Pls don't roll your eyes as you read this one - it'll help me in the long run

[mark123]

So this problem relates to my current situation, but the advice will help me handle similar situations in the future...

Gone out with this eastern european chic 2 times. last date was real fun! LOT of making out, groping etc. That was 2 weeks ago. Invited her to my place last weekend - she "supposedly" cancelled an invite to another party and said she will come. Then flaked on the day - claims she had to work double shift at work (restaurant) last minute as someone didn't show up. I let it go.

Traded a few texts next couple days - her IL seemed decent - we joked about running away to miami and she played along.

Then radio silence from either side - i held back too - not wanting to be needy. I text her yest (friday) to hang out and she's like "i already have plans for the weekend, maybe we can meet the next week" (her english isn't perfect).

She is giving me mixed signals & seems like I am the one always initiating next dates. hah, reminds me of how WE need to keep women guessing (validation) all the time...she's doing that to me now..

anyway -what should I do?
Option 1 - text her today: "no worries. some other time". then NC for 10 days before asking one last time (& how?)
Option 2 - reply "yeah maybe next week we can. But do you really want to or just saying it?" - basically calling her out if she is BS-ing.
Option 3 - something else??

don't want to "next" her yet - figure I shd give one more shot at inviting her to my place....
thanks for advice DJs!

 

[gaspipe]

I would just text her back "no problem some other time". No need to followup with "are you just saying that" because it wreaks of neediness and beta behavior.

Some guys advocate an aggressive approach, i, e keep pushing until they say no.

I found however, that if a chick is really interested and after nc for a while she'll re-initiate contact at some point.

Since this chich is eastern european she may be more traditional however and expect the guy to pursue her. They tend to want the guy to lead. So you may want to wait a week or so if she doesnt contact you and try one more time.

 

[Holden Caulfield]

I agree with gaspipe. Good advice.

I would respond with same and then NC until she contacts you. I would not follow up after 10 days. If there is any genuine interest, she will contact you.

HC

 

[mark123]

Perfect, thank you gaspipe & HC. That's what I'll do then. I'm texting her now (almost a day later) and then will wait 10 days or so.

Yeah she is a little conventional in thinking so might want me to lead - but then again, that didn't stop her from reaching out to me first, 2 days after out first date to make "small talk" and say that she had a good time. It's just that it's even more challenging to read women as time goes by...who knows, there might be another guy in the picture too...oh well

 

[joverby]

Dang dude. You had a date in which you made out and groped and waited 2 WEEKS before meeting again?!!

Holy sh1t. I would've had a "date" within the next couple days and fvcked her. Gotta strike that iron when it's hot, man.

 

[mark123]

Dang dude. You had a date in which you made out and groped and waited 2 WEEKS before meeting again?!!

Holy sh1t. I would've had a "date" within the next couple days and fvcked her. Gotta strike that iron when it's hot, man.

Joverby - I actually invited her to my place for a movie the very next weekend and she was game, but then she flaked. And then I was traveling a bit this week and she "already had weekend plans" so it's another week gone by.

But you raise an interesting point abt contacting again within 2 days - I dont know, I'm just a beginner and reading stuff/advice, and contacting so soon conflicts with what some people say about "not coming across too eager/showing you have other stuff to do". Besides I assume ppl are busy during the week and hence might flake easily.

After a successful 1st/2nd date, do you and DJs here in general recommend contacting very soon again and to heck with the waiting game?? - this would solve a lot of problems for me, because many times the intensity fizzles out after time in my experience

 

[Holden Caulfield]

Main point I want to make is this... actions and words must align. She was game to come to your place and then she flaked. That says that she was never game in the first place, or was "game" at that point in time. If there is a true interest, a girl/woman will do whatever it takes to make sure that she does not mess it up, regrdless of "game". If you have to think about it, then it is probably not worthwhile. So joverby is also right. It is all about timing, my friend.

So lesson here is that timing is not right, NOW. Go with the indifferent reponse and then NC route, and let the chips fall where they may.

It is all about windows of oppurtunity.

