Pluto's 'Step-by-Step' Progress Journal

[cordoncordon]

Spontaneous lunch meet with L, had a good time. Text discussion later, I told her she has to earn her compliments and that they'll be on my terms. So she's been sending me all kinds of pictures, both sexy, generally good, and the embarrassing ones in order to earn her compliments.

Transitioned into a conversation about training and training her just as I would a dog. I made note of commonly needing to show dominance - but don't worry, that comes naturally to me. She agreed, but pointed out if I was being dominant I wouldn't let her in bed with me.. I told her that's the reward, and I put her there. I don't 'let her in the bed'. Which is true, I think every time we've gone there I picked her up and carried her.

Anyways, miscellaneous thoughts floating around my head, all the fun stuff, for my little internal blog here.

This is fun to do once in a while but if you don't watch yourself she is going to get sick of this pretty quickly and L will be gone. Especially if she is conservative Christian.

 

[cordoncordon]

And, well, got basically broken up with by L.

If you knew her as well as I do, the reason would make more sense.. but essentially it comes down to her prayers not aligning with her wants and desires, and she's following her prayers. Probably gonna sound like bull**** to most people, but it makes sense for her - knowing how she stands with religion and all of that.

Considering I almost blew off M for her, it's a good thing I didn't. Kind of a sucky day, as I was really growing fond of L and enjoyed the time. Rare to find a traditional, respectable girl, with standards, morals, and is also fun and geeky at the same time.

Kind of weird, especially for how much she likes me. Been told all of that, too, that she's conflicted and wants to keep seeing me but thinks it's a bad idea to keep going if it's not right in her prayers as well. She really does like me (it's just.. obvious) - I'm fairly sure I could have convinced her to keep dating me - so it's odd to be broken up with when she still cares.

I'll probably let it sit, and depending on my own position.. give her a ring in several weeks.

And there is it lol, she did it even quicker than I thought she might. Guys who are new to this tend to take the ****y/funny too at first. You will learn to find a happy medium.

Also, why did you imply you were having sex with her in your earlier posts when it turns out you weren't?

 

[Plutoman]

And there is it lol, she did it even quicker than I thought she might. Guys who are new to this tend to take the ****y/funny too at first. You will learn to find a happy medium.

Also, why did you imply you were having sex with her in your earlier posts when it turns out you weren't?

Did I? I guess I may have. Subconscious approval-seeking, most likely. I didn't really associate them together, as we did get very physically intimate and that's what I thought about - when I said in bed, we were physically intimate, just without the sex. If there's anything I can clarify, because I usually don't go back and read over, I just log thoughts as I have them, and oftentimes they are biased with whatever perspective I had at the time. Or colored by the notion that people really don't want to read about whatever serious discussions I had, or I don't remember verbatim conversations in person.

The situation with her is still sitting around from the last hike we had, I've sent her a few (3) texts, simple things, nothing over the top. Keeping it more natural. One thing she said about me was that I was a very serious person. I'd like to date her, in all honesty, after getting to know her, and if all goes well that will still happen. I've kept a lid on a lot of activities just because she's sitting in the back of my mind here. I brought down the ****y a bit, was more open and honest (less manipulative, I would hope it would be considered).

I've certainly learned a lot and always have more to learn (quite a lot). Input's always appreciated.

 

[Plutoman]

Hmm, I've not even gotten in touch with 3 out of the last 4 girls who's phone numbers I got.. and barely contacted the other. I'm not really feeling all that into it. I enjoy going out to a bar, I enjoy being out with friends, if I drink a lot, I may be interested in a ONS, but otherwise I'm not finding a lot of motivation.

The fact that finals are approaching doesn't help, but a big part of it is that I'm really waiting around to see what happens with L. I feel a sense of guilt, even though I'm not cheating, if I'm out with other girls. It feels a bit forced to me, too, as in, I feel like I'm forcing myself to meet other girls when I'm really not in the mood for it right now.

