Performance Anxiety (Hello, I didn't miss you!)

[Desdinova]

This is seriously pissing me off. It's been an ongoing problem ever since my first lover. I just went from a relationship where I'm easily fvcking a less attractive woman to a new relationship with a hottie where I just can't get my d1ck to stay awake.

I've had women dump me over this issue. It's pretty damaging. Also, I don't even think about it. It just doesn't want to work. The thing is, after I've successfully banged her a couple of times, then it completely goes away and I can fvck like a rabbit. But to get at that point, I have to get over the first hurdle. It's a confidence-killing and extremely 5hitty cycle to be in. I do my best to avoid letting it bother me, but the fact is no matter how much I soothe it over with the woman and convince myself that it's pretty normal, it still affects me.

I'm pretty sure it's a deep-rooted problem. I went for counseling for it, and a lot of fvcking good that did. I've been trying to think of other ways to try and overcome it.

1) C0ck ring. I can usually get myself up at the wrong time, so strapping a c0ck ring on would keep things going. The problem is she got a bit intimidated by the thing last night because she's never seen one. Hooray.

2) Viagra. Yes, I've thought about this. Easy 5hit, you pop a pill before foreplay, and you're ready to go in half an hour. Would be fantastic to have some for the first couple of times, and then I'd be on my own. I know a quack for a doctor, and he'd likely give me a prescription for it.

3) Hypnosis. This might be the way to go instead of using all these stupid temporary aids. Why treat a symptom when you could just fix the whole bloody thing?

So, where did this problem come from? Probably from my fvcked up controlling religious childhood. I was brainwashed to believe that sex is generally wrong, filthy, disgusting, and my mother forbid me to even go as far as talking to girls. Go figure that I ended up here.

I've fixed so many issues from my upbringing, but this goddam problem has stuck around for the last ten years or so, and I'm really sick of it. I need to do something about it.

Any thoughts or suggestions on this?

 

[Die Hard]

Perhaps Kegel exercises can help. There are many factors surrounding your "problem" and even if the biggest part of it is psychological, doing everything possible in the physical department will support the situation.

 

[gaspipe]

Dude Ive been taking a high quality cod liver along with a multivitamin and my libido is just as high as when I was 17 years old. I can have sex multiple times a day. And Im 35.

Check your nutrition. Theres products out there that can definitely help.

 

[limerickdesign]

Maca. Not masterbating especially to porn will help you develop a healthy sex drive. There was a hot chick who i was going to bang but i couldnt get it up. I later discovered i had performance anxiety with hot chicks. I was fearful of premature ejaculating and for them to destroy my ego by telling me or others how bad i was in bed.

 

[Larry Walker]

So did you bang her at all?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Des,
I think you have mild issues with your past....Don't drink alcohol before the dastardly deed,give up Coffee for a while....Take double the recommended dose of a multi B Vitamin supplement daily........take two Zinc tablets a day.........Eat lots of green vegetables,drink the juice,liver,steak at least three times a week....Exercise regularly,lift weights,get some free weights,have them in your bedroom,office if possible,when you think about it just play with them....get a set of cables,use them,variety makes exercise more palatable...get a bike,walk at lunchtime....Now for a while till you get back up on the trapeze..explain your problem to your Quack get Viagra...... the 100 mg tablets....initially take half a tab,you break them with your teeth,as your confidence returns take a third,break the end off in your teeth,then on subsequent nights have half of the remainder....you will graduate to quarters,then you will be able to go it alone....You have problems but you can be your own Doctor....I think however you feel about your current Woman keep her around,and fvuck her every night,or someone,no matter how ugly,until you get over this LITTLE hurdle...
Kegals:As usual Die Hard is spot on....If I have been doing them for 25 Years they have to have something going for them....All the things I recomend,except Viagra,which has come only in the last five years, I have been doing from about your age....I still get it most days,feel great.

 

[Desdinova]

doing everything possible in the physical department will support the situation.

I'm in very good shape physically and have a job where I'm constantly active

Dude Ive been taking a high quality cod liver along with a multivitamin and my libido is just as high as when I was 17 years old.

Already doing that as well.

Not masterbating especially to porn will help you develop a healthy sex drive.

I don't use porn when I wank. When I avoid wanking, it's even worse.

Don't drink alcohol before the dastardly deed,give up Coffee for a while

I don't drink coffee, and I rarely drink alcohol. If anything, a shot of alcohol actually helps the situation.

