Providing for Women

[Manure Spherian]

They are all great in the beginning. Once I move them in with me the down hill trend starts. Usually make it to the 4yr mark and then the relationship is on borrowed time. And the cycle starts over.

If you don’t mind me asking, what happens at the four-year mark? Like, how do things go downhill?

 

[Barrister]

For a woman it should always be the following priority list:

1. Wife/lover to husband
2. Partner/friend to husband
3. Parent

Why? Because assuming you get married for life, your spouse is the single most important person and relationship in your life. More important than her parents, his parents, more important than the children.

The sexual chemistry and lover interaction between husband and wife is top priority for a reason. That's the glue that keeps you attracted.

Out of that sexual attraction & intimacy grows the partnership & friendship that gets the couple through thick & thin times.

Parenting is the 3rd priority for two very good reasons. First, being a parent should be temporary relative to being a spouse (often now however that is no longer the case.) Secondly, children need to learn what a healthy marriage is supposed to be by observing their parents' connection and commitment to each other.

When parenting/children are given the number 1 priority that creates many problems, and choosing a spouse based on sexual desire as top priority is the best way to keep those priorities straight.

Great post.

I don't think I know a single woman under the age of 40 who would agree with your list of priorities though. Almost to a T every single woman I know that I would ask would rank the children ahead of men. And to be frank, I don't necessarily think that in itself is an issue. I do think it is an issue when that becomes the sole focus for the mother/wife. And that seems to happen with great frequency.

 

[The Duke]

If you don’t mind me asking, what happens at the four-year mark? Like, how do things go downhill?

Both care less about the relationship. Boredom, Familiarity, relationship takes a back seat to careers. The women never behaves as good as she did the first 2yrs. More attitude, less submission. Not as easy going.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

You would be labelled an Incel if a woman ever heard you say this out loud, not saying it's valid, just saying that word is thrown around in a very inauthentic way, like "This guy has an opinion I don't like, he must be an incel" and most guys aren't gonna push back, I mean that's not really a hill anybody wants to die on when you can just keep your mouth shut and chameleon

 

[BeExcellent]

Great post.

I don't think I know a single woman under the age of 40 who would agree with your list of priorities though. Almost to a T every single woman I know that I would ask would rank the children ahead of men. And to be frank, I don't necessarily think that in itself is an issue. I do think it is an issue when that becomes the sole focus for the mother/wife. And that seems to happen with great frequency.

Its rare, no doubt. My son is about to marry such a girl (she's 20) but they are serious throw backs to past generations in a number of ways. My son and his fiance know my views on the topic and know it originated with my own grandmother's wisdom.

 

[The Duke]

This is a lot of the point I'm at now, too... while actively being married.

I see my wife as the primary beneficiary of us being married. It certainly isn't that I'm 'losing' per se; my wife still makes my life better for the most part.

But if push came to shove, I'll work myself into an early grave to provide and I'll lay down my life to keep my wife safe... In contrast, there are many times where my wife cannot keep her own attitude in check to give me peace of mind.

While I do get a better life as a result of being married, I do not get the better end of the deal. I believe almost all men are in this position; we're ultimately very disposable/replaceable.

A particularly insightful channel I follow (H0e_Math) covers this very well in this video

Appreciate your honesty.

 

[Manure Spherian]

You would be labelled an Incel if a woman ever heard you say this out loud, not saying it's valid, just saying that word is thrown around in a very inauthentic way, like "This guy has an opinion I don't like, he must be an incel" and most guys aren't gonna push back, I mean that's not really a hill anybody wants to die on when you can just keep your mouth shut and chameleon

“You sound like an incel” is used by both men and women for men saying anything they don’t like. It’s yet another reflection of the gynocratic order and deification of women.

What’s funny and pathetic at the same time, in such an order, men don’t respect other men, because they want to get to the top of the heap for female validation, which is impossible , because “what women want” changes like weather. Specifically, women don’t know what they want, but generally they want things both ways at all times

As I said in another thread, this is likely the first era in history the world over in which the female race has men running for cover, watching their p’s and q’s, jumping through hoops, and by the balls.

