Real counter offer or soft flake? How to proceed?

[jamesfromhouston]

A girl I slept with messages me out of the blue a few days ago to tell me she was thinking about me. (I see this as high IL from her part).

Saw it as an opportunity to set up a meet with her. I invited her out to dinner this weekend: "Let's stop missing each other & have dinner this Saturday."

She took a long time to reply me. (More than an hour). Replies: "How about next week?"

I don't consider it a flake at this point but it's what happens next, I reply: "Next week will be quite busy for me."

She leaves my message on read for a few days. No response.

At this point, I don't know if I've shot myself in the own foot with my response of being busy or whether she has soft-flaked me.

Did I flake on her or did she flake on me?

A simple explanation would be it seems like I flaked on her since I told her I was busy next week.

But I was expecting her to reply with something else, anything else. Another date window or anything at all. So I feel her counter offer of next week was not legit. She didn't mention a specific date next week either. And she left me on read for a few days.

I am not sure if I messed up here. I am not sure how I should proceed. If I message her again I would be double texting.

Once again I realized how bad I am at text game.

 

[BPH]

She read it.

Leave it alone.

 

[Canadian_Man]

Her interest in meeting up probably wasn't as high as you thought

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Her interest in meeting up probably wasn't as high as you thought

Why initiate and tell me she misses me? Also why shoot me a vague counter offer. Only to then go silent!

 

[Canadian_Man]

Why initiate and tell me she misses me?

Perhaps at that moment she did

Also why shoot me a vague counter offer.

Keeping you on the hook, in case she decides she wants to meet up.

Or, avoiding conflict / "letting you down easy".

Some here also might say she's "toying with you"

In any of those cases, there's nothing left to do.

 

[Agamemnon43]

Why dinner? Did you try to escalate during the date?

 

[Learning Curve]

A girl I slept with messages me out of the blue a few days ago to tell me she was thinking about me. (I see this as high IL from her part).

Saw it as an opportunity to set up a meet with her. I invited her out to dinner this weekend: "Let's stop missing each other & have dinner this Saturday."

She took a long time to reply me. (More than an hour). Replies: "How about next week?"

I don't consider it a flake at this point but it's what happens next, I reply: "Next week will be quite busy for me."

She leaves my message on read for a few days. No response.

At this point, I don't know if I've shot myself in the own foot with my response of being busy or whether she has soft-flaked me.

Did I flake on her or did she flake on me?

A simple explanation would be it seems like I flaked on her since I told her I was busy next week.

But I was expecting her to reply with something else, anything else. Another date window or anything at all. So I feel her counter offer of next week was not legit. She didn't mention a specific date next week either. And she left me on read for a few days.

I am not sure if I messed up here. I am not sure how I should proceed. If I message her again I would be double texting.

Once again I realized how bad I am at text game.

She took a long time to reply me. (More than an hour). Replies: "How about next week?"

Here you reply: "Sure, i will be free on Wednesday, at around 20:00, does that work for you?"

Specific day and time. Important.

You reply after 30 minutes. Always reply half of the time she takes to reply. This shows you are busy, plus you are not playing games. So if she takes 4 hours you take 2 hours.

I don't consider it a flake at this point but it's what happens next, I reply: "Next week will be quite busy for me."

Very generic response. It shows low interest from your side. You have not mentioned a day or time. Really what you are saying is "I don't really care"

Step up your text game.

But I was expecting her to reply with something else, anything else. Another date window or anything at all. So I feel her counter offer of next week was not legit. She didn't mention a specific date next week either. And she left me on read for a few days.

You are the one with the Penis. You lead the conversation. Don't expect anything from women.

Text her after 2 weeks, and aske her out again directly with a date and time. Allthough if she did not reply, i would probably not suggest it.

If a women does not reply and you text again is chasing behaviour. But hey, you shoot-you learn.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

Why dinner? Did you try to escalate during the date?

Nah we already had sex on previous occasions. Dinner was just the precursor to smashing. Also there's a new restaurant I wanted to check out. Wanted to invite her along.

You reply after 30 minutes. Always reply half of the time she takes to reply. This shows you are busy, plus you are not playing games. So if she takes 4 hours you take 2 hours.

Very generic response. It shows low interest from your side. You have not mentioned a day or time. Really what you are saying is "I don't really care"

Step up your text game.

You are the one with the Penis. You lead the conversation. Don't expect anything from women.

If a women does not reply and you text again is chasing behaviour. But hey, you shoot-you learn.

Really like your advice here man.

 

[Barrister]

OP,

You are over-analyzing this. I think your reply was fine. Time to just sit back and do nothing if she doesn't respond. Circle back to her AFTER next week (don't suddenly reach out after you said you were busy) if you don't hear anything. A lot of times there is no rhyme or reason to why women do what they do. Don't let it drive you crazy.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She just wanted some validation that she still has you on the hook.

Have had this happen a few times, it never goes anywhere.

