Opinions: Divorce Husband or no?

[ImJustaGirl]

Gentlemen, I’ve been reading this forum for a while... came across it a long time ago through a link I clicked when searching for I don’t know what... thought this would be as good a place as any for opinions since I don’t typically share my private business with friends or family. So here it is. Thanks everyone in advance
I’m 35, I’ve been with my husband since I was 22, we have a 6 year old son together (which is what makes this decision difficult, otherwise I would have left already).
I’ve always trusted my husband, never looked through his things, or his phone so who knows if/how long he had been cheating prior, but two years ago I caught him with his 22 year old secretary. After finding that out was the first time I ever looked through his phone and found that it had been going on for a long time already. He told me it meant nothing, he’d cut off all contact and he didn’t want to lose us (my son and I). A few months later I was going to expense some bills and saw that they were still clearly spending time together.
Up until that point I’d loved him, trusted him, wanted to be with him forever. He was the perfect husband, I never even thought about being with anyone else. I never understood how I was lucky enough to land such a perfect man. He spent a lot of time travelling for work which made me realize each time he was gone how much I loved him and missed him. He was the last person I ever imagined would cheat on me. He has always had women obsess over him but he found amusement in shooting them all down so it never really bothered me when I saw women’s names popping up on the text alerts in the car or computers... which is what made it all the more painful when my heart was ripped in half when I found out.
We’ve been trying to work it out and I’ve really been trying to love him again but I just can’t. I’m revolted by him touching me and we’ve gone from having sex once or twice a day to like once every other week. I don’t think it’s fair to him to live in a sexless marriage but I also don’t think it’s fair my son and I to now go live in a dump because of what he did. I make a decent amount of money (six figures) but he makes considerably more, so we live in a very expensive city, in an expensive house, our son goes to private school, he’s involved in activities that cost a lot of money and I can’t see myself blowing all that up for my son when none of this was our fault. (My husband agrees, says it had nothing to do with me).
So what’s the answer?
I don’t believe in “divorce rape”, and have no intention of fighting my husband for custody, he’s a great dad and my son deserves to have both parents in his life but I just want to not be miserable anymore.

 

[FwoGiZ]

Lemme tell you why you feel like you landed the perfect husband... cause he's a real dude. Not some ***** whipped beta with no spine.
Unfortunately, a lot of manly dudes can't keep it in and that's actually totally normal. It's just biological function.

Here are some most probable facts tho; as long as you are chill with him and a good wife, he will never ditch you. Why would he? He knows damn well that he doesn't know much about that other chick but he doesn't really care cause he's got a family anyways. Why would he dump a PROVEN nice loving, sexual, good mother and partner for the unknown of a secretary? C'mon now...! What are secretary for anyways lol.... He's having fun with her just like she's a toy... I know you feel threatened because you analyze this with your female brain but trust me, male brain is quite more simple.

But for some reason, we are asked to keep it in our pants which is just IMPOSSIBLE for most men... not if you wish to be happy anyways. I wished we could have women feel and go thru what it is to constantly suppress this insane urge which has nothing to do with love.

I don't have all that much info on your relationship but from the little bit you said, it seems like you truly have a good man there and he isn't bull****ting you.

Societal programming is bad... ditch everything your mom told you... your priority should be your family. Does he take care of you? Is he good for the family? You should be quite content with that........ many women would kill to have that!!

I can imagine it's much easier said than done, but you gotta let him be a man and put emphasis on the good stuff he does. As long as he remains a good husband, you need to chase away to societally programmed thought that he should be monogamous... it's horse sh1t!

Anyone who think homo sapiens are monogamous creature is a fool!!!! Don't let that ruin your family!

 

[ImJustaGirl]

Thanks, that helps ...that’s why I thought this would be a good place to ask. I know women would just tell me to kick him to the curb and take him for all he’s worth... but then what? I start again with a new guy who’s probably also divorced by now and got all kinds of other baggage? Seems like an exercise in futility since I could never see myself interested in what you guys refer to as a “beta” lol
I try to focus on the good things (there are a lot) but being a good wife at this point is impossible. The sex sucks now, it used to be amazing, now it’s a terrible chore unless I’m loaded, then it’s kind of okay, I don’t really give a **** anymore if the house is clean, I hardly cook now, the clean laundry permanently lives on a sofa in our bedroom... this has been going on now for almost two years. I don’t feel threatened at all, if he wants to turf me, he can turf me (I won’t exactly have problems finding someone else lol)... it just bothers me that my son shouldn’t be seeing a marriage work like this but I can’t seem to get a single cell in my brain to be motivated to do anything for my husband now. (Part of me wishes I could tell my son “see what happens when you **** up a good wife??)
Is it fair that we both agree to see other people but stay married to try to find some kind of happiness? Does that ever work for anyone?

