Online Letter to Chicks on dating sites

[Marcopolo]

I once saw this e-mail that someone posted on here titled "top 10 reasons not to e-mail me back" I thought it was intereseting, or course he was being sarcastic and funny. I can't find it on here so I made my own that reflects me a little better. I am interested to hear what people thing of it. I am trying to find a first e-mail that gets their attention.

10 reasons not to reply to me-

1. You may actually have to carry on an intelligent conversation that involves more than burps and grunts
2. I may actually enjoy going to look at art exhibits with you, not just pretend to enjoy them to kiss your behind, which is the kind of behavior you are probably used to from guys
3. I may actually get off the couch every once in a while, this may confuse you
4. I may exhibit old fashioned manners, like opening car doors and letting you order first
5. I do not change who I am just to please a woman, everything mentioned is who I already am as a man
6. if you are threatened or harassed by others when you are with me, I may be prone to exhibit unruly aggressive behavior (e.g. kick their what I can¡¦t say here or it will get edited)
7. I can actually find the countries you have been to on a globe, and may have actually been to a few myself
8. I may sometimes cook more than just microwaveable popcorn
9. The person in the profile-that is actually me, although I did shave me beard recently
10. I may not be Brad Pitt, but I am not one of those guys who has to be at the gym 3 hours a day, and can't stop looking at themselves in the mirror. I will actually pay more attention to you than to myself when we are, well, you knowļ

So,
1. does this reek of AFC ness and irrevocably, irredeembily flawed?
2. Good idea but need improvement
3. Really good, just change a few little things
4. Excellent example of a ****y and funny letter
any suggestions?

 

[Slickster]

I don't know dude.

Kinda sounds like you are some kind of bitter veteran dater who is sick of other guys being more successful than you.

If I were a chick reading that I would think "Hmm this guy has to put other people down to build himself up."

Reeks of insecurity.

Just my opinion.

Good luck

 

[Marcopolo]

Hi,
I really enjoyed reading your profile. You seem very interesting, intelligent, and fun. In fact, we seem to have much in common.
Anyway, like you I am looking for someone to explore and have fun with. Other details are contained in my profile, which I have taken the liberty of attaching. If you find something of interest, please send me a message. I guarantee that you will never read another profile quite like it. You can also reach me at my e-mail address, it is xxxxx and it is at Ya h 00.
Take care,
M

Here is an example of what I had been using, I modify it a little bit with women I am mailing to. I am also not getting the responses I want with it either. So yes, I am a little bit sick and tired of being brushed off in the real world and online as well.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

PBB (Psycho Bitter B1tch)

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by Marcopolo
Here is an example of what I had been using, I modify it a little bit with women I am mailing to. I am also not getting the responses I want with it either. So yes, I am a little bit sick and tired of being brushed off in the real world and online as well.

I'm hesitant to comment any further on your online profiles as I have zero experience with online dating. There is a very large internet dating thread which you may find helpful.

In my opinion you'd be better off focusing on you real life game rather than internet dating. You're going to need those skills regardless of how many chicks you attract online.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Marcopolo
Hi,
I really enjoyed reading your profile. You seem very interesting, intelligent, and fun. In fact, we seem to have much in common.
Anyway, like you I am looking for someone to explore and have fun with.

Other details are contained in my profile, which I have taken the liberty of attaching. If you find something of interest, please send me a message. I guarantee that you will never read another profile quite like it. You can also reach me at my e-mail address, it is xxxxx and it is at Ya h 00.
Take care,
M

I am also not getting the responses I want with it either.

No wonder that profile doesn give responses. It seems like its goal is to blend you with all other online guys....it doesn't stand out at all. I have been there myself - and was wondering WTF.. no one wants to reply to a couple of lines that are perfectly fit any guy?

The first part of it is a entire huge online cliche: it doesnt say anything about you, anything about her... and everyone loves to use it since it seems most guys use it. And this is a wrong way!

The second part is also a cliche but it is even worse than the first part: seems like teh auther is loat for words... she is gonna look up his profile anyway, why would he want to explain it to her that she has to look it up?
Probably the most creative part was that about email address...

