open to interpertations or criticism

[disgustipated]

Gf of 3 months plans a 3 day trip to the beach. I have 4 days off, so I'm sorta in...kinda went on autopilot. 4 days before we were to leave I snap out of my daze and realize , through past experiences that I tend to be over mini vacations like this by the end of the 2nd full day....its just how I am. Wanting to make this not be an unpleasant experience for her, I mention this and try to get a compromise down to 2 or 2.5 days. She grandstands. I give in, considering that's it semi late to be bringing this up.

To he honest, on the drive over, its kinda wearing on me how its just me that will be compromising the entire trip. So, I do.my best that night to.get out of her pre planned **** , to make it more bearable on myself. The rest of the weekend we do most of the crap she has/had planned...not my idea of a great time...and a mistake letting her lead/ plan my vacation. So after, dragging my ass to all these places all weekend and having a genuinely great time mostly because of the concessions I made....the WHOLE thing blows up the morning of the drive home.

We check out of the hotel, get driving down the road...at this point I'm just wanting to get the 5 hour drive done, hop in my truck and drive the hour back to my place, relax before work. She mentions she wants to stop at this restaurant for breakfast...I.say I'm really not feeling it, is rather drive straight home...maybe grab some Fast food on the way. She starts flipping. At first I thought she was joking, being sarcastic. Kinda odd reaction I thought considering the effort I put in over the weekend, etc. Then she says, " thanks for ruining the whole ****ing weekend.". I don't miss a beat, and fire back with, " you are now a single woman."

Radio silence for the entire ride home. I grab my **** when we get back and go. No goodbyes, nothing. I know its hard to recover when a girl reaches a point where she feels comfortable taking a risk like she did by saying something like that. Somewhere I slipped up and she lost respect for me. I'm okay with that, its just I don't get it....she's 40 , has a 7 yo son, not exactly thin( thicker).... A 5 to most, 6 to me is say....dissapointing that women this old, in this situation are so careless with their actions.

And I'm.no saint. Very stubborn. When I say no I.mean it, if there is a conflict of wills I make sure I win out. I can be a damned stick in the mud at times I must admit. Example: we ate at a novelty type restaurant unbeknownst to me where the theme is to kinda **** with the patrons. Out of nowhere, this dude comes over and tries to put a bib on me. If you violate my personal space there usually going to be a problem, as kindly as I could I stopped the guy and said.no.....everyone looks at me like I'm a complete ass....I guess I am, but is there not certain things guys can't stand for or against nowadays without being looked at as a social misfit? So I should just let some random.dude come up to.me, touch me, and tie a bib that could say anything around my neck without questioning a single thing? I know I'm upright, and a control freak at times but the second I feel myself compromising I end up right where I am today. Hard to find a middle ground. Thoughts?

 

[betheman]

Then she says, " thanks for ruining the whole ****ing weekend.". I don't miss a beat, and fire back with, " you are now a single woman."

bit harsh, you dont leave a door open!
also, she planned the thing, you were led, they dont like that.

 

[The Gambler]

Thanks for giving a good, fair description of what happened... I think she needed a reality check, plain and simple. Of course you're not perfect, but there's no doubt she was taking you for granted. Where's the US in this relationship? Why doesn't she give a rat's ass about what you might want to do sometimes?

You two aren't kids, so I won't give typical the advice that others might (assuming you two really are compatible except for a few minor differences). The relationship is probably salvageable if she is capable of understanding what you did and why you did it. If she lacks the empathy and ability to understand simple things like what happened over the weekend (even after the reality check), then she may be a lost cause.

I'm sure she'll be calling soon. I'd take the call and let her speak her mind... then you speak yours. If she can't comprehend that this relationship is a two-way proposition, then I'd start looking for an exit strategy.

 

[sodbuster]

YOU did everything she wanted but ONE thing? YOU ruined the whole weekend? Not in my view. You may have been a bit harsh, but she may as well learn NOW that she can't just keep pushing. Of course, we are talking about a WOMAN learning....

 

[Slickster]

Through the many relationships I've had I feel like I've lived out this situation many times over (minus the breakup).

In the grand scheme of things this was one weekend of your life. If you can't commit to something she wanted to do then a relationship is probably not in the cards for you.

 

[disgustipated]

Slickster, do you feel you were like me at one point? What did you do to either change or find someone understanding? It's my understanding you're married?

 

[Down Low]

Gf of 3 months....she's 40 , has a 7 yo son, not exactly thin( thicker).... A 5 to most, 6 to me is say....we ate at a novelty type restaurant unbeknownst to me where the theme is to kinda **** with the patrons. Out of nowhere, this dude comes over and tries to put a bib on me.