Many famous and infamous men “sounded like incels.”

Here’s Sean Connery “sounding like an incel”.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I agree with you on the broad strokes, but in the fine print I have some disagreeing nuances.

In marriage, I firmly believe that women get the better end of the deal.
In divorce, I still firmly believe that women get the better end of the deal.

A woman can go through her h0e phase, get married to a rich simp, take half his money, then leave, and LTR another rich simp while fvcking chads on the side. The simps are either so broken by p0rn that they like getting cvcked, or that they have no other options but to allow their moderately attractive woman to cvck them.

The only men who don't lose in this scenario are 1) the ones who never get married and 2) the ones attractive enough to fvck married/taken girls.

A quote from Sexual Utopia (which every man in this era should read) pertinent to this post and thread generally:

“But the brute economic reality of procreation is that women and children consume resources that men are called upon to supply. Babies, unlike the young of many beasts, come into the world utterly helpless. And in the late stages of pregnancy, a woman is close to helpless herself, while in the first weeks after childbirth her attention is almost wholly absorbed by her infant. Men pick up the slack. Generally speaking, a woman marries a meal ticket; a man marries trouble and expense. Men understand that. It is the principal reason they are reluctant to “commit,” to sign their futures over to women of whose characters and intentions they cannot be certain. Traditionally, men have been rewarded (e.g., with higher social status) for taking on the burden and risk of starting a family. Women, in turn, were expected to remain faithful so that a husband could be sure his labor and resources were not being used to support another man’s offspring. Sexual pleasure does not even enter into the matter.”

Personally I don’t see anything wrong with this, and I don’t think in the last sentence he means sex isn’t important considering the context of what he speaks of here and in the rest of the book he expresses the importance of it.

 

[Mertz09]

Great post.

I don't think I know a single woman under the age of 40 who would agree with your list of priorities though. Almost to a T every single woman I know that I would ask would rank the children ahead of men. And to be frank, I don't necessarily think that in itself is an issue. I do think it is an issue when that becomes the sole focus for the mother/wife. And that seems to happen with great frequency.

Agreed. The same could be said going back 10-15 years ago. Maybe longer.

 

[Mertz09]

This is a lot of the point I'm at now, too... while actively being married.

I see my wife as the primary beneficiary of us being married. It certainly isn't that I'm 'losing' per se; my wife still makes my life better for the most part.

But if push came to shove, I'll work myself into an early grave to provide and I'll lay down my life to keep my wife safe... In contrast, there are many times where my wife cannot keep her own attitude in check to give me peace of mind.

While I do get a better life as a result of being married, I do not get the better end of the deal. I believe almost all men are in this position; we're ultimately very disposable/replaceable.

A particularly insightful channel I follow (H0e_Math) covers this very well in this video

"
"But if push came to shove, I'll work myself into an early grave to provide and I'll lay down my life to keep my wife safe... In contrast, there are many times where my wife cannot keep her own attitude in check to give me peace of mind."

Yep. That is one reason that I am no longer married.

 

[LTG71]

In my line of work, I am often an approached by females looking for commercial buildings to run a business(nail salon, clothing boutique, etc). There is always extensive remodeling(wiring, plumbing, walls, flooring, painting) that needs to be done to suit the individuals business type. It NEVER fails, this is where the female leans on the husband. Many times I've been standing right there with the husband and wife and the woman always looks towards her husband when these topics come up. You can see the stress/anxiety coming over her. And the guy is always like "just what I wanted to do, more schitt I have to get involved in".

Few of these women will actually try to handle the remodel side. Those that do get stressed out and end up turning it over to their husband.

I'm always left wondering, what does that man get out of all this? A woman that keeps her body fine, doesn't act out, and provides enthusiastic sex when he wants? lol, yeah right. I certainly don't see any of that.

All of this commitment to provide for the female just to keep her long term, is it really worth it?

As I've gotten older, I have quit fixing girlfriends' vehicles if it was anything that would require more than 2hrs of my time. If their level of cooking was equal to my level of automotive skills then I might consider.

