Opinions: Divorce Husband or no?

[Macaframalama]

No it isn't. He is obviously feeling entitled to both his wife/family as well as his mistress. He is taking at least his wife/family for granted if not the mistress too.

He hasn't been placed in a position to decide what he values in a binary either/or choice. Right now he has both women so he is operating from a luxurious place in his entitled mind.

If the OP removes this luxury of having access to her, the husband might realize what he stands to lose.

That information is useful to help the OP determine the best course of action in consideration of their child.

I guess we're assuming the OP's husband is a complete ****ing retardd. It's pretty commonly accepted that if they cheat, they probably don't give much of a **** about you and there's a pretty good chance that you might just get divorced. What's being suggested is like punishing a child that is banging his pots and pans loudly, but sending him to a corner to beat away until he figures out it hurts his ears too in the process. I know it's a tough decision for op and I hope she does what she thinks best, but let's not pretend.

 

[FwoGiZ]

How do you unfollow a post? My eyes are bleeding

 

[ImJustaGirl]

I think @Desdinova's suggestion is a good one. Now getting him to actually move out is something else entirely.

Have a lawyer draw up the separation documents and serve him at work. He will know you are serious. On the day of service change the locks on your house. This man is unlikely to move out of the family home on a volunteer basis in my opinion. I'm an ask forgiveness rather than permission girl on this issue.

And it's not something your son will understand. You see, your husband knows what a good mother you are. In fact he's betting on it. He's betting you'll put up with his behavior out of fear of hurting your son. That you'll sacrifice yourself in the marriage no matter how rotten his behavior. Children are much more resilient than we give them credit for. Don't let your fears suppress you.

Des is correct. This husband has no idea how good he's got it. Really good women are hard to find, even for wealthy men (who have to deal constantly with gold diggers) who may not realize how vacuous women can be.

A few weeks ago I met a man who is 35, rich, successful, hot, witty, and smart. Type of man most any woman would find very desirable. The man resides on the water. In Maui. He is never married and was lamenting the market. Pretty, hot sexy women are EASY to find, he said. Sex is EASY to get, he said. He can't find a good girl with a good head on her shoulders. He wants a woman who "can make me a better man" as he put it. A man like that would treasure a woman like the OP.

Des is right. Let him depend fully on the mistress for a while. That will help him see with new eyes.

It was a good suggestion I suggested that when I saw they were still together 6 months later but he wouldn’t go for it. Maybe that was the problem? I don’t feel like I’ve won anything? He knows if we both go do our own thing for a while that there are 2-3 of his friends lined up for me (which they’ve made no secret of) and he thinks he’d lose so it makes him look like a loser to me now?
I’m submissive by nature but it’s unfortunately impossible to submit to someone I don’t respect... to me, lying shows weakness and so is giving in to a trashy girl out of pure laziness like a fat kid in a room full of cake.
I doubt counselling would help as I still love him because I know he loves me and would do anything for me (except keep his **** in his pants clearly lol) but it feels like we’re just roommates now.
I have discussed this with him a few times but it just makes things worse, he knows there is nothing he can do to fix it and that just adds to my problems.

 

[FwoGiZ]

Legit enough... that is why I don't lie. Lying is indeed for weaker people and I understand you can't respect him anymore.
That is why I NEVER promise monogamy to a chick cause that's lying.
But anyone who expect monogamy is setting themselves up for failure and disappointment. Why do people not understand that?
This isn't even an opinion, it's backed by numbers. I am not saying it's impossible... Hell I myself truly believe nuclear family is the best way to raise kids and it REQUIRES monogamy. But reality is quite different... there are more chances you'll end up in OP's situation than not.

This is all very sad and I don't think there is any fixing it because like it was said, your mind was already made before you came here and you came for validation which is legit and fine.

I wished there was more prevention, in the form or understanding and acknowledging homo sapiens nature and basics instincts. We're all animals after all.

It doesn't change anything for the fact that now you gotta choose between keeping the nuclear family intact and risking exposing your kid to not so healthy family ambiance, no love OR going your own way, doing what's right for you.

Either way, the kid will suffer but hey, they're resilient.

I was raised in a family that should have divorced, but didn't, and now because of that, I simply could never have a family. I can't deal with any drama at all because I went thru so much within my family. This is what made me a strong self disciplined independent guy tho.. cause I was very resilient. No idea how I would have turned out if my parents would have divorced but I think the outcome would have been similar in the way I would have still became a very successful person because of how I am. My views would have been different tho.