Plate theory

[Rollo Tomassi]

Been there, done that. I keep it so short these days that color doesn't last more than three weeks. Besides, Mrs. Tomassi likes the salt & pepper.

I always wonder what types of faces are behind the monikers here.

I do have a MySpace page ya know.

 

[ketostix]

Yeah well I didn't mean it to apply to you I was really just saying you look fairly young and fit for your age. It was more of a suggestion to other mature single men who are in shape and want to keep a leg up with the younger girls.

 

[ItsNotMeCheckMyIP]

"Plate Theory" has it's time and place, but is not for everyone. When guys first come to this site they tend to be clingy, needy and are trying to build their entire life around a fantasy they build up in their heads around one girl that usually doesn't reciprocate. There are also the guys that are so uncomfortable talking to females that they need A LOT of practice in dealing with the opposite sex so as not to come across like a bit of a freak.

"Spinning Plates" is useful for these two groups of guys because it helps them to break very bad habits that are both self-limiting and self-sabotaging. The needy guys can learn not to set themselves up for one girl causing complete devastation on their lives. The shy guy can learn to be more comfortable around women, thereby upping his chances of eventually having the skills to have a significant relationship.

If a guy does not have these problems then the "Plate Theory" has the opposite effect...it is self-limiting and self-sabotaging, because it's used as an avoidance technique, which is not healthy. You don't need to "spin plates" to be secure in youself, confident and be willing to walk away if something is not working for you. In order to truly be healthy in relationships you need to be completely comfortable NOT being in one or having those "plates" because until you learn to find your fulfillment in life on your own you are never truly going to be able to find fulfillment with anyone else. If you are not strong enough to walk away from a bad relationship as a complete person even when you don't have another "plate" to "spin" then you are still dependent on someone else to fulfill you.

That is my take on the "Plate Theory".

 

[Interceptor]

Wyld, in a way, you're correct.
If the guy that is "spinning plates" cannot improve his perspective, does not mature, and cannot build his self reliance skills, and get rid of his neediness etc, then spinning plates IS kind of like a Band Aid. It helps the symptoms, but it may not be the Cure for this particular guy.
But, if you're an emotionally mature man, secure, basically you are into improving yourself, and have the skills of introspection and self review and observation, then IMO Plate Theory IS the Cure. Because you see yourself iN ACTION. And your confidence, and new self image is derived form these first hand experiences. You gain the conmfidence and a new belief system.

So IMO, and IME, PT works as a cure, in that it AIDS you in moving far away from ever getting Oneitis ever agin, and a Band Aid for guys who don't really want to look at themselves that deeply.

 

[ketostix]

"Plate Theory" has it's time and place, but is not for everyone. When guys first come to this site they tend to be clingy, needy and are trying to build their entire life around a fantasy they build up in their heads around one girl that usually doesn't reciprocate. There are also the guys that are so uncomfortable talking to females that they need A LOT of practice in dealing with the opposite sex so as not to come across like a bit of a freak.

"Spinning Plates" is useful for these two groups of guys because it helps them to break very bad habits that are both self-limiting and self-sabotaging. The needy guys can learn not to set themselves up for one girl causing complete devastation on their lives. The shy guy can learn to be more comfortable around women, thereby upping his chances of eventually having the skills to have a significant relationship.

I agree with you to this point.

If a guy does not have these problems then the "Plate Theory" has the opposite effect...it is self-limiting and self-sabotaging, because it's used as an avoidance technique, which is not healthy. You don't need to "spin plates" to be secure in youself, confident and be willing to walk away if something is not working for you. In order to truly be healthy in relationships you need to be completely comfortable NOT being in one or having those "plates" because until you learn to find your fulfillment in life on your own you are never truly going to be able to find fulfillment with anyone else. If you are not strong enough to walk away from a bad relationship as a complete person even when you don't have another "plate" to "spin" then you are still dependent on someone else to fulfill you.

But I partially disagree here because you seem to be saying a guy who isn't a pushover and all the the other things in your first paragraph, shouldn't spin plates even if he's single and wants to do so to pick the best plate for a relationship or maybe he doesn't want a relationship and just wants to keep it casual with different girls. That's different from what I said. I was saying if a guy doesn't want to spin plates but will take on one plate if she does things agreeable to his terms, he could do so and be accomplishing the same result. It might seem like splitting hairs but it's actually a big distinction.

 

[ItsNotMeCheckMyIP]

By the way "spinning plates" is referred to on this forum it is implied that this is done as a way to avoid getting too attached to any one person, thereby avoiding getting hurt. This is self limiting and self-sabotaging. If you are dating several people and not interested in having a significant relationship then I don't think you can really view that as "Plate Theory" because you're just casually dating random people. However, if you are not one of the types I mentioned in the last post and are supposedly in a relationship with one person and are "spinning plates" then you are doing it to avoid something you fear, which really isn't healthy, is self limiting and does tend to lead people to sabotage themselves. Casually dating random people without being more involved with one person, in my opinion, is not the same thing as "spinning plates".

Avoiding oneitis is good...because pining away over someone who does not return your affection is terrible for a person. However, too often, the guys here go to the opposite extreme and destroy potentially great relationships due to fear and avoidance. It is not oneitis is both people are having the relationship...it's only oneitis when you are in by yourself.

The danger with many of the theories here is that they often perpetuate fear and avoidance...and Plate Theory is just one of many examples of this IF not used in the context in which it belongs.

 

[reset]

You don't need to "spin plates" to be secure in youself, confident and be willing to walk away if something is not working for you. In order to truly be healthy in relationships you need to be completely comfortable NOT being in one or having those "plates" because until you learn to find your fulfillment in life on your own you are never truly going to be able to find fulfillment with anyone else.

I agree with this. Some guys just can't stand to be alone, it's like they are running away from themselves.

 

[Interceptor]

IF not used in the context in which it belongs

Yup. Context is everything.

Well said.

 

[ItsNotMeCheckMyIP]

I agree with this. Some guys just can't stand to be alone, it's like they are running away from themselves.

This is true of most men AND women...just people in general. When you learn to be completely comfortable and fulfilled when by yourself all the oneitis, fear and whatnot goes away for the most part.

 

[reset]

When you learn to be completely comfortable and fulfilled when by yourself all the oneitis, fear and whatnot goes away for the most part.

Life seems to be a series of paradoxes. It's when you actually don't NEED the thing you desire, is when you start getting what you want. You can get all worked up NEEDING a woman, (or whatever it may be) and the very act of focusing so much on it just pushes it away from you. When you let go and accept that you're ok either way, the good stuff just seems to find you, you don't have to do all that much.

It's an abundant world. It only stops being abundant when we doubt it.

 

[pipeman84]

You propose that a man must have options with other women as a tool to "keep his b!tch in check".

You know what works equally well? The ability to WALK AWAY.

If you have this ability, a woman has ZERO control over you.

I agree with you. Like I say spinning plates is another technique to compensate for the lack of true inner belief. However, at the end of the day if all the plates fell on the floor and broke, you would still be that AFC.

^^ Exactly
The other danger with 'spinning plates' mentality in my view is that it traps a man in a mediocrity zone. In other words, how are you supposed to find the quality woman you're looking for if you spend all your time and mental/emotional energy with plates?