Pretty sure that I am about to get dumped. URGENT

sosousage

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all these break up stories are the same. however in case of women its usually "i found a better guy" telling you at the very end, making long drama
while for guys its more like "i found a plate that is not making such drama and is respecting me more than you"


ps

in my case all women who cancel meetings are to throw away
 

Trump

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She married at 17 and I met her just prior to her divorce (no kids).
No high school diploma, she can't drink, she can't gamble, she can't take off her clothes in a Hollywood movie, but state says she can legally marry and have constant and submissive sex with her husband at 17?

Is that even legal?

I was out in public so I kept my cool and she commented about how patient I was with her. After a hour or so, it got the best of me and I called her and called her out on it. I have a lot of pressure in my life that has built up and I went over the edge.
I don't care if you are losing billions, if you have pressure in your life and it's NOT HER FAULT, You DONT TAKE IT OUT ON HER. Or she is going to get angry back and has a right to.

She tried to defend herself and then began to cry. We talked it out and even did a long distance shot together of our favorite liquor (actually her idea).
The call ended with her saying "stay in touch" Odd.

I sent her a "having sexual thoughts" email this past Saturday. Not that I left a hanging question, but no response, although a two day gap in communication isn't that uncommon by either of us, no matter what the subject.

Monday I sent a text to set up a date for Thursday, asking if she could get out of work early.

Her response:
I can't leaver early on Thursday. I have had a lot on my mind about a lot of things and I'm sorry for procrastinating about writing to you the last few days. I will share my thoughts... later. Hope you had a good day :) Good Night


I am feeling the presence of another man in my gut. No physical evidence, more circumstantial.

I think that I have a few choices here:

Preemptive dump in person. Anyone have words advice on this choice?
No.

Send her a message "Take all of the time that you need" and delete/block her number
No

Send her a message "Take all of the time that you need" and see what happens.
No.

Send her a message " I have been thinking a lot myself lately and have been delaying sharing them with you.
No

Send her a message for Thursday and check her reaction: "Whatever you are thinking, you better clear it out because I have a new set of orders and you will need complete focus."
No

Send her a message: I have an idea to help clear your mind..
No

Don't react to her message at and sit back and wait for Thursday and let her tell me what she is thinking.
No

I'm not going to send a mushy email or text.
We didn't ask you to.

The funny thing is that I was actually getting kind of bored and more than once thought of ending it. After realizing how good I had it, I reconsidered. Now I'm losing sleep. WTF?

Any thoughts on the above choices or does anyone have other ideas?
You bluffed, she called you on it, now you are regretting your actions.

Her:

I can't leaver early on Thursday. I have had a lot on my mind about a lot of things and I'm sorry for procrastinating about writing to you the last few days. I will share my thoughts... later. Hope you had a good day :) Good Night

You:

Night.


Then you go be with other girls until she calls you. The whole purpose of girls is to get men emotional and worried without TOUCHING them. This girl has done a fantastic job.
 

Brandonc662

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Have you sent the "assistant" message yet, for some reason that I'll never understand, you are just itching to send? PLEASE DO and come back and tell us how bad it blew up in your face and how it was a mistake. You should listen to the vast majority of advice you were given and go ghost. If you do feel the need to let yourself be heard use the aforementioned "I've observed that things have changed in ways that I don't appreciate. I think it's best if we go separate ways," but I don't think you are going to take good avice at this point.
 

DreamAgain

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OP...listen to @Glassguy. ""THINGS HAVE CHANGED AND I'M JUST NOT FEELING IT ANYMORE. TAKE CARE" is the right play here.
 

BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady (buckle your seatbelt):

I don't care if you are losing billions, if you have pressure in your life and it's NOT HER FAULT, You DONT TAKE IT OUT ON HER. Or she is going to get angry back and has a right to.
The above is the root cause. @Trump saw the same thing I saw.

3+ Year relationship
1 hour apart
I'm pretty busy
She is less busy, but keeps herself busy.
I'm the second man she ever slept with
She married at 17 and I met her just prior to her divorce (no kids).
It took 3 months to sleep with her. I read it right.
AWESOME Sex
She takes SUPER good care of me and does whatever I wanted.
I lead and she LOVES that.
One fight in three years and it was two weeks ago (more below,I felt disrespected and cracked)
I don't know how old you are but this ^^^ is tough to find. Obviously it didn't work out but she has been married & didn't w h o r e around like lots of the young girls. I think you are considering tossing out what might actually be a worthwhile girl because you are too chicken to have an actual conversation and act like a grown up. Grown ups have to have difficult conversations at times. It's what MEN do. So you are looking at tossing out a good girl and GREAT sex over some signs of her withdrawing (which you started, by the way.)

