Doesn’t sound like you need any more advice OP. Sounds like you finally realized the truth. Now take that anger that serves you and channel it. Stay angary and bitter for as long as you need to. You need to exercise it as it will serve you well. BUT... This is very important, you MUST EXERCISE IT. DO NOT LET THAT ANGER GET TURNED INWARD!! Depression is anger towards yourself. So...
GO TO THE GYM!!! You NEED to exercise VIGEROUSLY for at least the next 14 days. Like you need to go there and literally beat your body up as much as is safe. Run, Swim, lift and stretch, until you are absolutely exhausted. Then go back again at night. Some may say this is not a good way to start an exercise regiment, and to a certain extent I can see that. BUT, this is an extreme circumstance that needs to be addressed in an extreme way that is healthy. Mark it down. Go everyday for 2 weeks at least. I mean you should go from now on, but the gym and an exercise routine is always best accomplished with small goals. Promise yourself right now.
If you want to get over this and shorten the cycle of pain you will be feeling you MUST start exercising vigorously and immediately.
It will give you purpose beyond looking back through the past. It will help you sleep instead of lying awake wondering what went wrong. It will shoot up your testosterone levels to help you remain strong when you feel weak or sappy. It will balance sadness with happy chemicals in your brain.
When I first started OP, I used to lift so hard and with so many reps, that my body and emotional pain would match up and I would cry. No one could tell because of sweat. I realize now how healthy that was. Because as my body would heal overnight, so would my mind, and...my heart. As I let out the pain from my emotions and body simultaneously I healed that much faster. The pain I felt was so much less attached to a girl or what was done to me. It sped my emotional recovery by at least half maybe even 70 percent faster than I would have if I drank, or ate myself into feeling comfortable. Plus, I took out my aggression on my body in a healthy way and it enabled me to forgive myself for any mistakes I made emotionally in the past. I stayed angry to use it to strengthen myself. I bottled it up and let it out with exercise. I never let the anger out at others or at myself. I used it as a tool. So should you.
Very soon OP, John, you will see this as one of the greatest days of your life. They day you finally discovered the tools to make the changes in your life you have always desired.
I know things will feel dark, obsessive and hopeless at times. Usually first thing in the morning and 1hour right around sunset. These are natural body rhythms and chemicals weakening you at these times. When you go to the gym these chemicals get balanced by natural counterparts to balance these weaker times.
Please listen to me. Start right away. Cry at the gym not at home in your bed. The quality of your life depends on you doing this.[/QUOTE
John,
he's right. i'm the living proof for that.
Joe.
