RANT: guy "friends" - ARRRGGH!!

[SoCalMike]

Hey SoCal, she was attempting to manipulate you into joining her fan club.
She is not relationship material, much less "second dateable"..
She did what she did because she has done that shyte in the past and gotten away with it.

Good for you in nexting her. It may be the first time that any guy did that to her.

I think it's the first time a guy has done it this quickly to her. She's pretty damn good looking, huge natural tits, flat tummy, pretty face, so a large number of dudes will stick around for a while for the pvssy no doubt.

I don't think I'm "all that" but I know how to treat a woman, and they do get attached to me quickly. This one was no exception, she has txt'd several times since last night saying how I "cut her throat without giving a chance" and how she liked me a lot and was "stupid for thinking I felt the same way about her", etc. Basically trying to guilt me, put the whole thing on me, as if she was little miss innocent. What a load of CRAP.

 

[SoCalMike]

I'd like to chime in.

To me, this behaviour would have been disrespectful if you had been dating a while. But quite frankly, she owes you nothing at this stage. You went out once, and the world doesn't revolve around you.

Perhaps she just didn't want you to know where she lived?

Perhaps she had made plans to meet someone?

who knows.

I would have picked her up and then depending on her actions led from there.

e.g. if she had wanted to stay at bar, i would have left. But if you pull up, call her and she comes out wanting to leave and proceed with the date - all is good.

if this becomes a long term issue - i.e. she's at the bar every night of the week, your response is valid - but after 1 date, it's to close to call. I don't think giving her the benefit of the doubt this one time (since you never talked about where you were picking her up from) is out of line.

I will admit, you could be right. But bro, this is twice now that she has had me to go this bar. Twice in two dates. Bad sign.

Also, as others have said, I've never had a quality girl do this guy friend thing. It was always "I'm taking <guy friend 1> to work today he's having car trouble" or "I'm going <wherever> with <guy friend 2> next week" etc etc.

A little guy friend BS is tolerable for a little while, but this was too much for me.

Maybe I jumped the gun, but my BS meter was pegged in the red with this girl. So I went with my instincts.

 

[SoCalMike]

Personally, the "guy friends" thing irritates the **** out of me. Im not jealous, I just know what they are up to. She knows what they are up to. Its all one big charade that I have no time for. Im too busy a guy to play that stupid game. I also have no desire to hang out with her guy friends who are invariably the kind of pussies I will have little time for.

That's how I feel about it. I will tolerate a small amount of it for a little while when I first meet a girl. But it has to diminish quickly, or I'm gone.

 

[squirrels]

Rollo's post is thought provoking. He is probably right, it's a game to make herself appear as though she's the prize. However, for better or worse, I don't play these games. Mainly because right now, I don't need to, I have other options. I have 3 other dates lined up next week, and a f-buddy which I can call up in times of need.

Dude honestly, I don't think she's playing "value games" with you. I honestly don't think she's that bright. Being at a bar chatting up guys and getting attention is just her way of life. It's become such a habit that she doesn't know any other way to behave. She'll be that way for a long time until she realizes that this way of life just isn't getting her anywhere.

I'd like to chime in.

To me, this behaviour would have been disrespectful if you had been dating a while. But quite frankly, she owes you nothing at this stage. You went out once, and the world doesn't revolve around you.

Dude...whether she felt "committed" or not, the girl agreed to a date and for her to go hang with "the boyz" at the local hole beforehand, she's obviously not that interested in spending time with him.

I mean, how would SHE feel if she came to pick HIM up and he told her instead that he was out at xxxx bar with Jessica and wanted to be picked up there?

It's not even about respect. I don't think it was necessarily "disrespectful", but it does show poor character. It shows a simpleton, scatter-brained kind of mentality.

This is the kind of woman who drifts about life aimlessly, who has no sense of where she's going or what she's doing. She just goes wherever impulse grabs her. I bet she hardly batted an eye or thought "oops, maybe I shouldn't have done that" when he nexted her. In her mind, she didn't even realize the breach of standard dating ettiquite. He's just acting weird. I guarantee she stayed at the bar that night and didn't think another thing of it. You can call it "low IL", but that kind of girl really doesn't have "IL" in anything except what's right in front of her.

This is really no different from a girl who answers phonecalls on her cellphone when she's out on a date.

