. So I’m out here with his friends again. I do know after meeting me the first time his friend said, “don’t screw it up with the *ex’s name*, she’s the best you’re ever going to get”. So I thought he was bringing me around again so that his friends could get to know me better. So all good signs?

So yea, all of this was told to me by cousin and she and she showed me some of the screenshots.

So my question is, has he developed feelings for me/like me? I don’t think a man will spend days with you (I’m out here for a week) and have you meet his friends unless he has feelings for you and it’s not about sex. So am I right?

 

[Dilemma99]

He's rebounding with you

You don’t think he has feelings for me?

 

[Barrister]

So this guy (30/m) I’m (22/f) seeing just broke up with his ex recently. He wanted to marry her but it didn’t work out. He met me, we hooked up, and spent a week together when I flew out to see him. 2 days later he sends me a text saying he’s working things out with his ex, that we’re just friends, and to take this picture I had added on my Instagram story down (from the week we spent together), then he unfollowed me and I saw that he added his ex back. Fast forward 2 weeks later he added me back on social media and saw that he and the ex unfollowed each other. He told me that broke up again the night before. Anyways, I flew back out to see him 3 weeks after they broke up again.

The first time I was here (last month) as I said he called me his friend and told me he didn’t want him getting in the way of me meeting other guys. Now that I’m back out here his friends wanted to go out so I went with him which I took as a good sign that he wanted me to meet his friends. So now I’m convinced he only said those things (saying we were just friends and not to get in the way of meeting other men) because he felt forced to by the ex and didn’t really mean it.

Here’s a little more back story:

We met through my cousin and they’re really good friends. My cousin is also really good friends with the ex. Both parties have confided in so my cousin so she has the inside scoop.

They were broken up for 5 months. Went full NC for 2 or 3 months. I met him months prior, no hanging out yet. He unfollowed me on IG when when they started talking again but not together. He was supposed to go be with her and her family for the holidays and then that’s when they went full NC for 2 months. He added me back and then eventually made plans to see him vday weekend.

During the 2 months they went NC I was told he was crying over her, making posts about her, 2 days before I flew out there he even made a post with her initials saying he missed her, bought tickets for a June concert because he knew she’d be there and was hoping to run into her, and even contacted her mom. So apparently he kept trying but she kept ignoring him. Then on vday, when I was here, he contacted her to say happy vday. I left a few days later and that same day that I left he asked her to go to dinner. This is when he texted me saying he was working things out with her, they had gone to dinner, and that we were just friends, stop making and to take down all posts about my visit. He was also upfront with her about me.

So while they briefly got back together he had talked about how she was going to be his wife and the mother of his children. So he found out that she had seen someone while they were broken up. He got really upset and angry about it and told her now he’s unsure if he wanted to be with her. She in turn got all dramatic and she kicked him to the curb a few weeks later. He begged for her to stay but she still broke up with him. The very next day after their breakup he added me back on social media, and 3 weeks later now I’m here. So I’m out here with his friends again. I do know after meeting me the first time his friend said, “don’t screw it up with the *ex’s name*, she’s the best you’re ever going to get”. So I thought he was bringing me around again so that his friends could get to know me better. So all good signs?

So yea, all of this was told to me by cousin and she and she showed me some of the screenshots.

So my question is, has he developed feelings for me/like me? I don’t think a man will spend days with you (I’m out here for a week) and have you meet his friends unless he has feelings for you and it’s not about sex. So am I right?

Break up now and go No Contact. Guarantee he comes back with a completely different tune when he’s no longer getting easy pVssy from you anymore.

 

[manfrombelow]

He wanted to marry her but it didn’t work out. He met me, we hooked up, and spent a week together when I flew out to see him. 2 days later he sends me a text saying he’s working things out with his ex, that we’re just friends, and to take this picture I had added on my Instagram story down (from the week we spent together), then he unfollowed me and I saw that he added his ex back. Fast forward 2 weeks later he added me back on social media and saw that he and the ex unfollowed each other. He told me that broke up again the night before

Assuming these were really true, it's too much BS drama for a guy. But I don't think they were true, I think they were made up, by him.

Your guy is the typical fvckboy who is very good at inventing BS excuses to keep you on the hook.

I guess he must be really good in bed to make you want him this much.

My advice as a man? Dump him, before he dumps you and your sanity to the garbage bin.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

So this guy (30/m) I’m (22/f) seeing just broke up with his ex recently. He wanted to marry her but it didn’t work out. He met me, we hooked up, and spent a week together when I flew out to see him. 2 days later he sends me a text saying he’s working things out with his ex, that we’re just friends, and to take this picture I had added on my Instagram story down (from the week we spent together), then he unfollowed me and I saw that he added his ex back. Fast forward 2 weeks later he added me back on social media and saw that he and the ex unfollowed each other. He told me that broke up again the night before. Anyways, I flew back out to see him 3 weeks after they broke up again.

