Preemptive breakup with my gf

[charlezz]

Thank you guys.
Lesson learnt... FVCK.... Damm it...

In any case, I am moving on... Leaving myself my last bit of pride(or none).. Seriously I don't care if she has another guy or not now... I don't blame her.. I take responsibility for my own AFC

It's NEXT... Self improvement for myself...

Oh man... It's damn damn painful now

 

[Renegade357]

Oh man... It's damn damn painful now

NC and talking to other chicks immediately will cure that pain.

 

[adam225]

Let this be a lesson to others. OP - thanks for being honest about the situation. Good luck getting yourself back on your feet.

 

[charlezz]

Updates anyway,
She called 3times. I answered the 4th time while at the toilet.

She asked me where am I? I flushed the toilet bowl and said home toilet.
She talked in a strong rude tone:" Really? Video call now, prove that you are at home"
(We previously have a "bad habit" of video calling one another very regularly)


I smoke a stick immediately, putting my phone aside and didn't care her video call request.

After the stick 4mins later, I saw a further 4miss calls from her and a barrage of texts, summarize "where r you, I think you are with a new girl, that's why you don't dare to video call. I finally understand"

In my mind is, this chick has no patience and being rude.

She called immediately again and I picked up, she asked why didn't I pick up, why don't dare to video call in a rude manner again.

I only replied "lady, if you want a video call, talk nicely. If not, stop this drama and Go to bed. Bye" I put down the phone.

She texted "hahaha, talk nicely? I know you have a new girl Nevermind, I let you go. Just go, please go. Bye"

I ignored and head to bed.

 

[Purefilth]

Updates anyway,
She called 3times. I answered the 4th time while at the toilet.

She asked me where am I? I flushed the toilet bowl and said home toilet.
She talked in a strong rude tone:" Really? Video call now, prove that you are at home"
(We previously have a "bad habit" of video calling one another very regularly)


I smoke a stick immediately, putting my phone aside and didn't care her video call request.

After the stick 4mins later, I saw a further 4miss calls from her and a barrage of texts, summarize "where r you, I think you are with a new girl, that's why you don't dare to video call. I finally understand"

In my mind is, this chick has no patience and being rude.

She called immediately again and I picked up, she asked why didn't I pick up, why don't dare to video call in a rude manner again.

I only replied "lady, if you want a video call, talk nicely. If not, stop this drama and Go to bed. Bye" I put down the phone.

She texted "hahaha, talk nicely? I know you have a new girl Nevermind, I let you go. Just go, please go. Bye"

I ignored and head to bed.

Job done. Next.

seriously sounds like one of my ex's - except Im no the type to go videocalling

 

[floydb25]

People and their NC / games / power-play BS. See what that **** does? Confuses everyone, pisses them off, and makes them crazy; acting irrationally, and wondering in doubt... including YOU. This **** is no good. Of course, it was all the result of insecurity and uncertainty.

Certainly, breaking up isn't the worst thing to do, and quite possibly even necessary. But this was handled poorly, and drew everything out for NO REASON. Like you subconsciously wanted to see her suffer, have the "last word", come crawling back to you, or whatever. Of course, it all back-fired, and made you crazy and angry, too.

Lotta poor communication, distance, insecurity, uncertainty, assumptions, and immature "don't talk to me" nonsense going on throughout this whole situation. As well as battles for control, and seeing who can out-manipulate and -smart the other party. Everyone is confused and going crazy. "Is she cheating? Is he with someone else? What is she doing? Why won't he pick up? I'm done with her! It's cool if he's done with me. Wait, I'm not over her! WHAT IS GOING ON??!?"

Bad times. I used to be a crazy, insecure, immature jerkface loser, so I know all too well how this **** works - and what it does. It's certainly not "I'm the man; I have all the control; I don't need to be direct or responsive, ever... come chase me, and bow to my whim". It's more like, a mind-****ing drama fest where everyone hates each other, plays games, tries to out-manipulate and -control the other, and all the friends are taking sides, and no one knows WTF is going on. Very draining and a waste of time. Doesn't really get you no where, either.

The advice you have been given is also ****. Should've just communicated properly from the beginning of this situation. Could've still broken up, or whatever. Handle this **** like a man.