Dude, you have to forget about cliches...if it seem like most guys would say that - it is a cliche. And it turns women off....
Re-write - start from scratch. If you want a detailed feedback on it post it in online\internet dating thread.

 

[Marcopolo]

I figured you guys would say it stinks, thats what I kinda figured anyway. I honestly don't know what to do to make it better at this point. I did start with just personalized emails from scratch but that got old after I would send so many and get few or no responses for my effort.

How about this one-

Hi there!
You are not only smart and sweet, I can tell by your profile you have beauty and class as well. Drop my a line if you would like to chat more, you can also mail or IM me at xxxxx at y-a-h-o-o
-M

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Marcopolo
I figured you guys would say it stinks,

I honestly don't know what to do to make it better at this point.

How about this one-

Hi there!
You are not only smart and sweet, I can tell by your profile you have beauty and class as well. Drop my a line if you would like to chat more, you can also mail or IM me at xxxxx at y-a-h-o-o
-M

The points is not that "it stinks" no... The point is WHY it stinks, i.e. feeback gives you some ideas what NOT to write, so you can improve it by avoiding cliches and obvious stuff.

A tip: read her profile, notice some unusual things, for example "I like bbq and skinny dipping"...and then comment on it in a funny way: "anyone who could do bbq while s-dipping at the same time is obviously talented..."
Look at her profile from different angles, twist what she says.. shift something in her wording, make it funny... at least amusing.

Dude, have you ever looked in the DJ bible? Do you know that too much compliment and too eraly is a kiss of death?

Hi there!
--- Dont say that...it is too common thing to say in the begining.

You are not only smart and sweet, I can tell by your profile you have beauty and class as well.
--- Too many compliment and you dont even know her... she will be sacred right on the spot. Not big compliments in the first letters.

Drop my a line if you would like to chat more, you can also mail or IM me at
--- She knows when to write to you... why do you want to tell her to write you back? If she is interesetd she will, for sure. If not, she will never write back.

 

[Marcopolo]

I understand that. soemtimes I do try to twist it to make it funny, probably not in the right way though. As for why I put contact info is simply because half of the women are not members, so I am just giving them an alternate address in which to reach me, so they can if they want to.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Marcopolo
I figured you guys would say it stinks, thats what I kinda figured anyway. I honestly don't know what to do to make it better at this point. I did start with just personalized emails from scratch but that got old after I would send so many and get few or no responses for my effort.

How about this one-

Hi there!
You are not only smart and sweet, I can tell by your profile you have beauty and class as well. Drop my a line if you would like to chat more, you can also mail or IM me at xxxxx at y-a-h-o-o
-M

It's best not to use a canned response, it sticks out like a sore thumb. It's easier to write a responce to a specific ad you enjoyed. Just write about what you liked about it.

 

[Marcopolo]

Iposted this on teh other thread, but I might as well post it here too, here are some other responses which I thought were good, but I got no reply-

"Very skeptical about personals. Used to feel sorry for my mother for using them-now here I am! Was told it might be a good way to find someone who is straightforward & sincere. I enjoy meeting new people, love travelling [I'm British] and doing new things. Consider myself 'girly'. I admit, I'd be screwed if I was stranded on an island without Starbucks, my hairdresser or filofax. However if someone said lets go backpacking round the world, might very well consider losing the hairdryer and high heels! Like someone who enjoys life and says 'yes' more than they say 'no.' Am not looking for a man to look after me-looking to be cared about. Love boxing with a passion and huge tennis fan. Anything I can do-we can do better together! If the world was ending tomorrow, I'd want to swim with dolpins today. What would you do?

Hmmm..He would wear a suit in the week & dress like Bon Jovi on the weekend. Favour Gore over Bush. Live each day as though it were his last. Drive fast but not get caught! Cry if his dog died. Have a brain the size of Japan & ego the size of Sicily! Understand that the word 'honest' is in the dictionary & doesn't have a definition that can be bent, twisted or elaborated upon. Don't tell me how hot you are-I have eyes & my own opinion "

