online dating - are they stupid?!!

[Fruitbat]

I'm back in the dating scene. Joined a site and probably got 5% response. Got 2 dates but not hot. Probably lower than I'd date usually, but I actually like their personality, and I just want a god damn woman!

I just don't get why women put themselves through the carousel. The poor returns I've had....some of the chicks blanking me are nothing special whatsoever.

I deliberately don't contact 8s and up in my age range. Genuinely I'm not an 8, I'm prob a 5-6 on looks. I'm 33 and I haven't got the time left to mess around chasing hot Women. I actually want a partner and a family (don't worry, I don't tell them that!)

I am 6 feet 2, have an awesome job. Only issue is I haven't put effort to my photos and I'm carrying 10 pounds or so, but not really fat, just standard for most men my age. Play sport so still got some muscular shape.

Anyway, tall, no kids, solvent, very good profile description. I thought I'd be a catch for the 5s and 6s I'm attempting to date. The level I'm dating is so far below it's frustrating.

Are these women stupid? They must be dating guys well above their level.....do they really think they want anything but to bang them? I read all these tales of woe, women who are on there for 2YEARS trying to find Mr right, going through 12 dates....12! All I want is to find someone compatible and get on with it. if you are honest with yourself, as these girls should be, you should find a partner who actually values you in no time!

I am beginning to get the red pill, but I just don't understand the superficiality of them. They obviously go through the many messages they get with NO thought of "is he actually the sort of man you see marrying women like me" but "these are the top 2 lookers, I must date them regardless"

No wonder women get so bitter about male commitment. If they dated men in their league, they would have no issues with commitment.

Just can't get over it. I'm working on the (very slight) weight issue and will get some better pics, but its absolutely staggering the women turning me down. I have a great command of the language too, I work in sales. I would seriously doubt my approach e-mails are the issue. I would guess men's health cover man would do better saying "sup".

rant over but it's totally bizzare, I never realised the extent of the alpha thing but I actually feel sorry for women, getting used over and over because their basic nature and ego is so competitive they can't settle for an appropriate partner and must chase the dream, until they end up jaded, bitter and ugly, and alone. The sad fact is that because of this attitude, it's doing the same to men. Women's lib helped one group - single, highly desirable men. That's it.

 

[Fruitbat]

Just am example. 4 women have winked at me today:

2 morbidly obese unemployed women. I'm not talking fat, I'm talking a body shape which doesn't really look human.
1 woman 8 years older than me, short hair, glasses.
1 women, 52 years old. That's 2 decades older.

What on earth do these women think I would want with them. They should be dating obese men their own age, or SIMILAR people.

now, when I see my female contemporaries, they are probably winking at millionaires, body builders or models. How stupid can they be? I though in early 30s women panic out and grab an equivalent man, but this doesn't seem to need happening!

 

[old married dude]

Just am example. 4 women have winked at me today:

2 morbidly obese unemployed women. I'm not talking fat, I'm talking a body shape which doesn't really look human.
1 woman 8 years older than me, short hair, glasses.
1 women, 52 years old. That's 2 decades older.

What on earth do these women think I would want with them. They should be dating obese men their own age, or SIMILAR people.

now, when I see my female contemporaries, they are probably winking at millionaires, body builders or models. How stupid can they be? I though in early 30s women panic out and grab an equivalent man, but this doesn't seem to need happening!

Yeah, a 20:1 male/female ratio online inflates the hell out of their perceived SMV for sure. These sites need to limit the number of dudes who join or something.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

..Joined a site and probably got 5% response. Got 2 dates but not hot. Probably lower than I'd date usually, but I actually like their personality, and I just want a god damn woman! ...

This is why the type of women you're describing believe that they can do what they are doing.

1. They know that the average guy isn't getting many responses so they feel that the odds are in their favor.
2. Even though they aren't the best looking women on the site, they still get dates.
3. Most men tend to be desperate to get attention from any female.

In a nutshell, it seems that most guys are desperate. They tend to be the ones who are chosen instead of actively qualifying and choosing who they decide to go out with.