 

[charlezz]

People and their NC / games / power-play BS. See what that **** does? Confuses everyone, pisses them off, and makes them crazy; acting irrationally, and wondering in doubt... including YOU. This **** is no good. Of course, it was all the result of insecurity and uncertainty.

Certainly, breaking up isn't the worst thing to do, and quite possibly even necessary. But this was handled poorly, and drew everything out for NO REASON. Like you subconsciously wanted to see her suffer, have the "last word", come crawling back to you, or whatever. Of course, it all back-fired, and made you crazy and angry, too.

Lotta poor communication, distance, insecurity, uncertainty, assumptions, and immature "don't talk to me" nonsense going on throughout this whole situation. As well as battles for control, and seeing who can out-manipulate and -smart the other party. Everyone is confused and going crazy. "Is she cheating? Is he with someone else? What is she doing? Why won't he pick up? I'm done with her! It's cool if he's done with me. Wait, I'm not over her! WHAT IS GOING ON??!?"

Bad times. I used to be a crazy, insecure, immature jerkface loser, so I know all too well how this **** works - and what it does. It's certainly not "I'm the man; I have all the control; I don't need to be direct or responsive, ever... come chase me, and bow to my whim". It's more like, a mind-****ing drama fest where everyone hates each other, plays games, tries to out-manipulate and -control the other, and all the friends are taking sides, and no one knows WTF is going on. Very draining and a waste of time. Doesn't really get you no where, either.

The advice you have been given is also ****. Should've just communicated properly from the beginning of this situation. Could've still broken up, or whatever. Handle this **** like a man.

??? So what is your advice??? Don't play games and call her??

 

[floydb25]

??? So what is your advice??? Don't play games and call her??

Well, the damage already seems to be done, and everyone's emotions are going haywire, so probably not. I don't see anything other than ego trips, jealousy ploys, and power-plays coming from this. Just understand how it played out, how ineffective and poorly planned out the "break-up" was, and use that knowledge going forward. Don't get caught up in this jealousy games drama pride ego BS. If you're 32 (like me), you should be passed this immature ****. Don't purposely go out and hang around girls with the intention of making her jealous - thinking she MIGHT be there to see you, for instance. Just forget about her and do you.

Also recognize that this was an unhealthy relationship. She acted indifferent towards you, and whatever else that happened - then all hell broke loose. Don't let your emotions and pride get to you like this, and don't fly off the handle and give the cold shoulder, or whatever. Just be like "hey, I don't like where this relationship is going, blah blah [break-up]". She might go ballistic, or whatever, but that's life. No one likes getting dumped. **** happens. At least TRY to remain civil (not friendly) from there. Then go NC if necessary.

If you do end up talking - and I imagine you will - just try to communicate properly WITHOUT trying to get back together. No need to get into all the details; you're just not right for each other. It wasn't working out... whatever.

 

[Renegade357]

Just be like "hey, I don't like where this relationship is going, blah blah [break-up]". She might go ballistic, or whatever, but that's life. No one likes getting dumped. **** happens. At least TRY to remain civil (not friendly) from there. Then go NC if necessary.

That's how things went with my g/f when I did my "preemptive breakup". I simply told her I didn't like how things were and we needed to either work them out or go each other's separate way. It was a friendly breakup really. And that's my doing. If I let things drag on it would have been very unfriendly I would imagine. She would have picked a big fight with me and used that as a reason to dump me because she didn't have the courage to do it herself. Even with my preemptive breakup she still tried to make it look like it was my fault over trivial issues, lol. It ALWAYS has to be your fault. Women.

Anyway I nipped it in the bud and told her good luck and said bye. No hard feelings. That was the end of it. No confusion, no stress, just closure and time to move on. Now it's NC for me to heal. I'm already talking to other women.

I think the NC procedure needs to stress remaining calm collected like a man. I doubt James Bond would call his EX 6 times or do a video call while taking a dump.

 

[cordoncordon]

What am I reading here????


This isn't a breakup of two mature adults, this is a childish game of who can gain power and control over the other so I can make them suffer as much as possible until the switch is flipped and they do it to me. Understand that you posted on Aug 31, it is now Sept 2 (only 2 days really) and you two have gone back and forth now 100 times already with your childish texts, phone calls going unanswered, and word games when you actually have talked. Plus, OP it appears you either were cheating or had someone lined up the day you broke up with her because you said the same day that you broke up that you had sex with a 6/10 but it wasn't that great. I have a feeling that you two have been playing games with each other for a long long time, well before this 'breakup' happened. So.....What in the hell is going on around here??