That is her profile, here is my response-

"Hmm..what is this world coming to? I remember when Starbucks was just another little hole in the wall coffee shop in Pike Place market in Seattle..now it is a world wide coffee chain, I still can't get over that. They used to have really good coffee when I was growing up there. However, nowadays there are places in Seattle that have much better coffee than they do. But I admit I like to go to Starbucks still too, espeically if I am at Barnes & Noble.
Seriously, your profile was really fascinating. You seem very interesting, intelligent, and fun. Those are the qualities I seek. In fact, we seem to have much in common. As far as what I would do if it were the last day on Earth-I have always wanted to say I have been to Timbuktu, so perhaps I would go to Mali, but that takes more than a day to get there. I would probably try to have sex if it were the last day on earth, and I am sure a lot of other people would too. Oh, and I would also cook something I really like, and then go get a double tall mint mocha frappacino at Starbucks, with whipped cream, of course.
Anyway, like you I am looking for someone to explore and have fun with. Other details are contained in my profile, which I have taken the liberty of attaching. If you find something of interest, please send me a message. I guarantee that you will never read another profile quite like it. You can also reach me at my e-mail address, it is xxxx and it is at Ya h 00.
Take care,
M"
I really thought I did a good job with that one

Anothe one-
"If however you are as old as my dad or young enough to wear diapers then perhaps you should try to seek life else where. Now we got through the initial opening let me tell you a bit about myself. My name is Jasmine and I am a single latin woman who lives in the great city of sacramento...GO KINGS!! I have a great job, nice home, and two lovely gerbals named whitty, and pixie (I would of named pixie darky but too many people would assume that I had a KKK hood in my closet jk.) I recieved my BS in chemistry at the university of Arizona. I recieved my lovely Doctorate here in the sunny state of California only one year ago *yeah me*. Now that I have my profesional life in order, I can start to think about my personal life aka potential "Mr. Right." He has to be Intelligent, funny, sexy (by my standards), and most of all be able to hold a conversation. I also will not deal with dishonest people. Honesty is important. In return though I am caring, and will treat the person I am with right. Anything else you want to know just email me and I would be happy to answer."

"for fun:
I am an avid seaker of new lively things that may get my heart to skip a little faster: skydiving, jumping out of airplanes, and camping. I also love to just relax watch a movie (no not tear jerker movies) and watch a movie with a great guy... "

My Response-

"Hi,
I really enjoyed reading your profile. You seem very interesting, intelligent, and fun. In fact, we seem to have much in common. I have never jumped out of a perfectly good airplane, but I have flown plenty of them-I have about 3000 hours and did learn how to use a parachute when I did acrobatic training(that is when you do spins, barrel rolls, fly upside down, etc.) Fortunately, I did not have to use it!
Anyway, like you I am looking for someone to explore and have fun with. Other details are contained in my profile, which I have taken the liberty of attaching. If you find something of interest, please send me a message. I guarantee that you will never read another profile quite like it. You can also reach me at my e-mail address, it is xxxxx and it is at Ya h 00.
Take care,
Mark "

Honestly I have never jumped out of an airplane, but if she is the adrenaline junkie type, how couyld she not be impressed by me being an acrobatic pilot!?

And Another one:
"About me and who I'd like to date
I am tired of the bar scene. I enjoy being active, spending time with friends, family, and the occasional quite night at home cooking dinner and drinking a glass of wine. I’m definitely a summertime/sunshine person. I love to be outdoors, on the water, or in the sun on a nice day. I love to go wine tasting and travel as often as possible. I also enjoy boating, dancing, snowshoeing, golf (but I’m terrible at it), rafting (although no more class V’s), horseback riding, hiking, and camping. I always open to trying new things. I’m a girlie, girl, but I don’t mind going without make-up and getting dirt under my nails once in awhile. Honesty and loyalty are two of the most important qualities that I’m looking for in a mate. He also must be okay with pets and willing to watch a King's game. I love my career choice. However, I find a very important balance between my career and my personal life. I’m definitely searching for the “right one,” but enjoying dating and making new friends in the meantime. Do not respond if your over 40, lie, smoke or don't like animals. Don't even read this profile if you are married.

for fun:
I enjoy being active, spending time with friends, family, and the occasional quite night at home cooking dinner and drinking a glass of wine. I exercise regularly at the gym. I’m definitely a summertime/sunshine person.


favorite hot spots:
I love to go wine tasting, Tahoe/Mountains, and the coast. This last year or so I’ve been to Costa Rica, New Orleans, Vegas, Seattle, Puerto Vallarta, and New York.