It's alright if you don't want to go after women you consider a HB8, it's all subjective anyway; but still, there's not much reason to engage women you are physically attracted to just because they seem have a good personality. And is it really too difficult to raise your value a point or two in order to be able to fish in the pond of women you're more attractive to?


I understand that these women contact you so maybe you should consider adjusting your profile to be a bit more discerning. I'm not saying that you do like some women and list all of the things that you don't want in a woman, I'm saying describe the types of women you are attracted to that would be attracted to you also, (that's key).


Sure, the amount of women who contact you will probably lessen, but at the same time the qualified women that you contact may realize from your profile that they are possibly a good match with you. That's of course if you prefer quality over quantity.

 

[Fruitbat]

Sound advice. Once I get a conversation going I make sure I qualify. None of my approaches flatter, unless it's something non sexual like her description anxiety usually done in a jokey way. Humour is what I am trying to do on approach....

I'm asking questions about her rather than telling her how great we should be etc....it's just getting the first bite with anyone decent is difficult.

The one I'm dating this weekend has some things I like, pretty eyes, but if I just wait for one I find really attractive I'll be waiting a long time. I had one give me her number, text a fee times then send me a long cryptic text about why she had to not date me (but apparently not someone else and how I was a great guy, sorry, hope not angry etc!- told her not angry, and would delete her number and good luck!)

I fell foul of some pua stuff online before, I find the negging etc doesn't work on adult women unless it's very subtle and clever. Different game in 30s but aiming 25-30.

Just disappointing my achievements mean little when genetics govern much of this...will put a little bit more in to presentation and see how it goes

Prob is, I have confidence in spades but fear I will start to lose it if I keep getting this pattern. Unfortunately, getting women is something difficult that can't be fixed quickly. A year of hard gym work would work wonders. perhaps that's the real answer, dissapointing as that might be.

society seems to think women have the body image issues, but all they need is to 1. Not be overweight and 2. Do hair and makeup. For us it's hours of backbreakjng gym work and long hours in work....we really do get ****ed by the system yet we have it easy, apparently.

I genuinely thought after divorce, being single, no kids good career, intelligent....I'd walk straight into some good dates, but it's just the same as when your 17, its the same dudes getting it and the same dudes like me whining on here. But what you gonna do?!

 

[Fruitbat]

Is there any merit in picking someone who is compatible and being persistent if they don't message you? Presently I'm just messaging tons of women with personalised messages....no cut and paste.

It's probably presentation rather than persistence. when a woman I don't find attractive messages me, another message wouldn't change it. More effort in presentation might though, excepting the absolute hogs, or women much older than me.

Plus my income is high but I don't put it on as it seems like it would attract the wrong woman, just gives the wrong message. I just talk a but about my job.

 

[AttackFormation]

You have put no effort into your photos and are carrying excess weight.

Let's repeat that 9 more times.

You have put no effort into your photos and are carrying excess weight.

You have put no effort into your photos and are carrying excess weight.

You have put no effort into your photos and are carrying excess weight.

You have put no effort into your photos and are carrying excess weight.

You have put no effort into your photos and are carrying excess weight.

You have put no effort into your photos and are carrying excess weight.

You have put no effort into your photos and are carrying excess weight.

You have put no effort into your photos and are carrying excess weight.

You have put no effort into your photos and are carrying excess weight.

Do you realise the significance this has? Spend a few months losing fat, then take some good photos and get back at it.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Somebody nailed one of our members with "wolf" in the name and basically said that the reason he has had problems in the dating scene is that he's "fat".

I kinda thought it was blunt but that would be a higher percentage of the problem in that's man's case. If he drop the weight, the entire world would look at and treat him differently.

 

[Sik]

Fruitbat,

You are having unrealistic expectations of OLD. I am probably top 10% in looks and confidence (hotness scale 9), and I slayed a lot of vag off OKC. You are, by your own estimate, in the 5-6 range. Well, guess what, you're going to get 3-5's. Not just the chubbies, but the fatties and cougars. Sorry man.