The first time I was here (last month) as I said he called me his friend and told me he didn’t want him getting in the way of me meeting other guys. Now that I’m back out here his friends wanted to go out so I went with him which I took as a good sign that he wanted me to meet his friends. So now I’m convinced he only said those things (saying we were just friends and not to get in the way of meeting other men) because he felt forced to by the ex and didn’t really mean it.

Here’s a little more back story:

We met through my cousin and they’re really good friends. My cousin is also really good friends with the ex. Both parties have confided in so my cousin so she has the inside scoop.

They were broken up for 5 months. Went full NC for 2 or 3 months. I met him months prior, no hanging out yet. He unfollowed me on IG when when they started talking again but not together. He was supposed to go be with her and her family for the holidays and then that’s when they went full NC for 2 months. He added me back and then eventually made plans to see him vday weekend.

During the 2 months they went NC I was told he was crying over her, making posts about her, 2 days before I flew out there he even made a post with her initials saying he missed her, bought tickets for a June concert because he knew she’d be there and was hoping to run into her, and even contacted her mom. So apparently he kept trying but she kept ignoring him. Then on vday, when I was here, he contacted her to say happy vday. I left a few days later and that same day that I left he asked her to go to dinner. This is when he texted me saying he was working things out with her, they had gone to dinner, and that we were just friends, stop making and to take down all posts about my visit. He was also upfront with her about me.

So while they briefly got back together he had talked about how she was going to be his wife and the mother of his children. So he found out that she had seen someone while they were broken up. He got really upset and angry about it and told her now he’s unsure if he wanted to be with her. She in turn got all dramatic and she kicked him to the curb a few weeks later. He begged for her to stay but she still broke up with him. The very next day after their breakup he added me back on social media, and 3 weeks later now I’m here. So I’m out here with his friends again. I do know after meeting me the first time his friend said, “don’t screw it up with the *ex’s name*, she’s the best you’re ever going to get”. So I thought he was bringing me around again so that his friends could get to know me better. So all good signs?

So yea, all of this was told to me by cousin and she and she showed me some of the screenshots.

So my question is, has he developed feelings for me/like me? I don’t think a man will spend days with you (I’m out here for a week) and have you meet his friends unless he has feelings for you and it’s not about sex. So am I right?

Hi,

The only question you need to ask yourself right now is:

Do you really want a guy that goes back and forth about what he wants in life? I don't know him personally, so it's unfair to judge, but sounds like he has things to figure out first before even jumping into something with you.

Best case scenario for you, he sticks with you, his behavior is an indication you are a rebound and will most likely lose interest in you eventually. I don't think he was with you because he sees something happening. He was committed (and still probably is) to marry this girl. He naturally still has feelings for her. You, unfortunately, are likely an escape for him.

Now, you tell yourself whatever you want to tell yourself and "rationalize" his behavior but don't forget to be honest with yourself and be realistic.

Plus you are 22, you are in the prime of your sexual market value. Don't know what you look like, but surely you could be enjoying life instead of being seconds to a guy that wants to marry someone else.

Hope this helps,
Modern Man Advice

 

[manfrombelow]

P.S: And no, OP, don't think this guy "has feelings" for you whatsoever. He came to you and seduced you for sex without any desire for a potential LTR.

You were his plate, and will continue to be one, if you don't walk away.

These are words from a DJ, so please listen.

 

[Dilemma99]

Assuming these were really true, it's too much BS drama for a guy. But I don't think they were true, I think they were made up, by him.

Your guy is the typical fvckboy who is very good at inventing BS excuses to keep you on the hook.

I guess he must be really good in bed to make you want him this much.

My advice as a man? Dump him, before he dumps you and your sanity to the garbage bin.

It is true because he didn’t tell me these things himself. His ex and my cousin are really good friends too so what posted is exactly how it happened.

So what exactly do you think is BS to keep me on the hook since he was the one told me he was working things out with her, at first?

 

[manfrombelow]

It is true because he didn’t tell me these things himself. His ex and my cousin are really good friends too so what posted is exactly how it happened.

So what exactly do you think is BS to keep me on the hook since he was the one told me he was working things out with her, at first?

Young girl, listen to @Modern Man Advice . I couldn't say any better.

Maybe I was quick to judge him, because unlike you, I don't know him personally anyway.

But the fact that he is not 100% available and having too much personal drama going on in his life communicates that he is not suitable nor ideal for a LTR with you, especially when you're only 22.