Now that she got it, she will be gone for a few months and then will come back to get more validation at some point.

Stop giving it to her.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

She just wanted some validation that she still has you on the hook.

Have had this happen a few times, it never goes anywhere.

Now that she got it, she will be gone for a few months and then will come back to get more validation at some point.

Stop giving it to her.

This maybe the case.

But how do we convert these girls into tangible lays?

For example, I have another girl who was a former fwb of mine. She was tired of riding the **** carousel, so decided to go celibate for a year. Recently she came back into orbit. Keeps telling me she wants to **** me. Constantly interacts, sends me nudes and messages me online, even hung out with me once but it requires me to exert all effort to keep asking her out. But no matter how many times she says she wants to **** me, somehow it just never happens. She's too busy. She doesn't respond. Or she tells me another time, another time.

With girls who are into you but only seeking your validation, how do you close them?

Is there anything we can do?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This maybe the case.

But how do we convert these girls into tangible lays?

For example, I have another girl who was a former fwb of mine. She was tired of riding the **** carousel, so decided to go celibate for a year. Recently she came back into orbit. Keeps telling me she wants to **** me. Constantly interacts, sends me nudes and messages me online, even hung out with me once but it requires me to exert all effort to keep asking her out. But no matter how many times she says she wants to **** me, somehow it just never happens. She's too busy. She doesn't respond. Or she tells me another time, another time.

With girls who are into you but only seeking your validation, how do you close them?

Is there anything we can do?

You ignore them or give short answers until they make the move and close you. If it doesn't happen then it doesn't happen.

The role is reversed. You shouldn't be attempting to close them, you should be semi disinterested and forcing them to close you.

Punish bad behavior and reward good.

How does a chick who disappears for months and then randomly reappears deserve being rewarded by being taken out to dinner?

You are playing checkers and they are playing chess.

They need to earn being back in your good graces.

 

[Vanderdonck]

This maybe the case.

But how do we convert these girls into tangible lays?

For example, I have another girl who was a former fwb of mine. She was tired of riding the **** carousel, so decided to go celibate for a year. Recently she came back into orbit. Keeps telling me she wants to **** me. Constantly interacts, sends me nudes and messages me online, even hung out with me once but it requires me to exert all effort to keep asking her out. But no matter how many times she says she wants to **** me, somehow it just never happens. She's too busy. She doesn't respond. Or she tells me another time, another time.

With girls who are into you but only seeking your validation, how do you close them?

Is there anything we can do?

Yes - move on to the next girl. There are loads of them.

The ones you describe are (as mentioned above) seeking validation or keeping you on the hook. Nothing new.

In fact I've done this with plates in the past. Not proud of it. It was when I was between "I want to get laid" and "I probably don't want to go back and bang this chick but let's see how easy she might make it." It was like I didn't want them here nor gone.

Anyway don't try to convert. Best you can do is respect yourself and double her distance.

 

[BaronOfHair]

A girl I slept with messages me out of the blue a few days ago to tell me she was thinking about me. (I see this as high IL from her part)

How long ago did you bed her?

 

[The Duke]

She wanted validation more than anything.

When ex girls used to reach out to me I would pretend like I had deleted their number and ask them "who is this". It was hilarious to see how they would react to that. Some would state their name and then say something snarky. Some got butthurt. Most of them were all looking to be validated and by me pretending to delete their name they felt slightly rejected. Women say all sorts of things, they are driven by their feelings at that moment in time.

 

[jamesfromhouston]

You ignore them or give short answers until they make the move and close you. If it doesn't happen then it doesn't happen.

The role is reversed. You shouldn't be attempting to close them, you should be semi disinterested and forcing them to close you.

Punish bad behavior and reward good.

How does a chick who disappears for months and then randomly reappears deserve being rewarded by being taken out to dinner?

You are playing checkers and they are playing chess.

They need to earn being back in your good graces.

This is really great advice. Thank you.

How long ago did you bed her?

About 2 months ago then she left to do some baking course in Paris.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

She took a long time to reply me. (More than an hour). Replies: "How about next week?"

G’s reply: crickets

I would have taken away her validation “high”.
Her question is her answer and it was as clear as a pane of glass. Next week I can be dead. I want that pvssy now.
Your aim was right just not the best execution.
I guarantee she would have double texted you if you were playing chess with your game.
Silence is eloquent when it comes to lukewarm shaky females more times than not.

If she really wanted to see you she would have said yes to your Saturday offer or counter with something sooner. It’s peak summer 2024 , b!tches are fvcking during the week as well.
If a woman is not making things easy, she isn't interested enough to make an effort.
Keep one foot grounded in the basics,
If a chick has that burning desire to go out with you even it means just sitting in your car to talk, she will manipulate the moon and stars to make it happen before she risks losing you. Women are not risk takers when it comes to men they want to fvck.

Put her on ice until she comes back begging to get on her knees.