PMS...myth or fact? Need help.

[Latinoman]

I will try to be brief.

I want to hear your experience with women going through PMS (or the so called “PMS”). My ex- never showed symptoms of PMS (born and raised in the U.S., was with her in her 20s and early 30s). Neither did my sisters or cousins or aunts (all Latinas born and raised outside the U.S.). Never had to deal with this issue in the past because most of the women I saw were in their early to mid 20s (although, here in the U.S., I see the "PMS" sympton on women of all ages). And several of the women I saw in the past lasted very short period of times (ONE NIGHT STANDS, etc.).

This brings me to the following issue. My current girlfriend claims that she becomes irritable the week prior to menstruation. In fact, every time she gets upset prior to her menstruation she uses that as an excuse (PMS). Her sister does the same. Her friends say the same. My girlfriend, does indeed gets pissy during that timeframe (although, I know she has a very short tempter under other occasions, but one that I personally don't tolerate and there no PMS to blame).

I told her/them in the past that getting irritable during PMS might not be able to be controlled…however, the outburst of anger can certainly be controlled. And there is NO excuse for those outburst (they are not that bad…but they are getting a little tiresome. Well, VERY tiresome.).

I gave her the following examples:

1-I asked her if she gets the outburst toward people that can negatively impact her life (e.g. a judge, the police, her boss, job interviewer, etc.).
2-Every time they claim it cannot be “controlled”, I tell them that for decades (if not centuries) women managed to control that outburst. And I’m sure menstruation is not a fad of the 90s, that it is something that has plague women for centuries.

To #1 she said that the difference is that I am with her most of the time, while those individuals might be for a very short period of time (e.g. minutes).

For #2, their typical answer is: “Women were submissive during those years.”

In #2, the thing is…that’s NOT my point. My point is that for whatever reason, they managed to control this “uncontrollable hormonal” thing called “PMS”. I have done research and there is no conclusive scientific evidence (at least from my point of view) showing evidence that PMS is too blame for psycological behavior. Sometimes, I even believe that's an excuse women has managed to use in order to get her whiny/pissy mood at least 1-2 weeks out of the month PRIOR to Menstruation (which translates to "excused" outburst 3-6 months out of the year).

I want to make sure that I’m not being unfair to her. I want to know if any of you dealt with a woman that “suffered” of PMS (the irritable portion toward you) and if she became “cured”. And what “cured” her. With cure, I mean…maybe was something you told her that made her “control” her unacceptable behavior (snappiness).

I personally cannot accept ANY behavior of what I consider “disrespect” or snappiness. I don’t care is the source is PMS or the Pink Panther or even cancer. But I need to know if women use that “PMS” crap as an excuse. If they truly are dealing with irritable issues that they cannot "control", I can always minimize my joking around or can be a little “cooler” (e.g. less argumentative).

Thanks.

 

[pooparu]

I personally cannot accept ANY behavior of what I consider “disrespect” or snappiness. I don’t care is the source is PMS or the Pink Panther or even cancer.

ROFL LMAO, thanks for the laugh man.

I'm curious about this too, you brought up some good points, I don't experience it all that often (usually its more like with the mom), but I'm gonna keep an eye on this.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

My GF does get a bit cranky and silly around that time of the month, but it isnt anything major.

I think that all women should be divorced before they hit menopause.

 

[realsmoothie]

Oh, it's not a myth. If you think it is, you're not paying attention.

 

[RedPill]

PMS is real. However, women who think it's okay to act b1tchy because they are having PMS symptoms - that's an attitude problem.

 

[penkitten]

if you dont believe in pms, come and take that week in my shoes.
besides the bloatiness, in which you feel like a sponge, the chocolate cravings, the heavy duty cramps that bend you over sideways, you also get a really short fuse. nothing is funny that week. work sucks that week. the kids seem louder and nothing is ever on tv either. then its hard to sleep. your head aches and your back aches.

however, as a lady, you try to grin and bear it, and instead of telling people to shove it, you simply just try to be short and simple with people.

but this passes, when we wake up with blood all over our sheets, we stuff a piece of cotton in a place that no one sees and go on about the next week.

then if we are real lucky, we wind up with some diggleberry who doesnt believe in pms because he has testicles instead of ovaries.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

