At a young age, we are naturally narcissistic. As children, we go through a phase where we want to monopolize our parents’ attention, focusing primarily on our own needs and desires. We are self-contained and self-involved, where the world revolves around us. As we grow older, this self-centeredness often shifts but still persists at the core; we become more concerned with our own tastes, opinions, and experiences. Even though it's socially unacceptable and we are sometimes ashamed of it, these instincts still linger in the background.
However, over time, society socializes us and teaches us to be more attuned to others, to care for and attend to the needs of those around us, even when doing so suppresses our own. In today’s world, the lesson many men learn is that they must be "nice" to women in order to build romantic relationships. This mindset leads to what’s called “covert contracts.” These are unspoken, hidden agreements where a man gives more of his time, energy, and attention with the expectation that it will be reciprocated in a relationship, without clearly communicating that expectation. These covert contracts often lead to frustration because the woman might not even be aware of the "deal," or the man’s efforts may not be acknowledged or valued in the way he hoped.
In light of what
@BackInTheGame78 mentioned, this is a mistake because it places too much focus on the woman at the expense of one's own goals and ambitions. While it’s important to make time for someone you care about, the balance should always favor your own personal growth and pursuits. If you give too much of yourself away too easily, you risk losing that sense of value and ambition that initially attracted her. The relationship should feel like a choice, not an obligation—something that requires effort, mutual respect, and a healthy amount of space.
Doing the opposite is what people call being a
doormat. These are men who imitate the person they like, become their slave, and lose the ability to form their own ideas or stand up for themselves—all just to gain their attention. They are often incapable of disagreeing with the opposite party because they fear losing that connection. This behavior not only diminishes their self-worth but also ultimately undermines the value of the relationship itself.
