Pregnancy Announcements Everywhere! Life When Your Blue Pill Social Circle Starts Having Babies

[SW15]

Unfortunately, this is the journey for men like us 35+ or older who are single, I rarely talk to my married friends, heck some of them I haven't seen for years. It used to bother me when I was younger but now It doesn't as my journey in life is different from theirs. Even in the social circles that I roll with I don't consider most friends but aqustiances. I noticed once women come in the picture friendships change. It is what it is.

You summed up most of this thread well. It is a bit of a lone wolf lifestyle for the 35+ man who isn't married and who doesn't have kids. That's part of why the lone wolf is my avatar here, alongside my sigma male introversion.

Amazing how women can come in between childhood friendships or decade-long friendships. It's even more amazing to me how many men have the same or similar testimony as to you duke. Personally, I stopped reaching out to married friends it's just a weird dynamic of one where they think "We are better than you" cause we are married like it's an exclusive club, yet they busting their ass to pay bills makes you wonder how many of them are truly happy?

It is good and it is comforting to know that I am not the only 35+ single male going through this.

Two of my married friends with children born in the last 2 years have told me that they would prefer to have my childless lifestyle.

 

[Solomon]

You summed up most of this thread well. It is a bit of a lone wolf lifestyle for the 35+ man who isn't married and who doesn't have kids. That's part of why the lone wolf is my avatar here, alongside my sigma male introversion.



It is good and it is comforting to know that I am not the only 35+ single male going through this.

Two of my married friends with children born in the last 2 years have told me that they would prefer to have my childless lifestyle.

Yup if your married friends are honest with you they will tell you that they envy you not all obviously but some. What burns them more is when they see you leveled up. I had a buddy who was in a miserable marriage for a year (a COVID marriage) he let himself go and put on 60 pounds as his wife was jezebel vexing his mind. He finally got rid of her, he's losing weight, is making 6 figures now, and also started his own security business recently and since his marriage has dated/banged far hotter women than his ex-wife. He told me in his next marriage (if he ever gets married again according to him) he's not going to settle now that he finally realizes his worth.

His ex-wife can't stand that he's doing better without her than he did with her and tries to sabotage him in any way that he can he had to put a restraining order on her.

Don't get me wrong I would love to be married one day but I'm not going to just marry anyone and I want to be in a place where financially I'm so secure that I would be able to enjoy married life. A lot of married couples play the whole "Keep up with the Joneses" but behind closed doors they are broke, struggling, and fighting about finances. I don't know this personally(only heard stories from my divorced friends) but when you look at the number 1 reason for divorce it's usually in regards to money.

 

[SW15]

if your married friends are honest with you they will tell you that they envy you not all obviously but some.

I have had the fortune of having 2 of my married friends tell me that they envy me.

In both instances, it happened in the first 6 months after their child was born. For one friend, it was only 5.5 years into the marriage that he told me this. For another, it was slightly over 3 years into the marriage.

If a marriage is supposed to be a lifelong commitment, it doesn't look good when a married man is telling an unmarried man he knows less than 6 years into a marriage that he envies the unmarried man.

I know multiple married men who have not ever told me that they envy me. It is likely that some of these married men have likely had thoughts about envying me but have not said it out loud to me.

A lot of married couples play the whole "Keep up with the Joneses" but behind closed doors they are broke, struggling, and fighting about finances. I don't know this personally(only heard stories from my divorced friends) but when you look at the number 1 reason for divorce it's usually in regards to money.

I believe all of this.

 

[SW15]

My friends with kids mostly have kids the same ages as each other. In my primary social group, all these guys are lemmings who are trying to copy each other.

9 pregnancies in my local area social circle in less than 3 years.

With the newest pregnancy announcement, the idea that the men in my primary social circle are lemmings who seem to copy each other is even more reinforced.

They all got married and bought single family houses within a short time of each other. They all got dogs. They all had kids around the same time.

I'm the only one who has dared to live differently.

 

[obelisk]

SW15, I value your posts but you really need to combat all this angst for your own sake. Your expectations run totally counter to the natural state of things.

People naturally refocus their attention on their wives and children after getting married and becoming parents. They buy things like houses and dogs as a result. They also have less time for their single friends for a host of reasons. Children take up A LOT of time and are expensive.

