Question for you guys

[PTC]

I've been seeing this chick for about 5 months now. She is 34 and recently divorced with a 3yr old kid. She a good person, rare to find but a good one,...so far.
My question is, that about 2months ago we're in the car and we ride by the place where she works out. She tells me,"Please PTC whatever you do don't try and pick up girls in a gym. This guy has been hitting on me the last two times i've been and its starting to annoy me." She told him she had a boyfriend as well so he would leave her alone. Well,....between that time and the present she has started working out with this guy. He helps her with weights and tells her what to do for her workout. I expressed some concern and she told me that i didnt have anything to worry about. Well last nite around 9:30 on our way home from dinner the guy calls her on her cell phone. She thought it was work and didn't know it was him and I could tell she was nervous. Well we end up getting in an argument cause I asked her how does some guy that is hitting on you and buggin the cr ap outta you now has your phone number. I asked her why she gave it to him and she said in case he needed to get ahold of her. She also told me that every guy she talks too doesnt necessarily want to get in her pants!! I laughed and said, well about 2 months ago he did, cause you told me!!
We havent spoken since last nite and I just wanna know if I overreacted? I told her it would piss her off if i came home from the gym one day and told her some chick was hitting on me and two months later she calls me in the middle of the nite??

Any suggestions??

Thanks...

 

[KontrollerX]

The only suggestion you need is...

Dump that b!tch.

A single mommy who cavorts with a gym guy who has expressed clear interest in her who she will not sever ties with because she does not respect or value your relationship is not someone who you should be with.

Oh yeah and the single mommy thing.

DJ's take note never stay with or get with a woman like this in the first place.

 

[ChumpNoMore]

The inconsistencies in her prelude / background story; going from this guy being an annoyance to her, then now this guy having her number, calling and "helping" her at the gym (at a minimum) are of a major concern.

 

[jophil28]

Boy oh boy, does this story ring some bells !

PTC, women love male attention from random men even if the guys who are providing are not likely to get any play from her. Think of it from the woman's POV - she gets a huge ego boost but does NOT have to provide anything in return except a few tiny flirty moves to keep them interested. THis is one of the most gratifying experiences for a woman - being pursued by several men...and it seems that they will risk their #1 relationship to get this ego bloat. They want you and the other guy(s) to show rivalry for her attentions and that immediately makes HER the prize and you have lost control.
THis is why they keep 'orbiters' in their lives.
IF I were you I would not call her for a few days. She will contact you, then tell her simply that you are not willing to be in a relationship with a woman who is giving out her number to men who are chasing her... then shut up and listen. SHe will wriggle and squirm and BS you about how these other guys are just friends,or this or that....say nothing except," I will talk to you later, I am heading out now. Bye".

I have tried that counter agrument too, " How would you like it is some other woman called me in the middle of the night..." It had no effect on her until another woman actually did call and then the shyte hit the turbo charger.. Women do not have any problem with double standards which benefit them and they also have no interest in your feelings about other guys because the point of life to a woman is only about HER feelings.
IF she truly cared about your feelings she would not have given out her number at all.
The only way to get through to a woman about changing her behavior is for you to punish the inappropriate behavior. And the best way is to withhold what you are providing - and that is your time , affection and attention unless and until she shapes up.

 

[jophil28]

DUpe post

 

[decades]

you got trouble in river city bro...

 

[PTC]

Thanks for your suggestions guys. I have not called her and she has not called me today, which is kinda weird but i"m not gonna give in on this one. I usually call her after we have a spat but not this time. It just pisses me off!!!

Thanks again

 

[decades]

were you guys dating before her divorce was final? did you meet online? you don't really know a person after only 5 months. I don't believe this is "innocent" flirting and her wanting a bit more male attention. If that were the case, she would "leave it" at the gym. She hasn't.

 

[jophil28]

Thanks for your suggestions guys. I have not called her and she has not called me today, which is kinda weird but i"m not gonna give in on this one. I usually call her after we have a spat but not this time. It just pisses me off!!!

Thanks again

Weird ? not really.You have not heard from her because you have 'trained' her to expect that you will be the one to re-approach her after a spat. She is just waiting for PTC to do what PTC has always done.
My suggestion is to NOT contact her this time and NOT be suckered into apologising or explaining your absence when she finally calls you because she KNOWS that something is very wrong.

BTW, did she give the gym guy her number before or after she was dating you ?

 

[PTC]

were you guys dating before her divorce was final? did you meet online? you don't really know a person after only 5 months. I don't believe this is "innocent" flirting and her wanting a bit more male attention. If that were the case, she would "leave it" at the gym. She hasn't.

We met thru mutual friends and started talking online. We started dating a month before her divorce was final. She had ben seperated from him for a year. He is a piece of sh!t. He cheated on her numerous times as his first wife and could give two sh!ts about his kids.

 

[PTC]

Weird ? not really.You have not heard from her because you have 'trained' her to expect that you will be the one to re-approach her after a spat. She is just waiting for PTC to do what PTC has always done.
My suggestion is to NOT contact her this time and NOT be suckered into apologising or explaining your absence when she finally calls you because she KNOWS that something is very wrong.

BTW, did she give the gym guy her number before or after she was dating you ?

No she gave it to him about a month ago according to her. And your right on the money in your first few sentences.

 

[jophil28]

No she gave it to him about a month ago according to her. And your right on the money in your first few sentences.

SO she gave her phone number to him four months into YOUR relationship with her ? I gather that you and she are intimate and exclusive by an agreement of sorts ?

I am not trying to be smart at your expense here, but what do you think a women might be thinking when she gives a new guy her # while she is already in a relationship with another ?