Due to strains in my life, I did start to invest less time
She felt you withdraw your time and attention (and given your inability to communicate effectively she is left wondering WTF). What is she supposed to think? You didn't communicate and now she is withdrawing from you. Gee there's a surprise. This is the natural consequence of your fading on her.

She more than likely will be looking for a man to marry and settle down with. Has that discussion come up? Why did she get divorced? If you do not plan to marry her eventually things are going to end, and some other guy will be pleased to have her. Girls like her do not grow on trees.

Send her a message "Take all of the time that you need" and delete/block her number
The above is immature and ass hole ish. I can understand if it's a 3 month relationship, but 3 years and people are saying just block & ghost? That will simply solidify that you are immature and imbecile in her mind, and she will feel justified in moving on quickly.

I think if you are going to dump her you should do it in person. But where I disagree strongly with others in this thread is in the fact that YOUR behavior has been the root cause. YOU withdrew time and attention from her, did not explain why, and failed to communicate. She likely assumed YOU are seeing someone else (perhaps her ex cheated on her and she's seen this before...) and so she is occupying her time in other ways and may be trying to protect herself.

Sometimes a good ol' fashioned clearing of the air is what is needed. If she's really a pretty good girl that's what I would suggest...only you know the details. None of us armchair quarterbacks know the situation like you do.

My guess is the fight had something to do with the change in time/energy spent on the relationship, and also that neither of you is very good at hearing the other person's legit concerns without getting angry or upset. Either y'all grow through these problems or the relationship crashes upon the first sign of difficulty (and this will happen in your future relationships too until you learn how to communicate better - that likely applies to each of you...)

If you aren't planning to stay with her long term anyway, let her go and follow the advice given by @Atom Smasher. If you are really wondering WHY this is happening and IF you think it is worth righting the ship, then sit down together and have a conversation. Either you'll stay together or break up because of the conversation. If you decide to stay together, you need to communicate more effectively. You probably both do. Good luck.
 
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ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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OK double greatest. I think that I am strong enough and my ego is going to take a hit if this drops, no matter how it goes down.
We had a bad miscommunication 3 years ago to a point where I thought that she was just playing me. It was completely wrong and had almost gone NC.
Planned message:
"Remember when I told you that text or email can lead to bad misunderstandings? Its time to clear this up. If you are thinking of quitting your assistant position, just say it now. Otherwise: Whatever you are thinking, you better clear it out because I have a new set of orders for my assistant on Thursday and you will need complete focus."

Could I get any more direct? I don't think that any of that sounds weak. Thoughts?

She didn't cancel, she just couldn't get off early, but I did in part put that in there as a test. She didn't even have to mention it. If she wanted to end it, she could have done it on the phone right then when I called her out on the BS. She pleaded misunderstanding and didn't get angry. In fact, she went silent and said that she wished that she could have been with me and then the tears (I know, I know). I get that she should move mountains if she want to see me, but as independent as she is, I don't count anything out with this one. That's why I'm reaching out for help here.

Please, no more spinning plates comments. Although I appreciate all of the help here. Its not my style.
I mean if say I were to send her something like that, I would not use the 'assistant' stuff, but that's simply because I do not know the dynamics of your relationship. I understand that it's an inside joke between the two of you that only you two fully understand so if it's something that could convey a positive emotional response, sure.

What you send doesn't really matter if you do send her something. Just be sure that you get the point across. It doesn't have to be perfect, the biggest thing is that you actually do it. A lot of the guys here are talking about you just ending it. But the thing is you said how you two have never really had any major fights or anything for the 3+ years you were together and then this one hiccup comes along and they all tell you to leave. I don't fully see it as you getting strung along so that's why I'm not saying to leave her. Plus, when a guy says it's over with a girl, it's over unless HE wants to get her back. She will not reinitiate anything if you are the one who dumped her. The guys here don't seem realize that. If you are her second, then she likely won't be willing to give you up right away either.

I can't make a decision for you, that's your job. It seems to me that you already had your decision made though; you don't want to let go just yet because she is really good to you. Just be sure that you do not overthink, detach a little, and get the message across. And above all, make sure you come out stronger on top of it. Come back and update us with whatever happens OP. Good luck.
 

Atom Smasher

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I will add here that I think we should always examine ourselves to see if we are legitimately to blame, or bear some responsibility in the erosion of a relationship. If we do bear responsibility, then we should step up, take the reigns, and correct it.

If your girlfriend has some legitimate gripes with unreasonable behavior on your part, she is then legitimately confused and you should endeavor to find out her perspective.

