"Open the door or Take me back to my car"

[amoka]

I meet up with this 40 something years of cougar who is proud of her cougar habits yesterday evening for a walk and I decided to take her to my place after. During the walk, we saw a guy opening a car door for a woman and she was telling me "how nice it is of him to open the door for her". I said "good for him." Then she said, "would you do that for me?". I responded, "now that you said it. No". I changed the subject. We talked for another half an hour or then we headed to my car. Well, we got into the car, drop to my place and she was like:
Cougar: "Open the door for me."
Amoka: "No. I have two hands the same way you do". I got out and was walking home. The cougar refused to get out. So, I walked back in the car.
Cougar: "Be a gentleman and open the door for me. Date more older women and you'd know that it is good to be a gentleman".
Amoka: "Fvck gentlemen. I am getting out."
Cougar: "Alright, if you're not going to open the door for me, then take me back to my car."
Amoka: "Sound good" I took her to her car.

How is it with these cougars? Are they always this way? Anybody rocking them? This one is fine but the way things are going, we'll end up not seeing each other anymore. Do you think I did the right thing by taking her back to her car or did I simply came off too hash on her?

 

[SoldMySoul]

I meet up with this 40 something years of cougar who is proud of her cougar habits yesterday evening for a walk and I decided to take her to my place after. During the walk, we saw a guy opening a car door for a woman and she was telling me "how nice it is of him to open the door for her". I said "good for him." Then she said, "would you do that for me?". I responded, "now that you said it. No". I changed the subject. We talked for another half an hour or then we headed to my car. Well, we got into the car, drop to my place and she was like:
Cougar: "Open the door for me."
Amoka: "No. I have two hands the same way you do". I got out and was walking home. The cougar refused to get out. So, I walked back in the car.
Cougar: "Be a gentleman and open the door for me. Date more older women and you'd know that it is good to be a gentleman".
Amoka: "Fvck gentlemen. I am getting out."
Cougar: "Alright, if you're not going to open the door for me, then take me back to my car."
Amoka: "Sound good" I took her to her car.

How is it with this cougars? Are they are this way? Anybody rocking them? This one is fine but the way things are going, we'll end up not seeing each other anymore.

I have been saying for a long while that older women are bad and younger ones have not learned to perfect that attitude yet!!!! Here is my take: I am a gentleman regardless. I would have opened the door, not to apease her, but because I am that way. But.... I do see why you were pissed. Her entitlement attitude. I do not know about you, but is a piece worth opening the door as compared to you being annoyed???? Do tell!

Many of them have that sort of tude... Like they spent years in a unhappy marriage, raising 20 kids, being dealt a crappy hand at work or whatever and dating sorry a$$ men. THEY DESERVE only the best.

Many women are so damn independent these days, they will open their own damn door. I have seen it countless times and that annoys me. Each to his own my friend.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Then she said, "would you do that for me?". I responded, "now that you said it. No".

yikes! I don't like this response by you. In my opinion - you made this a game to her by telling her you weren't going to do it because she asked for it. This is why I NEVER do this; it instantly makes whatever it is a challenge! (and you do know how much women like challenges don't you?)

Cougar: "Open the door for me."
Amoka: "No. I have two hands the same way you do". I got out and was walking home. The cougar refused to get out. So, I walked back in the car.
Cougar: "Be a gentleman and open the door for me. Date more older women and you'd know that it is good to be a gentleman".
Amoka: "Fvck gentlemen. I am getting out."
Cougar: "Alright, if you're not going to open the door for me, then take me back to my car."
Amoka: "Sound good" I took her to her car.

See, she's playing a game and would rather take a tie than a loss. You're playing a game too and would rather maintain your frame than take a loss.

Neither of you win in this situation.

 

[SoldMySoul]

yikes! I don't like this response by you. In my opinion - you made this a game to her by telling her you weren't going to do it because she asked for it. This is why I NEVER do this; it instantly makes whatever it is a challenge! (and you do know how much women like challenges don't you?)






See, she's playing a game and would rather take a tie than a loss. You're playing a game too and would rather be "alpha" than take a loss.

Neither of you win in this situation.

As Rick Springfield says, "Let's play a game we both win." My gentleman way would not be compromised by the cougar. I am the same today, tomorrow and the next day regardless of whom I am with.

 

[zekko]

Then she said, "would you do that for me?". I responded, "now that you said it. No

See, that's not very charming.
How about if you had said "I might if you earn it"?
Or something along those lines.

 

[SoldMySoul]

See, that's not very charming.
How about if you had said "I might if you earn it"?
Or something along those lines.

I like that too! Don't be too over the top with principalities.