Your being single, unmarried and childless is YOUR choice but stop pissing on their choices merely because they are choosing to walk a different path. It's ok to be a bit pissed off and frustrated at being excluded from a wedding and the larger social circle as the single guy who has less and less in common with married folk. You are letting all this bs setup shop in your mind and it's making you bitter and jaded for little gain.

Marriage and parenthood are the two largest financial decisions in a man's life. Take solace in the fact you are aware of where things can lead if an AFC let's himself go in a marriage and how it leads to unhappiness, sexless marriages and divorce. Being forewarned is forearmed but you're trying to piss into a hurricane because the current reality is something we all struggle to come to grips with (myself included) and you wish it were different. I'm not saying it's right and I'm not saying it's fair. It just is. That's why the RP (despite it's flaws) as a praxeology vs the ideology of feminism is valid and useful to men as a whole.

Ask yourself this: How would you actually want them to all be with you? Is that a realistic expectation?

Stop making this about them because it's really about you and things festering inside you that you need to investigate and come to grips with.

Rise above it to find happiness in your own life regardless of their choices.

 

[SW15]

Take solace in the fact you are aware of where things can lead if an AFC let's himself go in a marriage and how it leads to unhappiness, sexless marriages and divorce.

It's bad to be an AFC. While this thread is focused on what has been my primary social circle over the years, I have already seen divorces outside of this primary group.

This primary group is a non-representative sample of the general population but a somewhat representative sample of an urban bougie 30s-early 40 something crowd.

I am pleased that I am not an AFC and that I have dared to live differently. That said, I do feel excluded from a lot of things. When you don't live like a lemming, there are consequences.

The best thing I can do right now is to meet new male friends. I have been struggling to make male friends in my city in a similar place in life as to where I am. The men on this forum are in a similar place in life as to where I am. There's a need in my life for unmarried male friends who are at best marginally attached.

Despite all the media hype of more and more single & childless people, I am finding that it is difficult to meet men in a similar place in life as to where I am.

Not only do I need to date, I also need to make more single friends and manage a work life. These are big responsibilities.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

You summed up most of this thread well. It is a bit of a lone wolf lifestyle for the 35+ man who isn't married and who doesn't have kids. That's part of why the lone wolf is my avatar here, alongside my sigma male introversion.

We should open a thread about introversion.

 

[SW15]

We should open a thread about introversion.

There are probably some existing threads on introversion that we can revive.

Introversion doesn't help my cause. Even extroverted men who aren't married and who are childless will have a more difficult time socially after age 35. Extroverted men might be able to find new friends a little more easily. Despite the narrative about the middle aged unmarried Millennial, most 35-43 year old Millennials are married or have been married at least once by now.

There was a study of never married 40 year olds in 2021, which would have covered people born in in 1980-1981. That was the last year of Gen X and first year of Millennials.

A record-high share of 40-year-olds in the U.S. have never been married

As of 2021, 25% of 40-year-olds in the United States had never been married, a significant increase from 20% in 2010.

www.pewresearch.org

 

[SW15]

I have been spending more time recently with male friends outside what has typically been my primary social group over the 10+ years I've lived in Dallas.

That primary group has fractured due to relocations, marriages, and babies. I think some of the lemmings from the group are still hanging out with each other as they share the commonality of having infants at home. My relationships with those individuals has decayed. While I'm not on bad terms with any of them, I'm not really inclined to spend time with them. We're in different places in life.

I also have to devote part of my leisure time to dating initiatives. Running a household of one also takes up some time.

 

[Manure Spherian]

That primary group has fractured due to relocations, marriages, and babies. I think some of the lemmings from the group are still hanging out with each other as they share the commonality of having infants at home. My relationships with those individuals has decayed. While I'm not on bad terms with any of them, I'm not really inclined to spend time with them. We're in different places in life.

I see you repeatedly express this: man with children is sucker. What exactly do you expect of men with helpless babies at home? Also, do you ya think just maybe they want to be around them at their time or their lives more than you and other men?

 

[SW15]

What exactly do you expect of men with helpless babies at home?