You are very young. You have an entire life ahead of you. And you're at the peak of your sexual value. And you will be able to find better options at guys who are at least 100% available and ready to commit with you and leave you NO ROOM TO DOUBT.

 

[Dilemma99]

Hi,

The only question you need to ask yourself right now is:

Do you really want a guy that goes back and forth about what he wants in life? I don't know him personally, so it's unfair to judge, but sounds like he has things to figure out first before even jumping into something with you.

Best case scenario for you, he sticks with you, his behavior is an indication you are a rebound and will most likely lose interest in you eventually. I don't think he was with you because he sees something happening.

Now, you tell yourself whatever you want to tell yourself and "rationalize" his behavior but don't forget to be honest with yourself and be realistic.

Plus you are 22, you are in the prime of your sexual market value. Don't know what you look like, but surely you could be enjoying life instead of being seconds to a guy that wants to marry someone else.

Hope this helps,
Modern Man Advice

I appreciate the advice, you’re right. So basically you’re saying: 1. He still wants his ex 2. He doesn’t have feelings for me?

 

[Jariel]

Dating someone with ex drama is like juggling a hot coal. Let it go until it cools down otherwise you're going to get burned.

After a break up there's often a desperate race to see who can move on the fastest. It's partly as a crutch to help them get through the pain of the break up (very likely if he was crying over her) and partly a way of scoring points or making their ex jealous. Either way, you don't want to be the person in the middle. I've been that person way too many times and I've also been the man on the rebound. It has never worked out for the best.

No self respecting person would put up with being messed around like this. And if you don't respect yourself, nobody else will either.

The best thing you can do is cut him off and take the choice away from him. People value more what they can't have and in my personal experience, when a girl has done this to me I've found myself thinking about her more, regretting letting her go and wanting another chance.

 

[manfrombelow]

I appreciate the advice, you’re right. So basically you’re saying: 1. He still wants his ex 2. He doesn’t have feelings for me?

1. Yes.
2. He does, at sexual level at most. At potential LTR level? NO.

 

[LiveYourDream]

A better question to ask yourself is:
Why are you so willing to focus on and chase a man who at best, has only offered you leftover breadcrumbs?

 

[Dilemma99]

1. Yes.
2. He does, at sexual level at most. At potential LTR level? NO.

1. Yes.
2. He does, at sexual level at most. At potential LTR level? NO.

so basically, at most he’s attracted to me and he can tolerate me?

 

[Dilemma99]

A better question to ask yourself is:
Why are you so willing to focus on and chase a man who at best, has only offered you breadcrumbs?

well I didn’t think he was offering me breadcrumbs because he’s spending 6 days and nights with me so I assumed he had feelings for me because I don’t know of any man who will spend that many days with a woman unless he had feelings for her. Plus, we’ve been going out and doing things. Genuinely asking - going out and spending days with each other is breadcrumbs?

 

[LiveYourDream]

well I didn’t think he was offering me breadcrumbs because he’s spending 6 days and nights with me so I assumed he had feelings for me because I don’t know of any man who will spend that many days with a woman unless he had feelings for her. Plus, we’ve been going out and doing things. Genuinely asking - going out and spending days with each other is breadcrumbs?

If his ex became available to him he would drop you, in a heartbeat. Let that sink in.

 

[LiveYourDream]

If his ex became available to him he would drop you, in a heartbeat. Let that sink in.

You are his current distraction, imho.

 

[manfrombelow]

well I didn’t think he was offering me breadcrumbs because he’s spending 6 days and nights with me so I assumed he had feelings for me because I don’t know of any man who will spend that many days with a woman unless he had feelings for her. Plus, we’ve been going out and doing things. Genuinely asking - going out and spending days with each other is breadcrumbs?

With this comment, I don't think you need anymore advices. You're not really looking for solutions, you're only looking for somebody to agree with you and encourages you to keep doing what you've been doing.

 

[Dilemma99]

With this comment, I don't think you need anymore advices. You're not really looking for solutions, you're only looking for somebody to agree with you and encourages you to keep doing what you've been doing.

no, I was just explaining why I didn’t think they were breadcrumbs when he had asked why I was I was willing to accept it.

 

[Dilemma99]

You are his current distraction, imho.

gotcha, I get it. I’m just shocked to be honest because like I said I didn’t know men would spend so many days with a woman and take her out if he didn’t have feelings for her. Like I said, I’m just very surprised.

so men really will spend many days with a woman and not have any feelings for her?

 

[manfrombelow]

so men really will spend many days with a woman and not have any feelings for her?

Yes. They also have the superpower of having sex without having to "like" you first.