Read Diary ..now What?

[ketostix]

It all goes back to it was disrespectful for her to chat up her old FB and leave you to go ahead. Now she's going to be hanging out with him. Plus she let's some meathead flirt with her and punch you. I disagree with those they say you shouldn't have read her diary in this situation. The problem is you can't seem to deal with what you discovered reading the diary. If you have to be blinded to the cold facts to keep your cool and sanity then you have problems elsewhere.

I think you're worried and making a lot ot do about what might not be anything, but on the other hand you girlfriend doesn't seem to respect you that much and you don't make her respect you.

 

[DavenJuan]

the meathead guy who punched me..that was within the first month of us together..looking back shouldve handled it a bit different. i was pretty upset about it when it happened however i didnt know her that well at the time.

i gave her the "she was really wasted" card and let it pass. even though she really didnt do anything, she also didnt push this guy away either. but like i said, that was within the first month of us dating. the reason why i brought it up was because ii found out in the diary that she use to mess around with the same guy

.about the FB she talked to for 20 minutes. I wish i could see why it was wrong to do. Is it really that big of a deal? I dont know why i dont see how that disrespects me? if i cared and didnt want her chattin it up with him, then i can see it being a problem, but it never really crossed my mind.

..and about this haning out with the FB. your right ketositx. it might not even be anything, i just think its a very akward situation.

 

[st_99]

.about the FB she talked to for 20 minutes. I wish i could see why it was wrong to do. Is it really that big of a deal? I dont know why i dont see how that disrespects me? if i cared and didnt want her chattin it up with him, then i can see it being a problem, but it never really crossed my mind.

..and about this haning out with the FB. your right ketositx. it might not even be anything, i just think its a very akward situation.

I would say that chating with an ex FB is no big deal and you probably shouldn't be offended by it.

I come to this conclusion because I just think about a time when I ran into my ex FB. She was with some dude, I came up behind her and grabbed her side to get her attention. She turned around and had a huge smile on her face and gave me a great big enthusiastic hug. She even told the dude she was with I'll be right back and we went off to have a drink and chatted for about 20 minutes (how ironic!). Anyway, the whole time I defenitly didn't feel any sexual chemistry (as much as I did want to ) and knew that it was simply a friendly chat that 100% wouldn't lead to anything down the road. Now, I dont what this guy was, didn't ask, but as you can see it was no big deal. I'll probably never see or talk to her again.

I think you just have to know what type of girl you're with. (and my ex FB defenitly was very very far from a saint)

 

[drmeathead]

she is putting you in positions she shouldnt put you in, period. if you want to stay in them it is up to you. it seems they have passed. it is up to you if you want to let them go or continue to keep digging up bones. on the other hand, if a similar situation comes up in the future, you must decide whether you being disrespected is something you want to allow to happen to you. the bottom line is you cant make her do anything. if she really cares for you, she wont want to do something that makes you feel uncomfortable. it is that simple. then u must ask urself if you want to be committed to someone, let alone live with someone, who doesnt really care for you.

 

[Latinoman]

good point...im pretty sure if my girl left her diary just sitting on a counter and forgot to put it up then i wouldnt really feel the need to look at it.

wheres the mystery?

the fact taht it was meant to be hidden in secrecy had a huge part on why i was compelled to look.

however..i see where your going with this.

Was not in the counter. Was either in her bag or "hidden" under magazines. It was NOT meant for me to see it.

 

[joekerr31]

2. I have been called an AFC and insecure by a few who responded to my OP. i dont claim to be a converted AFC TO a highly strong DJ. however i have seen progress over the last few years within myself. and i have to be honest, no matter how you slice it.. AFC, DJ, PUA whatever..HOW MANY OF YOU COULD STUMBLE ACROSS A DIARY AND NOT BE CURIOUS?? (serious responses welcome)

im being completely 100% honest with you when i say i would not have looked.

in the past i would have. who i am today, i wouldn't.

but its not for reasons that you would think. the reason i wouldn't look is that i don't use what women say to make assessments of them. what a woman says means nothing to me.

i dont care if its what she is telling me, or even what she is telling herself in her diary.

her actions are the only thing i care about and they are what i will judge her on.

when you get good at reading and understanding women you will often know more about them than they do. human beings tell themselves all kinds of lies which cause them to have a very poor understanding of themselves.

this is why people go to therapy for years to try and understand who they are.

so i dont need to know what my woman thinks of herself or me, thats irrelevant. all i care about is how she treats me, because that is where the buck stops. so once i've had some time with a woman, enough time to see her behavior in a variety of life situations, my opinion will be what it is and no diary or words will change that.

moreover, im interested in her long term potential. there are some women who are great, and you can tell they are going to be even greater down the road than they even realize. and then there are some women who are great, but will probably stumble and fall. both these women at a given point in time would probably have very similar diary entries, but despite that they are two very different investments.

you gotta make your investments based on the bottom line (ie. behavior) not based on marketing (ie. words).

