Orbiters, One-itis, Respect

[Amilz]

If I were this guy I would be uncomfortable hanging out with both of you. Seems kind of strange. I wouldn't go if I were you.

 

[dustmuffin]

If I were this guy I would be uncomfortable hanging out with both of you. Seems kind of strange. I wouldn't go if I were you.

I would go yo scope things out. Behavio . Might be worthy of a nexting

 

[speed dawg]

Today, my gf invited me to her orbiter's 60th birthday party at an Italian restaurant. If you've read my recent thoughts on orbiters, you know where I'm sitting right now. If you haven't, basically I believe that having orbiters of the opposite sex is disrespectful when in a committed relationship. Whenever the orbiter pops into the picture, I begin thinking that the relationship is already doomed. Like Tenacity says, all women are good for is companionship and sex.

So this 5hit sent me spiralling down. On Facebook, I took a journey back to the hellish Christmas I had three years ago. I had all kinds of 5hit clobber me in a very short period of time, namely divorce court, a car accident, a broken furnace, and getting dumped by what was probably the best damned girlfriend I'd ever had. Three days before she ended the relationship, I accompanied her shopping. While she was looking at clothing, I was being silly by dancing around the store with her winter coat as my partner. That's just the way I am; being upbeat, funny, and able to have a great time no matter what I'm doing.

That chick truly blindsided me. I didn't see it coming. There were no signs of her interest waning. What it boiled down to was her family didn't like me and they were hounding her to get rid of me. She finally caved and gave in. I don't think I've been the same since then. I was with that chick for well over a year and there wasn't anything even close to an orbiter in her life. I was the only man present. That 5hit was important. I was important. I was the masculine, she was the feminine. It worked really well.

Every woman since then has been a plethora of worlds with multiple orbiters.

Back to my current situation...

Without me questioning anything, my gf has kept telling me "he's a really good friend of mine" as if she KNOWS that she's being disrespectful. It drives me fvcking crazy. Since it's all just companionship and sex, I told her I'd go with her. Then she asks "do you really want to?" Of course I don't. It's disrespectful to even be invited to this 5hit. But It's all in the name of companionship and sex. However, I now have the desire to start opening my options for a new woman. I expect respect and good behaviour if I'm going to be in a LTR. Orbiters go against both of those expectations.

So why did I say I'll go? It certainly isn't for the fvcking pasta. Basically, I'm going to see where this guy stands. As far as I can tell, he's the only orbiter. If he's interested in her sexually, he'll hang himself from my presence.

That damn voice inside me still keeps telling me that I shouldn't have to put up with this 5hit. I didn't define barriers at the beginning of the LTR like I should have. The truth is my interest isn't exactly sky high for this woman, so I didn't bother. She treats me good, but I've been with a better looking, younger woman with NO orbiters. Yup, the one from three years ago, and that dumb bytch hasn't landed herself a new man since we split up.

Not sure why I'm writing all this crap. Just needed to vent.

No way I'd be at this party. Just my opinion. Fake doing something else. You aren't going to out-maneuver this guy at HIS OWN PARTY. Think about that. You can only lose. Everyone there will be all about him, he will be the alpha. No disrespect to you, but you won't win this one. The fact that you wrote this post already proves there is a little insecurity at work.

Not sure why you aren't having the success you want with this chick and/or your ex, but my advice would be to take a good long look in the mirror and ask what you are doing wrong, rather than blame family or some misplaced theory that women are nothing but c*m dumpsters. I get it, I know how women are, but at the end of the day, they are people too. The whole 'use-and-abuse' idea just reeks of arrogance (not confidence) and should be discarded for true alpha males.

Just my opinion. I know it's a tad harsh but we aren't here to hug each other all the time.

 

[Amilz]

I would go yo scope things out. Behavio . Might be worthy of a nexting

It could be entertaining.

 

[hithard]

Sounds like a completely practical and realistic point of view in this day and age. Guys should just accept that every relationship has a shelf life these days, and go with that.

That's all fair and well...but if you always have one eye on the end of the line then it's a miserable way to have a relationship. Why not just constantly date or spin plates. I don't see the point of having a relationship by going in with insecurities.
Australia has one of the highest ***** feminist ratios in the world. I'm still finding keepers. I'm still finding girls who make sacrifices above and beyond for me. Are there terrible ones, of course. But I am not going to let it change me or my interactions with other women.
All I can say is:
Inner Game
Inner Game
Inner Game
I am seeing a lot of posters ignoring inner game and trying to substitute it by plastering over the cracks. Gym work, money and hobbies are all outward superficial traits. Yes you should be striving to achieve these as well. But guys seem to be ignoring the basics of inner game.
The new thing that seems to be happening is that if it doesn't fit our own reality then everyone else is wrong. And because of this we can keep ignoring our own flaws and just blame the world around us.
Fuc'k there are going to be hard times or disappointments in life. Life isn't going to be fair or kind. But you only get one shot at it. So you might as well enjoy it.