favorite things:
I love sushi, wine, cooking with a special someone, spicey foods and driving with the top down. I also love to watch the Kings (yes, even after this year) or, better yet, go to a game. I admit to watching Desperate Housewives, Sapranos, and Lost.

last read:
The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. "

My response:
"Hi,
I really enjoyed reading your profile. You seem very interesting, intelligent, and fun. In fact, we seem to have much in common. Additionally, I think you are at least as hot as those actresses who play lawyers on LA Law, and you are the real thing! I also went to Coasta Rica a couple of years ago, and I grew up near Seattle. How did you like those places? Were you in Seattle when it was clear and sunny, or did you experience the kind of weather that Seattle is renowned for?
Anyway, like you I am looking for someone to explore and have fun with. Other details are contained in my profile, which I have taken the liberty of attaching. If you find something of interest, please send me a message. I guarantee that you will never read another profile quite like it. You can also reach me at my e-mail address, it is xxxx and it is at Ya h 00.
Take care,
M "

None of those women replied to me. I do get responses, adn even meet for coffe adn go on dates, but they mostly have been from women who are single mothers, often overweight, or older single mothers. Some of them are hot and woth having sex with, but for a relationship I want to get with these types of women, and they are all hot as well, HB8-10's.

 

[Marcopolo]

Here is one I am trying to do-

"I have recently moved to Cali from Denver. Above everything, I am looking for someone who is intelligent,has a good sense of humor and can hold a conversation with me. I love to laugh, and feel that people often take life too seriously. I am very motivated, goal oriented and independent. I would like the same in someone I’m dating. I seem to have trouble finding men who are willing to travel and spend times outdoors. I enjoy working out and staying active whether that’s at the gym, hiking or going for a bike ride. I am not materialistic and often find that materialistic men are a turn off to me. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy working hard and rewarding myself with nice items. However, I don’t feel that a designer purse or a $200 pair of shoes will improve my quality of life. I tend to spend my $$ on traveling, trips, and good entertainment like…..floor seats to a good basketball game, a trip to the Super Bowl or a weekend on a beach in Jamaica. ."

alright, here is a profile I am interested in. I think I have a lot of the attributes that she is looking for-I love the outdoors and travel, honestly. I am also more intellectual than materialistic. She is also a hottie so I think she is a great catch...

so far this is all I can come up with for a response-
"Hi,
You seem like a classy and intelligent lady. Your pictures are not bad either.
My dad is an architect, but he started investing in real estate and now he has a number of business parks and miniwarehouses, all starting from what you are doing. He didn't like being a landlord either, that is why he got out of residential stuff and only deals with commercial real estate. "

I can't think of anything funny at the moment, sometimes I do but maybe one out of 10 I see, so the question becomes how do I relate to her without sounding like every other guy. The stuff about my dad is all honest, and is meant to relate to her, but it may come off as showing off I am from a family with money, and that was not the point.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Marcopolo
soemtimes I do try to twist it to make it funny, probably not in the right way though.

As for why I put contact info is simply because half of the women are not members, so I am just giving them an alternate address in which to reach me, so they can if they want to.

Well, it is certainly good if you try. Do we have a chance to see how you tried? Since you supplied just cliches... you know it is better to make mistakes and learn then dont make any mistakes at all..

Email is fine. What is not ok, is the explnaation "Send me an email if you ... find.. me... inetersting..." She does not need that kind of direction, she will know when she wants to email you and she will email.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Marcopolo
She: If the world was ending tomorrow, I'd want to swim with dolpins today. What would you do?


"Hmm..what is this world coming to? I remember when Starbucks was just another little hole in the wall coffee shop in Pike Place market in Seattle..
--- This is very good!

now it is a world wide coffee chain, I still can't get over that. They used to have really good coffee when I was growing up there. However, nowadays there are places in Seattle that have much better coffee than they do. But I admit I like to go to Starbucks still too, espeically if I am at Barnes & Noble.
--- You got too wordy and you lost momentum. Make it short... half a sentence. It creates mystery. Dont try to write as many words as you can, do exctky the opposite.

