Polishing A Turd Into A Diamond

[soulforge]

I strongly advise against it.

Too many guys are meeting girls who have a bunch of bad traits & red flags upfront, then they resort to try to change her into a better suited partner by setting boundaries on her.

I learned this the hard way myself. This strategy is setting yourself up for failure.

Can it occasionally work?
Yes, but the odds are stacked against you.

The vast majority of girls you will meet, will come with a certain amount of baggage & some of these minor issues can indeed be ironed out by setting some firm boundaries.

However girls that have significant bad traits, such as a party girl, or she has lots of male friends, has a promescious past or drinks too much alcohol.. You can forget about trying to get her to quit all these things.

It's likely in the honeymoon period, while her interest level is high, she might give up these bad habits, however overtime when she becomes more comfortable & secure in the relationship, or you become a little complacent with your boundaries, watch how quickly she falls back into her previous lifestyle.

You will have no choice at this late stage in the LTR but to walk or stay & tolerate it.

The only area where I believe in 2024 us men will need to compromise & set some boundaries, is Social Media.

If she is heavily into Social Media, I believe it's possible to set some boundaries & ask her to limit her online presence.. Why? Because they are ALL on social media. We cannot get away from this reality. There is no escaping this shyte in the Western world.

So moral of the story is.. Stay away from poop.. If you want a diamond in your life, then seek a diamond.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I guess I agree with most of what you have said. Even if someone here claimed "I LTR/Married a former carousel rider and we been together for 30+years" or something like that, he would be the exception rather than the rule.

It's likely in the honeymoon period

...and/or The Epiphany Phase

However overtime when she becomes more comfortable & secure in the relationship, or you become a little complacent with your boundaries, watch how quickly she falls back into her previous lifestyle.

Yes, its like @Gamisch said: 99% of women can hear the Carousel calling, especially if she has already been there before.

 

[Redwood]

I'm getting older, so my tolerance for the bs and mind games are getting lower day by day, so I'm with you on advising against doing what you've stated.

 

[soulforge]

I'm getting older, so my tolerance for the bs and mind games are getting lower day by day, so I'm with you on advising against doing what you've stated.

One thing you will never get back, is time..

Don't waste it on trying to fix broken & lost Woman.

 

[buddhafukko]

If you want a LTR, especially with children, giving a chance to an otherwise attractive overweight woman can work. For better or for worse, women who were overweight during their formative years tend to have very feminine qualities, including modesty, or you could say insecurity. It's easy to actually teach a woman to lose weight and reach her potential both aesthetically and health-wise, they will appreciate you for it. It's next to impossible to change a hot girl's rotten personality.

Some of the hottest 30 something women I dated had been overweight through their 20's. When they finally shed the weight they had it all.

 

[BeExcellent]

If you want a LTR, especially with children, giving a chance to an otherwise attractive overweight woman can work. For better or for worse, women who were overweight during their formative years tend to have very feminine qualities, including modesty, or you could say insecurity. It's easy to actually teach a woman to lose weight and reach her potential both aesthetically and health-wise, they will appreciate you for it. It's next to impossible to change a hot girl's rotten personality.

Some of the hottest 30 something women I dated had been overweight through their 20's. When they finally shed the weight they had it all.

I agree with this. The Hollywood film editor I dated for 18 months after having been divorced for a year did exactly the above with the second girl he dated post divorce. We were each other’s first post divorce relationship, ridiculous chemistry but bad timing to consider remarrying right away.

After we were no longer involved he got into what started as a LDR with a pretty blond college professor who was overweight from the Midwest. She is also 15 years younger than him and had only ever been intimate with her ex husband. Now. Juxtapose that Midwestern girl with Midwestern values with the hot snots and smoke shows in Los Angeles.

And this guy is tall, charming and handsome. He had LA types throwing themselves at him. But that wasn’t what he was interested in.

He just got engaged to this girl. They’ve been together now 5+ years and share residences in CA and the Midwest. She’s working on weight loss & fitness now but has always been very feminine according to him. His family adores her.

 

[MatureDJ]

Actually, since a turd has a lot of carbon, it could be made into a diamond:

Revolutionary process turns carbon emissions into diamonds

Aether, a luxury jewelry company, has recently created diamonds that are literally made out of thin air

www.earth.com

 

[MatureDJ]

If you want a LTR, especially with children, giving a chance to an otherwise attractive overweight woman can work. For better or for worse, women who were overweight during their formative years tend to have very feminine qualities, including modesty, or you could say insecurity. It's easy to actually teach a woman to lose weight and reach her potential both aesthetically and health-wise, they will appreciate you for it. It's next to impossible to change a hot girl's rotten personality.

Some of the hottest 30 something women I dated had been overweight through their 20's. When they finally shed the weight they had it all.

Chicks gaining weight is almost like that law of thermodynamics that says that heat can only flow from hot to cold.

 

[Velasco]

It's likely in the honeymoon period, while her interest level is high, she might give up these bad habits, however overtime when she becomes more comfortable & secure in the relationship, or you become a little complacent with your boundaries, watch how quickly she falls back into her previous lifestyle.

Then don't become complacent with your boundaries.