She's too old, kid is a dealbreaker, 40 and getting fatter, and it just so happens she's with you when some waiter tries to punk you. Bad luck happens when you're around bad people. Bad for you, anyway.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Why are you with a single mom?

 

[Boilermaker]

Why are you with a single mom?

 

[Slickster]

Slickster, do you feel you were like me at one point? What did you do to either change or find someone understanding? It's my understanding you're married?

Tough to do comparisons but I know I've been in that position where you feel trapped and miserable by her plans. In many cases it brews until things boil over into a fight.

What I've always found afterwards was that the reality of the situation was never as bad as my mind was making it out to be. Things always seemed worse in my head as I stewed away getting angry about things I'd rather be doing. Then because my head is elsewhere I'm never fully engaged with whatever it is we are doing and fail to enjoy myself even though it may have actually been fun. In the end it usually dawns on me that it wasn't really a big deal.

Looking back at these moments I've learned to either refuse to go right from the start or go and commit to the situation. It's really your own fault if you allow yourself to get dragged into a situation you don't want to be in an then b!tch about it once you are there.

I guess I made a realization at some point that its pretty hypocritical of me not to tolerate a woman's whining, and then do the same thing.

I think a lot of times new couples force themselves to do things together just because that is what is supposed to happen. It seems once you've been together long enough you learn when to spend time together and when to do your own thing.

P.S. yes I am married and this sh!t still happens.

 

[penkitten]

so.... she wants to go on this trip and talks you into it.. she makes all the plans and chooses everything to do and see and you go along with it BUT because you don't want to stop at this one place to eat on the way home ... she is pissed and tells you that you ruined the entire f-ing weekend.
what the hell are they serving at that resteraunt?
really, i want to see what grub is on their menu.

 

[Wilko]

I think shared vacations claim more relationships than cheating!I've seen quite a few couples go away together and come back single.

Just the mere mention of "romantic getaway" seems to activate "princess mode", sh!t can get very irrational, very quickly. An ex of mine got her ass dumped twice just leading up to the holidays she had planned with subsequent boyfriends.

 

[backbreaker]

I think shared vacations claim more relationships than cheating!I've seen quite a few couples go away together and come back single.

Just the mere mention of "romantic getaway" seems to activate "princess mode", sh!t can get very irrational, very quickly. An ex of mine got her ass dumped twice just leading up to the holidays she had planned with subsequent boyfriends.

biggest fight my wife and i ever got in was on our first vacation. we damn near broke up. though it was my fault but still.


what we do now beucse we travel often.. is i make a list of **** i want to do and she makes a list of **** she wants to do. thankfully we have a lot of the same interests so our lists are usually similar but we make sure we do things off of both lists. she does the zoo's and the museums i want to do and i do the beach and the restaurants she wants to do.

if i ask her to go on a week vacation and i plan it all by day 4 she's gonna be pissy and if she does the same by day 3 im' going to be pissy.

A good relationship is knowing the difference between a healthy compromise and an unhealthy demand

 

[Trailboss]

She planning your life out *now*....? Imagine if you were in a more "permanent" arrangement....A living hell, I imagine.....

 

[disgustipated]

I'm getting two sides here. The married guys seem to say to compromise...what slickster said is really insightful, and I didn't realize Bb compromised so much. Single guys seeming to say **** her and her red flags. A lot to digest and I guess I need to ask myself what I really want ...if its a relationship and everyone is saying the successful ones are about compromise, then is this particular girl worth all that.

Had a bout of afcdom last night , texted and called twice...no responses...so I drove out and knocked on the door. She let me in and we talked things out, both said we were sorry for what we said and did. What we would do different and talked about our future. I didn't hear as much accountability as I wanted to bit I expected as much. What really nearly set me off was, I walked back to her room where she keeps a gift I gave her, it was gone , she had thrown it away. But then o remembered, I deleted all her pics and such too, so I didn't get on her about it. Both were done out of anger.

 

[betheman]

I don't miss a beat, and fire back with, " you are now a single woman."

I still think this was harsh, Im not married, divorced. there are times you just have to keep your f cking mouth shut, dont try and come up with some hard ar$e John Wayne line, you were pi$$ed off before you even went, she made a lot of effort...Im assuming she sorted out for the 7 year old to be looked after?

I wouldnt do anything now, you have attemtped to recover the situation, it may work, but let her get back to you

 

[Wilko]

biggest fight my wife and i ever got in was on our first vacation. we damn near broke up. though it was my fault but still.

Exactly what I'm talking about. Could have come from any number of my male friends. I really think a lot of the tension comes from the women blaming the men for "ruining their beautiful holiday fantasy" when the dudes ask for reasonable concessions. Vacations are definitely one of those measuring sticks that women use to compete with one another, Lord help you if spoil the romantic narrative in some way.