Seriously, your profile was really fascinating. You seem very interesting, intelligent, and fun. Those are the qualities I seek. In fact, we seem to have much in common.
---
Again. Cliche!!! Dude, cut it out please...

As far as what I would do if it were the last day on Earth-I have always wanted to say I have been to Timbuktu, so perhaps I would go to Mali, but that takes more than a day to get there.
---
Good idea, good start but you forgot it is IMAGINARY situation, ie. everything will be possible. But you get logical "takes more than a day"... and unsure what you want "Mali or Timbukhtu".
Be more confident in what you want, dont convey that hesitation.. dont get logical with chicks.

I would probably try to have sex if it were the last day on earth,
---
Try?... to have sex? That means now you dont even try? or dont want it at all untill "The kingdom come"??
It doesnt sound like something advetureuous, decent or cool.
Come up with a better idea.

and I am sure a lot of other people would too.
----
You want to add some made up social proof cuz you feel your idea about trying to have sex sucks? Then just dont say it. Tell her about islands.. travels... space flights...bungee jumping from a space ship... you got teh idea. If you say directly "sex" well.. you lose that mystery in her eyes.

Oh, and I would also cook something I really like,
----
Be specific: cook what?

and then go get a double tall mint mocha frappacino at Starbucks, with whipped cream, of course.
----
Thats fine but kind of goofy. Do you want to appear a bit goofy?
And the spelling is not correct I guess...I dont care, but she does...

Anyway, like you I am looking for someone to explore and have fun with. Other details are contained in my profile, which I have taken the liberty of attaching. If you find something of interest, please send me a message. I guarantee that you will never read another profile quite like it. You can also reach me at my e-mail address, it is xxxx and it is at Ya h 00.
---
It is a cliche, a huge furry cliche. Needs a good shave


"Hi,
---
Dont say Hi. Go for more informal "Hey" if you want to greet her so much.

I really enjoyed reading your profile. You seem very interesting, intelligent, and fun. In fact, we seem to have much in common.
----
Ok, you know this is not a good piece.

I have never jumped out of a perfectly good airplane, but I have flown plenty of them-I have about 3000 hours and did learn how to use a parachute when I did acrobatic training(that is when you do spins, barrel rolls, fly upside down, etc.) Fortunately, I did not have to use it!
----
Thats a very good piece! But doesnt it show her how you felt?
Try to convey some feelings, pictures... "it feels as if"... the view was as if..."....Give her food for her feelings.

Anyway, like you I am looking for someone to explore and have fun with. Other details are contained in my profile, which I have taken the liberty of attaching. If you find something of interest, please send me a message. I guarantee that you will never read another profile quite like it. You can also reach me at my e-mail address, it is xxxxx and it is at Ya h 00.
----
Make her letters really short. 2-3-4 lines. It seem you think if you write more than she will like you more... it is not true. She will think you are desperate and you dont want to convey that message anyway.



Additionally, I think you are at least as hot as those actresses who play lawyers on LA Law, and you are the real thing!
----
No direct compliments in first letters. You are too direct too eager to admit "Oh.. I like you so much".. and she reads "ha! he is desperate". Thats how women think.

I also went to Coasta Rica a couple of years ago, and I grew up near Seattle. How did you like those places? Were you in Seattle when it was clear and sunny, or did you experience the kind of weather that Seattle is renowned for?
----
Just make it shorter.."Did you like Costa Rican weather much more than....?" Dont put so many words in your letter.


None of those women replied to me.
---
No wonder. a) You wrote too much b) too many cliche c) too direct compliment and too soon d) you showed some signs of desperations...

I do get responses, adn even meet for coffe adn go on dates, but they mostly have been from women who are single mothers, often overweight, or older single mothers.
----
Sure, the letters showed a guy who is desperate with tons of cliche, some women figure out what the heck lets go see him...
You have to convey a) you have some unique feature...might be very simple for example say you like some very orginal coffee drink... b) you have to be mysterious - dont blah blah a lot. DOnt reveal how you feel about her. Dont compliment her at all. Dont write much. d) try to come up with somehting funny, or at least a bit ****y.

 

[al77]

Originally posted by Marcopolo
"Hi,
--- No Hi...no greeting.