After 10 years of marriage I've learned that the best way to deal with PMS is to expect it. That might sound stupid-simple, but it works. I have my wife's cycle down to a science, I know exactly where she is right now with regards to her upswing and drop off. The menstrual cycle is exactly that - a cycle. Begining from her "rag week" (lowest end) she progressively becomes more normalized into week 1. By the end of week 1 she's downright amorous and I adjust my attituded to accommodate her. Into week 2 she gets horny and sex is usually best in this window. She's touchy-feely and affectionate, and gets upset if I have to be away from her for some reason. Mid to end week 2 and it's ON. Into week three, and we're on the down side of the bell curve. Sex is "OK, I'll-do-it-for-my-husband" and by the end of the week it's b!tch-mode engaged. By end week 3 into her menstruation week I know sex is out of the question (well, I do get hummers during her down cycle) and I have to put head into hybernation until the following week.

This is one of the most valuable things I've ever learned about women. Anticipating her moods with regards to her cycle and adjusting my considerations accordingly. I NEVER make, or allow her to influence, any decisions of any gravity during her down cycle. I've also learned to apply this to the women I work with and use it to my advantage once I have their schedule somewhat pegged (women dont like you to know when their periods are). Most women living and working in close proximity have a tendency to synchronize their cycles too, so this makes dealing with them in a work environment that much easier. My old friend and work associate and I used to actually track the ladies in our office cycle on a dry-erase calender since we were the only men in the office. If it was a "red week" we knew it was pointless to argue anything relating to our work projects, whereas if it were a "peak week" we could get things done efficiently. This schedule was predictable like clockwork.

Also, the majority of sh!t tests a woman will deliver occur during the downside of the cycle. Expect them and pass them, and on the upcycle you will reap the rewards. This sh!t is gold, I don't know why I'm not charging for this information,..

I should also ad that, once a guy is able to read a woman's signs he can also apply this to his sarge. The single DJ can use this handily to his own advantage if he knows how to accurately read a woman at the peak of her cycle. Women in their ovulatory peak are far more sexually accessible than women on the downcycle of the bell curve and a DJ can adjust technique in a sarge if he can figure this out. This may not be possible with a random woman in the clubs, but if there is a woman you are familiar with and PAY ATTENTION well enough to observe her moods over a couple of weeks you can better plan a sarge (assuming there's IL of course). This isn't a magic bullet, but it is a useful tool for the DJ tool box.

It should go without saying, but I'll add the warning, that if you do indeed F-close during this peak, be sure you wear a condom. You're essential knocking it out with a woman at the top of her fertility window, so buyer beware.

 

[Latinoman]

if you dont believe in pms, come and take that week in my shoes.
besides the bloatiness, in which you feel like a sponge, the chocolate cravings, the heavy duty cramps that bend you over sideways, you also get a really short fuse. nothing is funny that week. work sucks that week. the kids seem louder and nothing is ever on tv either. then its hard to sleep. your head aches and your back aches.

however, as a lady, you try to grin and bear it, and instead of telling people to shove it, you simply just try to be short and simple with people.

but this passes, when we wake up with blood all over our sheets, we stuff a piece of cotton in a place that no one sees and go on about the next week.

then if we are real lucky, we wind up with some diggleberry who doesnt believe in pms because he has testicles instead of ovaries.

It is not that I believe or don't believe in "PMS". That's not my point.
My point is: how can a woman get cranky and irated toward her partner, but manages to have self control when dealing with other people?
That's my point.

I don't question the bloatiness (I see it!). I don't question the back pains and cramps (my daughter have them). And I certainly not question the crankiness and emotional irritation...what I question is the ability to control slashing at some people and not at others.

The way I see it...if a woman can control her irritation toward a number of people, she can certainly control it toward me.

That's my point.

Another thing...women should not expect men to UNDERSTAND the PMS thing. They expect us to feel sympathy for them, and that's fine. However, what about that thing called "testosterene"? Most women don't understand that men drive for sex is a biological one called high-testosterene. But many times they don't want to understand that. However, they want us to understand their hormonal issues.

 

[Latinoman]

I'm aware of those things (although, I admit that it is a GREAT idea to apply that knowledge with co-workers! GREAT idea!).