Here is a clue - The timing of your dating her after her separation defines you as 'rebound guy'..and you know how women ultimately treat rebound guys when the BBD comes along.

 

[Jeffst1980]

One interesting thing to pay attention to in the first post: She couldn't resist the urge to tell her BF about a guy she was interested in and instead framed it as an "annoyance."

This shows up TIME and TIME again in this forum--women complain about a coworker, etc. "hitting on them" and then suddenly begin spending more time with them.

If your gf ever mentions a guy hitting on her, that better be the last encounter she has with him. Otherwise, you've got serious problem, like the OP.

This makes it easy to tell if there's a "threat" to your relationship. If your gf/wife is cheating or preparing to branch swing, you will hear about the guy, and probably often. She may portray him in a bad light or even say she finds him unattractive, but women don't seem capable of keeping mum when another guy is on their mind.

There's usually no point in worrying about this or anticipating it, because this means the relationship has been dead for some time and isn't salvageable anyway. It's just an interesting thing to observe--I think women secretly want to be "caught" on some level.

 

[PTC]

SO she gave her phone number to him four months into YOUR relationship with her ? I gather that you and she are intimate and exclusive by an agreement of sorts ?

I am not trying to be smart at your expense here, but what do you think a women might be thinking when she gives a new guy her # while she is already in a relationship with another ?

Here is a clue - The timing of your dating her after her separation defines you as 'rebound guy'..and you know how women ultimately treat rebound guys when the BBD comes along.

Yes we are exclusive, at least I thought so. And we have had the "rebound" talk cause I thought the same thing but she assured me I wasn't.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Womaneze to English Translation:
"Please PTC whatever you do don't try and pick up girls in a gym. This guy has been hitting on me the last two times i've been and its starting to annoy me."

I'm a 34 y.o. single mommy who after the last 3 years needs validation for my steeply declining sexual marketability. Needless to say this does a real number on my self-image. The gym allows me to fight my progressively sagging boobs and ass, while simultaneously putting me on display somewhat regularly for physical affirmation and male attention opportunities. This has borne fruit as I've finally met a guy I'm aroused by. However, since I don't want to come off a 'superficial' and seem preoccupied by the physical when I finally LJBF you in a couple weeks in favor of him, I'm going to give you an equally superficial and ultimately self-serving bit of Oprah-esque chick "life advice for guys" by telling you never to do exactly what this guy has done with me in the gym. With any luck you'll perceive me as being helpful while preemptively allaying any suspicions of me hooking up with my gym-guy (the guy I gave my number to weeks ago) when he calls me and you happen to be around and I take his call. That way you wont run off too prematurely so I have a fall-back guy just in case my gym-guy turns out to be another creep who just wants to ƒuck me and move on (kind of like the father of my 3 y.o.).

 

[jophil28]

This makes it easy to tell if there's a "threat" to your relationship. If your gf/wife is cheating or preparing to branch swing, you will hear about the guy, and probably often. She may portray him in a bad light or even say she finds him unattractive, but women don't seem capable of keeping mum when another guy is on their mind.

Possibly she tells her B/f about the other guy in order to wallow in the drama that is created when two men vie for one woman. After all, in that situation she is the star of her own little real life soap.

 

[PTC]

Good one Rollo...

This is all just fvckin depressing. Still no contact from her. And I'm not gonna contact her. Why should I. This is not my fault. She's so fvckin hard headed she's probably waiting me out but i'm not giving in this time. In her eyes she has done no wrong I'm sure. Plus she's leaving for a beach trip today till Monday with her girlfriends so maybe she planned this,...who knows.

 

[decades]

Possibly she tells her B/f about the other guy in order to wallow in the drama that is created when two men vie for one woman. After all, in that situation she is the star of her own little real life soap.

yeah this is my guess too. She is probably creating alternative drama with GYM guy. "Ohhhhhh my BF caught us on the phone and he is sooooo jealous!".

 

[decades]

Good one Rollo...

She's so fvckin hard headed she's probably waiting me out but i'm not giving in this time. In her eyes she has done no wrong I'm sure. Plus she's leaving for a beach trip today till Monday with her girlfriends so maybe she planned this,...who knows.

this time? so this is the not the first time single mom has created drama for good ole PTC? Oh great "girls weekend out"....she is just loads of fun ehh?

 

[speed dawg]

PTC I'm going to take another angle on this. For the record, Jophil and RT are right on as usual.

I'm not going to tell you not to date single mommies, divorcees, etc. I myself love all types of women. I'm not going to say you were the rebound guy. Whether you were or were not does not matter. She was interested enough in you at one time, so it matters not how you got there. I'm not going to tell you this woman was a slvt/wh0re/b1tch, etc. because truth is, nobody in this forum really knows. Reality here is, she was just being a woman. I read your initial post and figured out what was going on. Others have analyzed your situation at present. They are spot on. You were AFC, she lost interest, kept you around, found someone better (better in her eyes, not better in general), and now is keeping you around as a backup while she tries out her new toy. If it hasn't happened, it's awful close to happening. That said...

YOU need to step up your game. No excuse to get oneitis for a chick with baggage like this. YOU need to get independent, less needy, less jealous. You are supposed to be looking to have fun and live your life, not looking desperately for a woman to attach to, and live through. She was already losing interest in you when she dropped that line on you about not hitting on chicks. And she's not technically lying, it's just ******** like RT said. Her actions were telling you the bold truth.

If you honestly didn't give a sh1t and were prepared to drop her at the first sign of inconvenience to you, this probably wouldn't have ever happened. Work on yourself and your confidence, leave this broad alone and let her contact you. Hang out with her when it fits YOUR schedule. Do NOT apologize. You did nothing wrong.