 

[BeExcellent]

It's a double edged sword unfortunately. Your husband felt "entitled" to his secretary sexually and still does. So his ego is enjoying her while also knowing you are going to be FAR worse off if you leave him (or at least that is what he thinks.) You have to think about what is really best for you. Raising your child in a more and more toxic relationship as it erodes is NOT a healthy example to set either.

Your husband betrayed your trust. Period. You are understandably angry, hurt and disgusted by that. Cheating is horrid no matter which party does it and trying to excuse the behavior as "biology" is horse shjt. There are many men here who WERE faithful and their wives cheated. They were able to keep it in their pants. So I find that to be a convenient excuse. Men are faithful if they choose to be faithful. Yours did not choose to be faithful (and exposed you to whatever health risks may be associated with this other woman AND risks getting her pregnant too.) None of those are good outcomes where you and your son are concerned.

If you've been around here for awhile you've seen me post some. My backstory is similar to yours although my husband was always loyal sexually, mine fell down in other ways.

Have you talked with your husband openly about this? PM me if you like. It's a complex decision. Will 22 year old admin be there to wipe his drool when he is old as you have signed up to do? Highly unlikely.

The double standard is going to be utterly ridiculous if you try an "open relationship". He will crucify you if you start dating outside the marriage, trust me. That will insult his ego too much for him to tolerate, and again, it's not a good example for your child. So in his mind (as exemplified by his actions already) he feels entitled to a side piece and expects you to put up with it (or else too bad so sad for you) and look the other way.

If it were me I would tend to divorce him, get a fair settlement and move on with your life. If he decides rebuilding what he has destroyed with you is important that is when you are going to find out (once you file), but you won't get a read on it unless and until he actually has something to lose. It's too bad that family court empirically does not care anymore about morality...but some judges DO in fact care about it. Right now you have the moral high ground. Keep it. Dating around as a married woman is not going to go anywhere positive for you.

Even Biblically, sexual infidelity is grounds for divorce.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

He was the perfect husband, I never even thought about being with anyone else. I never understood how I was lucky enough to land such a perfect man.

Economics is called the dismal science because it forces us to address the issue of costs and benefits.

If your husband was "perfect," to you, then he was "perfect" to others, including a two way street. That is the cost of having a "perfect" husband, that he will be OPENLY DESIRED by other young females.

From a harshly objective standpoint, you became less attractive (after pregnancy and familiarity) and he was in an environment with young females who were FAR from innocent.

Even though he PROMISED to not cheat, humans promises aren't worth much, when the instincts are tempted EVERY DAY.

Have you ever PROMISED yourself you would lose weight?

I don't know any part of the story, who you are, who she is, who he is, but despite your distaste, consider what will happen to your son, if even on the surface it seems the right thing to do.

Is he remorseful?

Does he understand you are contemplating leaving him, and are asking strangers on the Internet for advice?

(What would happen if you left this page open on his laptop, would he get the hint?)

Have you considered counseling, to lay everything out on the table and hash it out like adults, pros, cons, devoid of any ego considerations?

What would be the downsides of staying in a sexless marriage for only the sake of your son not being taught that giving up is an option?

No doubt you feel horribly betrayed, but the decisions you make could resonate for generations.

Of course, if you are like most (90% or so) of the posters here, male or female, your question isn't really a question, it's an attempt to find validation for something you've already determined, disguised as a question.

If that is the case, do what you were going to do anyway.

However if you are genuinely wondering what to do, I'd recommend hashing EVERYTHING out. Putting everything on the table, just like a union boss and a CEO.

So if you do leave, however you leave, there is no doubt that was the only option, and he agrees it was the only option.