Here is my guess. My guess is that OP and his girl are BOTH to blame here. Equally. OP sounds pretty immature, wishy washy, kind of unstable right now to be honest. He even says he is to blame for a lot of their troubles. And quite frankly the girl doesn't sound much better. Though if OP acts like this all of the time, I don't blame her for wanting out of the relationship. Though I have to say, right now all we have to go on as far as her acting badly is she sort of disappeared for a while but later claimed she was at the hospital. We really have no definitive proof that she did much wrong here, though I'm sure she has.

Anyway, what is it OP that you are trying to accomplish here? Because I get the sense that you don't even know what you want. I really don't get the sense that you want to fully break up. I do get the sense that you want to make her suffer and to gain the upper hand in this game of "who can get power and control in a breakup" game that you two are playing.

Why don't you two try and have a civil, mature, keep the emotions out of it conversation instead of this teenager crap you both are playing? Express to each other what you both are feeling, why you are feeling it, and what can be done, if anything, about it to resolve the situation so that you two either breakup and move on once and for all or attempt to fix what has gone on in the relationship? Because this game playing you are both doing right now is such a waste of time and energy.

Good luck.

 

[charlezz]

What am I reading here????


This isn't a breakup of two mature adults, this is a childish game of who can gain power and control over the other so I can make them suffer as much as possible until the switch is flipped and they do it to me. Understand that you posted on Aug 31, it is now Sept 2 (only 2 days really) and you two have gone back and forth now 100 times already with your childish texts, phone calls going unanswered, and word games when you actually have talked. Plus, OP it appears you either were cheating or had someone lined up the day you broke up with her because you said the same day that you broke up that you had sex with a 6/10 but it wasn't that great. I have a feeling that you two have been playing games with each other for a long long time, well before this 'breakup' happened. So.....What in the hell is going on around here??

Here is my guess. My guess is that OP and his girl are BOTH to blame here. Equally. OP sounds pretty immature, wishy washy, kind of unstable right now to be honest. He even says he is to blame for a lot of their troubles. And quite frankly the girl doesn't sound much better. Though if OP acts like this all of the time, I don't blame her for wanting out of the relationship. Though I have to say, right now all we have to go on as far as her acting badly is she sort of disappeared for a while but later claimed she was at the hospital. We really have no definitive proof that she did much wrong here, though I'm sure she has.

Anyway, what is it OP that you are trying to accomplish here? Because I get the sense that you don't even know what you want. I really don't get the sense that you want to fully break up. I do get the sense that you want to make her suffer and to gain the upper hand in this game of "who can get power and control in a breakup" game that you two are playing.

Why don't you two try and have a civil, mature, keep the emotions out of it conversation instead of this teenager crap you both are playing? Express to each other what you both are feeling, why you are feeling it, and what can be done, if anything, about it to resolve the situation so that you two either breakup and move on once and for all or attempt to fix what has gone on in the relationship? Because this game playing you are both doing right now is such a waste of time and energy.

Good luck.

Bro, u hit the nail.. Actually she just called and I answered.. Both of us had a calm talk about things. Apparently, she is suffering these 2days (can sense she is not lying) and she sincerely thinks that I have a new girl in my line and trying to see which girl fits my bill. I deny it. No game playing talks here.

After a 30mins of talking on what we actually want, we agree that we should behave like adults, if we can't get along or compromise on each others' flaws. It's better we part ways. I suggest that it will be better if we be friends if we can't make it as a couple.

I know I am going to get flamed. But I sincerely think that this is going to be a make or break situation.

Either way, I am tired of all the games. If we are not compatible, we will just leave in peace. No point making each other suffer.

This is life

 

[cordoncordon]

Bro, u hit the nail.. Actually she just called and I answered.. Both of us had a calm talk about things. Apparently, she is suffering these 2days (can sense she is not lying) and she sincerely thinks that I have a new girl in my line and trying to see which girl fits my bill. I deny it. No game playing talks here.