 

[cordoncordon]

I meet up with this 40 something years of cougar who is proud of her cougar habits yesterday evening for a walk and I decided to take her to my place after. During the walk, we saw a guy opening a car door for a woman and she was telling me "how nice it is of him to open the door for her". I said "good for him." Then she said, "would you do that for me?". I responded, "now that you said it. No". I changed the subject. We talked for another half an hour or then we headed to my car. Well, we got into the car, drop to my place and she was like:
Cougar: "Open the door for me."
Amoka: "No. I have two hands the same way you do". I got out and was walking home. The cougar refused to get out. So, I walked back in the car.
Cougar: "Be a gentleman and open the door for me. Date more older women and you'd know that it is good to be a gentleman".
Amoka: "Fvck gentlemen. I am getting out."
Cougar: "Alright, if you're not going to open the door for me, then take me back to my car."
Amoka: "Sound good" I took her to her car.

How is it with these cougars? Are they always this way? Anybody rocking them? This one is fine but the way things are going, we'll end up not seeing each other anymore. Do you think I did the right thing by taking her back to her car or did I simply came off too hash on her?

Yeah I think you took it too far with your first response, and then she took it too far thereafter. Her asking if you would ever open a door for her really isn't that big of a thing. I think every girl likes to feel wanted and shown a little old school manners now and again. All you really needed to say in response to that was something like "sure, and next time you can give me a back rub or a Bj in return", with a cute smile on your face. You were way to harsh with her to start with instead of playing along.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

It's totally fine to be a gentleman and open doors, pull chairs, etc. for women.
You're not being an AFC if you do so. Your just being a nice guy. You do it without them asking and they will appreciate it.

When she asked you to open the door for her, she was getting you to jump through one of her hoops. Just make sure she jumps through one of yours before you go jumping into hers.

You could have done so by asking her, "Do you like it when guys open doors for you?". Even though you know, you are getting her to answer one of your questions, thus getting her to jump through your hoop. Then you open the door for her.

You overreacted.

 

[cordoncordon]

BTW I can see you haven't learned a thing from the last thread you wrote that was similar to this, and where you also failed miserably. You received some really good advice on that thread (including from me ) and you said you would take it easier on the harshness and the "ME MAN, YOU WOMAN ITS MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY" you were displaying to women. You really need to cut down on that crap. Show that you are a man, don't tell her you are one. But being a man also means you have a good, fun, positive outlook on life, and don't take things so seriously as you have been showing as of late. In both these instances the woman went home angry, and you went home horny. Sounds like a lose/lose situation to me.

Old thread>http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=178022

 

[Zarky]

I don't think the OP was the problem here, I think the woman was. She tried to set a frame up front in a very controlling manner, he refused. I dated a woman like that once and, believe me, the sex was not worth her constantly domineering attitude. I think the OP got out of that potential relationship at a good time.

During the walk, we saw a guy opening a car door for a woman and she was telling me "how nice it is of him to open the door for her". I said "good for him." Then she said, "would you do that for me?". I responded, "now that you said it. No".

Never feel that you have to answer any question that any woman poses to you. About half the questions that women ask me, I simply talk about something else. If they insist upon their question, it means they are desperately trying to set up a frame for you, and it's usually a frame you don't want to be in.

A question is a very powerful frame creator, if you think about it. The first part of the frame that a question sets up is that the person being asked the question is obliged to answer. Never feel obliged to answer any question put to you or live within a frame set up by another.

 

[teacha]

im a firm believer in women equal rights: the right for her to open her own door. Chilvary is just another form of manipulation by women nowadays, one minute they are campaining for equal rights and the next they are talking about how they are modern women with old-fashion values just to have the best of both-worlds. I never compromise my principles for pussy. It's just fvcking pussy, aint nothing special about hers.

Don't worry, she'll be back, i gurantee it. One way or the other she'll contact you again. She just wanted someone to make her feel special again with her being a cougar and all.

 

[jophil28]

I always try to dismantle these tests with humor rather than confrontation.
Agree and amplify. Teasing, mindplay and banter with a smirk are much more powerful than direct confrontation with women whose egos NEVER allow them to back down.

She," Would you open the door for me?"

You take control HERE, " So you are a traditional girl ?" Guide her to your car with a your hand on her elbow.

She replies, " Errrr, yes I guess so." Open the door for her.

You say, " I really like that in a woman. So if we get in a relationship you would probably iron my shirts ?" Assist her into the passenger seat and close the door and walk around. You have just set the trap.

She," Umm, I don't iron ...I'm not really traditional but I like a man to act like a gentleman.( she is trying to set a frame based on a double standard which is in her favor)

As you pull out from the lot ," Oooooh I see. Thats an unusual approach to gender roles...fascinating."
Now shut up, drive on and let her imagine what you are now thinking.
Usually she is now a tad worried that you are silently disapproving.
THis is where they back down with some lame explanation of their personal " feminist perspective " or their "strong independent woman" self promotion .This is also when they reveal how they have cherry picked the benefits of feminism without the reciprocal personal responsibilities. All valuable info about that cougar .