Make him answer the question:

I want to leave. What reason do I have to stay?

What will you do if I stay?

How do I know you will do that?

What happens if that doesn't happen?

Maybe give him an option. You can leave now, no strings. Or you can stay, based on his promises. But if he breaks THOSE promises. Then you divorce rape him. (just a thought)

Leave no stone unturned, and make no assumptions about anything.

Assumptions, left long enough, can ruin lives.

 

[highSpeed]

It's a double edged sword unfortunately. Your husband felt "entitled" to his secretary sexually and still does. So his ego is enjoying her while also knowing you are going to be FAR worse off if you leave him (or at least that is what he thinks.) You have to think about what is really best for you. Raising your child in a more and more toxic relationship as it erodes is NOT a healthy example to set either.

Your husband betrayed your trust. Period. You are understandably angry, hurt and disgusted by that. Cheating is horrid no matter which party does it and trying to excuse the behavior as "biology" is horse shjt. There are many men here who WERE faithful and their wives cheated. They were able to keep it in their pants. So I find that to be a convenient excuse. Men are faithful if they choose to be faithful. Yours did not choose to be faithful (and exposed you to whatever health risks may be associated with this other woman AND risks getting her pregnant too.) None of those are good outcomes where you and your son are concerned.

If you've been around here for awhile you've seen me post some. My backstory is similar to yours although my husband was always loyal sexually, mine fell down in other ways.

Have you talked with your husband openly about this? PM me if you like. It's a complex decision. Will 22 year old admin be there to wipe his drool when he is old as you have signed up to do? Highly unlikely.

The double standard is going to be utterly ridiculous if you try an "open relationship". He will crucify you if you start dating outside the marriage, trust me. That will insult his ego too much for him to tolerate, and again, it's not a good example for your child. So in his mind (as exemplified by his actions already) he feels entitled to a side piece and expects you to put up with it (or else too bad so sad for you) and look the other way.

If it were me I would tend to divorce him, get a fair settlement and move on with your life. If he decides rebuilding what he has destroyed with you is important that is when you are going to find out (once you file), but you won't get a read on it unless and until he actually has something to lose. It's too bad that family court empirically does not care anymore about morality...but some judges DO in fact care about it. Right now you have the moral high ground. Keep it. Dating around as a married woman is not going to go anywhere positive for you.

Even Biblically, sexual infidelity is grounds for divorce.

Look, that is a nonsensical statement, since you have nothing other than her word to go on. Imagine she doesn't put out very often, almost never. At what point does he have a right to satisfy his needs? Will she really be there to wipe up his drool? How do you know? This is a one sided story and since you don't have his side, tough to make any sort of judgement calls.

 

[The Duke]

I'd divorce him. It doesn't matter who did what. All that matters was you signed a piece of paper to be faithful. He violated the contract. End it.

Life goes on. No one owes you anything either.

What led him to cheat?

 

[ImJustaGirl]

It's a double edged sword unfortunately. Your husband felt "entitled" to his secretary sexually and still does. So his ego is enjoying her while also knowing you are going to be FAR worse off if you leave him (or at least that is what he thinks.) You have to think about what is really best for you. Raising your child in a more and more toxic relationship as it erodes is NOT a healthy example to set either.

Your husband betrayed your trust. Period. You are understandably angry, hurt and disgusted by that. Cheating is horrid no matter which party does it and trying to excuse the behavior as "biology" is horse shjt. There are many men here who WERE faithful and their wives cheated. They were able to keep it in their pants. So I find that to be a convenient excuse. Men are faithful if they choose to be faithful. Yours did not choose to be faithful (and exposed you to whatever health risks may be associated with this other woman AND risks getting her pregnant too.) None of those are good outcomes where you and your son are concerned.

If you've been around here for awhile you've seen me post some. My backstory is similar to yours although my husband was always loyal sexually, mine fell down in other ways.

Have you talked with your husband openly about this? PM me if you like. It's a complex decision. Will 22 year old admin be there to wipe his drool when he is old as you have signed up to do? Highly unlikely.

The double standard is going to be utterly ridiculous if you try an "open relationship". He will crucify you if you start dating outside the marriage, trust me. That will insult his ego too much for him to tolerate, and again, it's not a good example for your child. So in his mind (as exemplified by his actions already) he feels entitled to a side piece and expects you to put up with it (or else too bad so sad for you) and look the other way.