HC

 

[gaspipe]

It all depends on the circumstances. If you go to a club for example and pickup a chick that night, make out, grope and make her horny and if she seems like the ons type, then its best to strike while the irons hot so to speak and isolate her as soon as possible (i,e invite her to your place that night). With these types of chicks moving too slowly will most likely blow your chances. With these types of women you meet at bars and clubs I find that getting a number and trying to set up a date another day is practically useless. I always try to isolate and fyck them that same night.

If the girl is more traditional, then moving too soon is counter productive and will likely blow your chances as well.

It all depends on the type of chick you are dealing with. You have to learn how to categorize women and act accordingly.

 

[mark123]

HC / gaspipe - thanks for the comments. Yeah I just have to figure the timing issue out somehow - clearly that needs some work. I'm always apprehensive about texting soon only to ask her out bw dates as I think (wrongly?) that she will associate my reaching out with neediness, which might work against me if her IL is anything but v high.

Argh, it's just hard to keep my mind away frm this - one moment I feel I can go nc for that long and the other moment I wanna just text her early next week and find out if she wants to meet or not and be done with it! Don't care if I see her again or not just that the wait is killingme. I'm just not good at putting things on back burner and revisiting later....

 

[mark123]

UPDATE:
Thanks everyone for their advice. Helped me a lot! Based on that, I went NC with her. and she sent me a random text out of the blue just saying "hey, how was your weekend" (on a wednesday morn, lol).

Anyway - I didn't reply and instead called her in the evening and was getting ready to leave a VM but she answered her phone in 2 rings instead! we made plans to "watch a movie" at my place tomorrow..

Trouble is: There is severe weather forecast for tomorrow (with some snow possible) - and I already sense a flake from her (citing weather reasons). If she does that, I will just lose it!! should I text her today itself rescheduling to sunday thus avoiding a flake? or should I just leave it and see what she says?
She will go to work tomorrow so I could also tell her today itself to come to my place directly from work tom (altho thats like at 4pm lol)?

Thanks all.

 

[joverby]

UPDATE:
Thanks everyone for their advice. Helped me a lot! Based on that, I went NC with her. and she sent me a random text out of the blue just saying "hey, how was your weekend" (on a wednesday morn, lol).

Anyway - I didn't reply and instead called her in the evening and was getting ready to leave a VM but she answered her phone in 2 rings instead! we made plans to "watch a movie" at my place tomorrow..

Trouble is: There is severe weather forecast for tomorrow (with some snow possible) - and I already sense a flake from her (citing weather reasons). If she does that, I will just lose it!! should I text her today itself rescheduling to sunday thus avoiding a flake? or should I just leave it and see what she says?
She will go to work tomorrow so I could also ask her today to come to my place directly from work (altho thats like at 4pm lol)?

Thanks all.

That's not good, man. She hasn't even flaked on you and you're already worrying about it. It's VERY true when people give advice about needing things(and/or multiple women) going on in your life, to avoid this type of outcome dependency.

Unless you're talking about a terribly vicious blizzard and/or she has an extreme phobia of poor weather, she will come.

But that's not really the problem. The problem is you stressing out about something she might POSSIBLY do, which is out of your control. So now that you saw some remote chance of flaking you're doing your best to "control" the situation. Which isn't good.

You got a normal interaction. You asked for a date to hang out. She agreed. Now you must continue with your life, stay busy and not worry about things that are out of your control.

Get some more hobbies, friends or something man. No offense, but you always gotta think "what would I do if I had 3 other girls to talk to?"

 

[pdx1138]

yeah stop being worried about stuff like that....it can destroy one's self mentally.

A girl I just met made a counter offer to me for last sunday (good) to meet on saturday, then a day before told me
she was catching the flu and was "so sorry to postpone." I just said some other time then and have not thought about
it again until just now. I don't expect I'll ever hear from her again and thats fine, I'm already making plans with another.
That's the attitude you have to have in order to ensure non-needy way of thinking.

I would also add from your much earlier post that it's never a good idea to ask a girl about weekend plans on a friday (unless you're already seeing each other on a regular basis) better to ask on a thursday at the latest.