The mother is supposed to be dealing with the helpless babies. The mother is supposed to take on the majority of the parenting duties. Mothers don't abandon their female friends as much as a certain subset of fathers tend to abandon their male friends.

 

[Manure Spherian]

The mother is supposed to be dealing with the helpless babies. The mother is supposed to take on the majority of the parenting duties. Mothers don't abandon their female friends as much as a certain subset of fathers tend to abandon their male friends.

There are some fathers who want to be around their children at times and when they are newborn, it’s not unusual for all sorts of people to stop by the home, including the man’s male friends, the woman’s friends, uncles, aunts, neighbors, parents, and in-laws. He might want to see these people.

Yes, there are cases of men being very freaking lazy with friendships, not only when they have children, but when they meet a woman. In my case, when I had infants, my friends came to pay visits and I would simply tell me wife, “I’m going out on X day or night” when I had plans .

i highly disagree with your take on parenting duties if applied to both sexes over entire upbringings. I believe nearly all parenting duties should be on fathers for boys when they reach twelve years old.

 

[SW15]

There are some fathers who want to be around their children at times and when they are newborn, it’s not unusual for all sorts of people to stop by the home, including the man’s male friends, the woman’s friends, uncles, aunts, neighbors, parents, and in-laws. He might want to see these people.

I have not stopped by the home to see the children of any of my friends mentioned in this thread.

When one of my cousins had his first child, I saw the child in its early weeks of life. Looking back on that effort, it wasn't worthwhile. It involved travel to another city.

I agree with you that this can happen.

Yes, there are cases of men being very freaking lazy with friendships, not only when they have children, but when they meet a woman. In my case, when I had infants, my friends came to pay visits and I would simply tell me wife, “I’m going out on X day or night” when I had plans .

Married men are notorious for not maintaining their friendships, especially with men at different phases of life. Married men with children are capable of being friends with other married men with children. A lot of the stuff will involves the wives and their similarly aged children.

i highly disagree with your take on parenting duties if applied to both sexes over entire upbringings. I believe nearly all parenting duties should be on fathers for boys when they reach twelve years old.

I'm seeing my friendships with fathers of infants/toddlers affected right now, which is what this thread is all about.

I don't think fathers need to drop their entire lives and abandon friendships over infant caregiving.

To some extent, the relationship with the cousin I mentioned above was affected by his having of children. His children are now in junior high & elementary school and my relationship with him has never been the same since the children were born.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Yesterday, I was on my Instagram and saw a pregnancy announcement from an acquaintance's wife in my social circle. I don't particularly like her. I find it annoying to be around her the 1-2 times a year I ever randomly see her in person.

Right now, there are 3 women from my local area social circle who are currently pregnant and giving birth in early 2023. 2 other women from the social circle gave birth in the first half of 2022.

I thought Millennials weren't having babies. With the 5 pregnancies mentioned above, I'm now seeing a bunch of mid-30s, upper middle class White women having their "Last Call" type babies.

This is so annoying. I am planning on making more friends who are childless.

I think childless men need to avoid these things. Of course, all these blue pill people don't want a lone wolf sigma male guy like myself around them. I don't fit the mold of living in a suburban house, being married, having a dog, and having kids/planning on having kids soon.

Additionally, similarly aged family members all have children and many have been divorced.

I also think some of the pregnancy announcements on social media are done for the Likes and the Comments.

There is a reason that childless men in their 30s/early 40s are a bit of lone wolves in general. I can't imagine that I'm the only guy experiencing this.

Most guys lose their edge. Modern women try to keep beta hubby away from the Bachelor who has game.

I got a few ride or die fellas from the old days. Former playboy's. They for better or worse crossed that abyss and plunged into monogamous marriage. 5 did it right. Met young and she went all in. No ****ery.

Majority fall off.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I have not stopped by the home to see the children of any of my friends mentioned in this thread.

When one of my cousins had his first child, I saw the child in its early weeks of life. Looking back on that effort, it wasn't worthwhile. It involved travel to another city.

I agree with you that this can happen.



Married men are notorious for not maintaining their friendships, especially with men at different phases of life. Married men with children are capable of being friends with other married men with children. A lot of the stuff will involves the wives and their similarly aged children.