If it were me I would tend to divorce him, get a fair settlement and move on with your life. If he decides rebuilding what he has destroyed with you is important that is when you are going to find out (once you file), but you won't get a read on it unless and until he actually has something to lose. It's too bad that family court empirically does not care anymore about morality...but some judges DO in fact care about it. Right now you have the moral high ground. Keep it. Dating around as a married woman is not going to go anywhere positive for you.

Even Biblically, sexual infidelity is grounds for divorce.

To say my husband is entitled is an understatement lol just the other day he got a $400 red light ticket in the mail, asked me if he really had to pay it and then asked me to go fight it for him... so I’m his mind, not only do red lights not apply to him, either do fines and has no idea what my time is worth (hint: billed hourly, more than the cost of the fine LOL)
I have talked to him openly but he seems to think I should be over it by now (makes me wonder if I shouldn’t care that he did it, would he care if I did it?)
I’m sorry you went through something similar, I have read some of your posts here, you sound very intelligent and reasonable, I was hoping you would post, thank you

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'd divorce him. It doesn't matter who did what. All that matters was you signed a piece of paper to be faithful. He violated the contract. End it.

Life goes on. No one owes you anything either.

What led him to cheat?

She said she was giving it up twice a day. So certainly not a lack of sex. It was his ego that desired his secretary and put her over her family.

 

[exhausted]

Unless you were abusing him in a sadistic way he is a scumbag cheater.

And YES men can be faithful all their lives. Some of us carry ourselves with honor and dignity..

A real man honors and cares for his wife and kids.. weak cheat.

I won't compromise my soul for any woman if I'm married.. makes you wonder about one's soul who cheats

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Unless you were abusing him in a sadistic way he is a scumbag cheater.

And YES men can be faithful all their lives. Some of us carry ourselves with honor and dignity..

A real man honors and cares for his wife snd kids.. weak cheat.

If he was man enough to cheat he should be man enough to allow someone to nail his wife like he used to.

 

[ImJustaGirl]

Economics is called the dismal science because it forces us to address the issue of costs and benefits.

If your husband was "perfect," to you, then he was "perfect" to others, including a two way street. That is the cost of having a "perfect" husband, that he will be OPENLY DESIRED by other young females.

From a harshly objective standpoint, you became less attractive (after pregnancy and familiarity) and he was in an environment with young females who were FAR from innocent.

Even though he PROMISED to not cheat, humans promises aren't worth much, when the instincts are tempted EVERY DAY.

Have you ever PROMISED yourself you would lose weight?

I don't know any part of the story, who you are, who she is, who he is, but despite your distaste, consider what will happen to your son, if even on the surface it seems the right thing to do.

Is he remorseful?

Does he understand you are contemplating leaving him, and are asking strangers on the Internet for advice?

(What would happen if you left this page open on his laptop, would he get the hint?)

Have you considered counseling, to lay everything out on the table and hash it out like adults, pros, cons, devoid of any ego considerations?

What would be the downsides of staying in a sexless marriage for only the sake of your son not being taught that giving up is an option?

No doubt you feel horribly betrayed, but the decisions you make could resonate for generations.

Of course, if you are like most (90% or so) of the posters here, male or female, your question isn't really a question, it's an attempt to find validation for something you've already determined, disguised as a question.

If that is the case, do what you were going to do anyway.

However if you are genuinely wondering what to do, I'd recommend hashing EVERYTHING out. Putting everything on the table, just like a union boss and a CEO.

So if you do leave, however you leave, there is no doubt that was the only option, and he agrees it was the only option.

Make him answer the question:

I want to leave. What reason do I have to stay?

What will you do if I stay?

How do I know you will do that?

What happens if that doesn't happen?

Maybe give him an option. You can leave now, no strings. Or you can stay, based on his promises. But if he breaks THOSE promises. Then you divorce rape him. (just a thought)

Leave no stone unturned, and make no assumptions about anything.

Assumptions, left long enough, can ruin lives.

