Plate Spinning vs APPRECIATION

[cordoncordon]

You're coming around MAC.

So it's ok for you to give the illusion of faithfulness and that you aren't going to cheat, but if she does she's a lying, cheating, wh0re?

 

[cordoncordon]

Ya know I think every situation is different for everyone. Not everyone has the time, money, inclination, or motivation to date multiple women. Some like to focus on one woman and give her his all. I agree that when first entering dating (for the first time or after a hiatus) it is preferable to scope around and date whomever you want. But some guys, I would say most actually, prefer a one on one relationship.

I've done the whole date 4 or 5 girls at once thing, and I tell you, it's tiring. I am much much happier being with one mate, no matter who that may be.

I would also say that for the majority of people who come to a dating help site, dating TOO many people is probably NOT a problem lol.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I sincerely doubt that GURU has been so successful a plate spinner and has been so awash in sexual opportunities that it would inspire some introspection. Don't think this is a burn on you, but there are very few guys that have such a variety of plates to choose from or have done so for so long that it ever becomes mundane. Whenever I read or hear guys use this line it's due to them hooking up with a woman who they'd previously considered "out of their league" and they think that continuing to spin plates with her in tow is counterintuitive. This is the litmus test to determine whether you really believe in being a positively masculine DJ or if you're still an AFC playing DJ/PUA. Guy's who've killed their inner AFC don't contemplate how their attention and appreciation is perceived by women, they already know its value.

To put it bluntly, I don't think overabundance is generally the problem for the majority of guys coming to SS seeking advice.

I agree with you. I made a post the other week similar to guru's, and I think what it comes down to is I had a bad taste in my mouth. It wasn't about an overabundance of plates or an ambivalence toward the process for me. Rather, it was just that I had a couple of bad experiences.

It's easy to get a little too caught up in the moment and start firing off posts on SoSuave.

 

[guru1000]

For those not out there in the field, do not pass judgement based on someone else's research in the field. Get out there! If you are married and cannot get out there , then to state opinions as if it were FACTS is absurd.

I don't need to defend my experiences especially to those not in the field. Accept it or don't. It kills me to see how many scientists not in the field we have here.

The basis of this post is loss of APPRECIATION, as a result of SPINNING PLATES. If you are spinning an abundance of plates, state your feedback. If you are reading books, keep your FACTS to yourself.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I'm not a scientist or a book reader. I'm just BORED and SLACKING OFF at work.

 

[MacAvoy]

I think what it comes down to is I had a bad taste in my mouth. It wasn't about an overabundance of plates or an ambivalence toward the process for me. Rather, it was just that I had a couple of bad experiences.

It's easy to get a little too caught up in the moment and start firing off posts on SoSuave.

I concur, when your out there more, your going to get more flakes, more bad experiences. However when you focus all your energy on one women, you don't run the math to have lots of bad experiences (but you don't get lots of good experiences either)

I agree with your OP about too much of a good thing, but as RT stated, I don't think there are too many guys that spin plates for a prolonged period of time so its not really an issue of too much of a good thing.

The problem liesin the fact that we've been trained since birth to only date one women and its morally ingrained in us and thats why you get guys saying

Not everyone has the .... motivation to date multiple women. Some like to focus on one woman and give her his all. I agree that when first entering dating (for the first time or after a hiatus) it is preferable to scope around and date whomever you want. But some guys, I would say most actually, prefer a one on one relationship.

This was my mentality in my early 20's. The Steve Earle song "Fearless Heart" where I would pour everything into a relationship with a women, then the minute it was over, I would find my next love and do it all over again. Granted I got to be the love of her life for several women, in the end, it didn't get me any further ahead.

Like anything else in life, you have to be smart about it, make a plan, set goals, re-evaluate, diversify your options.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

If you are spinning an abundance of plates, state your feedback.

Maybe you should start with this thread then:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=137977

 

[BlackWidow]

Ya know I think every situation is different for everyone. Not everyone has the time, money, inclination, or motivation to date multiple women. Some like to focus on one woman and give her his all. I agree that when first entering dating (for the first time or after a hiatus) it is preferable to scope around and date whomever you want. But some guys, I would say most actually, prefer a one on one relationship.

I've done the whole date 4 or 5 girls at once thing, and I tell you, it's tiring. I am much much happier being with one mate, no matter who that may be.

I would also say that for the majority of people who come to a dating help site, dating TOO many people is probably NOT a problem lol.

And I'd counter and say most guys prefer a one-on-one relationship because they really can't understand the foundation behind dating multiple people at one time. It has nothing to do with being able to handle a harem. It boils down to the one girl being a remotely good ONLY CURRENT OPTION. So why not put all their effort into making this one work? What they can't see is that they lack the confidence, self-worth or security to see that they are in fact capable of dating multiple women.

 

[ketostix]

No, don't confuse your misconception with splitting hairs. That's more than likely the reason why women seem to take you for granted when you believe you are showing them appreciation. So why are you avoiding saying what you do to make them take you for granted?