I just don't see much fairness in male/female long term relationships and marriages. I see women getting better deals than most men.

After being married for over 30 years, I agree that women get a better deal. This is one of the flaws of the old ways, men having to bear the responsibility of taking care of his wife. While it is our place “to provide”, it also becomes a burden to have to cover for her. I’ve been the sole financial provider for over 30 years. This puts me in the position to have to sacrifice my needs and wants to ensure the family is taken care of first. Seen a lot of wives sit at home and try to start random businesses or try becoming something, not many succeeded but the one who ends up being the financier is the husband. This old way of thinking leaves the woman in a perpetual state of childhood. She is the oldest child in the house, who has minimal responsibilities. A woman once said to me, “she cooks your meals and does your laundry, what else do you want?” As if these two tasks are equal to the mountain of responsibilities I own as the husband.

This is where I welcome women getting careers and carrying their own weight. Would have been nice to have an equal financial partner in this journey. And yeah, the sex tapers off but your responsibilities remain until you’re dead.

My wife makes sure the kids have what they need, makes good meals and does constant laundry. I appreciate that support but the underlining reality is I provide the means for her to do all of it. My son is a teenager now and he jokes that dad is “Santa Claus” in that my wife is using my money to buy me gifts at Xmas.

We have the dynamic of the “royal we” in our house. Where my wife makes suggestions of things that “we” need to do, like pull the weeds in the front yard. While I’m at work and commuting 1 hr in each direction, go ahead and pull those weeds after you watch the Today show. You don’t have to wait for me. If she had skills and initiative like @Be, that would be a relief.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

"Providing" is an integral part of masculinity/manhood. However, it does not always have to be in tangible form. An integral part of a man is to provide leadership, guidance, support, safety, and resources for his community (be that large scale aka society, or small scale aka close circle).

If you are providing some type of trade for a woman's attention, love, and affection then you are simply weak. And yes women will lose their respect for you faster than a drop of a dime.

The bottom line is providing should be something natural for men. And it should come from a place of inner gratification and desire, not external gratification or reward.

 

[The Duke]

"Providing" is an integral part of masculinity/manhood. However, it does not always have to be in tangible form. An integral part of a man is to provide leadership, guidance, support, safety, and resources for his community (be that large scale aka society, or small scale aka close circle).

If you are providing some type of trade for a woman's attention, love, and affection then you are simply weak. And yes women will lose their respect for you faster than a drop of a dime.

The bottom line is providing should be something natural for men. And it should come from a place of inner gratification and desire, not external gratification or reward.

So what should we expect out of women? She has some value if she raises our kids, but what is the expectation for a woman in a relationship with no children? Truly, the mans role doesn't change.

 

[DreamAgain]

The reason why providing is natural for men is because we men have other purpose in this life we create. We naturally create value and feel fulfilled by doing so, be it building a house, providing a service, inventing something, etc.

By extension we share what we reap with someone who can help us with this goal. A woman taking care of domestic aspects frees up a lot of time in theory for you to work further on whatever purpose you have for yourself. Similarly, she can help the mental side on taking your mind off of your work/purpose on other aspects of life, so you are well rounded and not a robot. She can be there to support you when doubts/challenges appear for your purpose. These are all valuable things.

Women can also pursue a purpose, but objectively speaking, I have not seen many with the inherent interests in many things that men have. So perhaps their inherent purpose is different than ours. Most, not all. There are always exceptions.

 

[Dr.Suave]

After being married for over 30 years

30 years? D@mn, bro! Any tips for married men?

 

[Mertz09]

For a woman it should always be the following priority list:

1. Wife/lover to husband
2. Partner/friend to husband
3. Parent

Why? Because assuming you get married for life, your spouse is the single most important person and relationship in your life. More important than her parents, his parents, more important than the children.

The sexual chemistry and lover interaction between husband and wife is top priority for a reason. That's the glue that keeps you attracted.

Out of that sexual attraction & intimacy grows the partnership & friendship that gets the couple through thick & thin times.

