Realizations/things I should do

[BergischerLöwe]

So after taking some time to ponder everything people have said to me on this forum, I've come to some realizations about things I should work on. These are:

1. The methods I'm used to using to meet women are outdated and no longer work for me. What worked for me in 2017/18, which was just swiping on apps and sticking it out until I got a good match, isn't sustainable anymore. Nowdays the apps don't even give me good enough returns for them to be a viable option. I need to branch out to real life.

2. Approaching irl is still something I've never done, but I'm looking into the concept more. I'm reading Neil Strauss' Rules of the Game but am unsure how to actually apply that knowledge right now. As far as I can tell I'm a very long way from being able to approach in public. I'm not really sure right now what approach venues I'd use or how I'd even go about it. Approaching is still a concept that's very overwhelming for me but I need to learn to do it at some point.

3. I need to find a way to expand my social circle somehow. I'll start looking into more things I can do to meet people. However I can't do this with meeting women in mind, I have to get used to being around people more in general. If I go into it with the purpose of meeting women I'm setting myself up for failure. As of right now tho I still don't know how I'd be able to pull this off. A lot of my hobbies are solitary and at the end of the day and I'm not sure where I'd look as far as things I can do irl.

4. I need to continue my efforts to lose bodyfat, my goal is to finally get below 20%

5. My mindset needs to change. I've always naturally gravitated towards negativity and pessimism and this has impacted my situation greatly. With meeting women irl for example, my mind compels me to believe that I can't do it or that it's impossible in my situation, and thus it never happens. I need to find a way to reframe my mindset going forward as it's holding me back.

In short, I'm looking for more resources so that I can address the issues above. What are some books, articles, youtube videos, or other resources that I should consider. What are some actionable steps I can take so that I can expand my social circle, change my mindset, and actually be able to meet women irl? What should I do and what suggestions do you have?

 

[Plinco]

Look at it this way, think about who you want to be, work to become that person, and visualize that success. Visualizing success is a tool for keeping yourself focused and accountable. When you accomplish your goals, your mindset will become more positive.

The rest of it is a matter of experience. No person experiences life exactly the same way, so if I tell you what my experiences are with cold approaching for example, they may help you but you need to help yourself more.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Two ideas:

Get a puppy - medium-sized dog - go to puppy socialization classes - lots of women in these classes. Make sure you have a bomber-ass dog that's fun to be around, like a frisbee dog or something. Dogs/puppies are chick magnets. Sweet-behaved dogs are ice-breakers. It also makes you look responsible and manly if you can care for another being. It also points at you not being a self-centered prick capable of love for another being.

Get a Wi-Fi scale that tracks your body composition. The BF% is not 100% accurate, but it provides a nice trend graph; as long as it's moving downward, you're in the right place. Weigh yourself daily, at the same time, before a meal, preferably when you wake up. They're like US$75 on Amazon. I like the Withings branded scales; you load an app on your phone to track, and the scale logs to the app wirelessly.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Look at it this way, think about who you want to be, work to become that person, and visualize that success. Visualizing success is a tool for keeping yourself focused and accountable. When you accomplish your goals, your mindset will become more positive.

The rest of it is a matter of experience. No person experiences life exactly the same way, so if I tell you what my experiences are with cold approaching for example, they may help you but you need to help yourself more.

Right now I'm still not comfortable with approaching, but one thing I've started to do whenever I see an attractive woman in public is to at least visualize approaching her

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Get a Wi-Fi scale that tracks your body composition, the BF% is not 100% accurate but it provides a nice trend graph, as long as it's moving downwards you're in the right place. Weigh yourself daily, same time, before a meal preferably when you wake up. Theyre like $75US on amazon I like the withings branded scales, you load an app on your phone to track and the scale logs to the app wirelessly.

My weight has stayed the same the past few months but oddly enough I've begun to lose more fat ever since I began to travel by bicycle as my primary means of transport. I'm still a bit of a ways from where I want to be tho. Perhaps I should get an apple watch or something like that, don't those track calories burned or something?

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Perhaps I should get an apple watch or something like that, don't those track calories burned or something?