You make it sound like I’ve let myself go after having a child and my body has turned into one of those fat pride ads... I assure you it has not LOL... I HAVE promised myself to lose weight, and I did, so there goes that the worst that lingers are two stretch marks on my stomach (which is flat and still has abs btw) on either side of my bellybutton and a scar from a csection (which was scheduled, in order to keep my nether regions from being destroyed)... I might also point out that my husband is over 40 and showing signs of balding so I thought that would negate the fact that I don’t look exactly the same as I did when I was 22... still built a lot like Jessica Rabbit though, with 32DD implants which were his Christmas present one year.
...but in a way, you’re right, I am looking for some kind of validation in a decision that’s probably already made... not sure what it is yet though.

 

[exhausted]

You make it sound like I’ve let myself go after having a child and my body has turned into one of those fat pride ads... I assure you it has not LOL... I HAVE promised myself to lose weight, and I did, so there goes that the worst that lingers are two stretch marks on my stomach (which is flat and still has abs btw) on either side of my bellybutton and a scar from a csection (which was scheduled, in order to keep my nether regions from being destroyed)... I might also point out that my husband is over 40 and showing signs of balding so I thought that would negate the fact that I don’t look exactly the same as I did when I was 22... still built a lot like Jessica Rabbit though, with 32DD implants which were his Christmas present one year.
...but in a way, you’re right, I am looking for some kind of validation in a decision that’s probably already made... not sure what it is yet though.

Doesn't matter if you look like 22 or a few lbs overweight , does not justify cheating
Your husband lacks morals and has no empathy toward you about it.

 

[ImJustaGirl]

Look, that is a nonsensical statement, since you have nothing other than her word to go on. Imagine she doesn't put out very often, almost never. At what point does he have a right to satisfy his needs? Will she really be there to wipe up his drool? How do you know? This is a one sided story and since you don't have his side, tough to make any sort of judgement calls.

You’re right, it is only my side, but I am trying to be as objective as possible to look for any kind of advice anyone might have that would help from anyone that’s been there.
For the record though, I **** like a pornstar which is mostly the reason I’m so upset that I’m now trapped in this sexless hell. If I didn’t like sex, this would be the perfect arrangement. I’m very nicely taken care of and have no real complaints other than I’m living with an entertaining roommate as a nun.

 

[Billtx49]

I might also point out that my husband is over 40 and showing signs of balding.

Sounds like an early midlife crisis for him. Think of it as such until you know otherwise.
I do agree though that filing on him at some point may help to bring him back to reality.
He has to come to the realization that he has a better deal at home and secretary is not half the person he thought she was.
If shes banging a married man, she’s Not high quality…

 

[Desdinova]

Near the tail end of my marriage, I took on a 22 year old mistress myself. Everyone seems to think that a man takes on a mistress solely because of a lack of sex in his marriage. This is not true. Every man does it for different reasons. I took on a mistress because my wife was never home. I was extremely lonely, and my mistress did a great job filling that void in my life. My now ex-wife never found out about my mistress, and I have no regrets taking one on.

I’ve been with my husband since I was 22

As for your situation, it's unfortunate that your husband fvcked around on you. I'm always advising the men on this site to take on a woman who is under age 23 because she's low-mileage and has likely never been alpha-widowed. Judging from your age, you fall into that category. With little doubt, I'd say your husband is at the top of your high score list. Other women want him, he's probably charming as fvck, and he's probably the definition of what you want in a man. No other guy can or ever will compare to him. He is the one who will define the success (or lack of success) of any relationship you have after the two of you have parted ways. I guarantee you will NEVER feel the same way for another man the way you do for your husband.

When it comes to the subject of "love" and "soulmates", your husband has the upper hand. He is the only one you will be thinking about after you end up fvcking Allan the AFC or Bill the Beta. You will be forever screwed in the department of love if you divorce the guy.

You make it sound like I’ve let myself go after having a child and my body has turned into one of those fat pride ads... I assure you it has not LOL... I HAVE promised myself to lose weight, and I did

Even though your husband fvcked around on you, I'm not going to put all the blame on him, and here's why... Let me tell you a bit about the LTR I'm currently in.