 

[joekerr31]

Nowadays i would be inclined to simply trust my gut and cut it off without explanation, but in the past I HAD to have proof, and through detective work i got it. But I could have saved myself a lot of grief by taking action WITHOUT having proof.

this is a beautiful place to reach in life, where it stops being about 'proof' and instead its simply about 'are you happy?' - and if you aren't then nexting her.

ive said it a million times, you don't need to be a master DJ to know how to handle yourself in a relationship. all you have to do is be able to ask yourself whether someone is making your life better or worse and then be prepared to act on that.

the only time this advice is bad is when you yoruself are so messed up that it really wouldn't matter who was in your life it would turn to sh*t. in this scenario you need to man up and accept that you ahve some personal growth that needs to be done before you can have a healthy relationship.

 

[joekerr31]

Thats the thing....would most of you ignore the fact that you know they were intimate? it has no bearing on our relationshp, but my thought process at the time was that if i mention this to her, she would be amazed that she couldnt keep a secret from me. she would think i know her so well, that even her past actions are not hidden from me.

the only problem is that this is not how women think. how a woman thinks is...

1. wow, he sees right through me. he has amazing intuition
2. wait a second, he's never shown that kind of intuition before.
3. hmmm. (replays it in her head a 1,000 times)
4. Oh My Gawd. could he have found my diary?!!!
5. no no. he didn't find it. it was probably his intuition.
6. argggh, but maybe he did find it.
7. i should just forget about this. he isnt making a big deal out of this neither will i.
8. OH MY GAWD he read my diary!! he must have.
9. well, at least now i know what kind of person he is. time to look for another branch ready.

THAT is how a woman would think about what you did.

 

[dietzcoi]

It does not matter what anybody on here says you shoud or should not do, it seems the relationship has already taken a direct hit from a big torpedo, and is going down, no matter what you do. The cat is out of the bag

Now, how long are you going to prolong the torment?

Dietzcoi

 

[DavenJuan]

I don't think the problem is looking at the diary so much as you not being able to handle it.

Don't go digging up the past if you can't handle getting dirty. This is too late for you, you need to just move on.

Incidentally, there's no problem with her talking to an old 'friend' for 20 minutes. A true DJ would recognize that if she wants that chump she's free to go to him, as she's free to go to anyone else. You know you're the prize and can replace her without a problem. So act like it.

i have said it over and over again that i dont care at all that she was chatting it up with her former FB. I went inside and did my own thing.

..also its not that i cannot handle her past, i knew about the diary for the last past year and never once mentioned anything about it.. If her "secrets" bothered me so much i would have posted a thread 9 months ago.

It just was a very "weird" postion when she introduced me to this FB.

a couple things..Joekerr posted a couple things that i thought was interesting. what i "thought" she would think. and what she "actually" thought after i mentioned this to her is a very good point.

also whatever is in her diary really doesnt mean anything. Her thoughts and her words on paper shows no reflection on her actual behavor.

 

[wayword]

me:"Whats up with you and joe...? i can tell by your body language that he was more to you than just yoru ex bfs best friend...did you ever mess around with him....?
her: NO...(comes in to give me a hug for reassurance)
me: i can tell by your response to my question that there is more that your not telling me???
her: your retarded..i never did anything with him...why would you even think that?
me: OMG, you did fool around with this guy, did you f*ck him? that disgusting knowing that you were with his bestfriend!
her: i swear i never did anything with him!

Women lie like they breathe. Now you have seen it with your own eyes. If they don't think you already know or can find out...they sure as hell won't tell you.

 

[DavenJuan]

DavenJuan, I'm curious how things are now.. have you talked about it?

actually we havent mentioned anything about it since the night that we bumped into mr. fb. i have only discussed the matter with my fellow brothers.

I havent looked in the diary and dont plan on it. More so for myself than anything. try to learn self control. plus i think its better not knowing. Kindve takes away from the mystery.