Hi DJs and other members, allow me to get to the gist of the situation, as I would really appreciate your comments/suggestions!
PRELUDE
I'm in my mid 20s. I "met" this girl (early 20s) on myspace online. It's not really "meeting" her because I just looked at some of the local women's websites and entries (NOT personals) and she stood out. I wrote her a rather suggestive email (wanna have some naughty fun--that kind of stuff) not expecting a response. But she did respond, but cautiously. So I started to be nicer and asked her about her hobbies and interests and volunteered something about myself.
So there were 4 or 5 back and forth messages where we described our hobbies and interests and I felt there was good rapport. The messages from both of us were not too long but definitely not short. She was responsive. So I said I found her interesting and would love to meet to know her better "sometime" (though I wanted to meet her early, but I didn't want to come on too strong so I said sometime). She wrote back by midweek and said it'd be nice to do so and that she's busy during weekdays but her weekends are "flexible" and asked about my schedule. I didn't respond directly, suggesting only that we meet on Saturday for lunch. I asked for her number so we could work out the details and said I could pick her up. She wrote back and gave me her number, though she suggested we meet at the restaurant directly (she picked a place that I also love, though I had wanted to reserve it for a second, dinner date--also as it turned out, we live in the same part of the same city). She did give me her number, but implied that I should call her only if "things come up". So I didn't call. We didn't email each other for 2 or 3 days (after setting the time and location), then came the date on Saturday (yesterday).
FIRST DATE
Remember we've only seen each other's pictures. I don't now what she thought of my real person compared to my pics, but I must say she looks way better than her pictures. She also wore a beautiful purple dress (I was totally blown away by how gorgeous she looked, but tried not to compliment her too much except to say it's a nice dress). (I was also glad that I wrote khakis and a polo shirt instead of just jeans, given what she was wearing).
Long story short: the lunch date lasted for almost 2 and a half hours. My fears of the conversation drying up were unfounded--the conversations just flowed. I already knew about some of her major interests and hobbies and started with those, and she responded well. She talked a lot and I'd say much of the talking. I was just a facilitator. She also smiled a lot (though we had only 1 or 2 laughing out loud moments). There were lots of eye contacts (ohh..her green eyes!). She brushed her hair on one side of her shoulders quite a few times.
However, there were other factors: based on my reading of her website (and she told me herself) she seems to have just come out of a relationship (she was ditched I think). In our conversations (and email) she emphasized "honesty" a lot. She seems to have been hurt rather recently. Other potentially bad (?) signs included: her calling her ex to arrange for the pick up of animals that they used to raise together. She said after a break-up they remained on friendly terms, and she said that people who cut off all contacts after the love is gone are immature--I agreed with her (honestly--though I was still a bugged a little bit by her phone call at the end). Anyway, I picked up the tab without saying anything (she didn't say anything either--didn't thank me either). Then we parted (again, after more than 2 hours on the first, lunch, date). And here I think I had another bad (?) sign: we shook hands (I think at her initiative). Now, I didn't expect to kiss her in broad day light on the first date, but shaking hands seems like a friend's gesture to me... I said I enjoyed myself and "let's do this sometime again" She said "keep in touch". So I asked if I should email or call her (remember I still haven't called her, since we met directly at the place). She said email is "fine."
POST-FIRST DATE
The bottom line on my end: I want to see this woman again. We share many interests. She loves art, (teaching) children, and animals (she said these are the 3 biggest interests of hers). She is, again, gorgeous (way better than the already nice pictures). She's also quite refined and classy (maybe it's the dress!--but no her attitude, too). We also have similar career goals (both wanting to be teachers).
Now my friends, I hope you will give me some advice *based on the realities of the situation as I have described them as objectively as possible*. I think some potentially good signs are: we share a lot of interests; we made lots of eye contacts; the conversation flowed almost effortlessly for 2 hours, and she did most of the talking; she said "keep in touch" at the end; also, before the date she already said her weekends are flexible so she's giving me the best dating time period. Some potentially bad signs are: she didn't ask me a lot of questions (and I know much more about her from our conversation and her website than she knows about me); she shook my hands at the end; she didn't say call me when i asked email, or calling; she talked about her ex's (2 of them, one on friendly terms--the guy with animals; and 1 just cut off contacts with her entirely and she seemed to be bitter/sad about it); also, she seemed not to have gotten over her ex yet (the one who cut off contacts).
QUESTIONS (in search of answers/comments/suggestions):
1. Based on what I've described, did you think the date go well from her point of view (I think it went well--though not spectacular--for me)? What do you think of the overall situation? Is it going alright so far?
2. I'm determined to ask her out again, so now the question is WHEN to write back? Our date was on Saturday. When should I write to her again? Should I just say I had a nice time and made some small talk and wait for another day to ask her out? Or should I go ahead and ask her out in an email? How long should I wait to write to her? (Actually we carried on very well in our email messages so I don't mind emailing--that's what I prefer actually, though I don't know whether not wanting me to call is a bad sign as I think it is). HOW should I proceed from now on?
3. If I get a second date (I hope I do!), what activities or places should I go? Please suggest some dating activities/plans that have worked well for you before. Should I buy her flowers on a second date?
4. I guess I'm thinking ahead of myself. I still haven't contacted her in any way. Again, when should I write to her again and what should I say?