Rule for guys AND girls...if you're not really interested in spending time with a person, either DON'T make the date in the FIRST place, or cancel it well enough in advance that he/she can make other plans. A girl trying to bar-troll while on a date is an equivalent of a guy buying his girlfriend playoff tickets as a gift. It's extremely selfish, and it's not the kind of person I care to spend a lot of time with.

From now on, let it be an OFFICIAL RED FLAG if a girl tries to, at any time, direct a date toward a bar where all her "friends" hang out, unless you already have an equivalent working relationship with said friends.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

It's not even about respect. I don't think it was necessarily "disrespectful", but it does show poor character. It shows a simpleton, scatter-brained kind of mentality.

I'll respectfully disagree. This is a very common, calculated behavior, almost to the point where it's autonomous. Many women do this; some more overtly (AW's for instance), but most women attempt it at some point, to some degree. You can argue as to whether it's disrespectful, but don't make the mistake of assuming a woman is fickle or scatterbrained because of it. In fact it's that very assumption that stokes competition anxiety among her bullpen members.

 

[jophil28]

next. you just met her. If a woman wants to be around other men this early it's DOA. If a woman is Truly Hot for you, the last thing on her mind is hanging out with her "friends". She wants intimacy. This woman does not want intimacy with you. She has no interest in you, just the attention you can bring. Lucky you found this out right away. Don't play the game of competing with her other AFCs for the morsels and crumbs this woman gives out to people. You did good man.

Spot on.
Fuk that "triangle game" .. I want a woman on her best behavior when I am starting to date her.

 

[st_99]

In the spirit of keeping this simple and not over complicating the matter I would offer this:


You probably over reacted a bit being that you went on only 1 date so far.

(I personally would have said in an enthusiastic tone, "OK, cool. I'll be there in like 15 minutes" and never shown up. That would have stirred things up a bit in your favor.)


BUT

There is a 98% chance that your gut instinct was correct and this girl is NOT relationship material anyway so, no big deal.

 

[scottfall]

In the spirit of keeping this simple and not over complicating the matter I would offer this:


You probably over reacted a bit being that you went on only 1 date so far.

(I personally would have said in an enthusiastic tone, "OK, cool. I'll be there in like 15 minutes" and never shown up. That would have stirred things up a bit in your favor.)


BUT

There is a 98% chance that your gut instinct was correct and this girl is NOT relationship material anyway so, no big deal.

I know this can be percived as game playing, but I think it would have been the way to go. If the girl wants to act $hitty you treat her $hitty.

With that being said, the relationship you may have built from treating her this way wouldnt be worth it. You made the right move to eject her.

 

[jophil28]

I don't think I'm "all that" but I know how to treat a woman,

Most guys do know how to treat a woman. Unfortunately a LOT women do not know how to date a guy with affection, respect and involvement.

Whether she was playing some lame " attaction" game is irrelavant. What matters is that her behavior did not meet your standards or your expectations.

 

[jophil28]

I
I don't think I'm "all that" but I know how to treat a woman, and they do get attached to me quickly. This one was no exception, she has txt'd several times since last night saying how I "cut her throat without giving a chance" and how she liked me a lot and was "stupid for thinking I felt the same way about her", etc. Basically trying to guilt me, put the whole thing on me, as if she was little miss innocent. What a load of CRAP.

Yeah, yeah - she is confounded (and pissed) because you did not "play" her game of trying to recruit you into her fan club. The bar scene is her playground. Her social "frame" if you like. Her attempt to draw you into it was a power play and an attempt at control.
If you had gone there and hung out withher and her other guy "friends" you would have signalled your willingness to play her games, and from then on she had tacit permission from you to do more of the same.

Did you reply to any of her texts?

 

[sodbuster]

I agree with OP, but; I'd like him to tell her why. Like I tell my son,"how is she going to learn if you don't tell her?" Maybe she'll treat the next guy right

 

[MikeEdward1973]

I'll respectfully disagree. This is a very common, calculated behavior, almost to the point where it's autonomous. Many women do this; some more overtly (AW's for instance), but most women attempt it at some point, to some degree. You can argue as to whether it's disrespectful, but don't make the mistake of assuming a woman is fickle or scatterbrained because of it. In fact it's that very assumption that stokes competition anxiety among her bullpen members.

Interesting. But I'm going to agree with Squirrels. I think she's stupid.