Eat lots of green vegetables,drink the juice,liver,steak at least three times a week....Exercise regularly,lift weights,get some free weights,have them in your bedroom,office if possible,when you think about it just play with them....get a bike,walk at lunchtime....

Again, all is good in this department. The only thing I don't do is Kegel exercises.

There's nothing wrong with my erection. It's fvcking fantastic, and has been even better since I quit smoking five years ago. I banged the 5hit out of my last gf every time I had her over without a problem but I had to jump the same damn hurdles with her at the beginning. Once we did it a couple of times, I was fine. I can get it up and keep it up. I just can't get it to work at the right fvcking time when I'm with a new woman.

I found myself a hypnosis MP3 that I'm going to try out. I'm also going to see the Quack next weekend, and maybe even go see my normal doctor too.

 

[SecondHalf]

All of the health issues for sure.

I had issues since the end of my marriage with trust and it has a similar effect.

If I don't trust a woman (at least a little), I struggle.

I took the advise of one of the members on this forum and ordered the Tongkat Ali herb.
It has helped.

SH

 

[MaddXMan]

I have this problem with someone new. Tiredness was a huge issue. So I slept more. What helped is dirty talk leading up to sex. That turned me on. I avoided masterbating, kept it in my head that the only release would be when I was with her. I would be hard when the clothes came off, but would lose it if we got into extended foreplay. So I usually just went for the main act as fast as possible. I went for spontaneous sex since it wouldn't happen then. If it was planned and anticipated then I had trouble. The problem would go away once I got completely comfortable with her. Weird.

 

[Desdinova]

MaddX, that pretty much sums up how it works with me. Too bad dirty talk does nothing for me.

I took the advise of one of the members on this forum and ordered the Tongkat Ali herb.
It has helped.

Duly noted, and I'm going to look into that.

 

[davewe]

The thing is, after I've successfully banged her a couple of times, then it completely goes away and I can fvck like a rabbit.

This is the key! If the problem were physical this would not be the case. It's anxiety and clearly your anxiety is greater when the girl is hot. You have to ask yourself where the anxiety lies and what can help alleviate it.

Also, young and hot women are fairly self-centered in bed. Maybe you give her lots of foreplay and then when she is ready for the main event you are not ready. And that's when said hottie shames you.

Instead, tell her the truth, that sometimes with a new partner you experience anxiety a time or two and then tell her what she can do to help you get over that anxiety.

I currently have a MUCH younger and MUCH hotter sometime gf and was a bit overwhelmed at first with the same sort of anxiety. Viagra and anything else was irrelevant since it wasnt that I could not get it up, it was that anxiety made the turtle go back into his shell at the key moment.

Finally, I told her what she could do to turn me on at the key moment; certain kinds of touches, a kiss, a sexy word, etc.

She actually listened and gave me what I asked for, which in and of itself was very sexy - and the problem was solved!

We men are taught that visual stimuli alone (her hot bod) should be enough but it aint so. Determine what you need and ask her for it.

And anyone who shames you for this ought to be kicked out immediately!

 

[Slickster]

Been there done that.

I guarantee that your problem is 100% mental. You do not need special herbs or anything else like that.

Your problem stems from a lack of confidence. Notice it goes away completely once you have had some success. Notice it occurs primarily with new women. There is nothing wrong with you physically. It is in your head.

What has worked for me in the past is convincing myself that this new girl (despite being a relative stranger) is completely comfortable with me and she is DYING to get fvcked. You REALLY have to imagine her like a porn star begging for it. Her world will end and she will die if you don't get it up. Even if she's lying there dead like a corpse, imagine with all your might that she is uncontrollably horny. It's almost like self hypnosis.

Now I realize this seems like a lot of pressure to put on yourself and that might seem counterproductive. However putting myself in this mindset that I am actually saving someone's "life" by fvcking her brains out works like a charm for me.

By focusing 100% on her (seemingly insatiable) needs I can successfully block out those self defeating thoughts which cause the problem. The trick is to convince yourself just how sexual this creature before you really is.

 

[TheTraveller]

I can totally relate to this thread. I've had this issue with most new girls. Here are some other viewpoints to consider:

1. Some say focus on you and your needs and be selfish. Sure, I totally agree, but it is very difficult and counter-productive to do with the performance anxiety over your head so-to-speak. What has worked very well for me is focus on her reactions and what she gets off to. This'll in turn take your focus off of you and things *will* improve. Pick an area of her body that turns you on and just focus on that! This is not a cure all, it may take time, but definitely give it a try.