 

[HoneyHitter]

so.... she wants to go on this trip and talks you into it.. she makes all the plans and chooses everything to do and see and you go along with it BUT because you don't want to stop at this one place to eat on the way home ... she is pissed and tells you that you ruined the entire f-ing weekend.
what the hell are they serving at that resteraunt?
really, i want to see what grub is on their menu.

Lol, nice interpretation.

 

[backbreaker]

I'm getting two sides here. The married guys seem to say to compromise...what slickster said is really insightful, and I didn't realize Bb compromised so much. Single guys seeming to say **** her and her red flags. A lot to digest and I guess I need to ask myself what I really want ...if its a relationship and everyone is saying the successful ones are about compromise, then is this particular girl worth all that.

Had a bout of afcdom last night , texted and called twice...no responses...so I drove out and knocked on the door. She let me in and we talked things out, both said we were sorry for what we said and did. What we would do different and talked about our future. I didn't hear as much accountability as I wanted to bit I expected as much. What really nearly set me off was, I walked back to her room where she keeps a gift I gave her, it was gone , she had thrown it away. But then o remembered, I deleted all her pics and such too, so I didn't get on her about it. Both were done out of anger.

to clarify

1. i compromise on things that honestly, aren't that big of a deal to me. On **** that I actually give a **** about i'm not dying lol.

2. this is only after she has earned some lee way with me and proved she's in it for me. the first 3 months.. probalby even 4-5 i didn't compromise on very much at all because at that time i'm still trying to screen to see just where she fits in in my life and how much she actually likes me. but once she proved that, i mean she's earned some lee way.

At the end of the day what we do on a vacation as long as i get to do the main tings i want to do, i really am not going to lose sleep over.

i mean a relationship is not a concentration camp. both sides have to give up something in order to achieve something more, at least in their minds, worth while. she has to give up some **** too. I have ex's that still call me and even had one drop by the house when she was in town last year to visit, I'm a pretty high maintenance guy that needs his space more than most guys and she has to deal with that, and while she's not what i would call a party animal by any stretch, she likes to party more than i do and im' a lot more of a home body than she is and there are a lot of times i just don't want to do **** and she is like okay babe let's just cuddle and watch TV lol. any guys who think they are giong to keep a true catch barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen making ham sammiches and if she wants to do anything she wants to do that you don't like w thyou are going to piss a ***** are living in la la land that's not how the real world works.

I mean, there are things i don't care about, and things i do care about. becuase i screened her properly we are in tune as far as values but like let's say she went out and was supposed to come home at about midnight/one and didn't come home to 5 and didn't bother to call... i'd seriously think about packing her **** and telling her to get out. i give her a lot of lee way as far as going out with the girls and stuff beucase i trust her and i lik emy space too and **** I go out jazz bars all the time by myself and come home late but I come home on time and i expect her to do like wise. if she abuses that and doesn't provide a drastic explanation she can go. i don't want to hear well i got drunk and slept ove X's house well you can sleep over there while i file for divorce as well so at least your living situation is not going to be a problem lol.

a few times in the past year's we've run into each ohter while being out and about by accident. usually we greet and just go our way. but lets say i go out to the mall and i go shopping and go to the food court and catch her sitting down talking to a dude.. bye. no second chances. i don't mind her talking to a guy.. if she really thinks a guy is a friend as long as she runs it by me first i have no problem with her doing what ever she wants.. she gives me the same lee way with women.. if i really think they are of value she's not going to tell me to get rid of them. the key is though, i don't hide **** from her and she doesn't hide **** from me. when she went out to eat with her hair stylist she asked could she and told me if i ahd a problem with it she wouldn't. so if i went out and saw her eating with a guy without telling me.. it's not even about rather she is or is not cheating it's about not respecting my boundaries and being deceitful. she knows i will say yes if it's honest so there is no reason not to ask.

but on small **** like, hey babe i want to go oiut with the girls and grab drinks and dance. go knock yourself out . hey i don't mind going to six flags with you and i don't mind going to the zoo or the race track down there but i really don't want to go to the baseball game i hate base ball you know that.. you know waht.. cool let's do something you want to do since you are doing a bunch of **** i want to do.

to me that's just common sense. at least now it is

 

[Bible_Belt]

When couples fight, the real issue tends to be something other than what they seem to be fighting about.

I would guess that she knows you think she's not that hot. She probably agrees. She also knows that you didn't really want to be with her all weekend. When she was younger, thinner, and hotter, she didn't have these problems, and I think that is what she was really upset about - her declining level of attractiveness as she ages.