After a 30mins of talking on what we actually want, we agree that we should behave like adults, if we can't get along or compromise on each others' flaws. It's better we part ways. I suggest that it will be better if we be friends if we can't make it as a couple.

I know I am going to get flamed. But I sincerely think that this is going to be a make or break situation.

Either way, I am tired of all the games. If we are not compatible, we will just leave in peace. No point making each other suffer.

This is life

Well I am glad you took my advice and you certainly should not get flamed. Either ending it amicably or making a concerted effort to fix the relationship? Either option is 100x better than the 13 year old back and forth games you both were playing. I know some here kind of encouraged that, and that imo is because people love to see drama played out, as long as it isn't THEIR drama haha.

Good luck.

 

[charlezz]

Well I am glad you took my advice and you certainly should not get flamed. Either ending it amicably or making a concerted effort to fix the relationship? Either option is 100x better than the 13 year old back and forth games you both were playing. I know some here kind of encouraged that, and that imo is because people love to see drama played out, as long as it isn't THEIR drama haha.

Good luck.

I agree,
Actually I am in a club now sarging a 7/10 babe. LOL

Having fun with my friends now, drinking beer (massive calories that destroy my six packs)

Heading to gym tomorrow

 

[charlezz]

Cordon, aren't u and Floydb advocating the same things?
Sidetrack a bit

 

[Zarky]

This is a pretty standard relationship upheaval. Happens at the age of 18 and 48 and all ages in between. Basically it sounds like the OP has learned some game and upended a stagnant relationship. The girl is going apesh*t bonkers because for a long time she had a certain high level of power and suddenly she doesn't. The only conclusion she can draw is that he's got another girl.

Good for the OP! Feel what it's like to be in control. Remember that feeling.

Now, if you want you can let this chick back into your life under your conditions. You'll find that she is far happier and more into you.

Once you've done that (if you choose to), you've GOT to continue dating other women too. This will ensure that you keep your newly won power.

 

[charlezz]

This is a pretty standard relationship upheaval. Happens at the age of 18 and 48 and all ages in between. Basically it sounds like the OP has learned some game and upended a stagnant relationship. The girl is going apesh*t bonkers because for a long time she had a certain high level of power and suddenly she doesn't. The only conclusion she can draw is that he's got another girl.

Good for the OP! Feel what it's like to be in control. Remember that feeling.

Now, if you want you can let this chick back into your life under your conditions. You'll find that she is far happier and more into you.

Once you've done that (if you choose to), you've GOT to continue dating other women too. This will ensure that you keep your newly won power.

It's not as easy as what u think. Trust me. It's only when u can totally and genuinely "don't care" about this girl, then u will break free. Enjoying this power is no use..

The main thing in life... Is break free and enjoy ur true freedom... Pure peace of mind...

 

[Zarky]

It's not as easy as what u think. Trust me.

oh yeah, because you're how old and have how much experience? You may have been here since 06 but you're clearly failing to realize the extremely common situation that you're in, which makes me wonder if you have any relationship experience at all.

My prediction: you'll end up back with the girl.

If you're smart, you'll follow the advice in my previous post.

 

[donking]

People ask for advice, don't take it, do what they want anyways, realize advice was good, forget the next time it comes around because "this time is different"... rinse and repea...t

 

[charlezz]

oh yeah, because you're how old and have how much experience? You may have been here since 06 but you're clearly failing to realize the extremely common situation that you're in, which makes me wonder if you have any relationship experience at all.

My prediction: you'll end up back with the girl.

If you're smart, you'll follow the advice in my previous post.

I misread... I was drunk when I saw your advice.
Sorry for the weird reply and I agree with u.

 

[charlezz]

This is a pretty standard relationship upheaval. Happens at the age of 18 and 48 and all ages in between. Basically it sounds like the OP has learned some game and upended a stagnant relationship. The girl is going apesh*t bonkers because for a long time she had a certain high level of power and suddenly she doesn't. The only conclusion she can draw is that he's got another girl.

Good for the OP! Feel what it's like to be in control. Remember that feeling.

Now, if you want you can let this chick back into your life under your conditions. You'll find that she is far happier and more into you.

Once you've done that (if you choose to), you've GOT to continue dating other women too. This will ensure that you keep your newly won power.

I am actually dating new girls. But the problem I am facing is, I am only attracting "party girls" which is good for sex only.