Question about online dating sites

[FireBringer]

Hi, a quick question about online dating sites. I've been able to get some good initial interest in a reply back the first time I message/mail a chick. However, when I ask for her Instant Messaging account the SECOND time I message/mail her (after her first reply), her interest level seems to drop like a rock and I don't get the second reply.

My question is, is it better to message/mail her a few more times via the dating site before requesting for her Instant Messaging account? Is there something flawed with asking for her Instant Messaging account too soon?

 

[MrBond007]

Drop internet dating.I do not beleive I have to give you any concrete reasons to this answer because they are already obvious.

 

[ZeeOwl]

I've been using the internet approach quite a bit over the past 4 years. I used to be pretty bad at it, until I got some tips here on initial approach (before I used to hardly get any answers to my first eMail).

If you're getting a fair number of initial responses, you're already doing very well (unless your have a pic in your profile, and are exceptionally good looking, in which case you'll get responses no matter what you say). Because internet dating is tough for guys. The girls have it easy, as there are usually 3 to 5 guys for every girl on the typical site (it used to be much worst).

I don't bother with IM unless the girl suggests it herself. After exchanging 2 or 3 eMails, I straight tell her to give me her phone number (I don't ask) saying that it's to set up a coffee/tea/whatever-you-like-to-drink meeting (I never use the word "date", you're meeting to qualify her, she hasn't earned a "date" yet). 80% of the time she gives the # to me. If you get a reply to 2 eMails, you're already in unless you feel some stuff still needs clarifying, in which case go to 3, but no more. If the brilliance of your 1st eMail is what is getting you the responses (and not your looks), you're 2nd one has to show at least close to the same caliber. In other words, don't use canned intros unless you're capable of writing one just as good yourself. The chick will see right through your game, you'll get labelled "phoney" and ignored.

Of course, some girls need a little reminder sometimes. They get so much mail (the high-demand ones get 20 to 50 eMails a day) that they may actually forget who's they answered. Also, since they have so many guys chasing them (their little egos imagine that all these guys are only chasing them), they are encouraged to play hard to get. Wait at least 3 days before sending a "reminder", any less will make you look needy. If you get nothing after a "reminder", forget her, she's not interested.

Internet personals are a good way to meet women in the 30+ age range. Under that, I'm doubtful as most younger girls are not mature enough to take this seriously.

Hope this helps.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by MrBond007
Drop internet dating.I do not beleive I have to give you any concrete reasons to this answer because they are already obvious.

Yeah, right...

The Internet is nothing other than another medium for meeting people. The key is to use it like a telephone to make initial contact and to ask to meet (notice that I did not say ask for a date). Most AFCs denounce it because they are too afraid to take a chance early on and to ask to meet. Asking for an IM address will lead you toward AFC-ville.

Focus on chatting for only a couple (2) online instances and then asking to meet. Don't make it sound like a date because it shouldn't be a date, you do not know each other well enough to go out on a serious date. However, why wouldn't she want a non-serious meeting over coffee to get to know you?

If her interest level is somewhat high, she will agree to meet you. If she says that she wants to get to know you first be careful, she could be a game player and your efforts would be better used on someone else.

 

[MrBond007]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Yeah, right...

The Internet is nothing other than another medium for meeting people. The key is to use it like a telephone to make initial contact and to ask to meet (notice that I did not say ask for a date). Most AFCs denounce it because they are too afraid to take a chance early on and to ask to meet. Asking for an IM address will lead you toward AFC-ville.

Focus on chatting for only a couple (2) online instances and then asking to meet. Don't make it sound like a date because it shouldn't be a date, you do not know each other well enough to go out on a serious date. However, why wouldn't she want a non-serious meeting over coffee to get to know you?

If her interest level is somewhat high, she will agree to meet you. If she says that she wants to get to know you first be careful, she could be a game player and your efforts would be better used on someone else.

Look.A friend asked me to join this forum to help others.Online dating is for people that cant actually socialize IRL because they dont feel secure about themselves.

And what kind of woman do you think youll get?If a woman has enough time to lose on internet dating instead of going out for a guy,she obviously:

1-Doesnt have many social skills
2-Has problem being in public places
3-Isnt pretty(or beleives she isnt,wich leads to...)
4-Has a low self-esteem

 

[ZeeOwl]

Originally posted by MrBond007
Online dating is for people that cant actually socialize IRL because they dont feel secure about themselves.

And what kind of woman do you think youll get?If a woman has enough time to lose on internet dating instead of going out for a guy,she obviously:

1-Doesnt have many social skills
2-Has problem being in public places
3-Isnt pretty(or beleives she isnt,wich leads to...)
4-Has a low self-esteem

I disagree. What you say is partially true of course. There are women on the internet who fit this profile. But they can be found in any other social medium also. There are a lot of quality prospects on the net. You have to know how to weed them out. Just like you have to do with cold pickups. The (good) women on the net are usually just tired of the bar/club scene, and are seriously looking to hook up.

A caveat here, if you're in a high-school/college/university environment, or work in a public place where you are in contact with a lot of women (ie:, gym, mall or bar) there's not much point in using the net. You're already swamped with potential prospects. But if you're out in the workforce and not around a lot of women, the net can be a gold-mine of opportunities if you know how to work it efficiently. Another caveat, I'm mainly looking at the 30+ crowd (though I am working a few in their 20s). The 29- ones are usually still in their partying phase, so probably the net is not the best place to meet girls if you're in your 20s or less. I'm theorizing about that last bit though, it may not be true.

It's completely different from doing pickups in school or bars of course. Another approach and set of skills are needed. The net has is advantages and disadvantages. It's not better or worst than bars, just different. If you have the right approach, it works. Just to give you an idea, this week I have 3 (possibly 4) dates with 3 different ladies. I have the #s of 2 others to call to set up dates, which I'll probably have to postpone to next week because this week is too fully booked. I have about 5 other prospects in the works still at the eMail stage. I've reached a point where I'm going to have to cut back on making new contacts because I'm nearing overload. And I am in no way a Master DJ, I still consider myself RAFC. Take a look at this thread:
http://sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=38382
if you want an idea of my typical approach. And I've perfected it a lot since then; 1st contacted this one more than a month ago. I'll post FRs of my more recent contacts after the 1st dates occur.

Side-note: The lady I met from this field report told me during the date that she occasionally goes to a local club with one of her girlfriends to dance (she loves to dance). We talked a bit about the place, since I just happened to have been there the night before. She mentioned that even though she enjoyed the music, she hated the "meat-market" atmosphere and continuously getting harassed by horny ONS-hunting guys. One time she brought one of her ex's along to pretend to be her boyfriend so they'd leave her alone! lol BTW, she's a hottie. On our date, she was wearing a sweater and jeans, but all decked out in clubbing gear, she'd be an 8.5+, could pass for a model. She goes there to dance and have fun with her girlfriend, period. Same sweet, friendly, very attractive, looking for a boyfriend lady I was on a date with, and met on the net. If I'd approached her at that club, she would have shot me down. Go figure...