They can, but that's not accurate either. You have a bf goal. Get a bf scale. $75US is much less than $600US for a watch. It's something that requires action every day and for you to LOOK at yourself and your progress. I don't want to discuss the moral or philosophical implications of doing this with you - its a few dollars, it enforces accountability, and its simple. Do it or don't.

p.s. watches are good for step tracking too - a key to weight loss. The bottom floor is 10,000 steps a day.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

They can, but that's not accurate either. You have a bf goal. Get a bf scale. $75US is much less than $600US for a watch. It's something that requires action every day and for you to LOOK at yourself and your progress. I don't want to discuss the moral or philosophical implications of doing this with you - its a few dollars, it enforces accountability, and its simple. Do it or don't.

p.s. watches are good for step tracking too - a key to weight loss. The bottom floor is 10,000 steps a day.

Groovy I'll look into that

 

[SW15]

5. My mindset needs to change. I've always naturally gravitated towards negativity and pessimism and this has impacted my situation greatly. With meeting women irl for example, my mind compels me to believe that I can't do it or that it's impossible in my situation, and thus it never happens. I need to find a way to reframe my mindset going forward as it's holding me back.

This was the biggest problem that I saw from you in your past threads. This new mindset is a step in the right direction.

3. I need to find a way to expand my social circle somehow. I'll start looking into more things I can do to meet people. However I can't do this with meeting women in mind, I have to get used to being around people more in general. If I go into it with the purpose of meeting women I'm setting myself up for failure. As of right now tho I still don't know how I'd be able to pull this off. A lot of my hobbies are solitary and at the end of the day and I'm not sure where I'd look as far as things I can do irl.

This is probably the best thing you can do. At 27, you're still young enough to build a social circle, albeit it is more challenging at your age than 18 or 22. 27-30 is basically your last chance at social circle game.

Social circle introductions are the best option for a normie range guy. Most men are normie range.

Social circle is great for getting a girlfriend. Pay close attention to the words "a girlfriend". That means one girlfriend. If you're looking for an extended relationship (2-5 years or more), your best bet for getting that with the least amount of grief and frustration is social circle. Many men who get social circle girlfriends tend to retain those girlfriends for a long time and often beyond the useful life of the relationship. A lot of the social circle girlfriend guys are beta males and beta males operate from a scarcity mindset. It's common to see a 10 year+ relationship from social circle which does lead to a marriage proposal.

For men with social circles, the problem with the social circle method eventually becomes sustainability as social circles get pissed at men who continually exchange girlfriends, even if the relationships are semi-long (1-4 years). The behavior described in the last sentence is serial monogamy, so it is accurate to say that social circles get pissed off at serial monogamists. It is important to remember that social circles generally have a blue pill viewpoint on romantic relationships. A man might be able to pull 2 LTRs from a social circle without marrying one. After 2 instances, he will have typically bled the social circle dry. This is known as "poisoning the well".

2. Approaching irl is still something I've never done, but I'm looking into the concept more. I'm reading Neil Strauss' Rules of the Game but am unsure how to actually apply that knowledge right now. As far as I can tell I'm a very long way from being able to approach in public. I'm not really sure right now what approach venues I'd use or how I'd even go about it. Approaching is still a concept that's very overwhelming for me but I need to learn to do it at some point.

There are many men out there that don't have a social circle capable of producing introductions. My social circle has been like that for a long time, which is why I have had to rely on other methods. Over the years, I've approached strangers and used tech-based methods. When comparing tech-based to approaching strangers in real life, the latter option (real life approaching) is often the better option. However, it can feel like making the least bad choice of 2 bad choices. Approaching strangers in real life is an unpleasant experience to some degree.

You could also read "Mystery Method" and watch PUA content online such as James Tusk's channel, Austen Summers, or AG Hayden.

4. I need to continue my efforts to lose bodyfat, my goal is to finally get below 20%

What's your current body fat percentage? At 20%, you won't be overweight but you'll still be virtually invisible to women. 15% body fat is when you might start noticing more indicators of interest that would make approaches easier.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

This was the biggest problem that I saw from you in your past threads. This new mindset is a step in the right direction.



This is probably the best thing you can do. At 27, you're still young enough to build a social circle, albeit it is more challenging at your age than 18 or 22. 27-30 is basically your last chance at social circle game.

Social circle introductions are the best option for a normie range guy. Most men are normie range.

