Plate Stood Me Up

[EyeBRollin]

Posting this because this is the second plate to do so this calendar year.

I've been smashing this girl (age 24) since early September. I see her once a week, usually on the weekend due to scheduling. We do something fun outside of the house then have sex. She's cooked on multiple occasions. She's never flaked.

She brought up "the talk" around Halloween, right on schedule. I asked her to be specific about if she was asking for a relationship. She kind of dodged the question. She brought up just a few weeks later in mid November that she was unhappy with the amount of attention I (don't) give her, and that she should be courted more. Two weeks ago was the last time I saw her. 10 days ago just before last weekend, in her incessant texts, I told her to come over for the weekend. She agreed but said she was on her period and couldn't stay long. I said no problem, let's just reschedule. She brought up the following weekend (today specifically). I said great, gave her a time to come over and she agreed.

I didn't hear from her since, and she didn't show. I don't text or call if the next date is set up. She has been doing 90% of the calling and texting for roughly the last three months.

This exact same thing happened with a plate back in March. I slept with her weekly for 2.5 months, only to have her randomly stand me up and never heard from her again.

DJs, does this happen to you?

 

[El Payaso]

It can happen to anyone.

I wouldn't call or text her. I'd just go bang other women.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It can happen to anyone.

I wouldn't call or text her. I'd just go bang other women.

Ohh there will be no calling. Just trying to get an idea of the cause and frequency

 

[sazc]

she asked for more time, energy and commitment, that's what she wanted. when you were non responsive she realized what your intentions were and she nexted you. she had more self esteem then you realized. yes, this is what happens. she was a plate, what do you care?

 

[Teddy_Beer]

She was a plate. Who cares? You shouldn't take it personal that she stood up to you. Next!

 

[Glassguy]

There is a shelf life for most plates. The higher the value of her, the shorter the shelf life.

Being aloof, mysterious, allusive......those are all fine in the beginning. There comes a time when a woman wants more or will hit the door. How long she sticks around after "the talk" doesnt favor a relationship is up to you, and her value.

There was a post about "leasing" women and not "owning" them. It is very true.

If the sex is great, you treat her well when you're together, she will stick around longer AFTER she knows that there may not be anything long term. Beware, she will eventually get tired of chasing you and she WILL monkey branch when another offer just as good or better comes along.

If you feel strongly about a woman then eventually you have to consider it a "relationship". If not, be prepared to let it go and spin more plates.

You can only keep a fish out of water for so long before you either keep it or are forced to throw it back.

 

[sazc]

She has traveled this road with you for the past x months trusting you and feeling like she is doing the right thing by giving you the time and space you need, so that you feel comfortable getting to know her. Then she comes to realize all you want is a hole for your d1ck. It wrecks a female emotionally.

She's either going to get better boundaries or decide to turn the next X dudes into her own plates. You did just kinda show her that, if she provides the secks, the man will provide the fun (and funding!). (if she's this kind of girl) Why not milk that?

I wonder if this is what turns a female into the woman you all complain about. You use her for secks and she decides fvck that, im not getting used again, im going to make sure I get what I can out of the next man who comes my way. She changes her behavior to turn the next X dudes into her own plates, dudes get angry about being used, dudes treat other women like plates, they get angry, etc. Nope, no one knows which came first, the male using the female, or the female using the male. It's definitely cyclic.

 

[Glassguy]

She has traveled this road with you for the past x months trusting you and feeling like she is doing the right thing by giving you the time and space you need, so that you feel comfortable getting to know her. Then she comes to realize all you want is a hole for your d1ck. It wrecks a female emotionally.

She's either going to get better boundaries or decide to turn the next X dudes into her own plates. You did just kinda show her that, if she provides the secks, the man will provide the fun (and funding!). (if she's this kind of girl) Why not milk that?

I wonder if this is what turns a female into the woman you all complain about. You use her for secks and she decides fvck that, im not getting used again, im going to make sure I get what I can out of the next man who comes my way. She changes her behavior to turn the next X dudes into her own plates, dudes get angry about being used, dudes treat other women like plates, they get angry, etc. Nope, no one knows which came first, the male using the female, or the female using the male. It's definitely cyclic.

Its a vicious cycle when you're on the wrong end of it. Thats why I stay on the right side of things.

 

[RangerMIke]

@bradd80 @LARaiders85 and @sazc are all correct IMO.

She didn't like your response when you pushed you to give her more attention, if she was in love with you she would have pushed harder than she did... she isn't, she has high interest but it's not the highest possible. The reason is that her attention is being pulled by another dude, who in her opinion is giving her the attention she wants from you, but she likes you better.

If you don't want an exclusive relationship with this girl then you played this correct. You will lose this girl, just move on. Her interest in you is not that great... so she will not put the effort into you that she needs to keep her attracted. Remember that unless a women is willing to work hard for you... she will never really value you. If she does not value you, she will not respect you... if she does not respect you she can not be in love with you.

 

[sazc]

sometimes there isn't another dude, there is only the realization that she is viewed as nothing more than a warm pvssy, and is being used, and that is enough
I know it's easier on your ego to attribute the end of a 'relationship' to another guy, but that's not always the case.
if she has enough self esteem she doesn't need another dude in order to make the decision to go NC

 

[EyeBRollin]

@bradd80 @LARaiders85 and @sazc are all correct IMO.

She didn't like your response when you pushed you to give her more attention, if she was in love with you she would have pushed harder than she did... she isn't, she has high interest but it's not the highest possible. The reason is that her attention is being pulled by another dude, who in her opinion is giving her the attention she wants from you, but she likes you better.