 

[zekko]

That's all fair and well...but if you always have one eye on the end of the line then it's a miserable way to have a relationship.

I disagree, I find it very freeing. If you go into a relationship accepting that it may end at some point, you don't live in fear of losing the girl like some guys do, you avoid oneitis. And knowing that you are able to walk away when the time comes goes a long way in helping you keep the frame. When you accept that it can end, and that you will be okay if it does, it allows you to enjoy each day as it comes, for what it is. And with the pressure off, there is nothing to fight about.

Maybe this isn't for everybody, but it works for me. And my current relationship has lasted 12 years so far.

 

[Romjuan]

Man Des, After reading your last couple threads im noticing a trend with you. Your inner game has really fallen off. You need to be stronger inside. I use to hate Orbiters in my 20s. But theres a HUGE HUGE HUGE difference between a women in her 45+ and a women in her 20s that have orbiters. I would not be intimidated or concerned at all with your gfs orbiters. As you age, its harder to keep your old friends. SO the ones with common interests, marrital status, work together, etc you tend to befriend more. I see nothing wrong with an older woman keeping friends of opposite sex. Now if she were under 30 and still have friends of opposite sex, thats a problem.

 

[hithard]

I disagree, I find it very freeing. If you go into a relationship accepting that it may end at some point, you don't live in fear of losing the girl like some guys do, you avoid oneitis. And knowing that you are able to walk away when the time comes goes a long way in helping you keep the frame. When you accept that it can end, and that you will be okay if it does, it allows you to enjoy each day as it comes, for what it is. And with the pressure off, there is nothing to fight about.
.

There's a difference between accepting the end and forcing it.

 

[Desdinova]

So I just got back from the party. I was able to learn a few things about the relationship between the two...

- They were co-workers a few years back
- She had a crush on him

After her admitting she had a crush on him, I started watching their behaviour. He was fairly neutral throughout the whole thing. When he showed up, she gave him a hug. That's fine, but when he sat down, she was sure squeezing his arm and shoulder. Hmmm, she didn't do that with anybody else there who were also her friends.

During the night, she was constantly squeezing my leg as if to say "I'm comforting you because I feel guilty"

When we left, she gave him two more hugs and told him how good looking he was. Totally fvcking disrespectful in my books.

I laid into her when we got in the car. She knew I wasn't happy and asked what's wrong. I told her flat out that inviting me out to the birthday party of a guy she has a crush on was disrespectful. She tried to clarify that she had a crush on him a long time ago and there was nothing wrong with giving him a hug. I pointed out that she hugged him three times and told him he was good looking in my presence. I told her that because we're exclusive that I did NOT behave like that around other women.

Sure, HAD a crush. We know how women's attraction works. He's on her high score list and he's not dropping off anytime soon.

Silence all the way home. Fine by me.

I'm expecting a phone call from her after she gets home. She's going to know that I should be respected when I'm exclusive with a woman. If she doesn't like it, there's other women out there for me to choose from.

 

[grayclif]

So... she had/has a crush on him. She made a mistake inviting you to the party. The Christmas holiday is all tucked up now that you went off on her. Unlikely she'll feel sorry about the way she feels about him. She probably likes him more now.

You knew what was going to happen going in, even if she didnt kino him. You are pissed, she knows it, damage has been done. Diubt you will ever have the same level of respect fot her. The question is now what are you going to do?

 

[Desdinova]

Unlikely she'll feel sorry about the way she feels about him.

I don't ask for that. Women don't lose attraction toward their crushes. If he hasn't put his d1ck in her (and she says he hasn't), he'll likely stay in the same position on her high score list.

She probably likes him more now.

Why would that be? I just sent her on an emotional rollercoaster ride. She called me crying and was worried I was going to ditch her. I laid it out a bit clearer for her. She apologized. I lead her slightly off topic and told her a funny story which made her laugh. Then I told her to get some sleep. I ran her right through her emotional scale. That kind of 5hit is going to have a far greater effect than anything the other guy has ever done.

You are pissed, she knows it, damage has been done.

Getting pissed off at a woman doesn't do any damage. Being insecure, unconfident, and putting her on a pedestal is what damages relationships. If you consider my outburst as "insecure", you have absolutely no clue how I handled this. She tried to pull the trust card on me, and I repeated what I've said here over and over... It's not a trust issue, it's a respect issue. I made it known that I considered it disrespectful. I did NOT tell her I was afraid of losing her. If I lose her, I just go get another bytch. When you own that mindset, there is no insecurity.

Diubt you will ever have the same level of respect fot her.

I don't have much respect for today's women in general, so I'm not sure where you're going with this.

 

[grayclif]

Des... I was just interested in what you were gonna do. Via your explanatiin you sound as if you have it all under control. Good stuff. And your right, it has nothing to do with trust, it's respect.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Des,

I think there's a high possibility she banged him.