My profile basically has a few pics of me, usually flexing and/or shirtless, or me doing some awesome activity. I.e., shooting firearms, working out, racing motocross, sparring etc. My profile summary basically said "I am fvucking awesome. If you're hot, hit me up." (That's your competition, fyi.)

I couldn't even keep up with the dates I had. Hell, I had to turn women down and one woman wanted me to father her children. She didn't want me to be the dad, just the donor - obviously I declined.

Now, they weren't all models, and I slammed out plenty of chubbies, but I had my fair share of 6's, 7's and 8's. Thus, my opinion is that with OLD, you are LIKELY to mostly get girls 1 to 3 levels below you. Yeah, you can get parity and maybe even above, but don't count on it. I consider myself a 9, and I was mostly slamming 6's to 8's. I tried the 10's, but no dice. Could have been my game, of course.

You do have several things going for you, though. You're tall, a significant bonus, and you have a good income. Use that money to hit the gym and eat right, maybe take up a hobby like Muay Thai or rockclimbing. Something physical and exciting. Get some stylish clothes, take some good still pictures, along with some action pictures and see how your response are. Remember, OLD is inherently about looks. You must LOOK GOOD man.

 

[sodbuster]

I could barely pull a decent 40 yr old online. I CAN pull hotter, younger women in PERSON..... I'd drop the online and meet them in person.

UNFORTUNATELY, THIS is the way women think.... IF Brad was drunk and horny and nailed them..... they DESERVE Brad. Men, however know that if Angelina wanted THEM.... they were "lucky" because through years of rejection.... We know we don't rate that high.

But, yeah, lose the weight and get fit.... 15 lbs in my case moved me up a whole point level.... EVERYBODY is shallow these days

 

[VladPatton]

You'll never find a filet mignon dinner in a dumpster, man.

 

[Fruitbat]

I understood that looks are important but I thought it would just mean a lower %, not everyone. I'm seriously ****ed if that's the case.

If I batter the gym I might make a 7 but that won't get me the 6-7 Im used to dating in younger years....I don't have the bone structure to get any higher, trust me.

Thinking Thai bride, **** it!

****, it takes YEARS to build the physique that makes you hot, I could be 35 by that time. All that work just to get laid. Whereas escorts are available.

Never realised it would work like this, fairly deflating. Very deflating. Even if I made it, I'd be dating a superficial idiot who is primarily interested in her vaginas tingle other than any other quality. What happens if you get ill, or get a wasting disease or something. They'll just be off online again.

Plus if you do even make a higher level, the moment a 9 or a 10 shows some interest, she will be off ****ing them in an instant. What a ridiculous situation.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...But what you gonna do?!..

Change your diet. Notice I didn't say "go on a diet." Do that and get active. Take up something active and fun that you can use as a qualifier online. Me, I personally like women cyclist which doesn't include women who enjoy riding a bike (there's a difference).

There are so many benefits to being healthy and fit beyond just being healthy and fit. It's good for the mind, the libido, confidence and interest. Consider it, if not for meeting a different kind of woman, do it for yourself.

 

[Fruitbat]

The thing is, all they need to do is lie there. There are physiological reasons I can't date 3s - I couldn't actually have sex with them. Women don't have to date 10s, they can have sex with anyone, they COULD chose on other criteria, but they chose soley on superficial ****. I'll drop the weight and see what happens, but at my age it's tough meeting a woman in real life, if I can't succeed online I'm pretty ****ed

 

[Fruitbat]

so I'm thinking why isn't this forum just a health forum....seems to me in reality if you're fit and muscular, that's 99% - I'm not even that bad, just don't look like an athlete but have most other attributes....money, car, good chat....I take the advice with thanks but wonder why I've bothered developing other parts of my life - if I put 100% into the gym and diet and was an unemployed, thick idiot with no prospects, I'd be nailing vag left right and centre. If that's how it is, that's what I'll do.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

You'll never find a filet mignon dinner in a dumpster, man.

Sure you can. Go behind a high end steakhouse and you will have plenty of partially consumed filet mignon dinners in a dumpster.