Parenting is the 3rd priority for two very good reasons. First, being a parent should be temporary relative to being a spouse (often now however that is no longer the case.) Secondly, children need to learn what a healthy marriage is supposed to be by observing their parents' connection and commitment to each other.

When parenting/children are given the number 1 priority that creates many problems, and choosing a spouse based on sexual desire as top priority is the best way to keep those priorities straight.

Very well said Be E!

When can we see you publish wisdom such as this so that more women (especially young women) will understand this????

 

[Dr.Suave]

Very well said Be E!

When can we see you publish wisdom such as this so that more women (especially young women) will understand this????

Sooner rather than later, we already have the title: "A conversational narcissist: How to monopolize every conversation and make it all about you" Available soon in your nearest bookstore!

Ah Im just messin with you @BeExcellent . Mertz09 totally set it up for me on a silver platter.

Joking aside, I think the world would be a better place if more girls from the younger generations had more in common with BeE than the average 304. Maybe at some point the pendulum has to start swinging in the other direction.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

So what should we expect out of women? She has some value if she raises our kids, but what is the expectation for a woman in a relationship with no children? Truly, the mans role doesn't change.

Support, respect, trust in our leadership (once it's rightfully earned), and above all peace of mind and lastly good sex. The same goes for relationships with children plus the nurturing and raising of our children.

In both instances, yes the man's role does not change.

 

[RickTheToad]

Having done a ton of remodeling myself I agree with @The Duke. But I also know women who will roll up their sleeves and work. I am one of those women.

Nobody does plaster or drywall repair better than me for example. I'm also good at taping, floating & painting & used to do all my tile installs and granite installs, including using a grinder and a large wet saw. I've planned & built drystsck retaining walls, installed landscaping (relocated full size trees) and so forth.

I've stained & poly'd many wood floors, I've done roofing & flashing repairs. I've floated walls & hung wall paper.

My first husband did always end up sanding or buffing the wood floors. Those huge sanding machines were too big for me to handle safely at 115 lbs. Ditto pneumatic jack hammers on the few occasions where those were needed. Those weigh 60+ lbs. I was too little to operate those safely.

While very pregnant with my son I took a large sledge hammer and busted up a 1930's concrete and metal lathe tile set floor. It was 4 inches thick. We needed to reconfigure a bathroom before the baby was born and needed access to the tight crawl space from inside the house to redo the plumbing, wiring & fixtures.

Good times.

My first husband never complained and he knew I was willing to work my butt off.

I've also taken down mature trees with a chainsaw all by myself. Like 12 feet up a big tree sawing it at the first major biforcation after taking down the major branches.

And once we got a bit better off I'd hire the subs, figure out the design/build and serve as GC/project manager. Once the guys working for me realized I knew what I was talking about and that I was going to work alongside them at times, the respect level went way up.

Nothing quite like working off frustrations with the exertion of manual labor.

But plenty of women bat their eyes and expect the husband to be the beast of burden. I always thought that unfair.

I'm a horrible painter. Looking for a job?

 

[RickTheToad]

I agree. This is what I see as well.



I know a guy with solid automotive skills (non-mechanic) and a solid notch count who has come to the same conclusion. He has struggled with the concept of fixing girlfriends' cars. He has the automotive skills to do it but has gotten frustrated with certain women he's dated and their approach to automotive maintenance.



Most married men are beta males who are plow horses for their wives. This is true of both white collar and blue collar men. These provider males become engrossed in being provider males and lose their own identities and hobbies.

I am a recreational tennis player, as I have played in both amateur leagues and friendly matches with men of a similar skill level. I've lost a number of recreational tennis playing partners due to men becoming the white collar beast of burden for their wives. These men are poor at setting boundaries. This typically gets worse when men become new fathers, as these types of tennis players tend to disappear.

In league play, I've rarely seen married men with younger children. There are some men with children over 8 or so, but men with younger children disappear from leagues.



Rollo has often said that men cannot negotiate genuine desire.

A lot of longer term relationships and marriages are transactional interactions.