Depending on how I feel about her hotness, I will either plow on and take her home or drop her off at her house with a cursory peck on the cheek. IN the latter case I always get an explanatory email the next day with a disguised apology and sometimes an invite . Winner !

This game is a delicate dance and is for hard-azz players only (like me :cheer: )

 

[SoldMySoul]

I don't think the OP was the problem here, I think the woman was. She tried to set a frame up front in a very controlling manner, he refused. I dated a woman like that once and, believe me, the sex was not worth her constantly domineering attitude. I think the OP got out of that potential relationship at a good time.

Maybe, but reading his post is like trying to figure if a text or email message was meant a certain way. If a woman would have asked me, "would you do that for me?" I would have shown her instead. It appears to me she was acknowledging an act she saw as thoughtful. Just hard to tell and I would have had to been with her to see what attitude she was going for. AMOKA did not include any emphasis on the story, or did he paint a clear pic.

This would have been an excellent time for some C&F and used it to your advantage. I like being a gentleman and makes me feel manly. This was a heavy handed tactic IMO.

 

[jafyk]

I always try to dismantle these tests with humor rather than confrontation.
Agree and amplifty.Teasing, wordplay and banter with a smirk are way more powerful than direct confrontation with women whose egos NEVER allow them to back down.

She," Would you open the door for me?"

You take control HERE, " So you are a traditional girl ?" Guide her to your car with a your hand on her elbow.

She replies, " Errr, yes I guess so." Open the door for her.

You say, " I really like that in a woman. So if we get in a relationship you would probably iron my shirts ?" Assist her into the passenger seat and close the door and walk around. You have just set the trap.

She," Umm, I'm not really traditional but I like a man to act like a gentleman.( she is trying to set a frame based on a double standard which is in her favor)

As you pull out from the lot," Oooooh I see. Thats an interesting approach..."
And shut up and let her imagine what you are thinking.
Usually she is now a tad worried that you are silently disapproving.
THis is where they back down with some lame explanation of their personal " feminist perspective .

This game is a delicate dance and is for hard-azz players only (like me )[/

QUOTE] Jophil climb down that old horse now! Lol

 

[Zarky]

This game is a delicate dance and is for hard-azz players only (like me :cheer: )

ehhh.. that's pretty standard, not exactly 'hard ass'.. it's decent game but let's not delude ourselves into thinking that solid B+ game is somehow incredible and awe-worthy.

 

[Bluntmaster]

This was another epic fail for the OP. The woman left. How could this not be an epic fail?

 

[jophil28]

ehhh.. that's pretty standard, not exactly 'hard ass'.. it's decent game but let's not delude ourselves into thinking that solid B+ game is somehow incredible and awe-worthy.

Ha ha, Zark, I am always open to adopting improvements . Whatcha got ?

 

[cordoncordon]

This was another epic fail for the OP. The woman left. How could this not be an epic fail?

It is. The girl never asked him to open the door for her at first, she just asked WOULD he. Really? You guys need to show you're all manly men by refusing to even consider the option of opening a door for your date? Your gf? You wife? Are you guys really that angry at women? Absolutely nothing wrong with opening a car door for your date. NOTHING.

Now, once he responded with a no, (which imo was a **** thing to do) then she came back with her responses and escalated, which is her fault. So they both did wrong here. But if he would have simply come back with a c/f answer to her first question, all the while maintaining his manliness while also satisfying her, they both could have been winners that night instead of both going home angry over something so trivial.

 

[Bluntmaster]

It is. The girl never asked him to open the door for her at first, she just asked WOULD he. Really? You guys need to show you're all manly men by refusing to even consider the option of opening a door for your date? Your gf? You wife? Are you guys really that angry at women? Absolutely nothing wrong with opening a car door for your date. NOTHING.

Now, once he responded with a no, (which imo was a **** thing to do) then she came back with her responses and escalated, which is her fault. So they both did wrong here. But if he would have simply come back with a c/f answer to her first question, all the while maintaining his manliness while also satisfying her, they both could have been winners that night instead of both going home angry over something so trivial.

People take this manliness stuff too far. I would have opened the door. I told my girlfriend I miss her today. Guess what? She liked it and is probably coming over later. I'm such a chump for saying that.

 

[cordoncordon]

Blunt, I will say, you have made a lot of good strides in the past 6 months or so in regards to women and your overall life. You seem much less OCD and you have stopped wasting your life on meaningless endeavors....and women. And your advice on the boards is much more insightful. Congrats on your progress.