Social circle is great for getting a girlfriend. Pay close attention to the words "a girlfriend". That means one girlfriend. If you're looking for an extended relationship (2-5 years or more), your best bet for getting that with the least amount of grief and frustration is social circle. Many men who get social circle girlfriends tend to retain those girlfriends for a long time and often beyond the useful life of the relationship. A lot of the social circle girlfriend guys are beta males and beta males operate from a scarcity mindset. It's common to see a 10 year+ relationship from social circle which does lead to a marriage proposal.

For men with social circles, the problem with the social circle method eventually becomes sustainability as social circles get pissed at men who continually exchange girlfriends, even if the relationships are semi-long (1-4 years). The behavior described in the last sentence is serial monogamy, so it is accurate to say that social circles get pissed off at serial monogamists. It is important to remember that social circles generally have a blue pill viewpoint on romantic relationships. A man might be able to pull 2 LTRs from a social circle without marrying one. After 2 instances, he will have typically bled the social circle dry. This is known as "poisoning the well".



There are many men out there that don't have a social circle capable of producing introductions. My social circle has been like that for a long time, which is why I have had to rely on other methods. Over the years, I've approached strangers and used tech-based methods. When comparing tech-based to approaching strangers in real life, the latter option (real life approaching) is often the better option. However, it can feel like making the least bad choice of 2 bad choices. Approaching strangers in real life is an unpleasant experience to some degree.

You could also read "Mystery Method" and watch PUA content online such as James Tusk's channel, Austen Summers, or AG Hayden.



What's your current body fat percentage? At 20%, you won't be overweight but you'll still be virtually invisible to women. 15% body fat is when you might start noticing more indicators of interest that would make approaches easier.

1. How should I go about changing my mindset? Like I said a huge problem is that I'm inherently prone to feelings of pessimism and negativity, especially with women. I have a lot of hangups about women/dating, like my regrets about not dating in high school, my frustration over not being able to attain the sort of relationship that I really want, and the inability of me to meet women irl that has plagued my dating life so far. One thing I feel bad about in particular is that I've never had the experience of initially meeting a woman irl, having a connection between us develop naturally, and going on to end up in a relationship with her. You hear people say things like that sometimes when people describe how they've met their significant other. That they met each other, and they found each other to be cool and interesting and they end up spending time with one another and then a relationship developed naturally from there. I've never been able to have an experience like that in my life so far and it makes me feel pretty bad that I've missed out on that. Any initial interactions with the women I've been with have been in the artificial environment of dating apps as I've written countless times.

2. Do you have any suggestions as to what I should do in a bid to expand my social circle? Like I said I'm more of an introverted, socially reserved kinda guy and my hobbies tend to be more niche. Some of my interests include rock music (particularly the rock n roll of the 60s/70s), playing instruments (guitar, bass, and sitar), weightlifting, learning languages, philosophy, recording music on analog tape, collecting vintage instruments and music equipment, and reading about different topics. A lot of these things are more solitary pursuits and thus I'm unsure about the potential of being able to bond with others over the things I've mentioned. I don't really know where I could go or what groups I could join in order to meet people. I tried to look on meetup.com to see if there was anything viable in my area but there isn't. In the past year and a half I've regularly attended the religious lectures at the temple I go to, and there's people I've met from that but nobody I could actually date.

3. What happens if I pass the age where social circle game becomes no longer viable, or my attempts at expanding my social circle and meeting women that way don't prove to be fruitful? What would I do in that situation?

4. Indeed what I'm looking for is a "girlfriend", as you put it. What I want is to be in a sustained relationship with a woman that I'm really excited about and compatible with. However, as I said I've never met women I've been with thru social circle. I don't really know how to use social circle game as I haven't found myself in any situation where it's applicable. I went thru the entirety of high school and college without dating any woman I met thru my social circle. On a few occasions I was introduced to girls thru my social circle back then but none of those times ever translated into dates. Nowadays I don't even have opportunities like that anymore.

5. What should my progression be like as far as learning to approach? Right now I still can't bring myself to approach in earnest, but at the very least one thing I've begun to do lately is whenever I see an attractive woman in public I visualize approaching her. SO far that's about the extent of what I've done with that.