 

[cordoncordon]

Well you seem like a pretty sharp guy and mature for your age, but to be honest, I would find it a pretty far reach to see a 29 year old girl dating a 21 year old guy beyond anything for just a casual date or hang out. It would be hard enough for a 29 year old guy to seriously date a 21 year old girl, and you can X that difficulty by 100 when its the girl who is older. Women like to look up to men, to see them as protective, mature, and guiding. And no matter how together of a guy you are, she is always in the back of her mind going to see you as a 21 year old college kid. I know she says the age gap doesn't bother her, but I think it does. She just doesn't want to admit it.

I would try and not to get too attached to this one.

 

[visions]

Well you seem like a pretty sharp guy and mature for your age, but to be honest, I would find it a pretty far reach to see a 29 year old girl dating a 21 year old guy beyond anything for just a casual date or hang out. It would be hard enough for a 29 year old guy to seriously date a 21 year old girl, and you can X that difficulty by 100 when its the girl who is older. Women like to look up to men, to see them as protective, mature, and guiding. And no matter how together of a guy you are, she is always in the back of her mind going to see you as a 21 year old college kid. I know she says the age gap doesn't bother her, but I think it does. She just doesn't want to admit it.

I would try and not to get too attached to this one.

well said. just bang her while you can

 

[Plutoman]

I would imagine it does. I'm confident enough that I'll walk away with no regrets, but I've already gotten fed up dating the young girls. I get no connection beyond the physical with them when I'd rather have a bit more.

What you say is fair though. Her comments have been "If this was 4 years ago I would totally date you without any second thoughts".

I'm still optimistic... but on the other hand, I can meet girls and knowing that is a consistent boost to my mentality in dealing with any girl. The more experience I get, the easier it is getting. Seeing how it goes and for the most part, focusing on finals (and my buddy is visiting from cali for two weeks), won't hurt though - I've been going strong for quite a while and it burns a person out.

 

[Plutoman]

And on another note, thanks for the feedback and compliments.

 

[cordoncordon]

I would imagine it does. I'm confident enough that I'll walk away with no regrets, but I've already gotten fed up dating the young girls. I get no connection beyond the physical with them when I'd rather have a bit more.

What you say is fair though. Her comments have been "If this was 4 years ago I would totally date you without any second thoughts".

I'm still optimistic... but on the other hand, I can meet girls and knowing that is a consistent boost to my mentality in dealing with any girl. The more experience I get, the easier it is getting. Seeing how it goes and for the most part, focusing on finals (and my buddy is visiting from cali for two weeks), won't hurt though - I've been going strong for quite a while and it burns a person out.

Just understand that she sounds like a very conservative girl with strong family and friend connections. She could never take you to her parents for example and introduce you to them as her BF. They would look at her like she had lost her mind because of the age difference and the fact you are YOUNGER. Now if you were 37? Different story. But a 21 year old guy and a 29 year old woman live in two different worlds. I'm telling you, just move on here. You are only going to get hurt.

 

[Plutoman]

I realize I'm appearing defensive here, so I apologize in advance - it's not my goal. I'm just going for full clarity... and I understand your perspective, though I'm honestly unlikely to be convinced to just walk away now.

Little things that leave me with optimism are how she acted the last time we saw each other. When we came down to talking about it, and she seemed set on holding to her decision, I didn't push - just stayed open and honest - I said "it's been a great time, I've enjoyed being around you, you're a great girl". And she was tearing up and telling me "please don't say that, as that seems so final and I don't want to think I won't see you again." I said "hey, we talked about that a bit then - we'll stick with what you said earlier. I'll see how I feel after a few months, and if my thoughts haven't changed, I'll get in touch" (and this was what she had indeed brought up earlier in the conversation). Her relief was visible and she hugged me extremely tight, I pulled her in for a kiss, she said "Thank you, that makes me feel so much better about this."

There was no misreading how she was - she was depressed considering any of this, and wants me to get in touch with her - her relief was very evident when I said I would get in touch again if I think it's a good fit. It's odd in that she's still set on her decision, I believe that part of it is her not wanting to go back on her decision so quickly (after a week), and she mentioned that at one point... that it wouldn't feel right to go back on it so quickly, and she thinks I'd lose respect for her. Especially when put into context, I was much calmer and showed little emotion through both interactions, just calmly expressed my opinions, while she was very emotional.