I'm damn near 40, and my GF is 24. I've been with her for 1 1/2 years, and she pursued the hell out of me for two years prior. After I finally agreed to date her, I've been treated like a king. She cooks supper every night, she makes my lunch every day, she took on my kid as if she was his mother, she pays for stuff, she buys me fantastic gifts, and I could probably go on even more about how damn awesome she is. The fact that she's made herself extremely valuable is something that causes me to think twice before chasing other pvssy (and I'm really good at getting women interested in me). Would I cheat on her? Well, if it was something like a one-time experience where I was out of town, I'd consider it, but that's because I'm male. I would NOT consider having a mistress when I have this great woman around who fvck, cooks, cleans, and takes that extra step to keep me satisfied.

So what's my point here? Well, the problem I've seen with so many women is they DON'T take those extra steps to keep their men happy. Looks are one thing, but looks go down the toilet, and at age 35 your looks are NOTHING in comparison to a 22 year old. When you reach age 35, you've got nothing but personality, respectfulness, kindness, and sex to keep him interested. If he feels the need to fvck around on you, there is a good possibility that you've been failing in one or more of those categories.

Many women seem to think that sex is what keeps a man around. The problem is, sex is available anywhere. Attractive, 5hitty women are also available anywhere. What makes YOU stand out from that 22 year old he's fvcking? The wedding ring and the marriage license don't mean a damn thing. Time spent with him doesn't mean a damn thing. What is it that makes YOU irreplaceable?

That's what you need to keep your man around. You need to stand above all the other women in some way, shape or form. If you don't go that extra mile to make yourself more valuable than a hot 22 year old, then you're going to lose out to her.

I don’t believe in “divorce rape”, and have no intention of fighting my husband for custody, he’s a great dad and my son deserves to have both parents in his life but I just want to not be miserable anymore.

I would also suggest NOT fvcking him over if you decide to divorce him. Sure, he may have ultimately ruined the marriage, but I don't believe that anybody should get raked over the coals for the sin of falling out of love. If he beat the piss out of you or molested your children, then yeah, give him what he deserves. There should be no penalty for falling out of love. Instead, the goal should be progression after regression.

The way I see it, you have a decision to make...

1) Try to make your marriage work
2) End your marriage and face the consequence of never replicating the feelings you had for your ex-husband.

 

[BeExcellent]

I will tell you that the decision to divorce is an extremely hard one when you have children & a family unit. I weighed it for years and tried everything I could think of before going that route. Then I told my husband in a direct way that if X, Y, and Z did not change, I was out.

Then I waited 5 more years with an occasional gentle reminder conversation.

As year 4 reeled off I would sit with him over coffee in the mornings often and we would discuss assets and custody like it was an average conversation as strange as that sounds. He was SO complacent & checked out that he did NOT believe I would file.

So when I filed it went smoothly and 60 days and $1750 later it was final. He remained checked out and complacent until I met someone I liked a lot, about a year post divorce. Once that happened he suddenly hit the gym regularly, lost 40 lbs., went back in the workforce in earnest, and quit being such a lazy slob. To this day I am amazed that only the prospect of losing me to another man motivated him. The marriage wasn't enough, the children weren't enough, the prospect of financial hardship wasn't enough...I still haven't wrapped my brain around it, and am not sure I ever will.

And he will tell me, his mother, his friends and people that see us together (we have a good relationship), that I am "the best" he's ever had & ever will have.

There are men here too like your husband. Once is now gone @l_e_g_e_n_d, and he openly acknowledged that he did as your husband is doing, screwed up a solid marriage with a great woman out of ego/entitlement & lo and behold his ex wife was immediately scooped up by another solid man & was remarried a year later. After he was in the market a while he appreciated more & more what & who he had lost because of his own selfishness. He had that regret.

Some people are so selfish & ego driven that they get greedy. Even if you are perfect and doing all the expected things a wife should do. Don't let anyone shame you or blame you.

That's just kicking you when you are down. High Score Theory is just that. I don't subscribe to it, but many men here do. It's convenient & lines up with the beliefs of those who think it has merit.

 

[exhausted]

Near the tail end of my marriage, I took on a 22 year old mistress myself. Everyone seems to think that a man takes on a mistress solely because of a lack of sex in his marriage. This is not true. Every man does it for different reasons. I took on a mistress because my wife was never home. I was extremely lonely, and my mistress did a great job filling that void in my life. My now ex-wife never found out about my mistress, and I have no regrets taking one on.



