backbreaker
Master Don Juan
i was going to say that yesterday.... when y ou actually start looking at divorce, either way it goes down, it doesn't look pretty. Get ready to get ****ed by the long **** of the court system
My mistake...I thought you said she was working 10 hour days at home.heroshima said:Yes, the kids are missing mommy.
Yes, I've been to their shows and taken the kids to their shows.
Yes, I've hung out with him and even played a few songs with him.
She's not working 10 hour days. She's working 10 hours a WEEK.
All you have to offer her at the moment is a jail sentence.Now what to do. Well for one thing stop the bitc.hing. You are only reinforcing her idea that you are the dream killer in the relationship. You will only drive her out faster by giving her ultimatums.
give your wife some space and room to move. No use keeping her caged if she was only going to run off anyway. As hard as it is keep positive - don't whine or biatch about the situation to her, just hold a strong frame and let it unfold.
Good plan.heroshima said:I need to break the jealousy and give her some room to think about this.
This needs to be the last overt conversation about this with her. Now it's time to start applying some game, and doing the things you were advised to do with you own life.heroshima said:Thanks for all the tips everybody.
I had a firm but calm discussion with her last night and asked her if she was willing to fill the role of wife and mother knowing that it includes limits and responsibilities and she said "yes". And although the conversation brought up the existing resentment and the possibility of huge resentment in the future it did lead her to her own conclusion... she said "I guess I fvcked up".
I am working very hard to be calm and stay positive about myself.
I need to break the jealousy and give her some room to think about this.
This is exactly what is happening.Warrior74 said:This needs to be the last overt conversation about this with her. Now it's time to start applying some game, and doing the things you were advised to do with you own life.
In my opinion you need to stop going to her gigs entirely.heroshima said:I decided to skip her gig this weekend with said guitarist and take the kids to some hotspring pools with waterslides. I told my wife and that I was going to take the kids and her reaction was awesome.
Good for you, man! A "gig" is no place for the kids anyway. Show her how much FUN she's missing out on with her children while she's off playing music with this dude.heroshima said:This is exactly what is happening.
Minor victory today! I've been working on being strong and thought a lot about what people have said about spending time with my kids.
I decided to skip her gig this weekend with said guitarist and take the kids to some hotspring pools with waterslides. I told my wife and that I was going to take the kids and her reaction was awesome.
Her: I find it interesting that you are taking the kids away when I have a gig. Are you trying to show me what life would be like if you left?
Me (faltering slightly, decided to Agree & Amplify): Ha, Ha, Yeah, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. You hit the nail right on the head! Ha, Ha
The rest of the conversation went well. I could tell that she was thinking about what was going on in my head instead of the other way around.
I have to thank you guys for all the posts and for the other information I've found. I realize this is the beginning of a new journey for me. I'm actually getting excited about what life has in store for me. Whether it involves my wife or not.
This was negotiating for her desire.heroshima said:I had a firm but calm discussion with her last night and asked her if she was willing to fill the role of wife and mother knowing that it includes limits and responsibilities and she said "yes". And although the conversation brought up the existing resentment and the possibility of huge resentment in the future it did lead her to her own conclusion... she said "I guess I fvcked up".
This was her confirmation of your negotiating for her desire.heroshima said:Her: I find it interesting that you are taking the kids away when I have a gig. Are you trying to show me what life would be like if you left?
Me (faltering slightly, decided to Agree & Amplify): Ha, Ha, Yeah, that's exactly what I'm trying to do. You hit the nail right on the head! Ha, Ha
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Just read my free ebook 22 Rules for Massive Success With Women and do the opposite of what I recommend.
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I wanted to clearly outline what I expect. The ball is in her court.Rollo Tomassi said:This was negotiating for her desire.
I'm not trying to fill the role of 'good dad'. I already am a good dad. I just want to have some fun and being around the house with her hasn't been.Rollo Tomassi said:This will probably come off as overly harsh, in fact it's pretty ƒucked up, but the truth is no amount of filling the role of the 'good Dad' will make her natural desire for you any greater. She's making comparisons right now; one is a faithful, supportive, committed husband she's spent her 20's and 30's playing house with and the other is a bad boy musician getting social proof and DHV on the same stage as she is. Which guy do you think makes her hot? Which guy is she fantasizing about? I'm not excusing her, I'm just saying realize what you're involved in.
^ Yes and unfortunately, this had to be said. ^Rollo Tomassi said:This will probably come off as overly harsh, in fact it's pretty ƒucked up, but the truth is no amount of filling the role of the 'good Dad' will make her natural desire for you any greater. She's making comparisons right now; one is a faithful, supportive, committed husband she's spent her 20's and 30's playing house with and the other is a bad boy musician getting social proof and DHV on the same stage as she is. Which guy do you think makes her hot? Which guy is she fantasizing about? I'm not excusing her, I'm just saying realize what you're involved in.
Watch the movie "American Beauty". I think it will be inspiring for you at this stage.heroshima said:I wanted to clearly outline what I expect. The ball is in her court.
I'm done with that line of thinking now.
I'm not trying to fill the role of 'good dad'. I already am a good dad. I just want to have some fun and being around the house with her hasn't been.
I get what you are saying. I know I'm behind the ball. I got my ass kicked. Time to get up and get on with life.
Time to move on, improve myself and up my value. For me.
How about you report back in a week and let us know what you have done," For me."heroshima said:Time to move on, improve myself and up my value. For me.
Deal.jophil28 said:How about you report back in a week and let us know what you have done," For me."
Create self-fulfilling prophecies. Always assume the positive. Assume she likes you. Assume she wants to talk to you. Assume she wants to go out with you. When you think positive, positive things happen.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.