In such a clear case, the man needs to step up, and take control and responsibility. He should sit her down and talk about the relationship and define expectations on both sides, while being ready and able to take the leadership role, which is what women crave, and rightly so. But all too often, the man waits until she has already checked out. If that is the case, then he needs to eject. In this case, the fact that she goes MIA and does not answer some texts is a huge red flag showing that she has already checked out.

I maintain that since things have degenerated to this level, where you, OP, even think that you're about to be dumped, the best thing to do is to flip the script, resulting in her suddenly having to deal with rejection, all of which will bring out the truth.

My whole point with this particular post, men, is that we as men need to take responsibility for our relationships and treat the woman as we would like to be treated. A woman who truly feels neglected, as long as she's behaving like a decent woman, has every right to become confused and consider ejecting.

YOU are responsible for your relationships. Not her. If she responds to your leadership the way a woman should, then great. You will perceive compatibility and an easy relationship. If you are in and out, there and gone, or otherwise showing one foot in and one foot out, you will reap her confusion and will eventually be dumped.

One thing the community never seems to teach is the man's responsibility for his relationships.
 

ChristopherColumbus

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Married before? Then another three years in a relationship?? How old is she? I reckon she wanted to take it to another level, started to feel like a plate, and then lost interest.
 

sosousage

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I will add here that I think we should always examine ourselves to see if we are legitimately to blame, or bear some responsibility in the erosion of a relationship. If we do bear responsibility, then we should step up, take the reigns, and correct it.

If your girlfriend has some legitimate gripes with unreasonable behavior on your part, she is then legitimately confused and you should endeavor to find out her perspective.

In such a clear case, the man needs to step up, and take control and responsibility. He should sit her down and talk about the relationship and define expectations on both sides, while being ready and able to take the leadership role, which is what women crave, and rightly so. But all too often, the man waits until she has already checked out. If that is the case, then he needs to eject. In this case, the fact that she goes MIA and does not answer some texts is a huge red flag showing that she has already checked out.

I maintain that since things have degenerated to this level, where you, OP, even think that you're about to be dumped, the best thing to do is to flip the script, resulting in her suddenly having to deal with rejection, all of which will bring out the truth.

My whole point with this particular post, men, is that we as men need to take responsibility for our relationships and treat the woman as we would like to be treated. A woman who truly feels neglected, as long as she's behaving like a decent woman, has every right to become confused and consider ejecting.

YOU are responsible for your relationships. Not her. If she responds to your leadership the way a woman should, then great. You will perceive compatibility and an easy relationship. If you are in and out, there and gone, or otherwise showing one foot in and one foot out, you will reap her confusion and will eventually be dumped.

One thing the community never seems to teach is the man's responsibility for his relationships.

i think op is the one being neglected by his woman and not the opposite
 

ChristopherColumbus

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A variation:
"Remember when I told you that text or email can lead to bad misunderstandings? Its time to clear this up. If you are thinking of quitting your assistant position, just say it. If you want to discuss something other than that, say it now. Otherwise: Whatever you are thinking, you better clear it out because I have a new set of orders for my capable assistant on Thursday and you will need complete focus."
This just looks immature. You either have to go NC, or if you really like this girl, and want to salvage the situation, step up to the plate and tell her. No risk, no gain.
 

MatureDJ

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I think the OP is undergoing the situation that men have - up until the dawn of Red Pill consciousness - have not been acculturated, nor genetically evolved, to. Women in their sexual prime consider themselves free agents, and only consider themselves "locked in" when they have pumped out a man's child - and even then they can be a bit flaky as they have not completely internalized the massive sexual market value hit that they have endured. It's almost like the only way to truly secure a woman's desire to date someone at such a lower level that they know that they cannot do any better.
 

MatureDJ

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One week later we had another meeting and this time she wanted to say that this wasn’t what she wanted but she would always love me blah blah blah lie lie lie and we should stay friends. I told her “nope, I don’t do friends and I don’t have much use for a female I’m not having sechs with.” She had to spin it that I was really hurting her. But this time she didn’t second guess herself.
THIS!

What she was doing here is putting you on the bench as "2nd string", to be given the starting job if the current starter gets benched. I wouldn't put up with it either; I mean what's the point of having a relationship without sex (or at least working towards it, which wouldn't be an issue if the man has lrady sexed her)?
 

ChristopherColumbus

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Red pill relates to the mass of women... not the exceptional ones. Only the OP knows if this woman is exceptional or not, and worthy of an exceptional approach.
 

ubercat

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Hmm Atoms pretty sound might have been talking generally. U can look at issues u may have caused with out having to take on blame. A classic example for guys is routine. Most guys love routine most chicks hate it. Did you make the mistake of always doing it in your bedroom on a Saturday night. Most chicks need reassurance did you always kiss her hello and goodbye. Or sometimes did you forget which would be a tiny thing to you and a big deal to her. If you keep making these small mistakes you will get 5%ed to death in every relationship. I'm old just trust me on that one guys.
 

