Really need a man’s advice. He broke up w/ his ex. Got with me. Got back w/her. They broke up and now he’s back w/ me. Has he developed feelings?

[Lookatu]

A better question to ask yourself is:
Why are you so willing to focus on and chase a man who at best, has only offered you leftover breadcrumbs?

Exactly. I mean at 22yo, she's got tons of options.

Only thing that makes sense is a sweet talking guy that can whisper sweet nothings in her ear and promise her the world(10" d1ck wouldn't "hurt" either). LOL

I mean that's what I keep telling myself on why Kate Beckinsale went out with Pete Davidson...

 

[Dilemma99]

Yes. They also have the superpower of having sex without having to "like" you first.

Yikes. Like I said I’m really shocked by this. I just thought if you didn’t like someone you wouldn’t want to be around them for so long. I can barely get through an evening with a guy that I don’t like.

how do you all (men) spend days with a woman you don’t like? We don’t annoy you after a while?

 

[Lookatu]

Yikes. Like I said I’m really shocked by this. I just thought if you didn’t like someone you wouldn’t want to be around them for so long. I can barely get through an evening with a guy that I don’t like.

how do you all (men) spend days with a woman you don’t like? We don’t annoy you after a while?

It's the power of the pvssy. Some girls realize this and some don't. Pvssy is a guy's Kryptonite...

 

[manfrombelow]

Yikes. Like I said I’m really shocked by this. I just thought if you didn’t like someone you wouldn’t want to be around them for so long. I can barely get through an evening with a guy that I don’t like.

how do you all (men) spend days with a woman you don’t like? We don’t annoy you after a while?

Unlike women, men can have sex without being emotionally invested in you. To have sex, we can do pretty crazy stuff like spending days with women we don't like enough to make her LTR but enough to FVCK.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

I appreciate the advice, you’re right. So basically you’re saying: 1. He still wants his ex 2. He doesn’t have feelings for me?

Yes. Now go live your life. You will look back at this as a learning experience.

But at the end of the day, I'm not your dad so you do you. Just whatever you decide, value yourself first.

Feel free to reach out to me directly if you need further input, but generally speaking, there are very good men here with valuable opinions and perspectives.

Modern Man Advice

 

[Dilemma99]

Unlike women, men can have sex without being emotionally invested in you. To have sex, we can do pretty crazy stuff like spending days with women we don't like enough to make her LTR but enough to FVCK.

Again, mind blown lol. 2 questions:

1.What is it about a woman that makes you like her enough to only f*ck her? If that makes sense lol
2. What makes you decide she isn’t what you want LTR?

just curious because clearly I don’t have a lot of experience....

 

[LiveYourDream]

gotcha, I get it. I’m just shocked to be honest because like I said I didn’t know men would spend so many days with a woman and take her out if he didn’t have feelings for her. Like I said, I’m just very surprised.

so men really will spend many days with a woman and not have any feelings for her?

Yes!!! Some will spend years, if it means he’s getting regular sex and the woman is tolerable enough to him. There are LTR’s. Unfortunately lots of men that feel trapped in bad marriages now living lives they don’t like. It’s really unfortunate. Make no assumptions on how deeply a man cares about you.

A man wanting to have sex (with you) often just means a man wants to have sex. You personally are the best match in the moment between what he finds most desirable (looks) and his easiest/best option to have sex with. Depends on how much effort he is willing to put in, to get sex. Don’t mistake getting sex from you, with necessarily wanting you personally. They are two different things.

Don’t mistakenly project your caring deeply about him, as to his also caring deeply about you. Look at a man’s/person’s actions over their words.

Men and women are wired differently. Women are wired to prioritize connection. Men are internally wired to prioritize sex. It’s an internal drive exponentially stronger than a woman’s. Neither is right. Neither is wrong. In the end we all desire both. We perceive and experience life and relationships differently. Yin and Yang.

For clarity, I am a woman, not a man. My perspectives are such.

I need to run. Final thoughts...

You are young and will learn lots more as you grow.

Value yourself. Look after yourself. That’s your #1 job.

 

[EyeBRollin]

OP, sorry for your situation. Get rid of him. Block him if you have to. Move on. Don’t waste any more time with this clown.