My issue is that I see my girlfriend irritated (which I expect). But then she becomes biatchy with ME (while openly blaming her PMS) and at the same time she is talking all nice with her sister in the telephone as well as with other people! I don't care if she is irritable...I don't even care if she is biatchy...as long as she is not irritable or biatchy with ME.

You see? If she has this thing she "cannot" control...then logic tells me that she should not be able to controlled against ANYONE. But she does. For whatever reason.

I'm concerned that I might end up dumping her the day she crosses the line and offends me. And as it is...once she start reaching menopause, the symptons tend to quadruple during the pre-menopause stages. And if that is the case, I will dump her in the spot. I personally cannot accept ANY excuses for disrespect. So, I'm trying to see if others have dealt with this issue.

Another thing, it kind of irritates me when I listen to them talk (sisters) and she tells her sister: "Wow, you are PMSing". It sounds like any biatchiness is directly JUSTIFIED to PMS.

As I said, I understand the irritation. But what I don't understand is the ability to control it. Taking things on me that OTHERS have done is actually way out of hand (e.g. the bus is late...boom! biatchy with latinoman...then the cell rings and nice with sister). Other than that...she tends to be sweet and the little times she gets irritated, I manage to put a stop to it.


Rollo provided great advice on the cycle issue. Fortunately, I never had to deal with this issue because my ex- had irregular cycles and she was never irritable. Also, her "bleeding" period was relatively short. My girlfriends is almost 7 days!!! (Note: I have a calendar in my office with her menstruation cycle and I plan things accordingly - wink!). I notice she is very sexual before the menstruation ( but prior to the bloating, where she actually feels unattractive) and after. We are intimate practically every day (non-menstruation).

 

[Bad_Lil'Pixie]

It is not that I believe or don't believe in "PMS". That's not my point.
My point is: how can a woman get cranky and irated toward her partner, but manages to have self control when dealing with other people?
That's my point.

Social graces??? PMS is not selective in who we choose to or not to lash out at. Like Rollo T. stated, it is all in the knowing, for BOTH partners. I fall victim to PMS, thank GOD for only about a 1/2 day right before I start my cycle, acknowledging WHAT is creating my temperament is the key to MANAGING it. I don't separate coat hangers, clean guns or choose that moment to have open communication with my husband. I practice thinking before I speak and using greater self control. It will pass.

Another thing...women should not expect men to UNDERSTAND the PMS thing. They expect us to feel sympathy for them, and that's fine. However, what about that thing called "testosterene"? Most women don't understand that men drive for sex is a biological one called high-testosterene. But many times they don't want to understand that. However, they want us to understand their hormonal issues.

Mr. Pix said something funny, yet a very clarifying statement that really drove my understanding of his need for sex.

In as much as a woman may say, "Honey, I just want to be held in his arms", a man will say "Honey, I just want to be held in your legs". It was a way of showing that intimacy has many faces and forms.

 

[Latinoman]

then if we are real lucky, we wind up with some diggleberry who doesnt believe in pms because he has testicles instead of ovaries.

I will be very honest with you...I don't care about PMS. It is a woman issue. The same way high-testosterene (sexual drive and desire to have sex) is a man's issue.

I only care about being respected.

And quite honestly, PMS is NOT an excuse to raise the voice to a man. PMS in NOT an excuse to get irritable and THEN biatch at a man for something he didn't do or has nothing to do with. The same way that high testosterene is not an excuse for a man to expect his partner to open her legs all the time or for a man to neglect foreplay or cuddleling.

If it is something that is out of the woman's control...then the way I look at it...the woman would be acting like that against ANYONE. And that I could accept.

 

[Latinoman]

Social graces??? PMS is not selective in who we choose to or not to lash out at.

That's fine. But I'm selective. And the way I see it...women didn't lash at their men centuries and even decades ago. So...SOMETHING was controlling that act.

Like Rollo T. stated, it is all in the knowing, for BOTH partners. I fall victim to PMS, thank GOD for only about a 1/2 day right before I start my cycle, acknowledging WHAT is creating my temperament is the key to MANAGING it.

I agree with that. In fact, I do my best to influence my girlfriend into no making irrational decisions during that week. And in her case is a damn WEEK!

