Pay or not pay for dinner date

[stallion]

I know this q. has been brought up countless times and I still haven't come down to a conclusion.

After reading MSNBC article on paying for the date, it shows that you excude confidence by taking the tab.

Then, at the same time, Doc Lov says that if you try to take the tab and the girl refuses to let you and insists on paying her side, it indicates 0 interest.

Sorry to ask the same q. again but whats your take this time?? The last time I asked this, I got the responses from the DJs back a few months ago and I'm curious to hear what the current DJs on this forum feels about this.

 

[killerasp]

well, if you ask her out on a date, yes you do pay. if you ask her to join you somewhere, then i think she should pay for herself.

 

[GynecologyEnthusiast]

This is one of the more kicked around and ridiculous topics on the board.

As a rule of thumb, if you asked her out on an early date (first several dates) you should pick up the tab for dinner.

She should offer to pay. You should refuse. If the date is going incredibly badly, the let her pay for hers just to get something out of it.

But I can't think of a single scenario where a girl has high interest that plummets because you pay for her grilled chicken. If she's into you, she will be glad you paid.

Personally, I would rather come across as unconcerned about paying than some cheap bastard who tries to hit her up for cash when I asked her out.

 

[stevey_2000]

pay for each other!!

me and my last date did it this way and it was pretty funny...


FOR HER!, when she was buying stuff twice as pricey as me

 

[Charisma]

lol stevey, looks like you've been had

 

[Bungo Pony]

If the woman is interested in you, and has respect for you, she'll either pay for her half, or pay for both. If she pays for both, make an offer to pay for the next date. If she gets you to pay for all her 5hit, she's a gold-digger.

This isn't fvcking rocket science people! You watch her actions when you're on a date with her. If she walks up to pay, and she pays her half, then you pay yours. If she asks the question "Who's paying?", you make a decision from there, and it really doesn't matter which one you make.

 

[everythingnice]

You ask, you pay. Simple as that

 

[Charisma]

yeah that's the only way I feel comfortablme with myself, if she's anything of a lady she'll give you something nice in return, even if it's just a simple kiss I'm still having doubts though, so now what I do (since this DJ stuff gets you more and more dates, sometimes two a day) is just ask them out for lunch, people always pay their own lunch (a sandwich/drink etc..) so that way I don't lose all my money on dating girls for practice And then just take a walk, and talk

 

[Bungo Pony]

Don't EVER force a woman to agree on letting you pay. This is an incredible trait adopted by the AFCs. If the woman wants to pay for herself, let her. If she wants to pay for you, let her, but counter-offer to pay for the next date.

I don't know where the fvck you guys got the "I asked her so I should pay" idea from. She agreed to come along, so she should plan on spending some money, especially if you told her what the plans are.

 

[everythingnice]

I don't expect anything when I pay for dinner, hell I'm not into paying for sex. I just pay to be nice because I asked. Maybe it's the fact I'm from the South and we have common courtesy here Bungo. If she insists on paying, fine, but if I ask I sure don't expect her to.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

If she goes to dinner without underwear, you pay....

if not, then it depends on where you go. If she wants to go to her place, she pays, if you go to your place, you pay. If you both aren't wearing any under wear, skip dinner..... 8)

 

[Bungo Pony]

Maybe it's the fact I'm from the South and we have common courtesy here Bungo.

I knew I was going to get a comment like this. There's a huge difference between courtesy and setting yourself up. Courtesy is letting someone in front of you during rush hour. Courtesy is opening doors for other people.

The concept of "I asked her out, therefore I should pay" may have worked in the 1950s. Since then, equal rights have been put into place and we now have the independant woman. Women of today don't like to feel dependant on men for anything, unless they're gold-diggers. If you insist on paying for a date, she's going to get pissed off. If you insist that you pick her up instead of her picking you up, she's going to get pissed off. Ever insist on paying for a date almost to the point of an arguement until she finally gives in? Did you ever see the look at her facial expression afterwards? You may mistake it as flattery, but it's actually "oh boy, yet another AFC who won't let me do things for myself".

You can't change what society has created, but you can adapt to it.

 

[PRMoon]

Yeah if I ask a girl out to dinner, the I go into it fully expecting to pay. However if the situation is reversed then I'd be expecting the same from her (especially if the girl doesn't meet up with my standards and i'm doing them a favor).

After time though I'd expect to go half and half with the girl. I'm not made of money and just because i'm not shelling out cash doesn't mean I don't like the girl.

If its a girl who's a friend then I'd also expect to go half and half. I went out with one of my room mates last thursday evening and it wasn't even an issue, when the bill came we split it down the center.

 

[stallion]

arggg, more mass confusion! But thanks for all the replies

Bungo,

My take is that I'll offer to pay but not force it upon her. If she insists, then I'll let her pay.

One thing that I'm looking out for is the professional daters, the type thats a bit below gold diggers. These daters prefer spending time with somebody for dinner over a tv dinner at home and won't mind paying their own food. I just heard that a girl makes it a point to pay (would even argue) to pay her own food when she has low interest level with you but only wants to eat out.

Yeah, I won't just rely on that so I'll just look at the way she acts throughout the whole dinner.