Dash Riprock

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I am slightly in disagreement with the above options because she is still communicating with you.

Instead of "dumping her", just stop initiating any communication. Trust me, she will wonder why you are not texting her or calling her. She will think there is another hen in the rooster cage and if she is truly interested in you and there is not another guy in the picture, she will break. If she does reach out, keep it simple as far as how you respond. No mushy stuff. Just use the communication to set up the next get together for sechs. Set up the date, play the "Im busy....gotta run but I'm looking forward to seeing you Friday" card.

If there is another guy in the picture, she probably wont say or do anything from this point forward because her attention has shifted from you to him.....women are all about the right now emotions and that is where their attention is shifted to.

Just relax, DO NOT message/text/call/email her and let it play out. This isnt a divorce where one person has to make the call to end it. Just put the entire situation on the back burner unless she reaches out. Trust me on this.

You have to realize that she is an hour away so there is always a chance that she has gained interest in someone closer which takes less work on her part to get what she needs.

I dont care if in 2 weeks, a month, a year you get the urge to text her...DONT DO IT.

Make her chase to evaluate her interest level. And start spinning plates. Find a few chicks closer to you.
Really good advice. Ditto it all.
 

ImTheDoubleGreatest!

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BE this is not correct and you know this. The only thing this man has at this time is to withdraw his attention. It doesnt matter up to this point what happened...
Well to be fair, everything was all peaches and cream until he started giving her less attention. The simple fact is, almost none of you here actually know what you're talking about because this is likely the biggest reason for her behavior. You guys just fall back on the same egotistical illogical rationalizations that women do: "I'll just stop talking to her and if she comes back I'll make her beg so that I know she actually wants me, and if she doesn't then she wasn't worth my time". What a cop out.

You guys fail to realize that she didn't just suddenly change out of the blue, he did first. Her behavior is just a reaction. And you all think that withdrawing more would be better? That's the problem with many of you guys here, you're all stuck on the same old generic advice. Get off the crutch already and learn to walk and run on your own. I'm actually leaning more towards him trying to keep it going, especially because from what he is telling me, she seems to have very little experience so playing mind games like how all of you here are trying to do just doesn't apply in the same way. You don't game an inexperienced chick the same way you do a club slut.
 

sosousage

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I feel sorry for you OP :( but if you think of it you can get your own frame now. something apart from a chick
 

Atom Smasher

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I want to be treated like a man so if thats true we should treat her like a man?
This thread reeks with horrible advice. Becareful OP.
If in doubt go with glassguys post. It will give somthing no matter what. Confidence and self respect.
Stringpuller, you need to settle down.

I was speaking generally in that particular post, not about the OP. I made several posts to the OP saying that he should eject. Go back and gain understanding. I also agreed 100% with glassguy.

As an aside, a man needs to handle his relationships so that they don't degenerate into what the OP is facing now.

For the slow among us, my position, as stated in several posts above, is that the OP is in the position of being a needy puppy dog and should eject immediately. The relationship is already over; she has already left and he needs to eject in order to flip the script. I also wrote that he is now in a position of fear, and must leave in order to eliminate this fear which is eating him alive.

A man needs to lead and demonstrate mastery in his relationships in order to prevent the OP's situation. For him, he has no option but to leave because it's too late.

Jeez, digest the entire conversation before replying to things out of context. Go back and read.
 

ssforum

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Do you like her as a person? Do you want her to be happy (even if it’s not with you?)

Then you could text her this and see what happens - it shows that you enjoyed your time together but can walk away at any time.

“Oh oh, I’m wondering if my assistant has a new position at a competing company?!! If so, hope you got a good raise and an increase in your holidays. Please remember to hand in all company property and let HR know so we can complete the paperwork…”

It’s not always a war between men and women - it’s nice to see a genuine good person be happy. Please don’t string her along if she is looking for a greater commitment.
 

playa99

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Sometimes you gotta learn the hard way.

OP, you have had great advice off many posters which all revolves around on thing. FOCUS ON YOURSELF.

Having read your initial post, I believe that this relationship is failing because you lost your frame & your girl now sees you differently.

You also said that you met your GF before she got divorced, did she branch swing to you? If that is the case, you better believe she's branch swinging to the next guy already.

Focus on her actions. They scream of low interest. Walk away before you get hurt trying to confirm what you already know.

Wording a sentence one way or another makes no odds if your core is corrupted.

Believe you are a king, focus on improving yourself & everything else pales into insignificance.

Most importantly, do it for YOURSELF.


 
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