2. Don't view a partial erection as a failure. Sometimes it's not totally there. 50+% erection? Should be good to go. Have lousy s3x - and at the end laugh about it! This isn't life or death. Sure though, a not quite there erection is not as impressive as the diamond cutter but give it time. And focus on her man. If she's halfway-decent she'll immediately want to return the favour.

3. What's really, really worked for me is to spin plates! That removes so much performance anxiety that I'm near-to or perfectly good-to-go with each girl. When I'm only sleeping with 1 girl and not spinning plates then all my focus is on the situation. What happens if it doesn't work out, there's no other girls in the rotation and hence the sexual encounter has even more pressure.

4. Small steps: If she's lousy at HJ or BJ, and you know you have this performance anxiety in your mind and you're concerned, just take over. Finish things off yourself. If she's offended, too bad. You've just succeeded, and from my experience it definitely helps gain the confidence. Also, if she's putting up any type of s3x barrier but is willing to do anything else well then you're in the perfect position not to press for s3x. And if she wants it, you can pleasure her in other ways and confuse her to no end by "withholding" the s3x until you have a few encounters with her. This works.

5. Pills, eating right, sleeping right, etc.... that's all great, definitely give it a try, but the points above deal with your frame of mind - which is the issue here anyways. The rest is just gravy to improve things related to longevity and the like. Sort things out mentally by being the man in the situation, spin plates, be laissez-faire about it, and focus on her.

6. I've never had women dump me over this. Sure, some will later say "you know the first time was really bad". I just laugh it off and say "fooled you". Mind you, that was back in the day when I was dating 5s and 6s and they ranged in age from 26-28. Use you judgement, and if the girl does dump you for this, then that's their loss. You know your value best. You're taking the right steps. Absolutely do not use this to avoid s3xual contact with girls.

Hope this helps.

 

[Desdinova]

So here's an update. I've been listening to this hypnotism download from the internet that deals with the problem. Today I went and visited my quack doctor and got the blue pill. I'm hoping I'll be able to wean myself off that 5hit, but right now I'm excited at the prospect of having a problem-free evening.

Tonight, I've (finally) got my newly-branded fvck buddy coming over to spend the night. Tomorrow, I'm seeing the 21 year old and will hopefully bring her back to my place. I also made contact with my former mistress who is now 100% single (and pregnant) and hope to bang the hell out of her too.

 

[TheTraveller]

Definitely have the pill (absolutely break it in half at least) with a meal or right after, have a zantac 75 tablet too just to combat any potential indigestion from the pill's side effects, pop an advil as well just to be sure for any possible headaches, IMO.

If you have the time, test run the pill right now and wait about an hour and see what happens. That in and of itself could help even more for tonight.

Pill may desensitize you a bit too, but that's a good thing. Have fun man!

 

[Delly2000]

I say use sex pills.

I do that sometimes with new girls at least until I get my rythm with them and they know I can put it down (last long). If you cant get it up after popping the right ones...i duunno what to tell ya. But with
some chicks I dont use em. I guage wether or not to use if i think she is experienced (lots of sex partners). If I care about her that is. If not i just dont care.

I do it because there have been cases where I haven't performed and the girl just blew me off. But in all honesty I dont think it was purely about the sex...i think she was going through a rough spot with an ex and needed to clear her mind. She got back with him if i recall.

 

[TheTraveller]

No stigma with the pills at all. What it comes down to is a few things:

- being comfortable with yourself in her presence
- being confident that you will bang her tonight
- being as relaxed as you can be

If the pills psychologically help with this, then by all means. She's just 1 girl. No pressure because pressure bursts pipes. I should take this advice for myself tonight.

 

[MaddXMan]

No stigma with the pills at all. What it comes down to is a few things:

- being comfortable with yourself in her presence
- being confident that you will bang her tonight
- being as relaxed as you can be

If the pills psychologically help with this, then by all means. She's just 1 girl. No pressure because pressure bursts pipes. I should take this advice for myself tonight.

Totally agree. Also I used pills before. Never took the full dose. Cutting them in half did the trick, coupled with the right frame of mind. With the wrong frame of mind you can double the regular dose and still have problems, and be left with dry **** and a pounding headache.

 

[Desdinova]

The ol' mistress confirmed for Monday

 

[TheTraveller]

One more thing to add... unless you have an addictive type of streak in you, do NOT worry about becoming dependent on these pills. Once in stride w a girl, you won't need these nor will you have any thoughts of popping one. Heck, they're expensive (the pills)!