THANK YOU SO MUCH! I look forward to your comments/suggestions.
PRELUDE
I'm in my mid 20s. I "met" this girl (early 20s) on myspace online. It's not really "meeting" her because I just looked at some of the local women's websites and entries (NOT personals) and she stood out. I wrote her a rather suggestive email (wanna have some naughty fun--that kind of stuff) not expecting a response. But she did respond, but cautiously. So I started to be nicer and asked her about her hobbies and interests and volunteered something about myself.
So there were 4 or 5 back and forth messages where we described our hobbies and interests and I felt there was good rapport. The messages from both of us were not too long but definitely not short. She was responsive. So I said I found her interesting and would love to meet to know her better "sometime" (though I wanted to meet her early, but I didn't want to come on too strong so I said sometime). She wrote back by midweek and said it'd be nice to do so and that she's busy during weekdays but her weekends are "flexible" and asked about my schedule. I didn't respond directly, suggesting only that we meet on Saturday for lunch. I asked for her number so we could work out the details and said I could pick her up. She wrote back and gave me her number, though she suggested we meet at the restaurant directly (she picked a place that I also love, though I had wanted to reserve it for a second, dinner date--also as it turned out, we live in the same part of the same city). She did give me her number, but implied that I should call her only if "things come up". So I didn't call. We didn't email each other for 2 or 3 days (after setting the time and location), then came the date on Saturday (yesterday).
FIRST DATE
Remember we've only seen each other's pictures. I don't now what she thought of my real person compared to my pics, but I must say she looks way better than her pictures. She also wore a beautiful purple dress (I was totally blown away by how gorgeous she looked, but tried not to compliment her too much except to say it's a nice dress). (I was also glad that I wrote khakis and a polo shirt instead of just jeans, given what she was wearing).
Long story short: the lunch date lasted for almost 2 and a half hours. My fears of the conversation drying up were unfounded--the conversations just flowed. I already knew about some of her major interests and hobbies and started with those, and she responded well. She talked a lot and I'd say much of the talking. I was just a facilitator. She also smiled a lot (though we had only 1 or 2 laughing out loud moments). There were lots of eye contacts (ohh..her green eyes!). She brushed her hair on one side of her shoulders quite a few times.
However, there were other factors: based on my reading of her website (and she told me herself) she seems to have just come out of a relationship (she was ditched I think). In our conversations (and email) she emphasized "honesty" a lot. She seems to have been hurt rather recently. Other potentially bad (?) signs included: her calling her ex to arrange for the pick up of animals that they used to raise together. She said after a break-up they remained on friendly terms, and she said that people who cut off all contacts after the love is gone are immature--I agreed with her (honestly--though I was still a bugged a little bit by her phone call at the end). Anyway, I picked up the tab without saying anything (she didn't say anything either--didn't thank me either). Then we parted (again, after more than 2 hours on the first, lunch, date). And here I think I had another bad (?) sign: we shook hands (I think at her initiative). Now, I didn't expect to kiss her in broad day light on the first date, but shaking hands seems like a friend's gesture to me... I said I enjoyed myself and "let's do this sometime again" She said "keep in touch". So I asked if I should email or call her (remember I still haven't called her, since we met directly at the place). She said email is "fine."
POST-FIRST DATE
The bottom line on my end: I want to see this woman again. We share many interests. She loves art, (teaching) children, and animals (she said these are the 3 biggest interests of hers). She is, again, gorgeous (way better than the already nice pictures). She's also quite refined and classy (maybe it's the dress!--but no her attitude, too). We also have similar career goals (both wanting to be teachers).
Now my friends, I hope you will give me some advice *based on the realities of the situation as I have described them as objectively as possible*. I think some potentially good signs are: we share a lot of interests; we made lots of eye contacts; the conversation flowed almost effortlessly for 2 hours, and she did most of the talking; she said "keep in touch" at the end; also, before the date she already said her weekends are flexible so she's giving me the best dating time period. Some potentially bad signs are: she didn't ask me a lot of questions (and I know much more about her from our conversation and her website than she knows about me); she shook my hands at the end; she didn't say call me when i asked email, or calling; she talked about her ex's (2 of them, one on friendly terms--the guy with animals; and 1 just cut off contacts with her entirely and she seemed to be bitter/sad about it); also, she seemed not to have gotten over her ex yet (the one who cut off contacts).
QUESTIONS (in search of answers/comments/suggestions):
1. Based on what I've described, did you think the date go well from her point of view (I think it went well--though not spectacular--for me)? What do you think of the overall situation? Is it going alright so far?
2. I'm determined to ask her out again, so now the question is WHEN to write back? Our date was on Saturday. When should I write to her again? Should I just say I had a nice time and made some small talk and wait for another day to ask her out? Or should I go ahead and ask her out in an email? How long should I wait to write to her? (Actually we carried on very well in our email messages so I don't mind emailing--that's what I prefer actually, though I don't know whether not wanting me to call is a bad sign as I think it is). HOW should I proceed from now on?
3. If I get a second date (I hope I do!), what activities or places should I go? Please suggest some dating activities/plans that have worked well for you before. Should I buy her flowers on a second date?
4. I guess I'm thinking ahead of myself. I still haven't contacted her in any way. Again, when should I write to her again and what should I say?
THANK YOU SO MUCH! I look forward to your comments/suggestions.