As for your situation, it's unfortunate that your husband fvcked around on you. I'm always advising the men on this site to take on a woman who is under age 23 because she's low-mileage and has likely never been alpha-widowed. Judging from your age, you fall into that category. With little doubt, I'd say your husband is at the top of your high score list. Other women want him, he's probably charming as fvck, and he's probably the definition of what you want in a man. No other guy can or ever will compare to him. He is the one who will define the success (or lack of success) of any relationship you have after the two of you have parted ways. I guarantee you will NEVER feel the same way for another man the way you do for your husband.

When it comes to the subject of "love" and "soulmates", your husband has the upper hand. He is the only one you will be thinking about after you end up fvcking Allan the AFC or Bill the Beta. You will be forever screwed in the department of love if you divorce the guy.



Even though your husband fvcked around on you, I'm not going to put all the blame on him, and here's why... Let me tell you a bit about the LTR I'm currently in.

I'm damn near 40, and my GF is 24. I've been with her for 1 1/2 years, and she pursued the hell out of me for two years prior. After I finally agreed to date her, I've been treated like a king. She cooks supper every night, she makes my lunch every day, she took on my kid as if she was his mother, she pays for stuff, she buys me fantastic gifts, and I could probably go on even more about how damn awesome she is. The fact that she's made herself extremely valuable is something that causes me to think twice before chasing other pvssy (and I'm really good at getting women interested in me). Would I cheat on her? Well, if it was something like a one-time experience where I was out of town, I'd consider it, but that's because I'm male. I would NOT consider having a mistress when I have this great woman around who fvck, cooks, cleans, and takes that extra step to keep me satisfied.

So what's my point here? Well, the problem I've seen with so many women is they DON'T take those extra steps to keep their men happy. Looks are one thing, but looks go down the toilet, and at age 35 your looks are NOTHING in comparison to a 22 year old. When you reach age 35, you've got nothing but personality, respectfulness, kindness, and sex to keep him interested. If he feels the need to fvck around on you, there is a good possibility that you've been failing in one or more of those categories.

Many women seem to think that sex is what keeps a man around. The problem is, sex is available anywhere. Attractive, 5hitty women are also available anywhere. What makes YOU stand out from that 22 year old he's fvcking? The wedding ring and the marriage license don't mean a damn thing. Time spent with him doesn't mean a damn thing. What is it that makes YOU irreplaceable?

That's what you need to keep your man around. You need to stand above all the other women in some way, shape or form. If you don't go that extra mile to make yourself more valuable than a hot 22 year old, then you're going to lose out to her.



I would also suggest NOT fvcking him over if you decide to divorce him. Sure, he may have ultimately ruined the marriage, but I don't believe that anybody should get raked over the coals for the sin of falling out of love. If he beat the piss out of you or molested your children, then yeah, give him what he deserves. There should be no penalty for falling out of love. Instead, the goal should be progression after regression.

The way I see it, you have a decision to make...

1) Try to make your marriage work
2) End your marriage and face the consequence of never replicating the feelings you had for your ex-husband.

Does your gf have a sister or cousin or friend or cat for fuchsakes ..

Man my ex didnt do chit but complain and take take take.

Good point though about being irreplaceable

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

You make it sound like I’ve let myself go after having a child and my body has turned into one of those fat pride ads... I assure you it has not LOL... I HAVE promised myself to lose weight, and I did, so there goes that the worst that lingers are two stretch marks on my stomach (which is flat and still has abs btw) on either side of my bellybutton and a scar from a csection (which was scheduled, in order to keep my nether regions from being destroyed)..

However gorgeous you are, your husband sees you as FAMILIAR. He sees other girls as NEW.

And it's common for dudes to lose sexual interest in women who've born their children.

My only point was to get you to see objectively, rather than respond from a position of your damaged ego. Those decisions are not usually the best.

But do what you gotta do.

 

[BeExcellent]

However gorgeous you are, your husband sees you as FAMILIAR. He sees other girls as NEW.

And it's common for dudes to lose sexual interest in women who've born their children.

My only point was to get you to see objectively, rather than respond from a position of your damaged ego. Those decisions are not usually the best.

But do what you gotta do.

I agree familiarity can breed contempt. But to act on it signifies a major character flaw in the husband.