So how does this look? I invited her and she giggled when I made it a point that I just want to eat only with her.

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by Bungo Pony

I knew I was going to get a comment like this. There's a huge difference between courtesy and setting yourself up. Courtesy is letting someone in front of you during rush hour. Courtesy is opening doors for other people.

The concept of "I asked her out, therefore I should pay" may have worked in the 1950s. Since then, equal rights have been put into place and we now have the independant woman. Women of today don't like to feel dependant on men for anything, unless they're gold-diggers. If you insist on paying for a date, she's going to get pissed off. If you insist that you pick her up instead of her picking you up, she's going to get pissed off. Ever insist on paying for a date almost to the point of an arguement until she finally gives in? Did you ever see the look at her facial expression afterwards? You may mistake it as flattery, but it's actually "oh boy, yet another AFC who won't let me do things for myself".

You can't change what society has created, but you can adapt to it.

This is so dead on..... we've been conditioned to the '50's. Times have changed dudes. Women want to be looked upon as equals, therefore, they should pay for dinner as well. ...I've gone out on dates, and with close friends who have told me that they would much rather pay for dinner, or go dutch. I remember one date, this chic goes, 'I can pay half, what, you don't think a woman like me has money or something?' I was taken back by the comment, I then replied nicely, 'Just lift up that shirt, and let me suck on yo t*tties.' ...Ok, I didn't say that, but man.. it would have been a Kodak moment had I did.

 

[stallion]

I agree that you have to adapt to the time..

The problem is that I don't think all the girls here feels equally empowered. There are your liberal women who demands to pay and pick up the guy, then there are your traditional ones that expect the guy to pay for her or take the lead, at least, assuming both of these girls are interested in you. (no gold diggers, prof. daters)

I just feel that no matter how times have changed, guys generally are still expected to take the lead, right?? Women can't be equal to Men in all aspects. I don't mean women should have less pay or rights but you can argue that they aren't the same in the way they think or feel.

So generally, wouldn't girls let you pay if you offer? Especially with high interest?? I don't mean by forcing though.

 

[everythingnice]

You'd be surprised at how many women don't buy into all that ERA sh!t. A lot I've talked to still enjoy chivalry and don't think of the guy as AFC if she gets it from him. Saying that "times have changed, blah blah" is just apathy in my opinion. It's a way to get out of being chivalrous without actually admitting you're just an apathetic a$$. I'm speaking in general here, not to any one individual (before anyone gets all bent outta joint)

 

[InLawsHateMe]

Originally posted by stallion
I agree that you have to adapt to the time..

The problem is that I don't think all the girls here feels equally empowered. There are your liberal women who demands to pay and pick up the guy, then there are your traditional ones that expect the guy to pay for her or take the lead, at least, assuming both of these girls are interested in you. (no gold diggers, prof. daters)

I just feel that no matter how times have changed, guys generally are still expected to take the lead, right?? Women can't be equal to Men in all aspects. I don't mean women should have less pay or rights but you can argue that they aren't the same in the way they think or feel.

So generally, wouldn't girls let you pay if you offer? Especially with high interest?? I don't mean by forcing though.

Bro, bottomline is, do what you feel is right for that moment. Like I said, some women want to be treated as equals, and some women talk about being treated as equals, but want you to pay for their dinners. We still hold doors, we still open doors, pull out chairs, when it's time to do all that. It's part of a ritual that boils down to getting the p*ssy. Yes, these are very different times. You can be old fashion if you want, but not all the time, or you'll be eaten alive.

 

[Bungo Pony]

The problem is that I don't think all the girls here feels equally empowered.

Then quit thinking

I just feel that no matter how times have changed, guys generally are still expected to take the lead, right??

Leadership doesn't mean waste your money on some fvcking bimbo who turns out to be a boring date. Being a leader is simply guiding someone to a destined place or course of action. When you plan a date, time, and place to take your date, you're being a leader. When you're making her agree to letting you pay for both meals, you're being controlling. When she automatically expects you to pay for both meals, you're being used. When paying for dates, you almost need to go with the flow, and see how things turn out when it's time to pay.

So generally, wouldn't girls let you pay if you offer? Especially with high interest??

There's nothing wrong with offering to pay for dates. The sad thing is lots of women have become so accustomed to it by our AFC friends trying to impress them with money, they may end up placing a DJ into the "typical AFC" category leading to a lowered IL.

 

[stallion]

Well guys,

dinners over and I ended up paying it.

Heres the details. We went to a japanese steak house where they chop the food and cook it in front of you. Because we both eat little, we only ordered one dish which was huge and large enough for both of us.

So when the tab came, I just slipped my card on it as if its not a big deal. She protested a little and said she'll get something for me next time.

During that time, she got her digital camera out and I asked the waitress to take our pictures together. She leaned into me and I guess thats some kind of kino. Especially when she showed me the functions of the camera, there was some kino.

Ok, I'm still dazed from the date so my writing here is still choppy.. geez, I feel like a Mega AFC for getting a rush from just a date.. I haven't had one for 2, 3 months so I guess that makes a difference but I can't stand it when I get nervous for going out with somebody no matter how much time you've read from this site.