Anyways: just trying to clarify how that is. I've met her friends, and got along very well with them, my wing was also there and they thought he was a blast, great funny guy. He's also 32, so in their age range.

... But after saying all that, I'll take your words into consideration here. I, just straight up being honest, don't want to just walk away at this moment, as I don't see it as a done possibility, but that does not mean I should avoid considering it. The point of her parents is a very good note. She is a very conservative girl in general, though she has liberal tendencies in economic terms. Tolerant, but conservative, she's friends with atheists/agnostics without criticism.

As it is, my plan is not to put any focus on her - I'm meeting other girls, I'm focusing on school, focusing on work, setting up my business plans for when I graduate, spending time with friends (most of my friends are 30+... which has weighed in my favor with L), and in a month's time I'll re-approach - taking note to guard my feelings in the situation of it going poorly. And if I end up hurt... so be it. Sometimes a person has to learn lessons the hard way, and I'm accepting that possibility now. I've been hurt before, I can take the pain, especially as I know that I'm not going to be worse off if it goes poorly (be a bummer, but life's not all fun and games). I'll just get back in the game, better than before.

 

[cordoncordon]

I realize I'm appearing defensive here, so I apologize in advance - it's not my goal. I'm just going for full clarity... and I understand your perspective, though I'm honestly unlikely to be convinced to just walk away now.

Little things that leave me with optimism are how she acted the last time we saw each other. When we came down to talking about it, and she seemed set on holding to her decision, I didn't push - just stayed open and honest - I said "it's been a great time, I've enjoyed being around you, you're a great girl". And she was tearing up and telling me "please don't say that, as that seems so final and I don't want to think I won't see you again." I said "hey, we talked about that a bit then - we'll stick with what you said earlier. I'll see how I feel after a few months, and if my thoughts haven't changed, I'll get in touch" (and this was what she had indeed brought up earlier in the conversation). Her relief was visible and she hugged me extremely tight, I pulled her in for a kiss, she said "Thank you, that makes me feel so much better about this."

There was no misreading how she was - she was depressed considering any of this, and wants me to get in touch with her - her relief was very evident when I said I would get in touch again if I think it's a good fit. It's odd in that she's still set on her decision, I believe that part of it is her not wanting to go back on her decision so quickly (after a week), and she mentioned that at one point... that it wouldn't feel right to go back on it so quickly, and she thinks I'd lose respect for her. Especially when put into context, I was much calmer and showed little emotion through both interactions, just calmly expressed my opinions, while she was very emotional.

Anyways: just trying to clarify how that is. I've met her friends, and got along very well with them, my wing was also there and they thought he was a blast, great funny guy. He's also 32, so in their age range.

... But after saying all that, I'll take your words into consideration here. I, just straight up being honest, don't want to just walk away at this moment, as I don't see it as a done possibility, but that does not mean I should avoid considering it. The point of her parents is a very good note. She is a very conservative girl in general, though she has liberal tendencies in economic terms. Tolerant, but conservative, she's friends with atheists/agnostics without criticism.

As it is, my plan is not to put any focus on her - I'm meeting other girls, I'm focusing on school, focusing on work, setting up my business plans for when I graduate, spending time with friends (most of my friends are 30+... which has weighed in my favor with L), and in a month's time I'll re-approach - taking note to guard my feelings in the situation of it going poorly. And if I end up hurt... so be it. Sometimes a person has to learn lessons the hard way, and I'm accepting that possibility now. I've been hurt before, I can take the pain, especially as I know that I'm not going to be worse off if it goes poorly (be a bummer, but life's not all fun and games). I'll just get back in the game, better than before.

I admire your tenacity and optimism. Good qualities to have.

The reason why she teared up when she thought it might be a final goodbye is because she does really like you, and she does not want to feel guilty about her real reason for breaking up with you. She wants to know that your words in the end were congenial and that you parted on good terms. She was also crying because as I said she does like you, but she knows deep down that she can never be with you because of your age. Disregard everything else she says about religion. That has nothing to do with it. If you were 30 years old an an atheist she could care less. She would be with you. But a near 30 year old woman with traditional values seeing a 21 year old college guy? Just not going to happen my man. Maybe someday when she is 49 and you are 40 and you happen to retouch bases it can work, your worlds are about equal then. But right now? No.