The good news is that she's 30, and her stock will be in free fall in about 18 months.

I think Rollo makes a great point. But usually, that sort of calculation, in my opinion, usually comes into play a bit after a first date.

 

[jophil28]

This is the kind of woman who drifts about life aimlessly, who has no sense of where she's going or what she's doing. She just goes wherever impulse grabs her. I bet she hardly batted an eye or thought "oops, maybe I shouldn't have done that" when he nexted her. In her mind, she didn't even realize the breach of standard dating ettiquite. He's just acting weird. I guarantee she stayed at the bar that night and didn't think another thing of it. You can call it "low IL", but that kind of girl really doesn't have "IL" in anything except what's right in front of her.

Squirrels knows his onions.

She is just a thoughtless HB dingbat who does not 'get' dating protocol in the slightest. A female barfly who knows exactly how to smile,giggle, tilt her head and do the kino thing to work the chumps.

 

[STR8UP]

I'm gonna say its a combination of all three (stupidity, lack of interest, manipulation).

The manipulation comes naturally. She doesn't even know she is doing it.

The lack of interest and stupidity go hand in hand. If her interest were higher, I would bet she wouldn't be as "dumb".

Reasonably attractive women simply have a lot of options, and unless you can make yourself the main object of her desire, you are more or less at the mercy to things like this with many women.

 

[SoCalMike]

Yeah, yeah - she is confounded (and pissed) because you did not "play" her game of trying to recruit you into her fan club. The bar scene is her playground. Her social "frame" if you like. Her attempt to draw you into it was a power play and an attempt at control.
If you had gone there and hung out withher and her other guy "friends" you would have signalled your willingness to play her games, and from then on she had tacit permission from you to do more of the same.

Did you reply to any of her texts?

Yeah, I replied. I told her she hangs out with other guys too much, and that I didn't want to pick my date up from a bar. Bye.

She responded with "well that's too bad because if there's no trust we don't have anything" and more nonsense about how people at the bar missed her, were worried because she was gone for months, etc.

I told her that it's not about trust, it's about me not wanting dudes who want to bang her (and who I don't know) constantly around her, being touchy feely. I mean, she wouldn't want me hanging out with girls all the time I'm sure. Fvcking hypocrite.

And that's how it ended. Thank God this sh*t happened before things progressed further. It's better to see bad behaviour right away, than for the the chick to hide it, lure you in, then pull it on you after your emotions are more involved.

 

[SoCalMike]

The good news is that she's 30, and her stock will be in free fall in about 18 months.

LOL good way of putting it. I think even this dim bulb may realize that and act accordingly. Once the male attention starts dropping drastically, she'll finally settle for some chump who will take her used up azz.

 

[SoCalMike]

All good points. I guess the only other solution would have been to go, but bring along a friend or HB pivot to fall back on when she starts talking to her guy friends tooling you in the process. That way you'd have someone to chat with and if it's an HB pivot it'd make the date girl actually have to work to get and keep your attention.

fuk playing these games. i want a date where it's just me and the girl.

 

[STR8UP]

The problem with women like this is that there is never a shortage of guys who will go along with their borderline disrespectful behavior.

Sure, she will b!tch and moan about why she can't find a "good" man, and will NEVER be able to make the association, but what can you do?

 

[SoCalMike]

The problem with women like this is that there is never a shortage of guys who will go along with their borderline disrespectful behavior.

Sure, she will b!tch and moan about why she can't find a "good" man, and will NEVER be able to make the association, but what can you do?

Yeah, exactly. I told her to not hang around dudes (and bars) so much, and she'll have better relationships with men. She responsded with the usual garbage about "trust" and refused to even listen/understand.

That "trust" BS they pull pisses me off. So what if she isn't fvcking these guys? She *knows* they want sex. And they are always being touchy feely, hoping they'll get laid. I don't want that sh*t.

I think women like this know exactly what they're doing. It boils down to male attention. It's not enough for her to have one guy fvcking her and treating her right. No, she's gotta have 3 or 4 other dudes all over her, hoping they'll get a peice.

She even told me if I had given her a chance she would have "dropped everything for me" which implies that she knows exactly what she's up to.

 

[decades]

They always put it back on you saying you have jealousy issues or trust issues. BS. If that were true we would have them with Every woman you've been with. And I can tell you, we don't. We have them with a specific few. And those are...women Exactly like her.