Mr. Pix said something funny, yet a very clarifying statement that really drove my understanding of his need for sex.

In as much as a woman may say, "Honey, I just want to be held in his arms", a man will say "Honey, I just want to be held in your legs". It was a way of showing that intimacy has many faces and forms.

That's pretty funny...I'm going to borrow that one from him!

I tend to explain her (or anyone) that it is part of being a man. And that I won't appologize for being one. I do however, make a concious effort to hold her too without leading to sex.

 

[Bad_Lil'Pixie]

That's fine. But I'm selective. And the way I see it...women didn't lash at their men centuries and even decades ago. So...SOMETHING was controlling that act.

I think, centuries ago, a woman's husband was held on a higher pedestal. Her respect and that of any children, was expected and given without question. PMS or NOT a woman was respectful.

You girlfriend can control the affects of PMS, you have seen her do it in social situations, why she doesn't offer you this same control is only known to her. ASK her! I think it would be interesting to find out why she feels it ok to unleash the inner demons on you.

You have to understand, and I hope not to steer this thread off topic with this comment, but women are chastised and looked down upon in our society if we choose to admire our men, uphold him in a higher regards, submit to him, give him greater power in the family, etc... I have felt that STING often.

I resigned a 14 year career based only on Mr. Pix's request. My boss (a man) called me "too submissive", like it was a bad thing. I have made comments that are honorable of Mr. Pix only to be told I was "such a puppet". If I speak positively of sex, (‘cause he’s so damn good at it) some women roll their eyes and think me just sick to enjoy that little "chore".

Could it be peer pressure? Could it be the fact that she is living up to expectations of a stereotype?

It is irony at it's finest to think that a woman has to be very dominant in order to be submissive in our day and age. LOL

 

[SoCalMike]

PMS is NOT a free pass to act like a b*tch

Latinoman, you are exactly right. Never fall for the PMS excuse.

PMS is real but in most cases it's exagerrated big time. Women use PMS as an excuse for all sorts of inexcusable behaviour. If she's PMS yet can treat her coworkers or boss the same, then she can treat you the same too.

PMS is similar to being sick. If you're sick do you lash out at people? I don't. You may not be as cheerful, energetic, and so on but I it's NOT AN EXCUSE to act disrespectful.

None of my g/f's ever pulled this PMS excuse crap on me because they knew it wouldn't be tolerated. I knew that when they were on their period (or just before) that they weren't feeling well and so I treated them with a little more care. That's all it took. There was no "lashing out", it was just similar to them being sick.

 

[SoCalMike]

I think, centuries ago, a woman's husband was held on a higher pedestal. Her respect and that of any children, was expected and given without question. PMS or NOT a woman was respectful.

You girlfriend can control the affects of PMS, you have seen her do it in social situations, why she doesn't offer you this same control is only known to her. ASK her! I think it would be interesting to find out why she feels it ok to unleash the inner demons on you.

You have to understand, and I hope not to steer this thread off topic with this comment, but women are chastised and looked down upon in our society if we choose to admire our men, uphold him in a higher regards, submit to him, give him greater power in the family, etc... I have felt that STING often.

Western (mostly White) men today are conditioned by the media and society to be pussies. Thus their women don't respect them. That combined with constant media brainwashing to make women "feminists" is what has caused this abberation.

My boss (a man) called me "too submissive", like it was a bad thing.

Your boss was gay or one of the pussified Western men I cited above.

If I speak positively of sex, (‘cause he’s so damn good at it) some women roll their eyes and think me just sick to enjoy that little "chore".

These women are fat, ugly or not getting laid for some other reason.

Could it be peer pressure? Could it be the fact that she is living up to expectations of a stereotype?

It is irony at it's finest to think that a woman has to be very dominant in order to be submissive in our day and age. LOL

See my explanation above. The media and gov't have created this situation. This is no "random" thing. Why? Well that's a whole topic beyond the scope of this board.

 

[Latinoman]

Okay…

I feel better now.

 

[Latinoman]

I think, centuries ago, a woman's husband was held on a higher pedestal. Her respect and that of any children, was expected and given without question. PMS or NOT a woman was respectful.