Also, the fact that he is 60 means nothing. If a guy stays in shape, works out and looks good, many women will be attracted.

Turn her into a plate and consider other options.

All the best.

-Augustus-

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

G_govan,

The secret ? Don't get fat and lift weights. Keep your core strong.

58 and still banging away, no Viagra required. Regularly attract woman 20 years younger.

-Augustus-

 

[beforeimgone]

Op,

You seem to have it under control for the most part; however, beta orbiters are inherently disrespectful to you and a compliment to you.

They're disrespectful to you because she is getting her emotional needs met from multiple sources. Sources that aren't yourself exclusively.

They're compliments to you because those guys want to be you. They want to be the guy fvcking her and the guy that she prattles on about to her orbiters. It's more of an ego boost to be honest.

 

[speed dawg]

I laid into her when we got in the car. She knew I wasn't happy and asked what's wrong. I told her flat out that inviting me out to the birthday party of a guy she has a crush on was disrespectful. She tried to clarify that she had a crush on him a long time ago and there was nothing wrong with giving him a hug. I pointed out that she hugged him three times and told him he was good looking in my presence. I told her that because we're exclusive that I did NOT behave like that around other women.

You should not have gone to that party. I warned you earlier, and everything you were already suspecting, came true. She disrespected you, likely because her IL was already dipping. She wouldn't take that chance if she considered you a high-value man.

What does that tell you that she would openly take a chance at disrespecting you? And what does it reinforce to her now, because all it did was make you mad yet you still stayed?

I'm expecting a phone call from her after she gets home. She's going to know that I should be respected when I'm exclusive with a woman. If she doesn't like it, there's other women out there for me to choose from.

Demanding things makes you look weak.

I don't ask for that. Women don't lose attraction toward their crushes. If he hasn't put his d1ck in her (and she says he hasn't), he'll likely stay in the same position on her high score list.

Maybe not, but if you aren't higher on that list, she'll leave you.

Why would that be? I just sent her on an emotional rollercoaster ride. She called me crying and was worried I was going to ditch her. I laid it out a bit clearer for her. She apologized. I lead her slightly off topic and told her a funny story which made her laugh. Then I told her to get some sleep. I ran her right through her emotional scale. That kind of 5hit is going to have a far greater effect than anything the other guy has ever done.

Getting pissed off at a woman doesn't do any damage. Being insecure, unconfident, and putting her on a pedestal is what damages relationships. If you consider my outburst as "insecure", you have absolutely no clue how I handled this. She tried to pull the trust card on me, and I repeated what I've said here over and over... It's not a trust issue, it's a respect issue. I made it known that I considered it disrespectful. I did NOT tell her I was afraid of losing her. If I lose her, I just go get another bytch. When you own that mindset, there is no insecurity.

I don't have much respect for today's women in general, so I'm not sure where you're going with this.

Bottom line is, you failed that sh*t test. I don't expect you to be with this woman much longer, unless there are other factors at play. Just my opinion.

 

[zekko]

The question is what happens now?

It really does boggle my mind that women think they are entitled to act like this while in an exclusive relationship.

 

[beforeimgone]

Man Des, After reading your last couple threads im noticing a trend with you. Your inner game has really fallen off. You need to be stronger inside. I use to hate Orbiters in my 20s. But theres a HUGE HUGE HUGE difference between a women in her 45+ and a women in her 20s that have orbiters. I would not be intimidated or concerned at all with your gfs orbiters. As you age, its harder to keep your old friends. SO the ones with common interests, marrital status, work together, etc you tend to befriend more. I see nothing wrong with an older woman keeping friends of opposite sex. Now if she were under 30 and still have friends of opposite sex, thats a problem.

I'm in my 20s and I do not allow any woman I am involved with to have any orbiters; however, I have no experience with any woman over 40.


You stated that there is a difference between a woman above 45 and a woman in her 20s with orbiters.


Would you mind explaining to me those difference? I am very interested in what you have to say.

 

[dustmuffin]

I'm in my 20s and I do not allow any woman I am involved with to have any orbiters; however, I have no experience with any woman over 40.


You stated that there is a difference between a woman above 45 and a woman in her 20s with orbiters.


Would you mind explaining to me those difference? I am very interested in what you have to say.

I have no clue...I do know that my 47 yo ex wants me to orbit. Wants me to give her emotional support. Hell no....also if she breaks up she wants to be friends if guy does then its hell no....i broke up with her first time. Wouldnt talk to me for a long time. Sent her a text asking her on date she said yes..this was year and half after i dumped her. They loves some validation....

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Des,
Svex,company and Dancing,once you have done your genetic duty to your ancestors,that is it,don't go looking for more...unfortunately the vast Sisterhood out there don't buy into this hence the need to play Don Juan...so knuckle down for the long haul to Eternity,because as the song says "That's all there is".