If you don't want an exclusive relationship with this girl then you played this correct. You will lose this girl, just move on. Her interest in you is not that great... so she will not put the effort into you that she needs to keep her attracted. Remember that unless a women is willing to work hard for you... she will never really value you. If she does not value you, she will not respect you... if she does not respect you she can not be in love with you.

The strongest dude wins. She'll be back when she's done stepping on his neck.

 

[sazc]

The strongest dude wins. She'll be back when she's done stepping on his neck.

Im eagerly waiting for that post, to see if she comes back or not. He said the last one didnt.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

What we need to remember is that romance isn't just a sh!t test or gold-digging or whatever. It's women (rightfully) seeking reassurance that you're not just going to impregnate her and then sail off in to the sunset. The potential implications of a sexual relationship are far greater for a woman, and men would to well to remember that.

What is hardly ever mentioned here is how this very scenario will apply to 70-80% of women you have sexual encounters with. Most women aren't going to stick around knowing they're just your long-term fck buddy, or indeed one of many. Most aren't having sex (more than a few times) just to have sex. They are seeking commitment, to which men are obviously the gate-keepers.

Long story short, the OP, along with many others, played the a$$hole card too many times for too long. And this girl now values the situation as the OP apparently did - i.e. nothing more than a roll in the hay.

This doesn't happen to truly great Lotharios; for them, women return again and again, seemingly sometimes forever. They know that holding on to and keeping the attentions of a woman, or indeed many, does require a level of romance; a healthy level.

If you just play the a$$hole attitude forever, with no let up (she even gave you warnings), of course she'll get fed up eventually.

Trouble is, too many guys now automatically associate romance with weakness, which doesn't have to be the case at all.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Im eagerly waiting for that post, to see if she comes back or not. He said the last one didnt.

I had one in July who wasn't around long enough to call a plate. We ****ed twice, she brought up "the talk," then within a week decided to "give it a try" with her ex. She came sniffing around a month later, but refused to come over. It was clear she needed a boyfriend and didn't care who it was. The sex was good though.

 

[sazc]

I had one in July who wasn't around long enough to call a plate. We ****ed twice, she brought up "the talk," then within a week decided to "give it a try" with her ex. She came sniffing around a month later, but refused to come over. It was clear she needed a boyfriend and didn't care who it was. The sex was good though.

ugh, hate women like that. it baffles me how they think men are so stupid that they can toss you out one week and you'll take them back a few weeks later. it's extremely disrespectful behavior to try and play with a man

 

[EyeBRollin]

As for my intentions with this chick.. I don't automatically move lays into the booty call department. Most of my consistent plates are qualifying for LTR. At this point I was 80-85% sold on her has a girlfriend. She showed (past tense!) consistent behavior, was flexible, giving, fun, etc. The yellow flag was her inconsistent commitment to healthy lifestyle. A long term woman is someone I intend on gaming successfully leading to marriage. I was monitoring that through the entire courtship.

So, to answer a few questions, I hadn't put her into the booty call only category at that phase in time. If she comes back sniffing around, that's where she'll be. She's out.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

As for my intentions with this chick.. I don't automatically move lays into the booty call department. Most of my consistent plates are qualifying for LTR. At this point I was 80-85% sold on her has a girlfriend. She showed (past tense!) consistent behavior, was flexible, giving, fun, etc. The yellow flag was her inconsistent commitment to healthy lifestyle. A long term woman is someone I intend on gaming successfully leading to marriage. I was monitoring that through the entire courtship.

So, to answer a few questions, I hadn't put her into the booty call only category at that phase in time. If she comes back sniffing around, that's where she'll be. She's out.

She brought up just a few weeks later in mid November that she was unhappy with the amount of attention I (don't) give her

I'd say you're not ready for a LTR anyway. LTRs are for two people who compromise and help each other become the best version of themselves; not you who apparently purposefully doesn't give her attention, nor she, who simply doesn't turn up when she says she will.

You should know how juvenile the behaviour of both of you sounds.

 

[sazc]

How many hot millennial women have you dated?

None, I'm a heterosexual female I date men.
I've never monkey branched. For the relationships where I have made the decision to exit, I've never had another man lined up, I dont need that kind of safety net. I've also never allowed any man to sway or take my attention off of a man that I am in a relationship with. But I also dont allow myself to be a plate. I spend some time dating and getting to know the person and then, if I/we feel good about the match, I have 'the talk' before sex happens. That's just what works for me. I've had plenty of men leave at that point, "too soon for the talk" etc, and I respect that, but I also realize I am better off if this is what occurs.

I've gotten to know a bunch of you here. You @LARaiders85 are very consistent in what you post. I don't ever chime in on your words, because I'm positive you have reasons for your viewpoint on women, and I respect that, but I am actually the opposite of what you believe 'all women' are. I'm not here to change your mind or anything. Like I said, we all have the reasons we exist the way we do. You need to do you. I just thought I would mention that while I had your eyes. Have a great day!

 

[sazc]

You are however much older than the women the average poster here dates

shhhh

I don't doubt that you are different. You are however much older than the women the average poster here dates, therefore your personal practices or even what you've observed in your generation is inapplicable in most cases.

This is true, I do have perspective. But I've been this way since I was young. i watched my girlfriend monkey branch and get used and feel horrible about herself - but she kept doing it. I learned from her.

And what you guys complain about is reality, and I feel for the BS you have to go thru.

 

[TheGambino]

Yes it happens too us too. It could be several things. You being to desperate or needy, her friends that don't like you or another guy in the picture. All you can do is withdraw your attention and keep spinning plates. Go NC