 

[Dilemma99]

Yes!!! Some will spend years, if it means he’s getting regular sex and the woman is tolerable enough to him. There are LTR’s. Unfortunately lots of men that feel trapped in bad marriages now living lives they don’t like. It’s really unfortunate. Make no assumptions on how deeply a man cares about you.

A man wanting to have sex (with you) often just means a man wants to have sex. You personally are the best match in the moment between what he finds most desirable (looks) and his easiest/best option to have sex with. Depends on how much effort he is willing to put in, to get sex. Don’t mistake getting sex from you, with necessarily wanting you personally. They are two different things.

Don’t mistakenly project your caring deeply about him, as to his also caring deeply about you. Look at a man’s/person’s actions over their words.

Men and women are wired differently. Women are wired to prioritize connection. Men are internally wired to prioritize sex. It’s an internal drive exponentially stronger than a woman’s. Neither is right. Neither is wrong. In the end we all desire both. We perceive and experience life and relationships differently. Yin and Yang.

For clarity, I am a woman, not a man. My perspectives are such.

I need to run. Final thoughts...

You are young and will learn lots more as you grow.

Value yourself. Look after yourself. That’s your #1 job.

“Don’t mistake getting sex from you, with necessarily wanting you personally. They are two different things.”

Very true. So how do I know a man actually has feelings for me then? Like I said we’re (me and him) spending ample time together and we’re going out, which I thought equated to having feelings because that’s what people who are dating do too. So how do you know if a man has genuine feelings then?

 

[Bokanovsky]

gotcha, I get it. I’m just shocked to be honest because like I said I didn’t know men would spend so many days with a woman and take her out if he didn’t have feelings for her. Like I said, I’m just very surprised.

so men really will spend many days with a woman and not have any feelings for her?

This may come as another shock, but men do not all act or think alike. You are asking us to psychoanalyze a guy that none of us has met. You are also making it impossible to give any kind of meaningful advice because you are not telling the whole story. You’ve been asked why you are so hung up on this particular dude and you’ve been very careful not to answer the question. Is the super good looking? Rich? A celebrity? All of the above? Why would you jump on a plane for a chance to fvck him the moment he is dumped by his ex? How attractive are you compared to his ex? These are all relevant context questions.

 

[LiveYourDream]

“Don’t mistake getting sex from you, with necessarily wanting you personally. They are two different things.”

Very true. So how do I know a man actually has feelings for me then? Like I said we’re (me and him) spending ample time together and we’re going out, which I thought equated to having feelings because that’s what people who are dating do too. So how do you know if a man has genuine feelings then?

It is best you pose this question to the men here and see which replies get the most likes. It is also important that you define your terms or clarify what you mean exactly.

Men have genuine feelings. What exactly do you mean? Your words can be interpreted in different ways. He genuinely may want to Fvck you. Spending time with you between doing so may be ok.

Does that mean he is looking at your interactions together, as building a foundation for a happily ever after LTR with you? That would be No unless .... ( Best the men answer this)

Are you looking to just have fun with men and hook up casually yourself?

Are you looking for just a fwb situation?

Are you looking for a LTR that is more committed but not super serious?

Are you one that wants to get married and have children someday????

What is it that you MOST want?????

What you MOST want in the long run, should be used to determine your choices forward NOW. I do not say that lightly.

I am not saying you should in any way... but If YOU ultimately desire to marry/partner and have children, please please please wake up and understand that your choices NOW matter a lot!!! Likely far more than you imagine.

What do you ultimately want for yourself, in the long run??? Serious question to put thought into. Your choices now, matter.

 

[Dilemma99]

This may come as another shock, but men do not all act or think alike. You are asking us to psychoanalyze a guy that none of us has met. You are also making it impossible to give any kind of meaningful advice because you are not telling the whole story. You’ve been asked why you are so hung up on this particular dude and you’ve been very careful not to answer the question. Is the super good looking? Rich? A celebrity? All of the above? Why would you jump on a plane for a chance to fvck him the moment he is dumped by his ex? How attractive are you compared to his ex? These are all relevant context questions.

okay I’ll address all of your questions.

I like him because he’s very attractive, he’s really funny, has a great job, a home, older, wants to settle down so he’s done with the dating without a purpose phase.