I'm seeing my friendships with fathers of infants/toddlers affected right now, which is what this thread is all about.

I don't think fathers need to drop their entire lives and abandon friendships over infant caregiving.

To some extent, the relationship with the cousin I mentioned above was affected by his having of children. His children are now in junior high & elementary school and my relationship with him has never been the same since the children were born.

For the close pals, I make the time. It's weird given my lifestyle and animal balloons are going around.

 

[SW15]

Most guys lose their edge. Majority fall off.

As relationships progress, most men become more and more beta. Men with starting points as beta males/AFCs become even more beta. Even many alpha/sigma males lose their edge in longer term relationships/marriages if these relationships go long enough. One of my friends from this primary group in this thread has been a White, 6'4" former NCAA athlete with a triple digit notch count. He's gone from that to a typical beta male over the course of his LTR/marriage.

Modern women try to keep beta hubby away from the Bachelor who has game.

I think this has happened to some degree with some of my male friends/acquaintances over time. I don't think their wives like the idea of them spending time with me as a bachelor. I think the bigger factor is that they voluntarily have starved the relationships more than their wives not letting them out. One guy and I used to go to breastaurants like Twin Peaks before he got married. Now, as a married man, I don't think his wife would be pleased if he was going to places like Twin Peaks with me.

 

[SW15]

I don't blame men for not wanting marriage and children anymore. The risks associated with it are legitimate and probable.

I have never made having children a priority. None of my relationships have gotten near the point of a marriage proposal. There might have been a time in life where I could have seen marriage as a possibility. There was also a time where living with a girlfriend might have been possibility. Now, I do not wish to get married or live with a girlfriend. If I don't want to get married or live with a girlfriend, then I also don't want kids.

I've seen similarly aged family members get divorced and some friends not mentioned in this thread get divorced. Eventually, many of the people mentioned in this thread will get divorced.

 

[Fortune_favors_the_bold]

As relationships progress, most men become more and more beta. Men with starting points as beta males/AFCs become even more beta. Even many alpha/sigma males lose their edge in longer term relationships/marriages if these relationships go long enough. One of my friends from this primary group in this thread has been a White, 6'4" former NCAA athlete with a triple digit notch count. He's gone from that to a typical beta male over the course of his LTR/marriage.

I agree with that but wondering in hindsight, what else was supposed to happen?

You have to live and take care of them not risking your life to conquer a kingdom therefore your drive is toward an other direction.

One of the things I dont like about relationships is that you have to stop taking risks which are a necessity while chasing big scores.

 

[SW15]

As relationships progress, most men become more and more beta. Men with starting points as beta males/AFCs become even more beta. Even many alpha/sigma males lose their edge in longer term relationships/marriages if these relationships go long enough. One of my friends from this primary group in this thread has been a White, 6'4" former NCAA athlete with a triple digit notch count. He's gone from that to a typical beta male over the course of his LTR/marriage.

I agree with that but wondering in hindsight, what else was supposed to happen?

He could have kept a stronger frame (see Iron Rule of Tomassi #1). When I have asked him to get together socially, he has often responded that he has to check with his wife. He did this before they had children too. That is annoying. This was once an athletically dominant male.

Also, it is said that men are the gatekeepers for long term relationships. He could have picked a better woman for an LTR. She has serious red flags. However, some things about this guy in his single days would have prevented many quality women from committing to him longer term, though he was always a desirable option as a shorter term casual sex type option.

He rode his 6'4" looks and NCAA athlete status through his 20s.

 

[nicksaiz65]

I have some more updates that are relevant to this thread.

Two more of my collegiate peers announced pregnancies. Not married, but they had kids and then they are getting married.

The more notable story is with a female coworker that I used to do gigs with. She was married for four years, and then eventually split with her husband. After sleeping around with other guys, she eventually got a new boyfriend. She was dating him for four months, and then she announced that she was pregnant. They are now planning to get married.

I've noticed that in the modern day, the order has swapped. A couple gets pregnant, and THEN they get married, instead of the other way around. This seems to be quite common these days. I know I've told @SW15 a handful of stories where this happened.

I thought my parents were bluffing when they said that most people were getting married and having kids around my age, but that seems to hold true in my era. Most of my peers are getting married and having kids.