I think I've said it twice now, the effect validation has on a woman psychologically. It's not just me that has experienced this phenomenon. It's all over this forum. You are truely arguing both sides against the middle. You seem to be arguing you can't be perceived as "AFC" by appreciating a woman yet you seem to agree with the value of plate spinning as a means to not give too much validation towards one woman. Which is it? Why don't you tell us how you can appreciate a woman you're picking up and she doesn't become validated. Maybe you're dealing with older women with less options. I don't know.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

“Plate Spinning”, keeping multiple female options, being “the PRIZE”, or whatever you want to call it is only part of what it takes to maintain a woman and/or women’s continued interest. Two other things that enter into this equation are:

1. KNOWING what kind of woman you have (Freak, Hoe, or Good Girl),

And

2. KNOWING how holistically compatible the two of you are TOGETHER.



OTHERWISE, Consider this:

If the ONLY thing you represent to a woman you are seeing is that you are “a challenge”, then WHY should it come as a shock that that woman would LOSE interest in you the minute you STOP “challenging” her?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think I've said it twice now....

And neither time (if it was only two) was it the answer to the question you are avoiding. Here it is, one last time; r-e-a-l---s-l-o-w.

What does Ketostix specifically do to women to show appreciation which makes them take him for granted?

 

[ketostix]

And neither time (if it was only two) was it the answer to the question you are avoiding. Here it is, one last time; r-e-a-l---s-l-o-w.

What does Ketostix specifically do to women to show appreciation which makes them take him for granted?

OK you're a jackass. I bet everyone on this forum got my answer but you.

 

[reset]

You didn't answer the question dude.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

OK you're a jackass....

Pehaps, but I'm not the one who's confused.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Pehaps, but I'm not the one who's confused.

Did you see Senior Fingers post last week on the Anything Else forum about posters on here who have problems with their egos? I hate to break it to you, but you're one of them. You have 14,000-plus posts, which could be acceptable under different circumstances, but you've spent the majority of those posts being obnoxious, making jokes (which I admittedly sometimes laugh at) or being just a prick in general. Only rarely have I seen you dispense advice, and when you do it's actually decent.

Though, judging by your tone in dealing with ketostix and other posters, you aren't on here because you genuinely like helping people or because you seek advice. You are on here to boost your own ego. And this is the difference between you and regs like Victory Unlimited, Karma, STR8UP and some other guys who I am probably forgetting. All those guys genuinely care about the individuals who post on this board. You don't. You are one of the posters Senior Fingers was addressing in his post last week. Your advice and the overall tone of your posts is arrogant and obnoxious, and you come off sounding like a prick who is only looking to service his own ego 80 percent of the time.

Your 14,000 posts doesn't make you any sort of a guru. In fact, I have a feeling you are the exact opposite. The term Keyboard Jockey comes to mind. Since I came back to this board in the beginning of summer after a two-year hiatus, you have been on my list of regular posters who I seriously doubt has much success in real life.

Lose the ego and get a life.

You can flame me to a crisp on this thread. I don't really care. I'm not going to respond or even read this thread anymore because (A) I don't want to take things off-topic and (B) you will likely be on my ignore list by then.

 

[reset]

I don't know. I think Francisco asks questions in a certain way in order to get you to really think about what you're asking in the first place and to "own" the question or comment you're making.

I read this thread, keostix didn't give any specific examples of a specific thing or deed he did that indicated appreciation, and as a result the chick got turned off. He just said in general, appreciation equals the girl getting turned off.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Did you see Senior Fingers post last week on the Anything Else forum about posters on here who have problems with their egos? I hate to break it to you, but you're one of them.

More specifically people like you have a problem with my ego, I have no control with how you feel so how is it my problem?

You're just still upset that you too wouldn't or couldn't answer a question I had asked you in another thread and went completely AFC. I mean come on, if all you can do is harp on a guy's post count it poses the question why guys like you find the need to always compare yourselves to other guys? No need to answer that, you probably couldn't anyway.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I don't know. I think Francisco asks questions in a certain way in order to get you to really think about what you're asking in the first place and to "own" the question or comment you're making...

If anyone ever wonders why some guys seem to have a certain understanding of themselves without seeming to worry about things to the extent of everyone else, this is why. Some guys are willing to think about their situations and come to a personal understanding and ownership of the issue. They don't typically post to blame others or commiserate, they actually want control over the issue.

.. He just said in general, appreciation equals the girl getting turned off.

It's the generalities that cause the most trouble for guys. Without pinpointing the issue how do they expect to effectively resolve it? That's why some guys continuously spin their wheels and why there are so many threads created about "why."

 

[ketostix]

Pehaps, but I'm not the one who's confused.

First I think you should take what Mike said as feedback and not try to spin it as others being in the wrong. Ironically that's another assertion you make, that guys don't take ownership for their "issue".

To answer your question that's been answered several times already, I don't personally do anything that makes women take me for granted. That was my point, showing appreciation, especially too much too soon, validates the girl. Since I believe validating a girl is counterproductive, I don't do it. Therefore, I don't get taken for granted.

Do I really have to define all the ways a guy can express appreciation? To give a few examples appreciation could be verbalizing her attractiveness, or any of various compliments, or showing an interest in her in various ways. And do I really need to explain the concept of validation to someone who's not even a newb?

If you disagreed with my premise that expressing appreciate cause the woman to be validated, then that one thing and fine. Support your argument then. But when you are abrasive, make it personal and keep asking the same question, then that's a different thing.

 

[wjh]

I mean come on, if all you can do is harp on a guy's post count it poses the question why guys like you find the need to always compare yourselves to other guys? No need to answer that, you probably couldn't anyway.

The only people who mention ANYTHING about post count are those who attack someone else for theirs. It's lame.