 

[Fruitbat]

Ok. This online experience hasn't been good for me. So, now I have got the anger out of my system, I will:

1. Leave the app alone.
2. Change diet for life
3. Re impose my training regime. I've been slacking, once a week for years
4. In 3 -4 months, I estimate will look much leaner.
5. At this point, will dedicate a weekend to pictures including some tasteful torso shots and manly activities to fuel their primitive, dumb desires for asterix the Gaul.

If this doesn't work, up the training and repeat.

If then, 9 months away, that doesn't work then proceed to juice.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Online women are the bottom of the barrel. I'm coming out of a marriage and I tried online dating for a few weeks.

The best I could do was get a date with a women who was 2-years older than me who had a great body by her photos. When I talked to her on the phone, all she talked about was how she exercised so she could eat crap, but her body was aging and should couldn't exercise much anymore. And she kept being interrupted by her two teen age sons asking her questions.

Meanwhile in the real word....I've been hit on by good looking women while out and about all the time while hanging out with my senior citizen mother!

In the past 18 months, I've had 3 very good looking 20-somethings hit on me. All with great bodies. One was fishing for me to take her out on Valentine's day. One got all excited in the super market while I was checking her out. Another one was a sales girl trying to get me to ask her out after the mall closed. All 3 kind of freaked me out, because it seems they're more attracted to me supporting them financially than who I am as a person.

And the fourth girl in the past 18 months threw herself at me at a friend's birthday party, again while my senior citizen mother was hanging out with me.
This one is my long distance relationship, a tall, slender, blonde flight attendant who is 5 years younger than me.

You may not get quantity in the real world vs online, but you'll get much better quality in the real world.

Less online dating, more getting out. Good looking women will come to you in the real world.

 

[Fruitbat]

Online women are the bottom of the barrel. I'm coming out of a marriage and I tried online dating for a few weeks.

The best I could do was get a date with a women who was 2-years older than me who had a great body by her photos. When I talked to her on the phone, all she talked about was how she exercised so she could eat crap, but her body was aging and should couldn't exercise much anymore. And she kept being interrupted by her two teen age sons asking her questions.

Meanwhile in the real word....I've been hit on by good looking women while out and about all the time while hanging out with my senior citizen mother!

In the past 18 months, I've had 3 very good looking 20-somethings hit on me. All with great bodies. One was fishing for me to take her out on Valentine's day. One got all excited in the super market while I was checking her out. Another one was a sales girl trying to get me to ask her out after the mall closed. All 3 kind of freaked me out, because it seems they're more attracted to me supporting them financially than who I am as a person.

And the fourth girl in the past 18 months threw herself at me at a friend's birthday party, again while my senior citizen mother was hanging out with me.
This one is my long distance relationship, a tall, slender, blonde flight attendant who is 5 years younger than me.

You may not get quantity in the real world vs online, but you'll get much better quality in the real world.

Less online dating, more getting out. Good looking women will come to you in the real world.

Are you buff? Very, very rarely do women hit on me randomly. All my social group are married. The only single ones are very poor. I go to nice bars but the women are students and too young, or they are older with their partners. I work in entirely male industry with virtually no attractive women.

My friend is prob an 8 and buff and he is forever banging chicks. I think being fit is essential to this game, you have nothing unless you're buff.

 

[Instinct1978]

Are you buff? Very, very rarely do women hit on me randomly. All my social group are married. The only single ones are very poor. I go to nice bars but the women are students and too young, or they are older with their partners. I work in entirely male industry with virtually no attractive women.

My friend is prob an 8 and buff and he is forever banging chicks. I think being fit is essential to this game, you have nothing unless you're buff.

I have changed my body considerably in the last 4 months. From 212 to 183 working out 6 days a week. While I do notice better results in the field, I think it has as much to do with increased confidence that comes with it than a better looking body.

As for the topic: In that same timeframe, I had veneers put on. With the changes to my body, plus the improved smile; I have a lot more responses online than before.

In my experiences since becoming a member... And, this is just my 2 cents. I am better at pulling pump and dump in the field, and things with long term potential online. But, I either chat with the best the site has to offer (in my eyes) or not at all. I don't care if they write me back or not, it is just something I do for fun. If you take OLD too seriously, you better have a steadfast ego!