When I was 31 I dated a 20 year old girl for a year, and that was hard enough bringing her around my friends and family. I always knew in the back of my mind that they were thinking there is just something wrong with that picture. As I said multiply that by 100 when its the woman who is the older one. Nothing against you, because you seem very mature, but I've seen tons of 21 year old guys around at clubs and concerts or wherever, and if I was a girl? I could not date one that age. Most seem so immature and just irritating to be honest haha. So the fact that she even considered dating you speaks to your character.

 

[Plutoman]

What I've learned lately? Direct game is king. Just being straight up with a girl. It saves time, gets past the games, no confusion. Way, way better results with this so far. Like, a tremendous difference.

With Leah, it's up in the air. I'll call her in a few weeks, wish her a happy birthday, see if she's open and if it's a yes or no, and if yes, cool, if no, I'll walk away.

Got one date tomorrow with a girl, and another one that'll be set up shortly once I can figure out a time that works when I've got finals next week.

 

[Demonpenz]

good work. As you can see with the other responses on here you have the attitude to have a great life already. Just the ups and downs as ususal in life can be challenging.

 

[Demonpenz]

I can't find my thread. The only thing I know is that it is still a numbers game. A certain # of girls are just attracted to you as long as you aren't too dumb or ugly.

 

[Purefilth]

I can't find my thread. The only thing I know is that it is still a numbers game. A certain # of girls are just attracted to you as long as you aren't too dumb or ugly.

theres always hope as long as you're not from the shallow end of the gene pool.

 

[Demonpenz]

That is what I am stressing. The key is to have some peace within yourself that you can get through tough times. Positive thoughts positive actions keep making yourself better stay out of jail and don't do something dumb like get married.

 

[Plutoman]

Heck yeah. Always positive. Why be negative in the first place? I mean, do people enjoy being depressed?

Meh.

Had my date tonight, went well, had to push conversation a bit myself, think she was nervous... she got really competitive in darts. Physically conservative. Pushed hard, got my first rejected kiss - didn't phase me, went again at the end of the date, got a kiss but no make out. She was the one saying see you soon... while I didn't say whether or not I'd see her.

End of date was like this:
"I had a really good time, I'll see you soon"
"Have a good night." with a ****y smile and off into the dually 3500 truck. <3

Annoying part was when the bar we went to didn't have a pool table. Moved her to another bar, played darts. She's competitive. 'Twas fun at least.

 

[Plutoman]

Wings girl is so god damned hot it's distracting.

Girl on left.
Example

Gotta restrain the urges to chase so much.. and just be the confident as **** guy that is relaxed because she's nothing special.

 

[Plutoman]

Date w/ wings girl, date with another girl I closed last.. thursday or somesuch, have a few numbers to contact, girl I was on a date with I forgot to contact.. may or may not see her again, if I don't, meh. Met a cute dancer girl, she's got a boyfriend, but may bounce off her for other girls, she actually seemed cool and fun to hang around, and she really was digging me so who knows. I'll stick her in my friend zone unless she breaks up with the guy.

Success rate is through the roof lately compared to 4 months ago.

 

[Plutoman]

Amazing how much progress happens in a few weeks.

I haven't gotten laid much, but my standards are high and I'm still learning, so it's all good. I've now gotten to the point where it's easy to simply walk in a bar, feel like I own the place, open several sets, get a couple numbers, get a kiss close of some kind (last night was a hot girl, fake tits, ridiculous proportions on her rail thin body).

Now to up it to another step. Constantly learning. Kept getting told I should bang some chubbies to learn the process easier, but seriously, I'd rather learn the longer way and keep my self-respect. Need to up the ante on the closes (difficult when I live with my parents), and up the ante on flipping numbers into results. Not bad on the latter, but I can use some improvement.

Still part of me missing L there. It's weird that I think about her more so than my longer ex that I was with for nearly 3 years. Definitely the kind of girl I'm into, so I guess that's just a lesson for the type of girl to look for in settling down.