You seem like a classy and intelligent lady. Your pictures are not bad either.
--- No direct compliments.

My dad is an architect, but he started investing in real estate and now he has a number of business parks and miniwarehouses, all starting from what you are doing. He didn't like being a landlord either, that is why he got out of residential stuff and only deals with commercial real estate. "
---- ???! Who is in teh field???! you or your dad? Are you trying to tell her your family is wealthy? The way you wrote it is a huge turn off. It is a big turn on by itself though... your dad got money, so you are not very poor, probably got some business skills, connection etc.. sure chicks dig it, but they hate to hear it like you are bragging about it from the very first lines.. You have to tell her about it later... indirectly.. "Yeah.. my dad is really good at parks... he even owns a couple. No he is not a gardener by trade, he is more into business parks".


how do I relate to her without sounding like every other guy. The stuff about my dad is all honest, and is meant to relate to her, but it may come off as showing off I am from a family with money, and that was not the point.
--- Forget about your dad in the first letter. Talk about her. Or at least yourself. Focus on her: what she likes.. dislikes... ask her something about her value in a funny manner.
Do you find something funny about her profile? any inconsistencies? Anythign amusing? Talk about it.

 

[Marcopolo]

a lot to think about- thanks for taking the time to reply

 

[al77]

No problem.
and.. dont take the negative feedback personally: most guys start with some cliche AFC letter, I certainly did that before...

Any kind of feeback allows to improve your letters, and this is what this site, this thread for.

 

[insomniac]

Regarding compliments...just think of how you'd react.

When I had my ad up, I'd get messages that were over complimentary, trying way too hard to sell themselves, over assuming what we had in common, or trying too hard to be witty, and they only annoyed me. Something as simple as "Liked your profile, check mine out" would be much more preferred by me than flattery.

The ones that intrigue me have found some obscure part of my profile and figured something out about me, or if it wasn't correct they at least took the time to think about it. Or even mentioned one specific thing I mentioned. It's always about specifics.

Still, even if they just wrote a "Hi, liked your profile", I'd still check them out and see if they were worth responding to. But then again, I'm a guy and not getting a hundred messages a day to sort through.

 

[scordate]

"If however you are as old as my dad or young enough to wear diapers then perhaps you should try to seek life else where. Now we got through the initial opening let me tell you a bit about myself. My name is Jasmine and I am a single latin woman who lives in the great city of sacramento...GO KINGS!! I have a great job, nice home, and two lovely gerbals named whitty, and pixie (I would of named pixie darky but too many people would assume that I had a KKK hood in my closet jk.) I recieved my BS in chemistry at the university of Arizona. I recieved my lovely Doctorate here in the sunny state of California only one year ago *yeah me*. Now that I have my profesional life in order, I can start to think about my personal life aka potential "Mr. Right." He has to be Intelligent, funny, sexy (by my standards), and most of all be able to hold a conversation. I also will not deal with dishonest people. Honesty is important. In return though I am caring, and will treat the person I am with right. Anything else you want to know just email me and I would be happy to answer."

ok let me try to work my magic with this personal from a woman according to Marco; i would reply something like:

Hi Jasmine
great to at least getting to write to an actual person with a name and not just a 'handle' like 'cutiepie21' ;-)

btw i'm Marco and you can read all about me in my profile that comes with a foto

why did I single out your profile ? well it was a combination of how well you express yourself and single small items like how you named your gerbals ;-)

so i gather you have graduated not only professionally but also from Mr Right Now to Mr Right ? ( big winky grin )

what do you do in your spare time ( beside walking the dogs ? )

well, you know the routine; read my profile which I will be happy to elaborate on by mail or over a cuppa coffee some day

lets be honest right ? i dont really believe in lenghty mailing before meeting in person ( just a quick coffee-date at lunch or during happy hour to see if we kinda 'click' or not )

what do you think ?

bfn

Marco
******

then its up to your profile to make her interested

presumably you will be mailing 2 - 4 times before you can close the coffee date

good luck

/ scordate

 

[Marcopolo]

I'll try it and let you know how it went. one quick question, are these three lines supposed to be in the profile?

"what do you think ?

bfn

Marco"

of course my name is, but I can't figure out what "bfn" is supposed to mean?