6. I'd say my bodyfat percentage is currently between 23-25 percent. It's a bit lower now than it was a few months ago

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

6. I'd say my bodyfat percentage is currently between 23-25 percent. It's a bit lower now than it was a few months ago

Is this a guess? You could purchase some calipers and get an exact read, they’re cheap on Amazon, or as I’ve said a withings bodycomp scale.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Is this a guess? You could purchase some calipers and get an exact read, they’re cheap on Amazon, or as I’ve said a withings bodycomp scale.

Yeah it's a guess, probably should get calipers

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Man I still can't shake the feeling that trying in real life would be no better than online. I can't get anywhere on apps anymore but at the end of the day they're still my best bet. It's extremely unlikely I'd be able to meet someone in real life who's single, attractive, and approachable. I literally don't know what to do anymore.

 

[Bingo-Player]

Man I still can't shake the feeling that trying in real life would be no better than online. I can't get anywhere on apps anymore but at the end of the day they're still my best bet. It's extremely unlikely I'd be able to meet someone in real life who's single, attractive, and approachable. I literally don't know what to do anymore.

There is 7 billion people on the planet , 3.8 billion of them are female

Are you telling me you think out of 3.8 billion you can't find one whom you find attractive , is single and is also interested in you ?

its all in your head

Look I hate to break it to you men have to go and make sh1t happen , yes its exshausting , yes its demoralising at times , yes its overwhelming but nobody is coming to save you

Imagine being back in the stone ages it's pissing down with rain , its freezing , its dark and the forest is full of things that will happily kill you without hesitation

Yet you as the man have to go out and find something for you and your family to eat and if you don't and sit there moaning about it you all starve to death

All you have to do is go and talk to some random people most of them will be polite , some of them will be interesting too talk too , some of them will be rude , some of them will be disinterested but its not exactly life and death and the worst that will happen is you will be back where you started which ironically is where you are now

Remember everything we have In the world today is from our forefathers making sh1t happen

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Are you telling me you think out of 3.8 billion you can't find one whom you find attractive , is single and is also interested in you ?

I've only been able to find women fitting that description online. I haven't had really any legit opportunities to date women I've first met irl since like high school and that was 10 years ago. Furthermore I didn't end up dating in high school so even when I had those kinda real life opportunities they were wasted. In the present day I'm not around women I could date at all really. For my entire life, apps are the only way I've been able to be visible to women, but now I can't get any results from them. It'll never be like how they were for me in 2017/18 agan

 

[Bingo-Player]

I've only been able to find women fitting that description online. I haven't had really any legit opportunities to date women I've first met irl since like high school and that was 10 years ago. Furthermore I didn't end up dating in high school so even when I had those kinda real life opportunities they were wasted. In the present day I'm not around women I could date at all really. For my entire life, apps are the only way I've been able to be visible to women, but now I can't get any results from them. It'll never be like how they were for me in 2017/18 agan

Jesus christ

You aint getting it

NOBODY CARES

Find a way to fix it

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Find a way to fix it

That's so vague tho. It's like when people say "Just get out there" or something to that effect. At the end of the day such remarks are meaningless

 

[RazorRambo24]

Im gonna be honest by reading your post I feel like you're not going to get anything done until maybe a few years from now. You seem to lack initiative and a plan.

DM me and we'll talk over voice because there's just so much to cover here.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

Im gonna be honest by reading your post I feel like you're not going to get anything done until maybe a few years from now. You seem to lack initiative and a plan.

DM me and we'll talk over voice because there's just so much to cover here.

Aight man I will

 

[Agamemnon43]

You haven't hit the bottom, you should do something that's gonna make you feel like the last piece of **** in the world. Then after that it's only one way- up. Also, action is the solution to all thinking. There is no comtemplation, talk or philosophy that's gonna get you where you want to be. Only action (and failure) can. From one attempt you will learn 10x more than from here or anywhere else. You are afraid of trying.

 

[BergischerLöwe]

You haven't hit the bottom, you should do something that's gonna make you feel like the last piece of **** in the world. Then after that it's only one way- up. Also, action is the solution to all thinking. There is no comtemplation, talk or philosophy that's gonna get you where you want to be. Only action (and failure) can. From one attempt you will learn 10x more than from here or anywhere else. You are afraid of trying.

From my point of view it doesn't feel as much like I'm afraid of trying, it's more like I don't know what exactly I should try and what direction to take