Well...that's my point. Either she and ANY person is respectful to me (note: she has not reached the point of disrespect yet...and she tend to do the whining crap in PRIVATE - controlling the thing in PUBLIC) or they get dumped.

You girlfriend can control the affects of PMS, you have seen her do it in social situations, why she doesn't offer you this same control is only known to her. ASK her! I think it would be interesting to find out why she feels it ok to unleash the inner demons on you.

I asked her couple months after dealing with her whining one Saturday morning. I went to the stores (left the house), came back later and her sister was there. The interesting thing is that both were laughing and having a good time. I was thinking, "Hmmmmm...she cannot control her irritation with me...but she is having a great time with her sister?". Later on she was cuddlely...and I was cold (a very dangerous zone for ANY man - because once a man reaches that point, he gets tired very quickly). She asked me what was wrong and I told her. She try to tell me that because I'm always there...she tend to get irritated at me more than anyone else during her PMS process. While her sister is never there. To that I replied: "I'm your man...not your boxing bag. I expect you to treat me like one."

Could it be peer pressure? Could it be the fact that she is living up to expectations of a stereotype?

I have a very strong feeling she deals with that too. She tries to act "strong", when I know very well that she is vulnerable. The thing is...I have no desire to "fix" any woman. That's why I left my ex-wife after years together! I'm clear to what I like and dislike. It is up to them to adjust their behavior...or risk losing me. I am in my upper 30s...willing to compromise in some issues. But not to the point of allowing manipulation. It does not work with me.

 

[Latinoman]

I knew that when they were on their period (or just before) that they weren't feeling well and so I treated them with a little more care. That's all it took. There was no "lashing out", it was just similar to them being sick.

EXACTLY. I admit that I tend to be like a child...pushing, pushing, pushing (e.g. cucky and funny...cucky and funny). Something that they find fascinating and attractive. And I admit that I should treat her with more care during that week. So, that will be my approach on this issue...I will give her two cycles...or I will have no choice but to dump her.

 

[SoCalMike]

EXACTLY. I admit that I tend to be like a child...pushing, pushing, pushing (e.g. cucky and funny...cucky and funny). Something that they find fascinating and attractive. And I admit that I should treat her with more care during that week. So, that will be my approach on this issue...I will give her two cycles...or I will have no choice but to dump her.

well dumping her is a little harsh IMO. i would just let her know you don't appreciate being treated that way and ask her to work on it. then if it doesn't improve dump her.

actually, i just broke up with my girl about a month ago due to her being very disrespectful despite me giving her numerous chances to improve. every time i'd call her on it, she'd apologize and act sooooo sweet... for a while. then she'd get comfy and think i'd forgotten all about it and the same thing would happen again.

once we broke up she kept calling and being sooooo sweet but i wasn't going to fall for it for the 10 millionth time. you see, most girls can control this b*tchy behaviour if they REALLY want to.

 

[penkitten]

you know thats the thing with us women. some women can have a light 4 day period with only a day or two pms before hand. however, some of us do not have that. some of us have a 7 day pms week full of cramps and headaches and backaches, and then have a 10 day period that leaves us too tired for words to express. every women is different. you can not compare your last girl with this one.
however, my husband knows me like a book. he can wake up and give me a kiss and know if its the day my pms week starts. he also knows that during this time, i am going to be a little snappy. so he doesnt demand so much attention or he might not get the right kind of attention. hes rather smart about it, because he doesnt want to argue. so during this time, he lets me have a little more time to myself and he finds things to do.
every now and then, he mentions i snapped at him but was nice to someone who called. well, you have to be nice when someone from work calls, and sometimes i probally am more snappy with him and the kids because we all live together under one roof. this makes me feel terrible because i would never want him to feel badly for something dumb i said that i didnt mean. then i spend the rest of the day trying to be extra nice.
you need to find a nice way to let her know how you feel when it happens to be able to use it to your advantage.

with that being said, you mentioned she is nicer to her sister than you during this time. some women feel a bond during their pms week and their cycle week. its not a bond with just anyone, its a bond with our daughters, mothers, sisters and best friends. most of us are on the same cycle at the same time. its a nesting time. we dont mean to leave you out, but typical men just dont understand it.