I got on the plane because I thought he had realized he wanted to be with be me - not his ex.

how attractive am I compared to his ex? Well we’re both petite and have curly hair so we’re similar in features.Personally I don’t think she’s all that attractive, she’s his age so she looks much older IMO, and I have a more natural look. Here are some pics of both of us. I tried to show us done up, body, face, etc. for a fair comparison

me:

http://imgur.com/q5mz31A

http://imgur.com/FSHEU2k

http://imgur.com/GO3SB5n

https://i.imgur.com/Oqz0fuD.jpg

her:
https://i.imgur.com/u1eOy53.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/IxrA2Mg.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/Mn4YMiF.jpg
https://i.imgur.com/E1xHdTq.png
https://imgur.com/a/k2OOeEc

 

[Glassguy]

If it's any consultation, I'd bang you.

And to answer your question from earlier:
Just because a guy will fvck you, doesn't mean he wants more with you.

We (alpha males/men with abundance and options) love women and sex. We like some women enough to "date", some enough to fvck and some aren't worth our time at all.

This guy you're talking about wants his ex. Its over. You are the backup for however long you let him pull your strings.

Move on. Tough to do, I know, but you need to stop asking yourself all of these questions because they're all questions that you're never going to have answered. Not from us and not from him.

Hope this helps.

 

[Dilemma99]

If it's any consultation, I'd bang you.

And to answer your question from earlier:
Just because a guy will fvck you, doesn't mean he wants more with you.

We (alpha males/men with abundance and options) love women and sex. We like some women enough to "date", some enough to fvck and some aren't worth our time at all.

This guy you're talking about wants his ex. Its over. You are the backup for however long you let him pull your strings.

Move on. Tough to do, I know, but you need to stop asking yourself all of these questions because they're all questions that you're never going to have answered. Not from us and not from him.

Hope this helps.

haha thanks

I just assumed he didn’t want his ex because he said he was unsure that he wanted to be with her and then had me with him so quickly. How can he want her if he said he was unsure that he wanted to be with her in the first place? That’s part of the reason why I didn’t think I was a rebound...

 

[LiveYourDream]

Were you at all in sugar baby, sugar daddy sort of relationship dynamic / set-up that you were hoping might become more???

How did you meet the guy? How much older? How far away are you? Who paid for the plane tickets?

 

[Glassguy]

haha thanks

I just assumed he didn’t want his ex because he said he was unsure that he wanted to be with her and then had me with him so quickly. How can he want her if he said he was unsure that he wanted to be with her in the first place? That’s part of the reason why I didn’t think I was a rebound...

You're still asking unimportant questions. You shouldn't assume. He obviously jumped right back with her for a reason......he wasn't unsure. He wanted fun with you and a relationship with her when the opportunity presented itself.

You should be asking "do I want to settle for being the backup ". Based on your pics, you shouldn't be someone's backup IF you stop this over thinking. Its honestly insecure behavior and that's a major turn off to all of us men who have high standards and options of women.

 

[Dilemma99]

Were you at all in sugar baby, sugar daddy sort of relationship dynamic / set-up that you were hoping might become more???

How did you meet the guy? How much older? How far away are you? Who paid for the plane tickets?

no lol. I met him in the mall. I’m 22 he’s 30 (so is his ex), will be 31 in August. I’m out in TN he’s in DC. I paid for the flights.

 

[metalwater]

- she didn't want him any more for whatever reasons or whatever feelings, board, hypergamy, was always transactional.
- you look a little bit like a younger version of her.
- you and he get together
- she either knows it or feels it and now she wants him again for shor time due to competition
- he runs right back, she lowers her interest again because of that and whatever is the original issues. she has other option.
- goes back to you cause that's much better than nothing.

in short, might be a great guy and might not.
you are option #2 for him and it sounds like he is option #2 for his ex.

you deserve to be option #1, and make sure you are also picking option #1 unless you're just looking for fun.

you can be option #2 for almost any guy, as your not fat and your teeth are ok.

pass on this one.

 

[Velasco]

Personally I don’t think she’s all that attractive

It doesnt matter what you think. It's what he thinks. To him, she's hot and u aight. Nothing you can do about it.

 

[Dilemma99]

It doesnt matter what you think. It's what he thinks. To him, she's hot and u aight. Nothing you can do about it.

how do you figure that I’m just alright to him? I would think looks have no bearing here.