 

[Learning Curve]

I strongly advise against it.

Too many guys are meeting girls who have a bunch of bad traits & red flags upfront, then they resort to try to change her into a better suited partner by setting boundaries on her.

I learned this the hard way myself. This strategy is setting yourself up for failure.

Can it occasionally work?
Yes, but the odds are stacked against you.

The vast majority of girls you will meet, will come with a certain amount of baggage & some of these minor issues can indeed be ironed out by setting some firm boundaries.

However girls that have significant bad traits, such as a party girl, or she has lots of male friends, has a promescious past or drinks too much alcohol.. You can forget about trying to get her to quit all these things.

It's likely in the honeymoon period, while her interest level is high, she might give up these bad habits, however overtime when she becomes more comfortable & secure in the relationship, or you become a little complacent with your boundaries, watch how quickly she falls back into her previous lifestyle.

You will have no choice at this late stage in the LTR but to walk or stay & tolerate it.

The only area where I believe in 2024 us men will need to compromise & set some boundaries, is Social Media.

If she is heavily into Social Media, I believe it's possible to set some boundaries & ask her to limit her online presence.. Why? Because they are ALL on social media. We cannot get away from this reality. There is no escaping this shyte in the Western world.

So moral of the story is.. Stay away from poop.. If you want a diamond in your life, then seek a diamond.

Diamonds are hard to find.

But better to find a diamond than a dirt. Filtering here is key.

Having a strong sensor and self-awareness of situations and advanced filtering of chicks that are sh1t and chicks that are quality.

 

[LTG71]

I just love the title of this post. This speaks to the vetting process. The notion that you can change someone’s childhood programming is a fool’s errand. We are under the influence during the ”honeymoon” phase but eventually those drugs wear off and you realize this person is actually a turd. Men and women both fall in love with the fantasy of who this person could be and not who they actually are. Starting to realize in old age that this is some form of narcissism. As in, the person you are looking for is a reflection of yourself but in the opposite gender. Women do this kind of non-sense for example when they pick a “bad boy” that they think they can fix with her influence. Waste of time. Sure, people can grow over time but you don’t want to start with someone from ground zero with a foul stench. When you see the red flags, don’t ignore them.

 

[soulforge]

I just love the title of this post. This speaks to the vetting process. The notion that you can change someone’s childhood programming is a fool’s errand. We are under the influence during the ”honeymoon” phase but eventually those drugs wear off and you realize this person is actually a turd. Men and women both fall in love with the fantasy of who this person could be and not who they actually are. Starting to realize in old age that this is some form of narcissism. As in, the person you are looking for is a reflection of yourself but in the opposite gender. Women do this kind of non-sense for example when they pick a “bad boy” that they think they can fix with her influence. Waste of time. Sure, people can grow over time but you don’t want to start with someone from ground zero with a foul stench. When you see the red flags, don’t ignore them.

Excellent post.

Most young woman in current times are raised in dysfunctional households, raised by single moms, indoctrinated by social media.

They believe riding cawks is just normal behaviour & all girls do this in their prime years.

I like how you stated, how often we are stuck on the fantasy of what that person could or should be.. And ignore who that person actually is.

The red flags are clearly telling you who they are.. Again as I stated in my original post, nearly everyone you will meet will has some red flags

We simply need to recognise the tolerable one's and eject when we see the serious ones.

If the girl was raised in a dysfunctional family & has a bunch of trauma, high body count etc.. You can forget about fixing that.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

When a person, man or woman, shows you or tells you who they are, believe them, then act accordingly.

This would solve 95% of relationship issues between you and anyone.

 

[EyeBRollin]

You have two nephews; one is 5’6 and one is 6’6. Which one would you push to become a basketball player?

Point is; you have to start with a woman that already has the goods. She’s bred to be a wifey. Stable family, good discernment, upbringing, and discipline.

Don’t go shopping for a wife in the strip club…

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You have two nephews; one is 5’6 and one is 6’6. Which one would you push to become a basketball player?

Point is; you have to start with a woman that already has the goods. She’s bred to be a wifey. Stable family, good discernment, upbringing, and discipline.

Don’t go shopping for a wife in the strip club…

Just listen to That Kid LEROI tells you in his songs...

"So there you go...oh,
Can't make a wife out of a ho"

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

While all women are indeed impressionable, they are not playdough.

Anyone who is an adult has already had all of their formative years spent being raised by certain people in certain environments with certain influences.

You can't make every chick like you and treat you how you want by being "alpha" and "controlling frame." Don't expect to change women. What you can do is weed out the ones that don't fit your tastes.

Some girls are just disrespectful, crass, selfish, and unappreciative.

Some girls are not feminine ladylike or graceful.

Some girls have poor ethics and morals.
Etc.
It's not your task to try and "change" them. You just make it clear what you want and see if they follow suit or not. If you're not enjoying a woman then drop her and find others.Throttle your options.

“Chicks are the first to fall in love
First to want to be exclusive
And first to want to be out

Hallowed is the player who gets into something and ends it. The player m.o. is to avoid the tie down in the first place, because breaking up a relationship is too mentally and emotionally taxing”