 

[gaspipe]

Eventually actions speak louder than words. Absent a major storm, if this chick is interested she will show up at your house. If she flakes again, or doesnt at least call/not text, you to make definitive plans to reschedule, she is just playing you and is just after your attention.

 

[pdx1138]

and if she is REALLY REALLY into you, she will come over during the storm regardless of how bad it is.

 

[The_Crack]

After a successful 1st/2nd date, do you and DJs here in general recommend contacting very soon again and to heck with the waiting game?? - this would solve a lot of problems for me, because many times the intensity fizzles out after time in my experience

Yeah man this is definitely a good idea. I've had it twice with SMOKING hot hb9's, who i've let slip out of my hands because i was playing it "cool".
First date was a great success, with make out and blow job! Didn't want to seem needy so i played it cool, but it ended up slipping away from me. They both lost interest and i had lost them.
So my advice to you my man is strike when the iron is hot! Don't wait and keep her guessing, use thaton different aspects of the game, but for now just attack. That is a mistake i shall never make again.. If i have a successful first date, i'm going to set up date number two right away!

 

[mark123]

So..this just happened:

we were supposed to meet and i call her a few minutes ago (didn't want to make it easier for her over text) and she picks up...
Me: So, when you coming?
Her: ohhh...i just got home from work...just wanna stay in and watch tv with food...it's so cold
me: Well, winter is here...it IS going to be cold for the next 6 months!!
her: haha....oh im sorry....you weren;t out, but i was working...u dont know how cold it is
me: well, i went out with friends today (i didnt). Besides, when were you going to tell me?!
her: Oh..i was going to call you soon!
me: yeah....when it would be too late for me to make plans, right...you are so considerate!! (gave a small laugh)
her: what is considerate? (her english isn't the best)..oh now you are upset..
me: nevermind. it's ok, if you dont wnat to come.
her:aww...can you do something else?
me: don;t worry about it. later.

I was pissed so didn't give her a counterdate etc....doesn't seem like her IL is high. but did i say something wrong? Thinking of textng her and telling her "since it's going to be cold for the next 6 months, don;t think we will meet again ever. this wont work out. good meeting you though"

or something like that. suggestions?

 

[gaspipe]

Dude your coming out as way too needy. If you read the back and forth texts you seem like your life depends on this chick. A definite turnoff.

You shouldnt have even asked if she was coming since the ball was already in her court.

Youre right. Her IL seems to be on the weak side.

Im not sure you can raise her IL at this point. You might as well press the reset button and go nc again.

 

[mark123]

gaspipe - thanks for your reply. Actually i made another mistake - shortly after the call I texted her "come you lazy ass. my place is really warm : )"
it's just that i had been thinking of saying that on the phone, but couldn't....argh, i shouldn't have! if i could get the last one hour of my life back lol

 

[Ease]

Dont feel bad because at this point nothing matters and it makes no difference. Sometimes a girl just isnt interested enough.

 

[mark123]

It's true that I have been guilty of not spinning more plates. I've probably been taking the easier route of trying to re-start things with this half-baked chick rather than get more options (like joverby said). that's the MAIN problem and i realize that.

But the other important thing remains: I basically want to learn from this experience. I want to slot her in the right category. it's just that she has flaked on me twice, and conventional wisdom would say "don't give her a chance again so she can flake once more". Which i sort of agree with. On the other hand, i read some thread about being persistent with a girl till she says "no" or avoids you. confused!

It's just that this girl flakes and then next week when i call she hangs out with me. She also takes my calls immediately. This weekend, if we didn't have a big storm & wasn't that cold, im quite positive she would have come over. She does seem the lazy type, as has been obvious in some of the talks we have had. I'm just trying to get better at identifying "types": Does she just need pushing or is just not interested at all (i know IL is not SUPER high for sure, but i can work with a moderate IL too)

How would you guys have handled it differently from the beginning or how do you read her?

Note: My life doesn't depend on this chick. I want to bed her, esp bec i feel im so close to doing that. I Dont have one-itis from this chick. instead of simply nexting, want to learn from you DJs as to why I shd be doing that and so I can apply that in future....